Fantasy Baseball Advice

The only thing more strained than Raul Ibanez’s patience for skeptics is his left groin as the Phillies placed him on the 15 day DL.  You don’t own Ibanez for his wheels so this isn’t as troubling as Jose Reyes with a bad hammy or Willy Taveras with an allergy to getting on base.  Stick him on the DL and hopefully he comes back in 15 days with an unstrained groin.  As for his Philly replacement John Mayberry Jr, think Rickie Sexson.  Lots of power but huge holes in his swing.  He might jack a few HRs before the league figures him out but we’d only recommend him for NL-only leagues and the power-desperate in deep mixed leagues.  Anyway, here’s what else we saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Tommy Hanson – 6 IP, 0 ER.  With only two Ks vs. the Reds, it’s not as encouraging as it could be.  But I don’t believe we’re going to see the real Tommy Hanson this year anyway.  Not to say he won’t be good, just keep expectations in check.

Nate McLouth – HR yesterday and 4 RBIs.  Hopefully this big game can endear him to Braves fans enough so he gets his own racist chant.  I vote for swigging motions with Chumbawamba playing.

Jason Frasor – On today’s episode of As The Bullpen Turns, Frasor got the win in the 8th, Ryan started the ninth and Accardo finished it for the save.  After the game, Cito Gaston said, “Fantasy baseball players should consider themselves lucky I didn’t bring in Dirk Hayhurst to face one batter in the 9th.”  So what to make of the B.J. Frasordo closerousel… I’d pick up Frasor, Ryan then Accardo, in that order.  Frasor came into a pressure situation in the 8th.  There wouldn’t have been a save if not for him.  So there was no reason to save him for the ninth.  Ryan came in to start the ninth, but was a bit shaky.  Accardo was a fresh arm and got the save.

Jayson Werth – Hit his 10th homer on Tuesday, on Wednesday his 11th and yesterday he hit his… 12th!  C’mon, these are gimmes.

Adam Lind – Hit his 2nd homer of the Philly series as the flat-footed DH played outfield to get his bat in the lineup.  I wonder if anyone asked for his autograph in Philly by yelling, “Hey, Burrell!”

Ryan Madson – Gave up the winning run in the ninth.  In about a week, we’ll be able to do a find/replace with Lidge’s name.

Nick Blackburn – 9 IP, 1 ER.  I will see you, Mr. Blackburn, in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell.

Joe Mauer – Went 3-for-4 playing shortstop and wearing a Brendan Harris jersey.

Gavin Floyd – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners and 2 Ks.  Strong start since he was struggling away from home.

Alexei Ramirez – Back-to-back games with a home run.  4 of 7 homers now in interleague.  Alexei likey when no one knows to throw him breaking pitches.

Derrek Lee – Hit his 8th homer yesterday.  Now batting around .335 for May/June combined.  Still nary a steal on the season.  You done drafted Lyle Overbay!

Geovany Soto – HR and steal yesterday (4th and 1st respectively).  Even if he gets to 15 homers this year, he’s still worth shopping around to see if he can bring in a better piece at a different position.

Carlos Gonzalez – HR yesterday.  Hasn’t shown much since his call-up and he’s not even playing regularly, but that could change as Rox start to get traded.

Craig Stammen – 6 1/3 IP, 0 ER.  Of course he blanked the Yanks.  In 9 games in Triple-A, he had a 7.33 ERA. Zoinks!

Ricky Nolasco – Probably sonavabenches across the board for Nolasco as he threw a one-hitter against the Sawx yesterday.  Before you start spraying the silly string that Nolasco’s back, it was a rain-shortened five inning game.

Ronnie Paulino - For those out there that change catchers like they should change their underwear, Paulino’s hot with 3 homers in two games.

Chris Davis – Hit his 13th homer yesterday as he went 1-for-4.  It’s bad when a 1-for-4 raises your average.  He now has 97 Ks on season.  Dave Kingman just shuddered.

Jose Valverde – Picked up the save.  Hawkins is now safe to drop.  Not during a trust exercise though, that wouldn’t be nice.

Luke Hochevar - 4 IP, 6 ER.  Hope he didn’t get you with the ol’ throw-a-great-game-then-a-terrible-game trick.

Krispie Young – 4-for-4, with a steal.  Unfortunately, he left the game with a leg injury.  I would’ve thought he sold his soul for more than one 4 hit game.  God knows Zobrist did.

Chad Qualls – 1 IP, 2 ER.  Final score, ARI 12, KC 5.  Kazaam!

Mark Reynolds – 12 runs and 16 hits for the Diamondbacks.  Reynolds went 0-for-6.  Ticker Tease!

Brandon Morrow – 4 IP, 2 ER, 6 Ks.  Last game he only went 3 innings.  Time before that he went 2 and a third innings.  Hello, five starts from now when he throws a complete game.

Franklin Gutierrez – 2 HRs for The Big FraGu!  Though still not worth anything outside of AL-Only leagues.

Adrian Gonzalez – 4-for-4, with a homer.  Someone didn’t get the memo about pitching around him.

Chris Young – After saying he would go to the DL, then saying he wouldn’t, it now looks like Young will hit the DL.  He takes as long to go to the DL as he does going home on a pitch.

Magglio Ordonez – Benched indefinitely by Leyland.  Are his teammates calling him Rey?  Maybe he caught BHD (Bobby Higginson Disease)…

Mel Hall – Received 45 years of prison time for out-perving former Yankee teammate, Luis Polonia.  Our hope is that ESPN doesn’t greenlight the early 90s sequel to The Bronx Is Burning.

Surprise, surprise, Canada’s number one export after Stubby Clapp is hurt, eh?  Erik Bedard takes his inflammed shoulder to the DL.  The Mariners say he’ll be fine to return on June 23rd.  If you were to read between the lines, here’s what you would see, “Please, someone trade us something for this pitcher that cost us Adam Jones, Sherrill and Chris Tillman.  Please!”  Man, Bill Bavasi really shit the Mariners house.  On top of the three guys mentioned, he traded away Shin-Soo Choo, Asdrubal, Carlos Guillen, Rafael Soriano, Matt Thornton and Randy Winn.  The top player he received back was Joe Borchard, who’s currently playing for the Fresno Grizzlies, the Giants minor league affiliate.  Forbes Magazine rated him the worst general manager in all of baseball in 2007.  No idea why Forbes is rating GMs, but that sounds pretty right on.  I’d expect Bedard to come back about two weeks after he’s supposed to then to hiccup and end up back on the DL.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Pedro Martinez – Close to signing with either the Rays or the Cubs.  Pedro on the Rays seems most likely.  I wonder if Fred McGriff and Wade Boggs took him out for an early dinner to convince him Tampa was a great place to end a career.  He’s worth a shot in 12 team leagues and deeper to see if he can recapture some of the glory days of carrying around a midget and dissing Karim Garcia.

Scott Downs – Downs Goes… Okay, I won’t bring it out again.   Early estimates say Downs could be out for 6 weeks.  Frasor’s the guy to go with, hopefully he’s not too persnickety.

Roy Halladay – Heads to the DL with his groin injury.  He says he’ll be back in a week and a half when he’s eligible.  I actually believe him.  Weird!

Ryan Braun – Left the game with back spasms.  Sounds like his usual shizz that sidelines him for a couple of days.

J.J. Hardy – HR yesterday.  Streaky like old lady hair.  Could be hot now.  (Welcome, Googlers, of “streaky” + hot old lady)

Trevor Hoffman – First blown save yesterday and has now given up runs in two of his last three appearances.  Not saying his goose is cooked, but he is old as dirt.  That’s old dirt.  None of that fresh peat stuff.

Javier Vazquez - 8 IP, 4 ER, 7 Ks, 6 baserunners and the loss.  I know, who doesn’t like to win?  But if I could every one of my starters throw that exact line all year, I’d take it and like it.

Adam LaRoche – 2 HRs in 3 days.  May sours, June swoon.

Andrew McCutchen – Aargh, thar she goes as The Dread Pirate went deep for his first homer.

Francisco Liriano – 7 IP, 4 ER vs. the Pirates?  Not sure if you’re going to see the Nats this year, Liriano.  Need to make something work, no?

Jacoby Ellsbury – Hit his third homer yesterday.  Who has more homers, Ellsbury or Pedroia?  I took him in the 2nd round for his position eligibility! No need to explain, random italicized voice.

Jorge Cantu – 2 HRs since the end of April.  Tailspin is not just a great song by The Jayhawks.

Curtis Granderson – 2 HRs yesterday, now has 16 on the year with 11 steals.  You better make it happen, Grandy.  Leyland really wants to work Don Kelly in the lineup.

Jose Lopez - 5 HRs in June.  Glad I gave up on him in May. /sarcasm

David Price – 7 IP, 5 ER.  Okay, but you shouldn’t have started him anyway, but at least there were no walks.  <–Bright side

Troy Tulowitzki – Another homer.  Member when I was telling you to buy Tulo in April?  Yeah, I was about a month early, but he’s here again.  Finalwitzki.

Aubrey Huff – HR yesterday.  If his first name were Jack or Kyle, you’d be excited.  Just hard to get excited about an Aubrey, I know.

Matt Wieters – Hit his first homer.  And you only had to hold him for 65 games.

Nick Markakis – 4-for-4 with his 2nd steal of the season.  I haven’t read this anywhere, but the Orioles must’ve put the child safety locks down on his running game.

John Lannan – 8 1/3 IP, 2 ER.  Not a huge endorsement, but definitely serviceable in 12 team leagues.

Mike MacDougal – Got the save yesterday.  *pulling cord to release streamers and balloons on your head*  Woo-hoo!

Jay Bruce – Obviously he must’ve saw that he was out of a lot of fantasy lineups yesterday so he homered.

Chris Young – Now he’s avoiding the DL.  With the way he’s pitched this year, not sure if that’s good or bad news.

Kevin Kouzmanoff - 3 HRs in the last 5 games.  Will anyone pitch to Adrian?  Maybe not, but you can benefit from that with Kouz.

Denard Span – Heads to the Dizzabled List.  Member about twenty years ago when there was a crazy amount of no-hitters?  Everyone was throwing one, even Bob Milacki got in on the action.  Okay, so in twenty years from now there’s going to be something weird, like all outfielders’ jetpacks are malfunctioning and I’m going to say, “This is weird like twenty years ago when everyone was dizzy.”

Mark Reynolds/Adam Dunn – Both hit their 18th homers yesterday.  Donkey see, donkey do.

Scott Richmond – 8 IP, 1 ER, 11 Ks.  You can mitch and boan about missing this start, but you shouldn’t have started him in Philly anyway.

Scott Rolen – Hit his 4th homer and stole his 3rd base yesterday.  Putting him on pace for a 9/7 year.  Yunel Escobar just laughed derisively at his projections.

Jayson Werth – Hit his tenth homer on Tuesday and yesterday he hit… 11.  C’mon, that wasn’t hard.

John Danks – 7 IP, 1 ER, 9 Ks.  71 strikes out of 99 pitches.  Sweet mother of pearl, take a pitch, Cubbies.  Since the Sox are terrible against righties and the Cubs are equally belchy vs. lefties, I thought this might’ve been a stalemate, but the Cubs’ belchiness won out.

Andres Torres – Please explain to me how he’s a leadoff hitter.  He’s a .270 hitter in 1000+ minor league games.  For those not in the know, 1000 minor league games is about 10 seasons.  Tenacity is not just a city in Jersey!

In a tie game, Cito Gaston brought in his closer, Scott Downs, to work the bottom of the ninth.  Downs did that, then the Blue Jays scored five runs in the top of the 10th.  So with the game in the bag, Gaston removed Downs for a pinch hitter, right?  Nah, that’s what a normal person operating heavy machinery would’ve done.  Gaston let Downs hit.  Okay, so he told Downs to take three strikes, right?  No point in swinging up by five, right?  Nah, you’re thinking too logical here.  Downs grounded out to shortstop, injurying himself on the way to first.  If I were Downs, I’d rip Gaston a new one on his LinkedIn profile.  Jason Frasor or B.J. Ryan gets dibs on the closer job if Downs goes to the DL.  Probably Frasor, but knowing the fascination the Jays have with Ryan getting the job back, I’m not sure.  Ryan has pitched 5 scoreless in June.  I grabbed them both where I could.  Thankfully, Downs beat gout in like three days two years ago, so hopefully he can bounce right back.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Joey Votto – He took batting practice yesterday and is only days away now.  We shall see, assuming we’re not dizzy.

CC Sabathia – 7 2/3 IP, 3 ER.  Only blemish was a gopher ball to Anderson Hernandez, but there’s no shame in that.  Hernandez already had one homer back in 2006.

Robinson Cano – 4-for-4 with two ribbies.  BTW, if you owned a major league team, wouldn’t you serve ribbies?

Chris Young – Headed to the Disgraceful List.  I wonder (aloud as it were) if the Padres will promote Mat Latos (No, that’s not an island in Indonesia).  As the Old Dirty Bastard once said, Latos is raw, but he does have 34 Ks in 28 innings in Double A.

Wandy Rodriguez – 4 IP, 6 ER.  Ouch… Sorry, what?  Ouch… Wandy, stop taking without asking.

Nick Markakis – Sparkakis!

Chris Volstad – 3 2/3 IP, 8 ER.  This was a terrible matchup.  Some guys you just need to bench against American League teams.  I’m looking at you, Wandy.

Yovani Gallardo – 5 IP, 2 ER, 8 Ks, 11 baserunners.  I’ll be gladardo when he’s back to facing weak National League teams too.

Casey McGehee – Before leaving the game with knee soreness, he went 0-for-4, which is not good enough for me and my Casey McGehee.

Mike MacDougal – A closer used in non-save situation would be a Kazaam!, but, well, MacDougal entered a non-save situation in the 8th inning.  Right now I believe Acta is treating his managing like Seniors in the last semester of High School.  He’s gonna be gone soon, doesn’t really matter what he does.

Jayson Werth – HR yesterday.  For full disclosure, I don’t own Werth in any league, so I wasn’t sure what he was currently doing.  He’s 10/10/.261.  This is exactly his *pinkie to mouth* worth.  20/20, .260 to .275, 100 Runs, 90 RBIs.  Bingo-bango!

Felix Hernandez – Two hitter.  Then there’s the AL pitchers who get to face NL teams.  Ah, yes, F-Her and the Padres. (Welcome, Googlers who were looking for info on that Miami priest.)

Dallas Braden – 6 IP, 2 ER.  Okay, Peavy is going to miss about 20 starts so this is one decent filled in start.  Only 19 more to go.

Jed Lowrie – Out on a rehab assignment and, barring any setbacks, could be a week or two away.  I have him stashed in a deep league. He’ll be put right back into the starting spot when he returns.

John Smoltz – Will return on Thursday to face the Nats.  I’d like to see Glavine and Maddux show up at the game wearing Nats jerseys.

David Ortiz – Hit another homer.  I haven’t seen any of homers this year, but this is the scene I’m picturing.  Count goes to 0-2… The ump takes Ortiz’s arm and lifts it.  Right before his arm falls back down, which will signal that he’s done, he reaches into his trunks and pulls out his eyedrops.  Drop in each eye as the crowd goes crazy.  Boom!  Home run as The Iron Shiek wonders how he got pinned.

Sean O’Sullivan – 7 IP, 1 ER.  Terrific debut for the Angels pitcher.  If you pick him up, you’re an O’Sucker.

Maicer Izturis – Yesterday, he hit his first homer in over a year.  So sick of taking DNPs from Julio Lugo in one deep league that I grabbed Izturis for one game.  Maicer!  What goes on?  Maicer!

Mike Napoli – 4-for-5, 9th homer and 3 RBIs.  About the catcher position, Ron Popeil says, “Set it and forget it.”

Joe Mauer – 4-for-4 and batting .429 on the year with 13 homers.  That would’ve been a good season for some guys.  Ty Cobb, for instance.

Ian Kinsler – 2 HRs.  You’ll take his 130 games and like it.

David Murphy – HR yesterday.  Sonavabench!  Murphy, you’re not even supposed to be starting against lefties.  What are you doing to me?  Why do bring agita to Grey?

Frank Francisco – After throwing yesterday, he said he felt like, “Money.”  If you’re not sure if that’s good or bad in a recession, it’s good.  He’ll be back in less than two weeks.

Jorge De La Rosa – 2 1/3 IP, 7 ER.  To think at one time he seemed usable.  Rosa de la muertes.

Gil Meche – Shutout and he gets the Cards next.  Thank you, come again.

Mark Teahen – 3-for-4 night and batting .412 in his last 7 with a homer and a steal.  He’s batting 8th.  Callaspo and his .300 average?  7th.   Meanwhile, DeJesus bats 1st with a .240 average.  Can someone turn Trey Hillman’s lineup card upside down?

Nyjer Morgan – First homer since 2007, check him for eyedrops!

Justin Verlander – 4 IP, 5 ER vs. the Cards.  Wha’ happened?  This was a gimme.  Hopefully this isn’t like Groundhog’s Day with Verlander seeing Pujols’s shadow and now there’s going to be another two weeks of April starts.

Ben Zobrist – Did The Amazing Zobrist make another ball disappear?  Let me ask you this, did the Rays play?

Mike Hampton – To the DL with a strained groin.  This’ll hurt those leagues that only use Astros pitchers whose last name start with Hampton.

Ivan Rodriguez – HR yesterday as he tied the most games caught record.  In related news, Sammy Sosa was busted for a PED.  I think my 1998 Fantasy Baseball title now has an asterisk.

Here’s what I said last year about Mat Gamel and his comparison to Ryan Braun, “Ryan Braun, The Hebrew Hammer, hits for average, power and butchered plays at 3rd base.  Well, Gamel can slug with the best of them and plays 3rd like Jenny McCarthy in a celebrity softball game.  Not to mention, his name is almost Gimel, which is the third letter of the Hebrew alphabet.  The similarities are endless!”  And that’s me quoting me!  Wanna really blow your mind?  I wrote a Mat Gamel fantasy baseball outlook post back in December of last year.  Prescient ain’t just a word I can’t spell without Dictionary.com, it’s a state of mind!  So what can we expect of him, he’s better than Nolan Reimold.  Right now.  He can hit.  I could even see grabbing him in ten team leagues.  He could be The Difference Maker (which would be a great name for a professional wrestler).  The only thing holding Gamel back is he fields like he has two left feet — on the end of his arms.  If the Brewers dare to play him every day over their blahtoon of Hall and Counsell, you should play him too.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Ryan Ludwick – To the DL.  “Hello, Rasmus.”  “Hey, Duncan, you wanna play every day?” “Sure.”

Gerardo Parra – This one doesn’t walk people, he runs.  He replaced Krispie last night and might spell Byrnes on some occasions.  He’s a solid pickup for the speed deprived.  Parra’s upside is what Maybin should’ve done — 5 homers, 25 steals.  He shouldn’t be a liability on average.  Obviously, picking him up depends on your league, but he should be grabbed in all NL-Only leagues and mixed leagues deeper than 12 teams.

Nolan Reimold – Getting the call. Ceiling is 20 homers and a .280 average.  Let’s see, for right now:  Gamel, Reimold, Coghlan, Parra, LaPorta, in that order.  And all are better than Hochevar.

Bryan Augenstein – 6 IP, 5 ER, 3 K.  Augenstein reminds me a bit of Slowey because of how few walks he issues.  Just remember how Hochevar stole your innocence.

Carl Crawford – Left with a bruised shoulder.  Should be okay. Get well soon, Carl!

Adam Jones – Left the game with a hamstring strain.  Might be headed to the DL.  Somebody totally harshed his buzz.

Jimmy Rollins – In Premiere’s “Spotted” section, it said that someone saw Rollins do something productive yesterday.

Alexei Ramirez – 3-for-3 yesterday.  Do this for another month and we’ll be even.

Ryan Zimmerman – Here comes the 0-for-30 game streak.  Kidding.  He’s going to be a top five 3rd baseman this year.  Recognize!

Cliff Lee – 7 IP, 0 ER, 9 Ks and the Win.  I’m done fighting it.  Doode turned a corner somewhere.  I’m not trading for him, but I can understand it.

Mark Buehrle – 7 IP, 4 ER, 6 Ks.  More in line with what I expect from him, but still a few more strikeouts.

Jo-Jo Reyes – 3 IP, 5 ER.  Tommy Hanson begins to pack his Hypercolor t-shirts and Zubaz pants.

Scott Richmond – 1 2/3 IP, 5 ER.  Told ya he wasn’t long for your team.  I wouldn’t start him again in any league.  As they say on shuffleboard courts, he’s kaput.

Ty Wigginton – Hit his 2nd homer of the year yesterday.  Shot in the dark here, but Wigginton gets real hot for a couple of weeks at a time.  This might be one of those times.

Johnny Cueto – 7 IP, 3 ER.  He’ll be about a 3.25 ERA pitcher this year.  That’s very good.

Joel Pineiro – 6 IP, 5 ER.  See what I said about Richmond then multiply it by three.

Matt Palmer – Complete game, 4 ER to move to 4-0 on the year.  Before you get crazy with yourself, he’s a thirty-year-old rookie and he’s not Dennis Quaid.

Kip Wells – 2nd save and only one run allowed.  Kip walking into the clubhouse, “What can’t Kip Wells do?!  What!?”  Heckler, “Pitch effectively for any extended period of time.”  Kip lowers his head and sighs.

Ross Ohlendorf – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 Ks.  Talk to the Dorf!

Juan Pierre - I love guys who steal bases up six runs.  You go, Juan!  Get you some, gluttony!

Shairon Martis – 7 IP, 1 ER and his fifth win (the Nats only have 11!)  With a first name like an Israeli prime minister or an Osbourne, you want to write off Shairon Martis, but he’s not pitching above his head right now outside from Wins.  I’d grab him in mixed leagues as a 5th starter.

Ryan Theriot – 2 HRs to bring his total of what the effs to 5.  Guess hiring Jose Canseco as his new strength and conditioning coach wasn’t such a bad idea.

Geovany Soto – Finally.

Chris Young – 4 IP, 6 ER.  Trouble with fly ball pitchers if the wind’s blowing out.

Adrian Gonzalez – 2 HRs and one call to his agent, “Can you get me out of Petco?”

Rickie Weeks – Hit his 9th homer yesterday and is hitting .286.    At some point, he’ll chuck in 15 to 20 steals too.  This could be the year where owners finally see what he can do when he stays healthy.

Ricky Nolasco – 3 2/3 IP, 8 ER.  At this point, he’s probably ending up on waivers in some leagues, but if he’s still owned, I’d fleece his owners as they struggle to sit down.

Chris Coghlan – Member that month long leash Maybin had to hang himself?  Yeah, Coghlan’s now getting it. Hopefully, he can make a Windsor knot from the noose and call it a tie.

Dontrelle Willis – 4 2/3 IP, 4 ER.  There’s nothing that a big Miguel Olivo hug can’t fix.

Brandon Lyon – 2 2/3 IP, 5 ER.  You think when Leyland sent him out there for the 3rd inning he just wanted the game to be over so he could go have a smoke?

Garrett Atkins – 0-for-4, batting .195 on the year.  Clint Barmes is out slugging him .415 to .319.   In case anyone’s confused, Barmes is not having a good season.

Troy Percival – 1/3 IP, 4 ER.  Wasn’t a save situation, but it was still a pounding.  I picked up Wheeler in a league, just in case.

Josh Hamilton – Two games from the DL.  Two homers.  As his street value rises.

Russell Branyan – HR yesterday.  I’ve owned him in one league all year.  17/7/31/.271 — Not bad, right?  Yeah, those are Prince Fielder’s numbers.  Branyan’s 20/8/16/.286/1 — And I didn’t draft Branyan in the 2nd round.  Cust kayin’.

It’s analogy time.  Stolen bases = candy.  Chris ‘Tall’ Young = baby.  Dexter Fowler’s 5 SBs are thus like taking candy from a baby (or, as Steve Rogers would sing, like takin’ can-dee from a bay-bee).  It’s hard not to love Dexter Fowler right now.  He’s everything we hoped Cameron Maybin would be.  He’s now to the point where he’s must own in 10 and 12 team leagues especially when facing the man we shall now call Cristal (Chris Tall) Young (as opposed to his doppelganger Krispie Young).  But he’s still a rookie OF straight from AA (insert trite Josh Hamilton joke).  His .335 / 9 HR / 20 SB line in 400 ABs at AA does not equate to much more than a 5th OF when equivalized for MLB.  But neither did Hanley Ramirez’s.  And you never know in Colorado.  So if he’s available in your league, you’d be more of a Dexter if you didn’t take a chance on him.  If he’s already snapped up, look to trade that bottom starter, reliever, or OF you’ve got.  Anyway, here’s what else we saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Brad Hawpe – Left on a stretcher after Hundley hit him in the neck with a pickoff throw.  Sounds like someone had some misplaced aggression about Fowler.  Hopefully Hawpe’s okay… Because I have him on a team!  No, I’m kidding.  I don’t own him.

Chris Young – 3 IP, 8 ER.  Starting a flyball pitcher in Coors is a risky propostion as it is, then throw in he’s clocked at about 17 seconds to home.

Hanley Ramirez – Hit by a Maine pitch in yesterday’s game, sending fantasy baseball owners to the ground screaming, “Why don’t you hit Maybin?!”  The x-rays came back negative, which is oddly positive — why they don’t just say it’s positive is a modern mystery for The Jonas Brothers to solve in a bad Disney Channel movie.  Hanley will probably miss a few days to give his hand time to be less boo-booish.

Joel Hanrahan – 1/3 IP, 3 ER.  Hanrahanananananan is one of my biggest disappointments this year.  All you have to do is save a game every 8th day, is that so hard?  Someone in the comments yesterday mentioned Julian Tavares as a possible replacement.  With a WHIP under 1 and a 3.12 ERA, it’s possible.  I don’t think Mock, who also gave up 3 earned in two-thirds of an inning, is the answer.  Kip Wells may be the answer.  Though the question is unprintable.

Ryan Madson – Got the save.  Brad Lidge has knee inflammation.  Which doesn’t sound bad until you realize that he had an MRI last week that was just disclosed yesterday.  So Lidge’s hurting for over a week with knee problems?  This smells like a future DL stint. Own Madson in every league you can.

LaTroy Hawkins – The Valgreen’s is shut down again for a few days.  A DL stint seems likely here, as well.

Troy Tulowitzki – The Rockies made a questionable move yesterday benching Tulo because of his slump.  He just needs to hit his way out of it and, as they say in the third grade, stop making a federal case out of it.  His BABIP is saying he’s been extremely unlucky.  Maybe he sits out for a few days, but I don’t think they’re boneheaded to hold him out for that long.  The good news is Barmes will play short and Stewart will see time at 2nd base.  I’m not paying a lot, but I am buying into a rebound.

Ryan Zimmerman – One N, 2 HRs.  I hated him so much last year that I’m finding it hard to get excited about Zimmerman this year no matter what he does.  Maybe if he stole 5 bases in a game…

Brian Bannister – 7 IP, 1 ER, 1 hit.  And six walks.  Belch.  You do what you do, but I wouldn’t start him in any league.

David Purcey – 5 IP, 6 ER.  Jose Guillen hit two home runs off him.  Someone needs to be on Bully Beatdown!

Anibal Sanchez – 6 IP, 6 ER.  Sticking with the theme of starters I’m not crazy about, here’s number three.

Rickie Weeks – HR and 4 RBIs.  Just stay healthy…. Or at least have an injury right before Gordan Beckham gets called up.

Johnny Cueto – 7 IP, 1 ER.  2.19 ERA on the year.  Was really impressed with what I saw yesterday with Cueto.  He seems to be very composed on the mound and his stuff is filthy.  He won’t stay under a 3 ERA all year, but 3.50 seems attainable.

Carlos Delgado – News is this Latin 36-year-old is having trouble with his hip.  When Tatis took the field to replace him, Delgado yelled, “Stay off my lawn!”

Scott Baker – 6 IP, 4 ER, 7 Ks.  Hey, it’s an improvement, right?  Now see if you can trade him.

Raul Ibanez – Grand slam, has 6 HRs on the year and a .342 average.  Sure, he’s not hitting .340 this year.  He won’t break 30 HRs either, but I don’t think he’s necessarily a sell high guy either.

Justin Verlander – 7 IP, 9 Ks.  Well overdue bounceback start from Verlander.  He’s a 4 ERA pitcher, so when you have a 9 ERA, you have some correcting to do.  Also, King of the Obvious says, “The Yankees are currently reeling.”

Tim Wakefield – 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 Hit.  That’s Wake on waivers.  Here’s you picking up Wake.  Here’s Wake giving up 8 earned in 2 1/3 innings.

Carlos Pena – 9th homer yesterday.  Could he hit 50?  Maybe there’s a 10% chance, but 40 is in his sights.  ‘Member when Sosa hit 20 HRs in June of ‘98?  Now some of my entire teams don’t have 20 home runs.  They do have 5 steals though.  AmblyDexterous!