Fantasy Baseball Advice

Roy Oswalt pulled something in his back and is presumably headed to the DL.  The bad news here is he was supposedly a 2nd half pitcher in some people’s minds, though my mind wasn’t yet made up.  It’s a guy’s prerogative to change his mind, or just not make it up at all.  As someone who has struggled with lower back pain for most of his adult life… Oh, who am I kidding?  I’m fit as a fiddle.  I once dwarf bowled a 170.  (Of course, he helped by kicking over that 7-10 split.)  Wait, what was I saying?  Oh, yeah!  Oswalt.  Yeah, he’s off to see a back specialist, the Astros are calling up Bud Norris, hopefully related to Chuck.  Bud Norris might sound familiar to some of youse.  Why?  Cause I just said his name in the previous sentence.  Hello, Mr. Short-Term Memory.  He also may sound familiar to you because he was in last week’s Scouting the Unknown.  For those too lazy to click-through, his walk rate isn’t pretty.  I’d grab him in NL-Only leagues and take a flier on him in 12 team and deeper mixed leagues if you really need the help, but he may cause migraines.  Best case scenario is he foolz (the kids love the Z) some hitters for about a month worth of starts and racks up the strikeouts while barely making it out of the 5th inning because of a high pitch count, see also Clay/ton Buchh/shaw.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

LaTroy Hawkins – His MRI came back negative on his back so he’s heading to the DL with shingles.  Whaaat?!?  Don’t you need to check off a few things before going from an MRI to shingles?  It’s not a bulging disk… Okay, let’s check for shingles.

Randy Johnson – Torn rotator cuff.  Just be glad I didn’t go with the title, Torn Johnson.

Clay Buchholz – 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 11 baserunners and tied me to the WHIPping post.  The home plate ump looked like he wouldn’t call a strike.  Put Fieldin Culbreth behind home; he’ll call a strike.  Just be glad Buchholz got out of the 5th.  Against the A’s no less.  Not a great sign.  Go after a hitter.  Pitch to contact.  Trust your stuff.  Listen to Eck, would ya?

Scott Kazmir – 7 IP, 1 ER.  Sonavabench!  I fully expect him to go out and get rocked in his next game when I start him.  Kazmir, why do you hate me?

Fred Lewis – Took a real long time, but you know who’s finally hot?  Fred Lewis.  Maybe he finally figured out why I called him a sleeper in February.

Eugenio Velez – Hit a homer yesterday.  In other news, water’s dry.

CC Sabathia/Chad Billingsley – Belch.

Tommy Everidge – Was called up to replace Barton.  His minor league numbers look promising, but he’s not available anywhere until ESPN, Y! or CBS put him into their systems.  Though he’s not really worth a pickup yet, except in AL-Only leagues.

George Sherrill – People really seem to want him and it makes sense for the Orioles to trade him away if they can get anything.  As said elsewhere by me, you don’t need a closer to finish last.  The catch, and there’s always one, Baez and Johnson haven’t looked good at all recently.  It may come down to *cover your children’s eyes if they’re reading this* a committee.  I know!  Terrible.

Matt Wieters – 4-for-5, but what about Gregg Zaun?!

Kevin Correia – 6 IP, 2 ER, 5 Ks, 8 baserunners.  Perfectly acceptable game for a HodgePadre in an away game.  Unfortunately, I refuse to start him anywhere but home…

Heath Bell – Another guy that seems like he might be on the move.  And another situation that isn’t crystal clear.  Mujica’s held the 8th for the majority of the season, but he’s faltered recently.  Gregerson’s been fine, but he’s Luke Gregerson.  Mike Adams has been terrific too.  But he’s not even Luke Gregerson.  I’d hold Mujica or Gregerson, in that order.

Everth Cabrera – 3-for-4, 2 steals.  I loved EverCab when he first came up, then he did nothing for two weeks.  So I dropped him and then he did this to me (6 steals in the last week).  Yesterday in the comments, this was said by frequent commenter, Tom, “Hey remember that time you got back from church camp and destroyed all of your rebellious, edgy EverCab albums?  And remember that time 3 weeks later when you stopped dating that girl from camp, and you were really pissed that you threw them out?  Today is that day.”

Rafael Soriano – Has now given up runs in two of his last three games.  If you take nothing else away from today’s roundup, Soriano goes through stretches where he’s terrible.  You’ve been warned.

Leo Nunez – Gave up a run, Lindstrom’s due back in a week.  You’ve been warned.  Again.

Nyjer Morgan – Since I already pointed out my goof on EverCab, I’ll cop to this one too.  I bungled Nyjer.  He’s been a very decent SAGNOF source.  I even tried to trade for him in one league.  I think I was ignored.  Hey, don’t take my Garrett Jones.  It’s fine by me (please stay hot Jones, please).

Elvis Andrus – HR and steal yesterday.  No lie, in one league I literally dropped him two days ago.  Momma said there would be days like these…

Clete Thomas – I picked him up and he went 0-for-4.  I grabbed him because he’s batting third for the Tigers.  Why’s he batting third?  I don’t know.  Buy Leyland a pack of Marlboro Reds and maybe he’ll tell you.

Jhonny Peralta – This year he’s carrying the Silent H Torch for him and Khalil, and has three straight games with a homer as he bats over .400 in the last 7 games.

Scott Downs – 2/3 IP, 1 ER.  People were yelling fire in the comments yesterday that Frasor’s due to take over, they might be right.  Downs has given up runs in four of his last five games.  I wouldn’t be surprised to see Downs hit the Disgraceful List.

Chien-Ming Wang – Visited Dr. Freeze and was put on ice for the season.  Imagine Dr. Andrews misunderstood, “Something’s wrong with Wang,” as something was wrong with his wang.  Ah, the yucks a bad Farrelly brothers movie could have with that.

Brad Lidge – 1 IP, 2 ER, Save.  He’s really got the save down pat where he gives up 2 runs.  It’ll be funny in the playoffs when he loses a key game and McCarver’s like, “He’s usually so reliable.”  Joe Buck *interminable pause* then, “We’ll be back here tomorrow for game five.”

Dan Haren – 5 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners.  Now has two straight so-so starts by his 1st half of starts’ standards.  Honestly, I was pretty happy with this so-so start.  He gets the Mets in Metco next, so hopefully he can be decently so-so again.

Adam Dunn – Hit a homer out of Miller Park.  Then had his blue ox run the bases.

Mark Buehrle – 6 1/3 IP, 5 ER.  Back to life… Back to reality… and Johnny Vander Meer’s family is once again free to make plans.

Josh Fields – Being dropped from the roster for Mark Kotsay.  Fields wants a trade from the White Sox.  Maybe if you robbed a homer to seal a perfect game, you wouldn’t be getting dropped.  Think about that!

Mark Kotsay – Traded to the White Sox for Brian Anderson.  What’s the point of this trade?  Did Kenny Williams get a look at Kotsay’s wife?  This is the most irrelevant trade since Jose Lima was traded to the Kia Tigers for a bottle of kimchi.

Kelvim Escobar was sent to the bullpen.  His value goes from potentially good to potentially nothing.  Scioscia said Escobar will be pitching out of the bullpen for the rest of the season.  Scioscia also said Brandon Wood would start at shortstop two years ago and said Arredondo, the guy now in the minors, would be the closer and he said Rex Hudler’s got the best herb, when he wants to get wiggy with Figgy.  Escobar will probably start games again in a month or two.  But even if that is the case, he’s about as good to you now as those X-ray glasses you bought out of the back of a comic book when you were twelve.  Matt Palmer gets a boost in value, which is to say he actually has value now.   Palmer’s K/9 is 5.48.  Not great.  His BABIP is .228, that’s pretty lucky.  He’s rocking a 4.06 ERA right now, that’ll go up.  In AL-Only leagues, Palmer’s worth a spot, but he’s probably on a team already.  In mixed leagues, 15 or deeper?  Sure, but I wouldn’t touch him in 12 team leagues outside of matchups.  Friday vs. the Padres is a good matchup.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Ervin Santana – 4 2/3 IP, 6 ER.  Member when he was only good at home?  Yeah, now he’s not good anywhere.  I think he’s headed for the Disgraceful List.

Matt Joyce – The return of Burrell pushes Joyce back to Triple-A.  Hopefully, he gets a real chance at some point.

Pat Burrell – He skipped his Single-A rehab assignment and, instead, will sit the bench for the next six games then be back in the DH spot when interleague’s over.  This is fascinating to me.  He was going to DH in a rehab game?  So he gets four ABs against a Single-A pitcher?  He couldn’t get that in batting practice?  Then he returns to sit the bench for a week?  The guy running the local Dairy Queen could make better decisions than some big league clubs.  A Sour Worm Blizzard is brilliant compared to this.

Hanley Ramirez – Sat out for a normal day of rest.  What’s Hanley doing this year?  8/8?  Who are you, Shin-Soo Choo?  The Marlins have been threatening to put the brakes on Hanley for a few years now.  I think they finally manned up and told him to chillax.  Last year he only stole 12 bases in the 2nd half.  Now with his groin flare-up (no, not in that way) and the Marlins realizing he’s their bread and butter, I wouldn’t be surprised to see a 25/25 year.  Still a great year for a shortstop, just not what you might’ve thought you were getting.

Chien-Ming Wang – Will stay in the rotation for one more turn.  Just because Hankenstein’s sticking with him, doesn’t mean you need to.

Zach Greinke – 7 1/3 IP, 3 ER. Okay, I get the whole great-season-let’s-countdown-to-his-Cy-Young thing.  But is “Greinke Suffers a No-Decision” really a headline?  Suffering from indecision maybe.

Willy Taveras – He relies on his legs and they’re hurting him.  Right now, he’s AGNOF!  The S is really critical.

Chad Qualls – Got the save.  I need saves in the league I own him in and I hate seeing him come into the game, not a great place to be.

Max Scherzer – 7 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 6 Ks, only 4 baserunners vs. the Giants.  I like Scherzer, so don’t read too much into this, but Schierholtz and Juan Uribe were the two and three hole hitters.  Hitting sixth, Kevin Frandsen with an .071 average on the year. Protecting him was Eli Whiteside.  Didn’t he win the Nobel for his book, Night? A Giants split squad game would be a 0-0 tie called on account of darkness.

Derrek Lee – HR yesterday.  .367 in June after hitting .313 in May.  The steals look like they’ll never come back, so he might be Lyle Overbay in disguise.

Ian Stewart – 12th homer, or one less than Ryan Braun.  In Yahoo, Stewart has 2nd and 3rd base eligibility.  Cust kayin’.

Nomar Garciaparra – Had an MRI done on his calf.  Who insures this guy?

Luke Scott – Hit his 14th homer yesterday.  All he does is hit home runs!  No, really, that’s all he does.

Gavin Floyd – 8 IP, 1 ER. He’ll be in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell.  You can hardly wait.

Edwin Jackson – 5 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners.  Whoa, don’t you dare go back to being mediocre.  Armando Galarraga’s filling that role.

Clete Thomas – Went from batting 3rd to being optioned to the minors.  Ah, yes, perfect sense.  Don Kelly will be recalled.  I’m assuming he’ll slot right into the three hole next.

John Maine – Headed to the DL with a sore shoulder.  Hey, a couple of days ago he had a dead arm.  Sore is progress.

David Wright – 3-for-4 and stole his 17th base as he tries to challenge Alex Rios’s 2008 season as the most perplexing in recent memory.

Joe Beimel – Got the save yesterday as Acta pulled the old banana-in-the-tailpipe on MacDougal owners.  MacDougal is supposedly still the closer, he had just worked too many days in the row.  The Nats might be the only team where their announced closer is the only one that doesn’t get saves.

Ricky Romero – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER.  I liked him for a while in April, then he went to the DL and I got bored.  Now he’s back (from outer space), he’s an ‘okay’ flier in deeper mixed leagues, but he’s been getting lucky with men left on base.  I’d be careful.

Kevin Millwood – 7 2/3 IP, 0 ER.  Would you believe he has a 2.72 ERA on the year?  That’s not rhetorical.  Seriously, I had no idea.  I own him on an AL-Only team and I didn’t even know that.  Maybe he’s having one of those renaissance years.  But then he’d be walking around saying, “Good morrow, Kinsler!” and “Davis, fetch me some mead!”

Ross Gload – 2 HRs.  Army with harmony…Dave, drop a Gload on him!  What?  Nothing?  Oh, well.  I got the reference.

Todd Wellemeyer – 6 IP, 5 ER. Gload’s on you, Jack!  What?  Still nothing?  Hmm…

Ryan Franklin – 14th save, 1.14 ERA on the year.  Next year, he’s going to be so overvalued.  People are gonna be like, “Franklin had a sub-2 ERA.  He’s the bee’s elbows, knees and toes!”

Javier Vazquez – 8 IP, 1 ER, 12 Ks.  Then Rafael Soriano threw Javy’s one bad inning for him giving up 2 runs.

Raul Ibanez – HR yesterday.  After the home run, he declared a fatwa on the whole Midwest.

Travis Hafner is coming back.  We’re picking him up for our UTIL slot right now…in our 40 team mixed league.  Brett Myers, who has been a marginal mixed league starter since returning from a bullpen stint 2 years back, may be out for the year with the latest – or should we say hippest – new injury….the torn labrum in the hip.  It’s the new oblique.  We had him on the risky list this year, but thought his elbow would be the first to go after throwing so many sliders last year.  If any Phillie pitcher was going to get a new hip, we would’ve bet Jamie Moyer.  (Incidentally, he’s also first on our list of most likely Phillie pitchers to get a new gall bladder.)  Anyway, here’s what else we saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Grady Sizemore – [sarcasm] Huge game for Grady as he went 1-for-3 with no runs or RBIs or steals.  Watch out now! [/sarcasm]

Clete Thomas – Batted leadoff for the Tigers yesterday.  I’ve figured out Jim Leyland’s master plan!  Anderson had been leading off, but he’s the left fielder and he sat out.  So Clete Thomas was the left fielder yesterday so he led off.  When Clete Thomas was the right fielder, he batted third.  Leyland’s got the positions written on his lineup card and only enough Liquid Paper to change names.  Mystery solved!

Anthony Swarzak – This guy sounds like a guy everyone went to high school with (Dude, did you hear Swarzak bought a Camaro?!) but he’s in fact another intriguing young Twins starter after 2 solid starts in a row… Well, until you look at his AAA and MLB K totals. 6.5 K/9 in AAA and 6 Ks in 2 starts sounds a lot like Glen Perkins Jr.  Avoid him in mixed leagues.

Dan Haren – 8 IP, 2 ER. In the 8th inning, he twisted his ankle and fell.  I began to weep.  He got up and finished the inning (giving up a run).  He looked like he’ll be okay though.  Godspeed, Danny!

Ryan Roberts – I swear every time Daron Sutton says his name, I say to myself, “Brian Roberts was finally traded to a different team?”  Anyway, forget Ryan Roberts, he’s 29.  But that’s what they said about Junior Spivey!

Randy Wells – 4 major league starts now and 4 solid (albeit winless) starts.  Nearly a K an inning and a 1.80 ERA / 1.16 WHIP. He spent the last 2 1/2 years hanging in the Cubs AAA with our pal, IowaCubs, alternating between starting and relieving.  If you’re in an NL-league, hope for a Dempster ride.  In mixed leagues, avoid the Dumpster dive.

David Hernandez – The 4th Baltimore rookie pitcher this year to win his first major league start.  We’re naturally weary of any Orioles starter, but Hernandez warrants monitoring.  His minor-league K rate is very impressive — over 10 in the past two years in A and AA and 12.5 K/9 (!) in AAA this year.  He’s also had some control issues in the minors which extended to his first start (4 walks in 5 IP).  He’s not a top prospect, but neither was Daniel Cabrera and look how well…oh, right….

Luke Scott – 2 HRs yesterday.  Ring, ring… Who’s there?  Cheap power.  Hey, c’mon in, you want a seltzer?

Nolan Reimold – HR yesterday.  Oh, and, um, PICKUP REIMOLD!!! (Caps and heavy hand on the exclamation marks for emphasis and people reading over your shoulder.)

Matt Kemp – 1-for-4 with 2 steals, while he batted eighth yesterday.  Torre said he would’ve batted him ninth but he didn’t like how Wolf matched up with Wells.

Derrek Lee – We had a rare D-Lee sighting last night as he went 2-for-4.  He hit two warning track fly outs too.  I’m not paying to see if this is a start of something, but if you own him, it might be.   Cross your fingers.  But cross two you don’t use much like the pinkie and ring.  Leave the middle one free in case D-Lee comes down with another case of sucking.

Randy Wolf – 7 IP, 7 Ks, 2 ER, has a 1.80 ERA on the season and 64 Ks in just over 76 innings.  No, his ERA won’t stay there, but he could give a 3.50.  Pays to go with the boring guys sometimes.  Oh, and we were just about to see the Wolf take on the Fox when Troncosco relieved Wolf.  This would’ve been the first time we had an all-animal matchup since Paul Byrd threw a tennis ball to his schnauzer, Daisy.

If you drafted Manny this year, then you better make a new plan, Stan because Man-Ram is getting time off for bad behavior.  50 games to be exact.  The reason – he came up positive for human chorionic gonadotropin, or HCG, which can be used to boost testosterone levels.  Manny seems to be claiming his doctor prescribed it for erectile dysfunction but the drug is most often prescribed for…women’s fertility.  Huh?  And here we thought Alyssa Milano was the only person in the LA Dodger clubhouse taking those.  Maybe Manny got screwed by a bad boner doctor but our money is on Scott Boras.  He probably gave those pills to Manny, told him they were Flintstone vitamins, and Manny hallucinated Flintstone faces onto the vitamins.

So what are the fantasy implications besides crying if you own him and picking from the FA scraps?  Juan Pierre is going to get the lion’s share of playing time in the outfield.  With Hudson and Ethier hitting so well at the top and Torre always going back to Furcali as his leadoff hitter, the only question is whether he bats Pierre 8th or 9th (tonight it was the 9th).  This is a pretty good move if you’re a Pierre owner as he’d get bunted over by the pitcher if he hit 8th but will steal from the 9th slot (got one today).  As for whether this affects the production of O-Dog and Andre Ethier, time will tell.  You’d have to think that O-Dog’s runs and Ethier’s RBIs are going to down because of this.  Interestingly, Torre moved up Ethier to #3 and hit Loney #4.  Our guess would be that he goes back to his beloved lefty/righty/lefty/righty order and separates Ethier and Loney with either Martin or Kemp.  Anyway, here’s what else we saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Matt Cain – 6 IP, 1 Hit, 5 walks, 7 Ks.  His walks are up, his Ks are down, his homers are up.  None of this spells, “Yay.”  His BABIP is near his norms but his men left on base is higher than it’s been for the last couple of years.  His ERA is under 3 but it should be over 5.  Like Minnie Pearl, I’m going to give this to you plain and simple, he needs to cut down on his walks.  But it’s still early, Cain has time to correct his problems.

Randy Wolf – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 Ks. 3.59 ERA on the year and five consecutive no decisions.  Why can’t I get a win?  Who have I wronged? Was it the old lady who yelled at me in the post office calling me Prince Charles?  Cause if it was her, I’m sorry.  She was up next.  I just told her you’re up, I wasn’t rushing her!

Jordan Zimmermann – 6 IP, 6 ER, 4 Ks.  ‘nn settled down after being Kemp’d in the first.  Unfortunately, this takes some of the shine off of ‘nn so it’ll make it harder for you to flip him.

Joe Beimel – Vin Scully, “The Nats are without a closer so they’re trying out Beimel in the role.”  He said that as Beimel pitched the 8th in a four run game.  Of course he’s pitching the eighth!  It makes perfect sense.  I’m currently pulling my mustache hair out.

Joel Hanrahan – I think the old Nats closer becomes the new Nats closer, but remember the Nats have 3 saves on the season.

Kip Wells – One of the only closers who can come into an 11-7 game and ensure it’ll be a save opportunity.

Cla Meredith – Went to 4-0 with another vulture win yesterday.  He would be leading in Wins on all of my teams.  I hate Wins.

Mark Reynolds – 0-for-5 with 4 Ks to lower his average to .255 as Chris B. Davis hit his 7th homer going 2-for-4 to raise his average to .211.  Anyone wanna bet who gets to .230 first?

Brad Ziegler – 1/3 IP, 2 ER.  Andrew Bailey threw a scoreless two-thirds of an inning.  Cha-cha-cha-changes…

Brandon McCarthy – 4 IP, 7 ER.  Rudy got sonavabenched on his Fantasy Razzball team.  Oh… Poor Rudy.  I’m still in 2nd.  Natch!

Jack Cust – HR, strikeout… Wait, no walk? How dare you!

Jeremy Sowers – Replacing Laffey in the Indians rotation.  Look away, baby, look away.

Casey Kotchman – First homer of the season yesterday as he bats .313 on the season.  Might be startin’ somethin’.  Then again, the Braves are facing a lefty tomorrow.  Okay, Saturday’ll be startin’ somethin’.

Kendry Morales – In my series of “yawnstipating 1st baseman who won’t get drafted but should” posts, I targeted Morales.  He just hit his 5th homer.  I am Prince Charles!

Hanley Ramirez – 2 HRs yesterday.  For the longest time the ‘lins were threatening to put some reins on Hanley’s running.  He’s sitting on 3 steals and 4 caught stealings.

Derrek Lee – Sat out 2nd straight game but said the injury was “no big deal.”  Oh.  Okay.  Then how about you play?

Bengie Molina – 2 HRs and 4 RBIs yesterday.  Brings his totals to 7 HRs and 27 RBIs.  The rest of the Giants have 9 HRs and 84 RBIs.  Step away from the buffet, Molina, and let Fred get some grub.

Dexter Fowler – 0-for-3 yesterday and has been terrible since he lit Razzball aflame with his 5 steal game.  Icarus Fowler?

Jered Weaver – A complete game win with 8 Ks and 3 baserunners.  A HR by Aaron Hill spoiled the shutout.  Won’t be surprised if he ends up with 15 Wins, a 3.50 ERA, and 175 Ks.  As long as big bro Jeff doesn’t drive up north to teach him how to flatten his slider.

Jose Molina – Headed to the DL, joining Posada.  Bring back Yogi!

Mariano Rivera – Kazaam!

Evan Longoria – 2 HRs with 10 on the year and 38 RBIs.  I wrote a whole post on why Longoria should be a 2nd rounder?  I think he ends up with more value than Wright this year and for the next 10 years.

Mark Buehrle – 8 IP, 0 ER and is 5-0 on the year.  Maybe I should’ve drafted him in a league.  Back in my top 80 starters post, I wrote, “He’s not flashy with those Big City Ks. You probably won’t want to own him. But for the better part of two years, I’ve owned him off and on. He’s usually good for a few ‘worth-owning’ streaks a year.”  So far this year it’s obviously been one of those “worth-owning streaks.”

Armando Galarraga – 6 IP, 6 ER.  Yeah, this didn’t help convert me into a fan.

Ian Stewart – Hit a homer yesterday while playing 3rd.  Atkins is traded by the July deadline, you heard it here first.

Mike Napoli – Hit his 5th homer as he bats .328 on the season with 2 steals.  My preseason predictions were 55/23/65/.245/7.  From a catcher?  You kinda like that.

Brian Bannister – 6 IP, 0 ER, 7 Ks.  Still not buying in.

Jayson Nix – HR yesterday.  Why is the world conspiring against me?

Joakim Soria – Got the save, but gave up two hits, two walks and one run after giving up an unearned run his first time back.  I’d hold Juan Cruz for now if you have room.  And who doesn’t have room for Juan Cruz, he’s like a buck-twenty soaking wet.

Rick Ankiel – To the DL.  This boosts Rasmus’s value a bit (but he already had some value).

Rocco Baldelli – Nordberg returns from the DL.

Alex Rodriguez – Due back on Friday.  But don’t look here.  Look back at Manny.

Anibal Sanchez – Left game with shoulder discomfort.  Not good, home slice.  But neither are any of his stats.

Clete Thomas – I love managers that remove a top of the lineup hitter then just shove some other schmohawk in their place.  “Clete.  I like that name.  Like the things at the bottom of a baseball shoe.  You hit 3rd, Clete.”  If Spike Owen came out of retirement, he’d hit 4th.