Marcell Ozuna went 0-for-4 yesterday after being recalled on Saturday. OZUNA glad to be back in Miami. OZUNA miss friends, weather and vomiting unicorn statue in center field. OZUNA promise to hit more powerful home runs. OZUNA fix holes in swing. If need be, OZUNA use cricket bat with flat barrel. OZUNA not sure it called barrel. OZUNA would call paddle. OZUNA hit well in minors, .317 with five home runs in 33 games. OZUNA thought gone longer than 33 games. OZUNA mind like Plato’s cave. OZUNA get confused about linear time. OZUNA think Matrix is documentary. OZUNA take red pill. OZUNA was offered two red pills as his “eye-opener to alternate reality” was “out of blue pills.” OZUNA see pitch in slow motion in 360 degrees. OZUNA say whoa. OZUNA thank you for your time. So, Ozuna’s back and worth a pick up. No, I have no idea what he’s capable of in the final six weeks, other than maybe some power. It’s an upside flyer that’s worth taking in every league. Like blue pill? Yes, OZUNA. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Red Sox season is like the guy that knocks over the Jenga structure with the first block pulled, then manages to somehow knock every single block off the table, even the ones on the very bottom. Koji Uehara hit the DL with a fractured wrist, and is done for the season, as originally speculated here after reading between the lines at other sites. I also read between the lines that aliens constructed Tikal in Guatemala. And I thought Tikal was constructed by Method Man. Also, I have a bone to pick with read, why is the past tense still spelled read? Siri can’t even figure that shizz out to speak. You messed up, English language! Any the hoo! With Uehara out, this opens a hole for Jean Machi or Junichi Tazawa to walk through. Tazawa is Asian, though I’m not sure that’s a requirement, Machi is ugly. Again, may not matter. Either way, I’d go Machi first since Sawx manager, John Farrell, indicated that Machi would fill-in as the closer, adding, “And Sandoval is still fat.” Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Happy day after Dre Day Kids! Do kids even know who Dr. Dre is? “Ahhhhh do you mean the headphone guy makes music too?” (Shakes head and walks away) I’m listening to “Compton” as we speak and it’s had it’s highs and lows so far, but it’s a first listen so we’ll see. Still Dr. Dre was the soundtrack of my middle school and high school years. No matter where you went in the 18 months following “Chronic 2001″‘s release you were hearing something from that record. I mean unless you were going to a country club or a klan rally. Then again Tiger Woods was probably sneaking porn stars into his Buick while listening to Xxplosive. So maybe it was just klan rallies. Then again again I’ve never been to a klan rally, so I’m uncertain of what goes on. If I’m to guess, I’d assume they listen to nazi punk, but then again again again I’ve never heard nazi punk. But I do know Jello Biafra really wanted them to F off. BOOM! Off track like Carl Lewis, where were we? Oh yeah this week’s theme is Dr. Dre!!! I just want to be clear I’m picking Dre produced projects that fit the quality of the starter not the five best Dre laced joints. That would be Straight Outta Compton, Chronic 2001, Chronic, 100 Miles and Running, No One Can Do it Better, and The Slim Shady LP. Okay so that’s 6 but I couldn’t leave off my favorite Eminem record. So let’s get into the Two Start Pitchers for Week 19.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Of course, the title is referring to Nelson Muntz, but Jimmy Nelson sounds like a sitcom character too. Like the kid who is sweet to the parents, but is really the devil incarnate when no one is looking. Eddie Haskell, if your references go back that far. Fun fact! Chad Billingsley’s grandma starred in that show. So, Jimmy Nelson had a solid game last night (6 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks, and his ERA is down to 3.57), but that’s not THAT good (caps for emphasis, not aesthetics). No, but his month of July ERA was 1.64. THAT is THAT good (not for emphasis, but now my autocorrect ‘learned’ THAT and wants THAT capped and I can’t shut THAT off). Where is all of this coming from? Great question, clunky expositional transition! I’d say it’s not where it’s coming from, but where has it been? Ooh, you like that switcheroo. Nelson had a 1.46 ERA in the PCL with a 9.2 K/9 last year, throws 93 MPH and has worked hard to add a curve that he never had before this year. He feels like a guy that will click at some point, and be a top 20 starter. This year could be rocky still, but I think he’s worth trying for a few starts to see if he’s already turned that corner. I’ve been rocking three starters in my RCL league since April, but after streaming Nelson yesterday, I kinda want to hold him. While an Air Supply song plays softly in the background. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
You know they say, every Blue Jay fan has his Price, and every dog has his day and what does the cat say? Me-ouch. Is that a well-known idiom? Sounds like something Pol Pot would’ve said. “You look like a clown because you’ve applied too much Khmer rouge. Now what does the cat say? ‘Me-ouch!'” That was Pol Pot at his most disarmingly charming. You ever look at pictures of dictators and think to yourself, “He looks like a total tool. What kind of a-holes followed this guy?” Any hoo! David Price was acquired by the Blue Jays for Daniel Norris (who I’ll get to in a moment). The Blue Jays GM, Alex Anthopoulos doesn’t believe he gutted the farm system to deliver Price and/or Tulo. No more than, say, a Greek farmer needs to gut a lamb to make shawarma. As they say on the lamb farm, sacrifices need to be made. I don’t think this changes a thing about Price’s value. Comerica was actually more offense-friendly this year, and the Blue Jays will provide more run support, but Price is essentially the same pitcher whether he’s in Toronto, New York or Boston, in Philly, Miami or Houston; in Detroit or– Is this a Kid Rock song I’m singing? Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve passed on a DFS player because of my own bias opinion. As much as I suggest to others not to do this, I find that I just can’t help myself. Remember when your parents used to tell you, do as I say and not as I do? Well, just call me The Bigfoot Father, or how about Bigfoot Daddy, and do as I say and not as I do. I know DFS is also about having fun and playing the players you like. I’m not saying stack Yankees if you’re a Red Sox fan, but accept the fact that the players you dislike are valuable assets in your lineup. The same can be said for players that I really like. Try not to play all Phillies’ players just because Schmitty is your all-time favorite player and you’ve been watching them since you were a kid. So keep reading, and check out a few of my favorite unfavorites for today.
New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 10 teamer of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Since returning from the All-Star break, no hitter has scored more points than Joey Votto. Votto-D2 (for you Star Wars geeks) has 10 hits, 2 home runs, 3 RBIs, 8 walks and a stolen base to give him 39 points over 7 games. On the season he now has 265 points which puts him in the top ten first basemen, where he has quite the company. He’s currently on pace for 30 ding dongs, 10 stolen bases and a .300 batting average. But what I really hope is that he has a son name Otto.Please, blog, may I have some more?
We’re living in an incredibly scary time. Bill Cosby is a villain, Donald Trump is running for president, and people are playing the “Boys Are Back In Town Again” back to back to back until bars riot. This is the sort of chaos that invades our daily lives and can make just keep, keeping on impossible. Fear not noble reader, DraftKings is here to take over your mundane, meaningless, and sad life. You will now have purpose, and that purpose is to win money from your wealth of useless fantasy sports knowledge. Haha, laugh no longer single long term girlfriend and wildly successful older brother, for I am Ralph, King of Drafts! Sorry guys I smoked way too much nutmeg and now I can’t seem to write anything remotely coherent. Hey give me a break, you spend your Saturday nights playing Call of Duty with your roommates and smoking from your penis shaped pipe. I, on the other hand, sort through pages of stats to find you the days best plays while mixing in a little BBW porn viewing when I need a break. So you should take my word for it when I tell you to start Chris Sale. Or that big girls can be sexy. I mean it takes genuine fantasy knowledge and superior intellect to identify these things. It’s not like Sale leads the world in K/9 or anything. It’s also certainly not true that K’s are by far the most important requirement for a DFS starter besides not giving up 10 runs in an innings and a third. Sale costs $13,100 so your going to have to make sacrifices but you know what they say about sacrifices. Actually I don’t know what they say so if you figure it out, please share. We have a comments section for such things. I’ll just be here keeping busy with Randy Widettes 7.
New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 2o teamer of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Last week I put together comprehensive year-to-date, rest of season and end of season rankings for batters. Quite honestly I think it was the bees knees, but that’s just me tooting my own horn. Do bees even have knees? If you are in a points league and missed it, I highly recommend you check it out. And when I say I “highly” recommend it, that does not mean I ate pot brownies two hours before making said recommendation. I was just standing at the top of a 30-foot ladder.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Welcome, prematurely balding men and five women who are married to prematurely balding men and decided if you can’t beat them, join them! Make yourself comfortable, this is gonna be a long post. Here make yourself some java. Okay, you just poured rat poison into your coffee. Don’t worry, it can’t be worse than owning Pablo Sandoval in the 1st half. Oh, you owned him and that’s why you poured it into coffee! Now, I’m following! Hey, who’s leading here? Well, whoever it is their taillight is out and I’m gonna have to make a citizen’s arrest. Before we get into the top 100 for the 2nd half of 2015 fantasy baseball, let’s just be glad our 18-year-old selves can’t see us now, we’d get beat up! But our twelve-year-old selves would think we’re the coolest! So, as with all of the other 2015 fantasy baseball rankings, take this list with a grain of salt. If you need a 2nd baseman, but an outfielder is above him that doesn’t mean you can’t trade the outfielder for the 2nd baseman. Also, things change in fantasy baseball. Daily. I could put Au Shizz number two on the top 100 list for the second half of 2015 and he could pull a–Well, we won’t even mention an injury with Goldy. Why soil a good thing, ya know? This list is a road map for where I think guys are valued. It’s not the Holy Grail in the Church of Grey, that would be my mustache. This list is NOT (caps for emphasis, not aesthetics) where I see guys ending up if you were to take their first half and combine it with the 2nd half of their season. This is simply a list of the top hundred fantasy baseball players if you were to pick them up today. So while Carlos Santana did not have the greatest first half, he will appear on this list because I still believe. The projections are not their combined 1st half and 2nd half numbers; these are their projections for the 2nd half of 2015. I also liberally used our rest of the season Fantasy Baseball Player Rater. That’s right, we have a Player Rater that tells you what guys will do. It’s like that camera from The Twilight Zone. Welcome to the future! Anyway, here’s the top 100 for fantasy baseball for the 2nd half of 2015:Please, blog, may I have some more?