On the ones and twos, it’s not DJ Khaled, with a cigar in his baby’s mouth, dropping another one in a major key.  It’s yo’ boy, DJ LeMahieu (4-for-5, 4 runs, 1 RBI), the French-sounding EDM mixmaster, spinning his wheels around the bases.  Yo, DJ LeMahieu, what you got to say about that?  “Pouvez-vous chicken francaise?”  Yo, you sound like me pretending to be French!  Next up throwing down, it’s Mark Reynolds (3-for-5, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 25th homer), the man, the myth, the Mini Donkey.  All brays to you!  Then how about Trevor Story (3-for-4, 6 RBIs and his 17th and 18th homers) finding his way into back-to-back home run games, like succinylcholine finds its way into back-to-back Forensic Files.  Then there’s Carlos Gonzalez…Actually, you still suck!  So, the Rockies, scored (fill-in-number, too high to count) last night, and Jon Gray did all he had to do — 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, which in Coors is all you can ask.  His peripherals are gorgeous — 8.6 K/9, 2.8 BB/9, 3.59 xFIP, but something I failed to remember this past preseason, it’s still a struggle to start him in Coors.  I mean, shizz gets ugly fast like a reality TV person at a reunion show.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I’m going to break this down to you nice and simple like Minnie Pearl would’ve liked it.  Guys that bust and you don’t want next year, you should be rooting for in the 2nd half.  That’s guys that bust, not guys with a bust.  Please, Billy Butler, stop pretending to lactate by dripping milk on your shirt.  The reason you want them to succeed in August and September, because A) They’re prolly on teams that have checked out and are checking on our fantasy football content (Football RCLs sign up today; smooth transition), so no harm, no foul.  B) You want people to get excited about them next March because of their 2nd half, while you ignore them, because you know they’re not good.  Then the cycle starts again.  They draft players that were good in the 2nd half, those players are not good in the 1st half next year, and they check out again.  Rinse, repeat.  C) There’s no C.  Yesterday, Josh Donaldson (2-for-4, 4 RBIs) hit his 14th and 15th homers, and has four homers this month.  Here’s to him helping all of those tenth place teams move up to ninth and exciting everyone again next year!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Will Grey poop on?  Not this DeJong!  But, c’mon, we just have to look at Paul DeJong for one brief moment:

Dude looks like he owns a pair of Opti-Grab glasses.  Some things that sound like they’d be said to the guy in that picture:  “Um, Paul, why are you walking a lizard on a leash?”  “Paul, you shouldn’t sit three inches from the TV.”  “So, you say you’ve been frozen in that gaze for six months?  Hmm, have you tried a cup of coffee?”  “Paul, are you wearing those glasses with open eyes and are really sleeping?”  “Paul, I’m happy you got laid, but that was two months ago, can you lose the shit-eating grin?”  Seriously, I can go on all day.  “Paul, buddy, you’ve been out of the water for twenty minutes and the shark is still biting your arm.”  Okay, done now.  This week Paul DeJong had four homers and has 14 homers in 50 games.  That’s almost as goofy as his grin.  Buy him right now!  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Just like last week when I had too many outfielder injuries I am going to save all my starting pitcher fill in options for the bottom of the article. There are simply not enough credible fill in starting pitchers to take seriously. Eventually you’d be asking me “Really Kerry? You want me to start Livan Hernandez this week in his celebrity softball appearance?” Yes. Yes I do. That’s really all that’s left. Unless you want me to embarrass myself and recommend Matt Cain starting in Coors Field.

As always, you’ve got league-specific injury questions? I’ve got league-specific injury answers. Leave your question in the comments below! I love talking with the Razzball community.  

Please, blog, may I have some more?

On the podcast coming later today, I felt a reverb.  Luckily, I do everything while standing in a doorway because who has time to run to a doorway in the event of a earthquake?  This reverb wasn’t God practicing his spinning of tectonic plates.  Oh no.  This reverb wasn’t Dr. Dre messing with Technics either.  No siree, Bob.  This was the Padres trading Brandon Maurer and Trevor Cahill to the Royals for Matt Strahm, Travis Wood and Esteury Ruiz.  Damn, San Diego, save some of the trading deadline hype for other people.  Okay, I’m laying it on too thick.  This trade is okay for both teams.  Royals appear to have playoff aspirations, and get bullpen depth that they should never use in Maurer and Cahill, who has some of the most extreme splits I’ve ever seen.  In Petco:  0.72 ERA; elsewhere:  5.75 ERA.  Goodbye, my old friend!  Of course, this means Brad Hand officially officially becomes the closer.  Wouldn’t totally shock me to see Hand dealt — to who?  Phil Ivey? — and Maton become the closer, but that’s more for NL-Only.  Matt Strahm is an interesting name for NL-Only leagues for next year.  As of now, he’s out after knee surgery, and he’s from the crazy Ks and crazy walks variety show, Krazy BBs.  By the way, I believe Esteury Ruiz is Rio Ruiz with a badly thought out new name in the Witness Protection Program.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Yesterday, Rafael Devers was called up by the Red Sox.  Meh, if he’s anything like Danvers, Mass., I’m good.  Somewhere, Prospector Ralph just Hulk-smashed his computer.  Say something bad about Rafael Devers and Prospector Ralph goes full Clubber Lang at the Rocky statue.  “You want a real man to play third base with your wife?”  Devers’ minor league numbers (20 HRs, near-.310 across two levels this year in 85 games) look like yet another Benintendi, but with more power.  The Sons of Sam Horn will go legit Sophie’s Choice if you try to get them to choose between Benintendi and Devers.  “I’d prefer to eat at a Wahlburgers every day for the rest of my life than choose between those two.  Oh, and Yankees suck!”  After owning Benintendi for the past four months, I think I might prefer Devers next year, if he’s all that he’s cracked up to be.  Not to get too crazy, but can anyone say a lefty Miggy?  If you can’t say it, you might need to see a speech therapist.  Devers is absolutely a grab in all leagues to see how looks.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

*Plays triangle* come and get it, boys, it’s time for a Hodgepadre treat!  In San Francisco!  Which kinda makes it a San Francisco Treat!  I’m sorry for shouting, I’ve had too much coffee! *Takes some purple drank and Xanax*…ah, much better.  Now where was I?  Oh yeah, Dinelson Lamet.  Don’t let the 6.40 ERA fool you, Dinelson has some more intriguing stats you’ll want to get to know.  Namely, a 12.40 K rate to go with a 3.80 BB rate as well as a 13.3% swinging strike rate.  He’s been very unlucky with his strand rate (52.6% LOB) and because he’s a flyball pitcher, he does tend to give up some long balls with a 19.3% HR/FB rate.  The great thing about that last stat, though?  He’s at AT&T Park, one of the hardest parks to hit one out in right next to Petco.  Throw in how the Giants offense is straight awful this year, Dinelson should eat and so should you.  So lets feast on some other picks.  Here’s my Chinese taekout taeks for this Sunday brunch slate…

New to FantasyDraft? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well be sure to read our content and subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays. Just remember to sign up through us before jumping into the fray. It’s how we know you care!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Yesterday, J.D. Martinez was traded to the Diamondbacks for Dawel Lugo, Sergio Alcantara and Jose King, a package that has been described by me as a .280, 40-homer hitter for Okay, Who Cares and So What.  My visions of Yasmany Tomas returning and helping my NL-Only team went from “Hello, what’s your name, Pamela Sue?” to “No, my name is Pamela and I’m suing you for sexual harassment.”  The ol’ 180 in the pants.  Well, I’ll save the rest of my moans and/or groans for my shrink, since this is great news for Just Dong.  That should be a 90 degree turn in the pants for Just Dong owners.  Has he ever hit in Chase Field?  Doesn’t matter, he’s about to love it.  Outside of Coors and Miller, there’s no place I’d rather my player move for hitting and between-inning dips in a hot tub.  (The Coors and Miller hot tubs are gnarly, by the way.  “Did you say swell?”  “No, I said swill.”) For FAAB, I’d go aggressively after Just Dong like he was the last guy to move to the NL, even if he might not be.  He’s a 35-homer guy in Comerica.  In Chase, he could be the equivalent to a 45-homer guy over the final ten weeks.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Mike Clevinger ($17,600) looks like he should be performing a rock concert with his long grunge band looking hair and his arm full of tattoos but he will be taking the mound in instead. He seems to be a great bargain tonight as he is currently on a nice roll, allowing just 2 ERs in his last three starts and racking 20 Strikeouts during that span. He should continue that trend as he heads to San Francisco to battle one of the worst teams in baseball.  The San Francisco Giants are one of the worst hitting teams against RHP, they currently support a .240AVG and .674 OPS against righties . Both of those numbers rank toward the bottom of the league. To add injury to insult, they rank 28th in the league in runs scored and are dead LAST in HRs hit. Clevinger has been hurt by his walks allowed which doesn’t let him get deep into games at time but the Giants are one of the most impatient teams and rarely walk.

To go with Clevinger, I’d pair him with JA Happ ($15,000). He’s squaring off against a struggling Boston Red Sox team. Over the last week, the Red Sox are hitting .212 as a team and have really had a hard time plating runs. Happ is a very serviceable option that tends to always pitch deeper into games and can be matched with Clayton Kershaw to provide some bats if you’d prefer. Now that we have talked about some pitching options, lets take a look at some bats…

New to FantasyDraft? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well be sure to read our content and subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays. Just remember to sign up through us before jumping into the fray. It’s how we know you care!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Way back in April the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim and the Commonwealth of Independent States, sent the notorious “Player To Be Named Later” to the Baltimore Orioles for Parker Bridwell. At the time Bridwell was an unheard of 25 year old righthander with less than 20 innings above AA. The move flew under the radar to most of the baseball world with the exception of the Bridwell family, and an eccentric dyslexic real estate agent named Shelly with a passion for anything bird related. See no one at the time, could have foreseen this unheralded pro in his 7th season in the minors helping a major league ball club. Fast forward 3 months, and here we sit about to breakdown Bridwell’s 6th major league start of 2017 against the contending Tampa Bay Rays. What a world!

Please, blog, may I have some more?