Did you realize that there was an epic breakthrough in the world of baseball analytics this week? Well, it happened! We did it! On Thursday, Ken “The Hawk” Harrelson joined Brian Kenny on MLB Network’s “MLB Now”, offering his thoughts on these newfangled sabermetrics. According to Hawk, WAR, and VORP, and OPS+, and all other products of science and reason fall short of his fresh new statistic — something he calls TWTW, or “The Will To Win”. Evidently, Hawk understands how to quantify this unmeasurable attribute, and he truly believes it is the most telling component of player evaluation. You can check out the video here, but most importantly, please make sure you apply Hawk’s lessons to your two-start browsing this week. Before you grab one of these guys off waivers, ask yourself: Is this a TWTW guy, or is this a non-TWTW guy? We only want the TWTW’s here. Choose wisely.

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Weekly leaguers, Two-Startapalooza is back with a fresh lineup for week two. It’s a weekly feature, so obviously it’s back. I’ll try to come up with more clever ledes in future weeks, but I’m a little busy right now prepping my photog equipment for Tehol’s Playgirl shoot. Speaking of Tehol, he’s gonna be posting on points leagues this season, and I know many of you two-start hoarders are points league participants, so be sure to read his stuff. Anyway, here’s a look at the two-start landscape for week two.

As always, probable pitchers are subject to change. And for a look at all fantasy baseball streamers, click that link. The Steam-o-Nator goes live April 8th.

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The guys over at Sons of Roto have been hosting Blog Wars for a handful of years now, and this is my second year involved. I ended up in fourth place last year — not too bad, I know. But considering I held first place by a sizable margin from April through August, the fourth place finish takes on a truly bitter taste. My pitching collapsed down the stretch, and I watched helplessly has my ratios ballooned. Alas, I flew too close to the sun on the wings of Lance Lynn. Should’ve seen it coming…

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Yes, I went Crazy Town on you. Look, the more and more you do this, the more you realize there are good title days and bad title days. And let me tell you this friends. Today is an amazing day. You know what the opposite of amazing is? Tim Lincecum in your left ocular region. Even though his star had been dimming slowly each year since 2009, many if not most did not predict such a precipitous drop. And when I say drop, it’s a landing that made a convincing doo-doo splat, but with fake dubstep. I feel like I am just too close to up-WUB you. You know, that’s a good ZZZZUHHHH CHUHHHHHHH BZZZZZZZAAAAAA Doo-doo splat! WAAAAAAW WAAAAAAAAWA WAWAAAHHHH!!!! During the two seasons before 2012, his strikeout rate dropped while his walk rate increased, both trending in a non-zesty direction. While he had a slight up-tick in his fastball velocity in 2011, the improved velocity did not show up in his SwStr% (swinging strike percentage), scoring a 10.7% from a 11.0%. It was an unlikely proposition that he would ever return to a 10.0+ K% pitcher, but it was rational to expect at least a strike out per inning while still holding league average control and still inducing grounders at an above average rate. After all, those three things are still ingredients for a top of the rotation starter.

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The Pirates and Cardinals played a marathon game yesterday.  19 innings that saw 47 lineup changes, 16 different pitchers and 12,000 fans at Busch Stadium leaving simply because the beer cutoff was in the 7th inning.  ”This is baseball sober?  Damn, I’d prefer a third divorce.”  Tim Kurkjian’s voice is cracking at the sheer craziness of the game.  Can you believe this game, fellas?!

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And another rookie is called up.  It’s raining rookies that I will pick up for a few days and then drop if they don’t pan out in a matter of three days.  First, let’s see what our prospect writer, Scott, said just four days ago about Manny Machado, “Machado’s line on the year at Double-A isn’t pretty:  .266/.350/.431, 10 HR.  Still, he’s not slipping much in mid-season prospect rankings, as scouts and pundits continue to believe in his tools.  At just 20 years old, there’s ample time for him to play up to his potential, and I’m inclined to agree with the masses — Machado is still a future fantasy stud.

Please, blog, may I have some more?