Fantasy Baseball Advice

Holy hell, it’s July already, cue the fireworks. Roll the stock footage of Bill Pullman from Independence Day, except make it sound cool with a nice fantasy touch, “This week we celebrate our wins above replacement day!” This week’s list is littered with crafty lefties and dudes who wear pseudo-athletic glasses, which are also cool for squash. The season is getting interesting and I can’t wait for the first shoe to drop in the trade market. Why that expression makes any sense is beyond me, because shoes are supposed to be on the ground anyways so why would we wait for them to drop? Any the who! Good luck on this week’s fantasy endeavors, and don’t eat too many hot dogs. (Please keep in mind the pitchers and matchups change.)

One Start Options:

7/6
Jason Vargas @ Oak – Cahill
Dustin Moseley @SF – Bumgarner
Tyler Chatwood vs. Det – Penny

7/7
Derek Holland vs. Oak – Harden
Joe Saunders @ Stl – McClellan
Cory Luebke @ SF – Zito

7/8
R.A. Dickey @ SF – Vogelsong
John Lannan vs. Col – Hammel
Jordan Lyles @ Fla – Vazquez

Mike Pelfrey (@LAD vs. De La Rosa, @SF vs. Cain) Ugly ERA on the road. Mets are tattooing the ball right now and scoring a crapton of runs. Needs to avoid the dreaded big fly to have any success.

Vance Worley (@Fla vs. Nolasco, Atl vs. Lowe) It’s been years since a Vance had fantasy value, Law in ‘88 is the best I can think of. Before that it was Cousin Vance on the crappy Dukes of Hazzard years. Been effectively lucky, BB’s will be his only downfall.

Paul Maholm (Hou vs. Myers, CHC vs. Zambrano) Loves the perks at PNC, home ERA just over a deuce. Put the win/loss record aside and look deeper. I just wish the ‘Burgh had money to make a splash, because to me they are just on the cusp and need a big bat.

Chris Capuano (@LAD vs. Lilly, @SF vs. Lincecum) Another Met pitcher, another HR magnet. Pitched decent in May even better in June, it’s now July so I guess it’s either Vegas or bust.

Clayton Richard (@SF vs. Lincecum, @LAD vs. Lilly) It’s hodgepodge on opposite day. The epitome of a whiptard. Usually shows up every other week for a start that you shouldn’t have sonavabenched.

Charlie Furbush (@Ana vs. Pineiro, @KC vs. Hochevar) Top 5 all time names in sports. Detroit need to infuse some potential into there starting rotation. Averages over a K /inning in the minors. Dudley Dawson said it best, “We’ve got bush!”

Brian Duensing (TB vs. Price, @CHW vs. Buerhle) Pitches just well enough to keep himself on this post. Nothing that jumps out and says “Hey, you’re fantasy worthy,” and I’m here to say you’re correct. Typical low end 2 start worthy guy who flounders on wire.

Joel Pineiro (Det vs. Furbush, Sea vs. Hernandez) Look up. You see what I wrote for Duensing? Okay, do the same with Joel but read it right handed.

Chris Volstad (Phi vs. Hamels, Hou vs. Rodriquez) He’s a groundball wizard. Gets himself into trouble when he tries to K too many. ERA lower by a run a half at home, unfortunately the Marlins just plain stink.

Brett Cecil (@Bos vs. Lester, @Cle vs. Carrasco) Went to the minors to build up arm strength. Translation to fantasy:  he was awful and not hurt. Potential is there to be decent, better to get in on the bottom floor for free, just needs to build quality innings.

Sounds like Ike Davis is done for the year.  He could be facing microfracture ankle surgery.  Man, will the Mets ever catch a big break?  First, Beltran had microfracture surgery on his knee, and now Davis.  What’s with the Mets and tiny surgery?  Can’t the Mets find a normal-sized doctor?  Microsurgery is the 101 class if you’re going to be a surgeon.  Macrosurgery is the 102 class.  That’s a little known fact — literally!   For fantasy purposes, just think, now you have more room on your DL.  You’re welcome.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Brandon Beachy – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 11 Ks.  That’s one for the Brandon Beachy Memoirs.  Now if only he’d stop looking up his cousin’s dress.

Dan Uggla – 1-for-4 with his 10th home run.  I’ll take bets that he gets to 25 home runs, but not that he gets to .230.  Anyone want some action?  I’m not talking betting action.  Come here and sit on Uncle Grey’s lap.

Jose Bautista – Hit his 22nd home run.  See, my gentle prodding of his miserable June paid off for his owners.  Now I will return to my Bautista dormancy where I am an RA.

Jo-Jo Reyes – 5 1/3 IP, 4 ER.  He’s such a peg boy!

Shaun Marcum – Left the game after reaggravating his hip and his owners.  He says he’ll be fine for his next start.  We’ll see.  Or not.  Your choice.

Travis Wood – Sent down to Triple-A.  All they have to do is send down Votto and Bruce and their AAA club will be the better team.

Joel Hanrahan – Got his 20th save yesterday, which is a feat because he pitches for the Pirates.  It usually takes until end of August before they have 20 saves as a team.  Hanrahanananananan’s ERA/WHIP is 1.31/0.96 and he has 30 Ks in 34 IP.   Sorry, Mr. Peralta, but you’re looking at the best reliever named Joel in the majors!

Kevin Correia – Got his 9th win of the year – making him the most successful Pirate this year outside of the Somali coast.

Neftali Feliz – 2/3 IP, 4 ER and his 4th blown save.  Now has 19 Ks to 15 walks in 28 innings.  He’s not getting replaced any time soon, but something is up with him.  Wouldn’t be surprised to see another DL stint from him this summer.

Adrian Gonzalez – Hitting .359 on the year and he went 4-for-4 against his old team.  Who’s your Padre, San Diego!?

Clayton Richard – 5 IP, 1 ER, 10 baserunners, 2 Ks in Fenway.  That’s exactly what Vegas projected for Richard.  Oh, wait, they projected 1 inning, 5 runs, 10 baserunners.

Albert Pujols – Love this ESPN title yesterday, “Pujols Feels Healthy Aside From Fracture.”  Yeah, and Willie McGee felt beautiful except for his face.

Jorge Posada – Hit his 7th home run– Psych!  I’m not talking about him because then I’ll gonna get inundated with catcher questions.  “No, thank you,” says Grey as he splashes on his Drakkar.

Freddy Garcia – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Here’s something bonkers.  On Rudy’s AL-Only team, his staff is Hellickson, Hughes, Garcia, Coke, Britton, Fister and Baker.  Has a 3.58 ERA / 1.27 WHIP.  If you drafted that staff in the beginning of the year with high hopes, I’d say you were just high.  Goes to show you, no one knows anything, William Goldman.

Torii Hunter – Double I left yesterday’s game after crashing into the wall.  He has bruised ribs.  The wall has a strained oblique.

Ryan Vogelsong – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 3 Ks.  Now has a 1.73 ERA.  Last year Colby Lewis returned from Japan with great results.  This year it’s Vogelsong.  Konichiwa, Fausto Carmona!

Ty Wigginton – On Monday morning, I said Wigginton hit a home run on Sunday and now his over/under for the week is 3.  Yesterday, he hit two home runs.  Still taking the under?

Erik Bedard – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 10 Ks.  I have no doubts of his ability if he stays healthy.  However, that ‘if’ is the size of the car that was used to take Shirley Hemphill and Fred Berry to the set.

Jonny Gomes – Hit a home run yesterday.  That’s all you need to know.  He gets about as crazy hot as Wigginton when he’s going right.  Has 9 homers now.  Might have 16 before he goes cold again.  I added him in any daily leagues where I could (can’t trust him to play every day for weekly leagues).

Chris Heisey – 3-for-5, 4 runs, 5 RBIs and 3 home runs as he became the 207th player this year to hit 3 homers in a game.  Only a slight exaggeration.  Before this game, he was one for the last week.  I really like Heisey, but in Dusty Baker’s book titled, “OBP Stands For Oh B**** Please,” his 3rd chapter is, “Why Play Three Outfielders When Five Will Do?” says all you need to know about Hesiey.  So unless Dusty goes with a short center fielder it’s hard to own Heisey outside of deep daily leagues where you can move him in and out of the lineup.

Johnny Cueto – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Sonavabench!

Gio Gonzalez – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks in Metco.  After the game, Gio said he’d love to pitch for the Mets one day or against them every day.

Jake Peavy – 5 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 10 baserunners, 5 Ks.  But at least he wasn’t injured.  Baby steps, Bob, baby steps.

Ian Kennedy – 6 IP, 1 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Don’t need to see the Zapruder film of all of Kennedy starts to know that he’s not a 2.90 ERA pitcher.  He shouldn’t completely collapse, but c’mon.

Ted Lilly – 4 2/3 IP, 6 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks.  One of the more disappointing guys we own.  In Dodgers Stadium, this guy should have a 3.20-ish ERA.  Then he gets 8 Ks and only walks one yesterday, which isn’t bad…Ugh, he’s pretty unstartable right now.  Lilly, you’ve gilded me for the last time!

Matt Kemp – 3-for-3 and he’s already at 20/20.  Now I see what Rihanna saw in him.  He’s damn sexy!

Jonathan Broxton – Mattingly said Broxton will be the loser when he returns.  Oops, Freudian slip!  Mattingly must be looking through the rear view mirror to see the Broxton of the 1st half of 2010.  I guess it’s true — objects in the rear view mirror are better Closers than they appear.

Can we stop talking about how running into the catcher is “not” part of baseball? It’s getting really old and stupidity is bleeding from every multimedia channel. If Matt Treanor, or Misty May for that matter, got run over and injured this would be a blip on the radar for baseball. All I can say is I can’t wait until the Marlins and Giants play again and settle their differences with a good ol’ donnybrook. Baseball settles its differences between the lines, and all this talk about how one of the prodigal sons of baseball got hurt is a snooze fest. I am old school when watching this game.  If you don’t want to get hit, don’t stand on the tracks when the train is coming through. Okay, rant over. There seems to be lots of speculation going on in the game right now. Who will be buyers and who will be sellers. This has some rippling effects on fantasy as guys switch leagues and make AL/NL only leagues scramble for FAAB bucks. Should be a fun next month of real baseball and hope that it relates well to fake baseball. Good luck on this week’s fantasy endeavors. (Please keep in mind that match-ups and pitchers may change.)

ONE START OPTIONS:

6/8
Danny Duffy vs. TOR – Villanueva
Paul Maholm vs. ARI – Duke
Josh Outman @BAL- Britton

6/9
Josh Collmenter @Pit – Karstens
Jonathon Niese @ Mil – Gallardo
Derek Holland @ Min – Blackburn

6/10
Dillon Gee @ PIT – Morton
Jason Marquis @ SD – Latos
Ryan Vogelsong vs. CIN – Wood

Rick Porcello (@Tex vs. Harrison, Sea vs. Hernandez) Has gotten numbers to look healthier against bad hitting teams, now re-read who he is playing this week. Strugglin’ against LH, but away ERA is a cozy 2.39.

Joel Pineiro (TB vs. Price, KC vs. O’Sullivan) Still gunning for that milestone win. K’s are nonexistent basically. Nothing cures offensive ills better than a good ol’ swig of O’Sullivans.

Freddy Garcia (Bos vs. Lester, Cle vs. Tomlin) Anyone remember Freddy from the old Yankee stadium who used to bang on his pot and have funny limericks on a sign? Yeah, this isn’t him. WHIP is still bad, but lineup chases all evil flying monkeys away.

Mike Leake (CHC vs. Lopez, @SF vs. Sanchez) Not for nothing, but wasn’t he Kelly Leake’s dad in the Bad News Bears? Cincy’s lineup makes him look better. Going to win a lot of 8-6 type ballgames.

Clayton Richard (Col vs. Mortensen, Was vs. Lannan) Low end 2 starts for the front man of the new “Petco Shop Boys.“ ERA at home is far superior. Rinse and repeat for next guy.

Tim Stauffer (Col vs. Jimenez, Was vs. Zimmermann) East end boys and west end girls. Sorry have that song stuck in my head now. Run support is awful. I like Richard’s 2 opposing pitchers better.

Javier Vazquez (Mil vs. Greinke, Ari vs. Kennedy) He is about as good at fantasy as Wilt Chamberlain was at monogamy. K potential is there….somewhere. Look closer it’s wearing a red striped wool hat, oh my bad I lost track of where we were.

Matt Harrison (Det vs. Porcello, @Min vs. Swarzak) Blisters be gone. Was good to start year, then had to change the sheets. Last 4 starts are back on the Matt Foley path. Away ERA at 2.53. Hope the medication he got from Washington isn’t habit forming.

Jon Garland (@Phi vs. Oswalt, @Col vs. Jimenez) Ugh and Yikes. Nice to see ya, Jon. See you in a week when you’re actually semi-rosterable. Bottom of barrel, bars closing, grab any girl situation here.

Felipe Paulino (Tor vs. Morrow, @Ana vs. Santana) My odd ball of the week. I had some preseason love for him in Colorado, fail. Change of scenery has so far has been mmm-ok. If your digging this deep you prolly need a shovel and some lime.

Jonathan Broxton is out with elbow pain.  Andre Ethier is out with an inflammed elbow.  Since Casey Blake has a staph infection in his elbow, him, Broxton and Ethier must’ve rubbed elbows.  It’s an idiomatic joke!  Dodgers Fever.  Take some penicillin!  If this elbow thing was being passed around the Dodger clubhouse any quicker….Alyssa Milano would get royalties!  Ah, you knew that was coming.  That’s what Alyssa said!  With regards to junk-in-his-trunk Broxton, I’d grab Padilla then Kuo.  I think both should be rostered in every league for right now.  Wouldn’t be surprised if this week it’s Padilla then Kuo takes over for two months.  In deep leagues, I’d even grab Kenley.  He should be back shortly.  As for Andre the non-Giant, he should be fine, but he’s been known to take a 15-day stint at a Beverly spa now and again.  BTW, yesterday, Jay Gibbons hit 3rd.  He can’t even see!  The Dodgers first three hitters were Gwynn Jr., Aaron Miles and Gibbons.  I’d rather have Cincy’s Triple-AAA lineup with Sappelt, Frazier, Alonso and Mesoraco.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Ted Lilly – 6 IP, 5 ER, 9 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Now at a 4.93 ERA on the year.  Just as I drew it up when I drafted him to be my not-so-flashy-but-solid contributor to my fantasy teams.  Maybe I spent too much time breathing in the air in Port-a-Johns when I was younger, but I think Lilly’s still gonna end the season with a 3.70 ERA.

Ben Revere – Ben Revere is coming, Ben Revere is coming!  Ben Revere sounds like Affleck’s alias when he checks into hotels.  “When Matt Saugus shows up, send him up to my room.”  That’s Affleck talking to the front desk manager.  Revere is SAGNOF!  He had 7 steals in only 23 games this year in Triple-A and 36 steals last year in 94 games at Double-A, or as Lohan calls it AA.  The prizzoblem is Delmon’s due back soon and Revere might not have a place to play, so the Twins could make like Kendrys, add an S and put Revere into reverse.  In AL-Only leagues, obviously you still need to take the flyer right now.  If Revere starts hitting, the Twins could sneak him into their lineup even with Young and Nishioka returning.  Casilla is obviously ripe for a benching.  Ca see ya!  In most mixed leagues, I’d let it play out for a few to see Revere’s playing time.

Alex Rios – 3-for-4 with his 2nd homer in three days.  The buy low window is shut.

Orlando Hudson – To the DL.  Shocker!  It’s like having money on the 6 and 8 with a hot roller.  It’s gonna hit eventually.

Eric Patterson – 1-for-3 and his 2nd homer.  Should get 2nd base eligibility with O-Dog O-ut.  Right now, we own Patterson in an NL-Only league.  The power isn’t for real, but for a short shot of SAGNOF, I could see adding him in mixed leagues.

Brad Hawpe – 2-for-3 with his first home run.  Now one off the pace being set by Eric Patterson.  Because I don’t own Hawpe anywhere, I honestly didn’t know how bad he’s been.  A .183 average and one homer.  What hitters would sign with the Padres?  They really need to move the fences in front of the Randy Jones and Nate Colbert statues.

Aneury Rodriguez – 5 IP, 0 ER, 2 baserunners, 3 Ks.  He’s got a live arm.  I like him and I’m not just saying that cause I actually own him.  Well, maybe a little.  Has a decent K-rate and a terrible walk rate on a terrible team which limits him to NL-Only leagues for now.  Maybe a streamer in mixed H2H leagues, but you need to be slightly desperate.

Brandon Lyon – 0 IP, 3 ER.  When he comes in for a save and you own him, it’s likely the worst news you hear all day.  If I felt differently, I’d be Lyon.

Mark Melancon – Worth a speculative add in case the naked pictures Lyon has of Ed Wade’s Toupee are burned and he’s finally replaced.

Travis Wood – 6 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 7 Ks.  I really hope he’s not bumped from the rotation because he should be even better than he was yesterday, which wasn’t bad.

Carlos Pena – 2 homers, 2 days.  Member when Lind started hitting homers last week and I said how I hate to drop guys like him and Pena because when they get hot, they hit 5 homers in the matter of days and it was like they were never slumping?  Yeah, Pena’s now hot.

Marlon Byrd – Out of the three hole, he hit a three run homer while batting .290 on the year.  Yet, he still only has 8 RBIs on the year.  That’s enough to make Tim Kurkjian’s voice crack.

Allen Craig – When Freese went down, La Russa said the 3rd base job would be shared by Descalso and Punto, so, of course, La Russa has done nothing but play Allen Craig.  *shakes fist, accidentally bangs funny bone, shakes entire arm*  Craig has a decent bat if he plays every day.  He could hit 12-14 homers, steal 10 bases and have a .280ish average in a few months time.  It’s also worth noting La Russa could bench him for Punto at any point for no apparent reason.

Pedro Alvarez – I don’t want to think he didn’t play yesterday, instead I like to think he walked 4 times.  Cause that’s our relationship, he sucks and I lie to myself about it.  Alvarez, I’d catch a grenade for you.  You bastard!

Tommy Hanson – 6 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks.  I loved Hommy Tanson in the preseason, not sure why I don’t have him on any team.  “Such has been my fantasy life so far,”  Grey said as he wiped away a single tear a’la a Native American watching someone litter.

Tim Hudson – 9 IP, 2 baserunners (1 hit), 6 Ks.  The Brewers are a solid lineup to be one hit.  Maybe they caught Braddock’s sleep disorder.

Clayton Richard – 5 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks and 6 unearned runs.  That ticker shock was actually a relief.  Hay-zeus Chreesto, I thought he really gave up 7 runs.

Max Scherzer – 8 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 9 Ks.  Schweet, schweet Scherzer.

Al Alburquerque – 1 IP, 2 Ks.  You know where Al Alburquerque is from?  Santa K.

Adam Lind – 4-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer.  To think you wanted to drop him less than two weeks ago, for shame.

Brandon Morrow – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 7 Ks.  He’s a bit of a WHIPping post nightmare, but his Ks are delicious.

Frank Francisco – 1 IP, 1 ER and the save.  A day after Rauch got a neck tattoo that read, “BS,” Frank² came on and did a pretty mediocre job of proving his worth.  I imagine it’s still a time share.

David Freese – After his successful surgery, Freese said, “”They put the bones back together, put a plate over it, and then put five little screws in there.”   Sounds like he had the surgery done at Ikea.

Tim Lincecum – 7 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 12 Ks in Metco.  Mets should’ve dressed Mr. Met up in a toga so he’d look like a giant doobie.

John Axford – 1 IP, 2 ER.  Kazaam!

Zack Greinke – 4 IP, 4 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks.  He’s not returning from an arm injury, so I’m chalking this up as rust.

Vance Worley – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks.  It’s one thing when you’re looking bad compared to Halladay, Oswalt and Hamels, but can’t Joe Blanton catch a break to collect his self-esteem?

Joel Zumaya – Will undergo exploratory elbow surgery.  Which means they will shrink Rick Moranis and send him in to check it out.

We’re going streaming! No? Okay, it’s just me then. As I was doing the research for this week, two things happened. One, I threw up at the possibility of adding any of these lower end guys. Secondly, I kept thinking that maybe I am losing touch with the fantasy world. Has one week really shifted to a baseball tangent of have-nots having relevant value. I’m befuddled at the lack of value for this week’s streaming party. With all the lower end pitching that is out there we get 2 start games from possibly the worst 4 teams in baseball (with their respective options for fantasy goodies). I am upset and demand a pamphlet or at least a seminar on how this happened. This week may be a decent week for you to string along 2 or 3 separate one start pitchers instead. I have included a small list of them as well for your viewing enjoyment. So as you read this, approach with caution and just be confident of the fact that better times are coming for two start pitchers. Good luck. (Please be aware that pitchers and match ups change)

One Start options:
Phil Coke – @Sea vs. Fister 4/19
Esmil Rogers – SF vs. Sanchez4/19
R.A. Dickey – Hou vs. Norris 4/20
Jon Garland – Atl vs. Lowe 4/20
Charlie Morton – @Fla vs. Nolasco 4/20
Josh Tomlin – @KC vs. O’Sullivan 4/21
Kyle Lohse – Was vs. Gorzellany 4/21
Derek Holland – KC vs. Francis 4/22
Clayton Richard – Phi vs. Blanton 4/22

Kevin Correia (@Cin-Wood, Was- Hernandez) – Looked good for 5 innings in last start, unfortunately it isn‘t tee-ball. Lack of K’s is unappealing. Staff aces on mediocre teams get no love.

Jake Westbrook (Was-Lannan, Cin-Lecure) – By name he looks awesome this week. By performance, one would think Duncan hates his guts. Let’s be honest he is a lunch pail ground ball pitcher — no more, no less.

Sam LeCure (Ari-Galarraga, @STL-Westbrook) – 2nd start may be in question with DL returnees Bailey and Cueto. Does a really great Robert Smith impression for his Quebec-based cover band. Seems destined to be in and out of rotation all year.

John Lannan (@STL-Westbrook, @Pit-Maholm) – Decent career numbers against the ‘Lou. Better match-ups this week than the last 2, Nats need to start hitting, starting to be referenced with the Mariners.

Brandon Beachy (@LA-Kuroda, @SF-Lincecum) – Ugh and yuck. Doesn’t seem to be getting any easier for the sleeper. 2 rough road starts.

Jason Vargas (Det-Scherzer, Oak-Anderson) – One bad start in between 2 decent. Can’t trust a team that doesn’t score, plain and simple.

Dustin Moseley (@CHC-TBD, Phi-Lee) – Only given up 4 ER all year in 3 decent starts. Hodgepadre indeed.

Bruce Chen (Cle-Carrasco, @Tex-Holland) – Last 10 starts dating back to last year, 7-1 with a 3.45 ERA. I can’t make stuff up like that.

Fausto Carmona (@KC-Davies, @Min-Liriano) – Unreliable, best word I can think of. Based on match-ups though it makes sense. Minny has 3, count them 3 HR’s all year. The Indians are getting it done though, don’t have the talent to sustain but will be a headache for awhile.

Jonathon Niese (Hou-Rodriquez, Ari-Galarraga) – Last 2 starts not so hot, next 2 pale in comparison by offensive measures. Two starts at Metco, a resounding… maybe. The Wandwagon has lost its wheels and is now a sled and ‘Almost Perfect’ has been anything but.