Jake Peavy is due back in less than a week unless he has a setback. That ‘unless’ eats deep fried butter with a side of blooming onion, needs a crane to go to the bathroom and a mop to clean its inner thighs. I’ll admit Peavy makes me smize, as Tyra would say. I smized more when he was in Petco, but he’s pitched well in his rehab. Does he deserve another chance? Sure, why not? What, he kicked your puppy’s nads? Now if anyone tells you what you can expect of him this year other than three more DL stints, they’re lying, those no good liars. You take the flyer on him if he’s on your waivers just hoping he stays healthy and produces. The rest is icing. …Actually, I’m using the rest is icing cliche wrong. If he stays healthy and produces, that is the icing. Can you tell I wrote this when I was hungry? Mmm…Deep fried butter. Anyway, here’s some players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Vicente Padilla – I feel like one small point that’s getting lost in all of this Padilla talk is that he sucks. Please, blog, may I have some more?
At least that’s the creed that Francona and Epstein keep repeating to themselves as they sit in the fetal position on opposite corners of the clubhouse shower. Carl Crawford seems like a nice guy. Something about the name Carl. So innocuous. “Hey, sis, what’s your new boyfriend’s name? Carl? I’m gonna like him on Facebook.” That’s you jibber-jabbering with your family. Because Carl seems like a nice guy could be partially why it’s so sad to see him struggle this much. Doode better not stand too close to the Pesky pole in a lightning storm cause he will get struck. That’s been his luck so far. Franconian measures were taken to get Crawford going by openly mocking him with a lineup switch. That never helps. It’s like when you’re a teenager and your Mom makes an appointment for you to see a dermatologist. Suddenly, you realize you’re not hiding your acne as good as you thought you were. Crawford is really doing nothing wrong other than getting extremely unlucky. That luck will turn around and he’ll suddenly look like the 2nd round pick he was in the preseason. To misquote a cliche, get in now while the gettin’s not good. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Justin Smoak – I just went over my Smoak fantasy. I wrote it riding on the back of a bicycle through downtown Milwaukee while Shirley steered. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Maybe the fuel you need to burn the desire deep in your belly to be a better ballplayer comes from a fresh start. Maybe you need people to tell you you can’t do something before you can do something. Maybe this is how Morgan Freeman really talks and not just in voiceovers. Please, blog, may I have some more?
I was in no rush to review the signing of Victor Martinez by the Detroit Tigers. No, it wasn’t all the tryptophan. Players going to a new club that won’t change their fantasy value doesn’t really float my boat. So let’s talk about what’s really on my mind, what a crock of shizz Paranormal Activity was. Hey, girlfriend, I have an idea, let’s put baby powder on the ground. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Andre Ethier had a June line of 9/3/12/.195… In 2008. June gloom? Perhaps. In 2009, he had a May as atrocious. So he can come out of this funk. In the last three years, Ethier has hit 30 points better in the 2nd half. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Chase Utley was placed on the 15-day DL with a sprained thumb and he might need surgery. This injury opens up a big gaping hole in his owners’ hearts that can only be filled with junk food and hardcore drugs. Utley may not have been playing his weight in pomade, but at least you had him out there. At night when you crawled into your Michelob-scented bedsheets, your head hit the pillow knowing that if nothing else Utley was healthy. Looks like you’re going to have to dust off the “Sounds of the Ocean” CD you used to help you sleep when your wife left you. Phillies will turn to Wilson Valdez, Juan Catastrophe and Brian Bocock, whose surname is bad enough without me altering it. Hopefully your options are better. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Placido Polanco – Crapolanco also heads off to the DL. Too bad because he was leading David Wright in All-Star votes for 3rd base. Hold on, whaaaaa??? Oh. Wait, what? If his vote tally goes up while he’s on the DL, I’m gonna suggest players can’t vote for themselves. Please, blog, may I have some more?
We continue our 2010 fantasy baseball rankings with the top 20 2nd basemen for 2010 fantasy baseball. 2nd base is an odd duck. Shortstops have speed. You can find speed in the outfield. There’s even some legitimate speed at 3rd base. All of these 2nd basemen must have grown up watching Bret Boone and Jeff Kent because you’re more likely to find power at 2nd base than speed. Please, blog, may I have some more?
The comments were shut off on the Position Eligibility for 2010 Fantasy Baseball post because that post was just listing players and their eligibility for 2010 fantasy baseball. Now, in this here post, we get down to business. Or bidness, if you mispronounce business. That business is pointing out players that gain some advantage by having more eligibility than they know what to do with. Are you going to finish the rest of that 3rd base eligibility? Please, blog, may I have some more?
Top twenty catchers, 1st basemen and 2nd basemen are in the books. Third basemen will be here shortly. Today, it’s the top 20 Shortstops for 2009 Fantasy Baseball’s time to shine. Hmm… Actually, most of these won’t shine. They’re dull with a chance of boring. As I said in the beginning of the year, the shortstops are even shallower than the 2nd basemen. This held true. A good two weeks in the major leagues and you too can make the top twenty list for shortstops! Okay, enough of the hubbub on the tomfoolery. Anyway, here’s the top 20 shortstops for 2009 fantasy baseball and how they compare to where I originally ranked them:
1. Please, blog, may I have some more?
We already went over the top 20 catchers for 2009 and the top 20 1st first basemen for 2009. Today, it’s all about the top 20 2nd basemen. The 2nd basemen pool is shallow (not as kiddie-sized as the shortstops, but we’ll get to them in the next post). Because of this shallowivity (Made Up Word Of The Day!), the 2nd basemen rankings can be split up into two tiers. The guys you want and the tomato-tomahto guys. The Guys You Want’s names kinda give them away. The Tomato-Tomahto Guys are a whole group of 2nd basemen that are so close to each other in rank, it really didn’t matter which one of them you owned. At one time or another during the season, you probably dropped one of the Tomato-Tomahtos for a different Tomato-Tomahto. Everyone probably has one Tomato-Tomahto guy that they hated during the season. I have a few. Anyway, here’s the top 20 2nd basemen for 2009 fantasy baseball and how they compare to where I originally ranked them:
1. Please, blog, may I have some more?