Reports say Mark Kotsay is headed to the Sawx. If he lands there, he’ll start over Coco Crisp and will have some slight fantasy value. Think AL-Only leagues. More importantly, this would free up the Braves outfield for Brandon Jones to start then Jordan Schafer, the (HGH-aided) five-tooler, to get the call come September 1st.  Jordan Schafer is the most interesting name here, which isn’t that hard when you’re surrounded by schmohawks. Schafer was the top 13-year-old in the country according to Baseball America and Teen Beat. He could be patrolling centerfield for the Braves on a regular basis as soon as ‘09 and, if so, he will be an early Rookie of the Year candidate, so those in keeper leagues should make sure he’s on their team. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Brian Fuentes - On bereavement leave, will be gone for up to 7 days. If you’re desperate for saves, grab Corpas and pray Fuentes’s bereaved gets better, but hope it’s touch and go for a week. Also, the Rockies are still trying to move Fuentes, so it’s not a bad idea to grab Corpas anyway.

Jimmy Rollins - 3 steals, HR and 8-for-10 in the last two games. About time.

Brandon Morrow - Set to make season debut as a starter on September 5th vs. the Yankees. In almost 13 innings in Tacoma, he’s struckout 18 and carries a decent WHIP, but he’s given up 7 runs. I’m going to let him stretch himself out on someone else’s team.

Jorge De La Rosa - 6 IP, 2 ER. In a few deeper leagues, I spotted him in for this start and I will for his next start when he gets the Giants again.

Vladimir Guerrero - Was announced he’d be sitting out some games to recharge. Presumably for the Angels playoff games, or maybe Vlad’s signed on to Dancing With The Stars. Fingers crossed!

Dioner Navarro - Left the game with leg cramps. Aw, must be that time of the month.

Wandy Rodriguez - Almost two weeks ago, I told you to pickup Wandy with absolutely no reason given. You want a reason? Yesterday’s line, 7 IP, 3 hits, 1 ER, 10 Ks. That’s magic, Wandy!

Zach Greinke - 6 IP, 5 Ks, 0 ER. I dropped him about month or so ago so I guess I was Greinke’d by this start. Then again, prior to last night’s start he had over a 5.00 ERA since the All-Star break. Then Again, Part 2:  He has been solid for the last three starts. Then Again, The Reckoning:  His innings are high for the year and the Royals provide little opportunity for wins. Let’s just say, I’m not picking him back up.

Carlos Zambrano - 4.1 IP, 6 ER to outfunk Ian Snell.

Luis Ayala - Blown save yesterday. Wasn’t fully his fault and he could bounce back to get the next five saves or Manuel might look elsewhere. The Mets bullpen aka “As The Turd Turns…”

Jair Jurrjens - 3 IP, 6 ER. Mesa tinks yousa drop me. I agree, Jar-Jar.

Cody Ross - 3-for-5 with a HR. When this sumbitch gets hot, he gets real hot. You’ve been served (with info)!

Bronson Arroyo - CG, 5 hits, 1 ER. If you had him in your lineup, you got balls. If you think you should hold him, you’re nuts.

Geovany Soto - 3-for-5, HR and 7 RBIs. Making a case for the first catcher off the board next year. I won’t be taking him, but someone will.

Cliff Lee - 19th win as he heads towards the Cy Young. Will be real interesting to see where he’s drafted next year. Again, won’t be by me. The Indians fan, who just woke up from a season long slumber, is met by a 30/30 Sizemore and the eventual Cy Young, Cliff Lee. So we’re winning the division? Wild Card? You’ve been Pronk’d!

Ben Francisco - 2 HRs yesterday. Instant replay showed he actually grabbed the pitches and threw both balls over the fence.

Justin Duchscherer is headed to the DL with a bad hip. (That’s the exact medical term. I checked WebMD.) How about them Athletics?! Talk about an ironic team name. Bobby Crosby, Street, Chavez, formerly Harden, etc. How about un-Athletic? What, too obvious? Whateves. You add the clever for once. Duchscherer might come back in two weeks. There’s only five weeks left! You’re going to wait around for this schmohawk? Cut bait as they say on the Country Music Channel or The Nashville Network or whatever channel Jeff Foxworthy’s hosting a show on. Oh, wait, that’s Fox. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Derek Lowe - 6 1/3 innings, 1 ER. I’m on him for home matchups like Alyssa Milano’s on Valtrex.

James Loney - HR yesterday. Headed to Philly for a weekend series. Stock up on your Dodgers’ bats. Loney’s probably one that is out there.

Greg Smith - 6 IP, 0 ER. Against the Mariners. It’s like being able to hit the ocean with a golf ball from a pier.

Yunel Escobar - HR yesterday. If he gets to ten home runs and five steals with a .290 average, you’re going to look at him next March and think about drafting him. Remember the five months of yawnstipation. Remember.

Brandon Webb/Cliff Lee - 19th and 18th wins respectively. Now disrespectfully, Cliff Lee?! Holy heffin’ hey, are you serious? He’s 29 and his K/BB ratio tripled this year.  What the eff? Imagine if the Indians were good and hadn’t been Pronk’d! Cliff Lee would be looking at a 40 win season and free blow from Drew Carey for life.

Hideki Matsui - First home run since returning three games ago. This is a win for Godzilla, anime and porn.

Joey Votto/Jay Bruce - Both homered yesterday. They should totally watch Beaches together, because Votto’s totally Barbara Hersey and Jay Bruce is Bette Midler. While Jay Bruce is rocking out on Broadway in a musical about Otto Titsling, Votto’s living for some detached jerk and biding his time until he has a baby. But things only appear wonderful for Bruce. His spouse is two-timing on him, he can’t have a kid and he’s butt freakin’ ugly. Wait, I was all ready for a good cry when I realized this was supposed to have something to do with Votto, Bruce and fantasy baseball? Oh, that’s right! Votto’s just as good as Bruce, but he’s getting cold there in Bruce’s shadow.

Carlos Lee is hurt. Bad. He broke his left pinkie finger sending him to the DL. This also can’t be good for his Dr. Evil impersonation. Chances are he won’t be back this year. I’ve gone ahead and cut him in a 15-team league. Currently, my Carlos Lee replacement is Mike Cameron/Austin Kearns. Mike Cameron’s been hot and… I can’t even justify Austin Kearns, though he did hit a home run yesterday. This hurts everyone in the Astros lineup and their pitching staff, which will now receive even less run support. Too bad, because, with that Randy Wolf acquisition, they were really looking like legit contenders for fifth place in the Wild Card standings. Now the Braves might have their number. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Carl Crawford - The other “Carl loss” is our good friend, Carl Crawford. Looks like it was a bad year to predict he would finally show some power. However, it was a good year for me to trade him for Ryan Braun about two months ago. Phew. The right hand injury that forced Carl Crawford to the DL could force him out of action for the rest of the season. I would not drop Crawford just yet, because he thinks he’ll be back in 15 days. We’ll see. This opens up a spot for Rocco Baldelli to get quickly injured, Cliff Floyd to throw a tantrum and Gabe Gross to pickup the pieces. Hopefully you have different options than the Rays.

Chris Carpenter - Right triceps strain. At the best, gone for a start. At the worst, gone ’til March. You shouldn’t have been counting on Carpenter for much anyway.

Brad Lidge - Complaining of a sluggish shoulder. Hopefully no one puts salt on it. (Get it? Cause if you put salt on a slug…Oh, forget it.) Ryan Madson got the save yesterday. Chad Durbin got the save on Saturday. Probably will be some combination of the two (or even JC Romero, if the matchup is right) that will fill-in for Lidge. If this doesn’t turn into a 15-day DL stint for Lidge, I’d be shocked. If the Phillies push him through, it could turn into a “Lidge hopes to be ready for spring training”-type deal.

Orlando Hudson - Will need season-ending surgery to fix a dislocated wrist. If you were counting on O-Dog for anything, you have bigger fish to fry. This boosts Conor Jackson’s value a bit because he’ll be inserted into the three hole on a regular basis. Looks like Upton will have to find someone else to carry him around.

Aaron Harang - 4 IP, 8 ER. Good to see him pickup right where he left off.

Scott Rolen - Placed on the DL with a sore shoulder that has caused him problems in the past. Unless you’re in a league that only used aging vets that are drafted on name recognition alone, you probably didn’t have Rolen anyway. And, if you’re in a league like that, grab Aurilla. He’ll suit you just fine.

Cliff Lee - 8 IP, 0 ER, 1 K. The C. Lee that didn’t break any hearts this weekend.

Mike Hampton - 4 IP, 6 ER. After the game, he didn’t say, but should have said, “I sucked, but that shouldn’t surprise you.”

Todd Helton - If you just read his name and said to yourself, “Oh, wow! I totally forgot Todd Helton existed.” You’re not alone. Helton had a minor setback and now might not return this season.

Carlos Quentin - HR yesterday. 10th since the All-Star Break. Making a strong case for AL MVP and being pretty overvalued next year.

Manny Parra - 7 IP, 1 ER, 9 Ks vs. the Nats. Ah, to pitch against the Nats, if only you weren’t followed by Backne. Parra, “Hey, Billingsley, I saw Kuo blew your lead–” “Actually, Alyssa Milano is blowing my lead right now.”

Fernando Rodney - Got the save yesterday, but the Tigers made it a five run game in the bottom of the 8th so it wasn’t a traditional save. As to who would get the ball in a traditional save opportunity, whoever Leyland wants to point his yellow-stained finger towards. My guess is Rodney, Zumaya and Farnsworth, in that order.

Huston Street - Not sure how far down the depth chart Street’s fallen? He entered the 5th inning  yesterday and gave up 3 runs. Joey Devine might get a save before Street. (BTW, Street only had 18 saves in three quarters of the season. You gotta ask yourself how badly do you want those other five saves he might get.)

Lastings Milledge - Hit another HR yesterday. Has 5 HRs in the last ten games. Might give Mike Cameron a run for the least owned 20/20 man in the history of fantasy baseball.

Emilio Bonifacio - 0-for-6 and nary a hit all weekend. I’m giving him until the end of the week and then will reevaluate. To try and jumpstart Bonifacio, I’m wearing a rally merkin (Weird Thing of the Day) on my head.

Harnessing the pitching brilliance of Native Americans and intergalactic tubbies, Joba Chamberlain appeared to be the savior the Yankee fans, Girardi and Hankenstein needed for their pitching staff. So it was a terrific blow when Joba Chamberlain left yesterday’s game rubbing his shoulder. The only thing worse would be if Joba hurt it in a fight with The Drunken Ghost of Billy Martin. (Fortunately, he’s in a cloud lined with sawdust, boozing it up with Mickey Mantle.) Fantasy baseball owners can’t be thrilled either. Pitcher leaves game rubbing shoulder? Fantasy baseball owner leaves seat walking funny. It’s too bad they can’t trade for Jar Jar on the Braves. Anyway, here’s what else we saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Cliff Lee - I figured since I hadn’t watched him in over two months, it was time to jinx him. I was so close in the 2nd when I got him to walk a few and load the bases. Alas, he pitched well in every other inning. Never fear, non-Cliff Lee owners, I will grab him like some friggin’ floating astronaut and drag him back to earth.

C.J. Wilson - Wilson says he’s feeling fatigued, maybe he got mono from a Kotchman open-mouth kiss. Either way, Eddie Guardado should be owned in all leagues because he would step in if C.J. pulls a Prince Valium.

Jason Bartlett - Won’t be able to throw a baseball for a few days, maybe Kotchman kissed his hand.

Kerry Wood - Word out of Wrigleyville is Wood can close again, but he’s going to get a bit of work in the middle innings then move into the closing role by the end of the week.

Gil Meche - Everyone mocked KC for signing him to that ridiculous contract but who’s dancing now.  That’s right.  Good ol’ Gil.  9 Ks in a 6 IP win against the Sox.  10-9 for an awful team - including 9-5 with a 3.27 ERA since May.

Ryan Zimmerman - Zimmerman says he should be able to avoid the DL with his bruised hand, so he can just clog up your bench instead.

Eric Chavez - Shut down for the year.  Maybe they could build a healthy 3B out of the spare parts of Chavez and Blalock?  Those A’s don’t have a long shelf life, do they?  Mulder, Hudson, Chavez, Byrnes… Who’d have thought Harden and Giambi would be the poster children of durability?

Jay Bruce - 3 HRs in 4 games.  That’s the Bruce we know and love.  He obviously idolized Griffey Jr. and was emulating the current version.  Now that he’s out of Cincy, he’s back to emulating the 90’s version.

Bronson Arroyo - 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 Ks.  This on the heels of Zito besting Peavy yesterday.  Guess it’s premature for both to retire and start a rock trio with Slow Hand Pete called Baked Zito and the Republic of Bro-Yo, featuring Slow Hand Pete.

Roy Halladay - 8 IP, 1 ER. Queue the projector.  It’s time for another installment of Out of Contention Run For Cy Young in Toronto. (see Clemens, Hentgen, Halladay…)

Tyler Yates - Third of an inning, 5 ER. This works out to a 135 ERA, 15 WHIP and 1 less closer on all of my teams.

Manny Parra/Prince Fielder - Hit hard by the Reds, hit harder by Fielder in the dugout. I haven’t seen anything this lopsided since Andre took on this guy. “Stop talking about meat and I mean it!”

Pudge (<—this nickname wasn’t always ironic) was traded to the Yankees for Kyle Farnsworth, a cuddle boy if there ever was one. This moves yawnstipates me from a fantasy perspective. Farnsworth should not take over as closer, but that does not mean he won’t take over as closer. I think it’s still Rodney, with Zumaya and Farnsworth battling over holds. Did I take a flier on Farnsworth in any leagues? Of course, I did. I’m like Pookie from New Jack City and saves are my crack. It didn’t help anyone’s cause that Rodney blew a save last night. It pains me to say this, but I don’t think Farnsworth is as far out of the closer picture as he should be. Though the Tigers may still go after Street or another reliever. As for the Yankees, I-Rod is reunited with A-Rod. Now they just need to find a really manly looking woman and have a menage-a-trois. Pudge is better than The Oldest of the Catching Molina Brothers and Chad Moeller (though I will miss him on my Razzball team. Hopefully Josh Bard can pull his dead weight.). Pudge waived his no-trade clause for the opportunity to let the NY Media figure out ways to blame him for the Yankees inevitable early exit from the playoffs. I say if Pudge didn’t want to be in Detroit, Tigers fans should be glad to get rid of him. Pudge will probably bat towards the bottom of the Yankees lineup and do pretty much what he was doing for the Tigers. This does little to his value. Who this trade really affects fantasy-wise is Brandon Inge. Rudy became (very mildly) giddy to pickup Inge in one league. As he put it, “.240 and 20 HRs at 3rd is George Foster-ugly. That at catcher, I’ll take it and like it.” Well said, Rudy. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Manny Ramirez - Traded to Marlins? Perhaps. Manny in Florida makes the NL East more fun. (And if you’re an AL fan, trust me, the NL East is already fun. Hanley, Wright, Howard, Utley, Reyes, Brian Schneider, the list goes on) The Sox supposedly want Bay. They nixed Kemp. This confuses me. Is Kemp too raw? Not enough power yet? The Sox have become the Yankees and they can’t wait longer than one winter for a player to fully mature? Can’t be, Manny still hasn’t matured. Either way, Manny anywhere is Manny being Manny. You can’t mess with his head cause he’s like Robert DeNiro in Awakenings. Manny, you’re wearing a pancake on your head. Yeah, so? As for Bay in Boston, this has the upside of a better lineup, but Bay seems like too much of a thinker and Boston could get in his head. I’m 50/50 on whether this is a boon or bust for Bay if it happens. You make the call!

Tim Hudson - Dr. Grisly Andrews says Hudson’s going on his Xmas card list under the category, “Tommy John recipients.” Drop Hudson, if you haven’t yet. Unless you’re stockpiling for 2010, when we will be taking flying cars to our fantasy baseball drafts. Mark my words!

Dioner Navarro - I figured since I mentioned Pudge and Inge, I may as well throw a Razz-bone to Dioner. It’s been a while since I’ve mentioned him. Regular readers now I loved him back in May when he first returned from the DL. Well, he’s still hitting .300, but, honestly, this is like a Keppinger .300. I think Yunel excited me more– Scratch that, I think Mini-Me’s sex tape excited me more. The only positive is Dioner is a poor man’s Mauer at an eighth of the price. Yawnstipating at best. I would consider an Inge look if you’re okay at average.

Kelly Shoppach - 2 HRs. If you’re keeping score at home. Shoppach 11 HRs, VMart 0. If I had access to the government’s time machine (and they have one!), then I’d go back in time to March 2008 and draft Shoppach as the first catcher off the board in every league just so I can see my leaguemates’ looks. (I’d still draft Rios in the third round. I’m a slacker like my father!)

Alexi Casilla - Done for the year. Just as he was on his way to the coveted 5/5 club. There’s always next year!

Huston Street - 1 ER and the loss. Somehow he’s still an Athletic and uninjured. Sometimes you roll snake eyes and sometimes you roll your eyes.

Bobby Abreu - 2 HRs and batting .400 since the All-Star break. Next year you’ll look at 2008’s stats which will be 20/20/.310 and you’ll have no idea how Abreu did that last year, so you’ll refuse to draft him again. Then next year, he’ll get 20/20/.310 and you’ll have no idea how he did that, so the following year… Do you see where this is going?

Carlos Pena - 1-for-4, HR. As I said in the rankings of top 100 for the 2nd half, Pena coul actually put up decent numbers. He hit 7 HRs in July. The most HRs for any month this season.

Rocco Baldelli - Set to come off the DL this weekend. However, last time he was due to return, he stubbed his toe on his DL history and broke his foot, or some shizz. Caveat emptor, for those in Latin America.

Adam Wainwright - Had a setback in his bullpen session and now won’t go on his rehab assignment until August. Guys, bad news, I don’t think we’re seeing Wainwright until September at the earliest and maybe not at all.  The mouth on the lefthand side of the screen says, “Contingency.” The mouth on the righthand side says, “Plans.”

Chad Billingsley - Shutout, 8 Ks. I said a while back that he was my very early 2009 Cy Young prediction. Unfortunately, now he’s gone and made himself look too good and he’s not going to be a bargain at all next year. Oh, well.

Cliff Lee - 5 IP, 6 ER. I’m under contractual obligation to only mention when he pitches poorly. Something I signed at the Fantasy Baseball College of Charleston.

Shane Victorino - HR yesterday. Now has one more than Alexis Rios. I’m so keen-o on Shane Victorino…

Dan Uggla - HR yesterday. Member this dude? In May, he was so going to bat .400 and hit 50 HRs. Member that? Yeah, he hit .145 in July and .122 after the All-Star game. cough Told ya so. cough

Brandon Inge - Hit a HR. Pudge is gone and now you got a fatty for Inge.

Ben Francisco - 2 HRs and 4-for-7. Still batting third for the Indians. Yeah, the Indians collapsed this year. Hafner and VMart should be forced to work one of those winter fantasy camps where the Account Manager for your company goes to play ball with Mike Pagliarulo.

Manny Parra - 5.1 IP, 5 ER, Had a 3.05 Home ERA coming into today’s start. Then the Cubs happened.  I like Parra going forward, but you have to expect bumps. If you can’t handle bumps, a rookie pitcher is not the way to go.

Chad Gaudin - 1.54 ERA in almost 14 IP. As most of youse know, I’m a big believer in solid middle relievers balancing your ratios. Gaudin can help.

Wandy Rodriguez - 4.2 IP, 6 ER. It’s like Daniel Cabrera and Oliver Perez had a son and they named him Wandy.

Ray Durham - Ray Ray started second game in the row over Weeks. From the dugout, on his cellphone, Rickie Weeks, “Hey, whatcha doing?” Giambi, “Watching Sexson strikeout.” Weeks, “Tell me about it. If they wanted a lousy 2nd basemen, they had me!” Giambi, “I know! What, I wasn’t striking out enough for them? That can be fixed. The only thing I can’t do is tall. I guess that’s what they wanted!” Weeks, “Durham’s not even tall. I don’t get it.”