Fantasy Baseball Advice

In roto, you can can’t gain ground in many categories in September, unless you’re already close.  The two categories you can conceivably gain ground in is in steals and saves — SAGNOF!  If you are up in power, or at least far enough that you can’t be caught by the team right behind you, then I’d stack up on guys that could get you some steals.  As for saves, you probably don’t have as many options on waivers.  But there’s a some guys that might get a save or two in the final few weeks, and, well, every save counts.  Anyway, here’s some guys that can provide steals and saves this week in fantasy baseball:

STEALS

Drew Stubbs – He has 5 homers and 3 steals in the majors in two weeks.  He had 3 homers and 46 steals in 5 months in Triple-A.  Maybe he sleeps with a 1996 Brady Anderson card under his pillow.

Michael Brantley -With Sizemore out with elbow surgery he probably could’ve had in May (but then the Indians would’ve lost 95 games instead of 90), Brantley’s seeing time.  He had 46 steals in Triple-A in 51 chances.

Everth Cabrera – EverCab’s linear notes tell us he has 21 steals in 80 games so far.

Angel Pagan – Pagan stole 52 bases one year in the low minors.  So he has the speed (his hitting chops are the issue).

Chris Getz – Four steals in the last six games.  He ain’t glamorous, but Angel Pagan is?

Brett Gardner – Could have some deep Al-Only value for speed.

Eugenio Velez – Velez is one of the few guys that when he’s standing in the batter’s box, you can read everything on the backstop.  This doode needs a serious convo with Davey Lopes.  “Velez, you’re 120 lbs.  How about you run once in a while?  Thank you.”

SAVES

Matt Lindstrom/Kiko Calero – Leo Nunez has looked blechtastic in his last few games.  Lindstrom hasn’t looked much better, but the Marlins need to win the rest of their games so they may try Lindstrom or even Calero.

Phil Hughes – With the Yankees coasting towards the playoffs, Hughes may see some late inning chances as the Yankees try to Dorian Gray Mariano.

Brett Myers – The Phillies may be waiting for Lidge to blow a seven run lead by giving up eight consecutive homers.  I guess what I’m saying is that Myers could be better than Lidge right now, but tell that to the Phils who have trotted Lidge out for the last five months.

Brandon Lyon – Because Fernando Rodney’s been taking anger management classes with Brett Myers.

Chris Perez – I think at some point in the last week or two the Indians will give Perez an opportunity to impress in the ninth.

Kevin Jepsen – File this away with Hughes’s potential saves.  As the Angels lock up the division, they could rest Fuentes.

J.P. Wheelerfourger – The Rays bullpen is in tatters… Shattered.  Key syllable is shat.  Shoot, Price could figure into this closer picture if Howell continues to botch the job. (I love the word botch and I really don’t use it enough.  Maybe that’ll be my 2010 resolution.)

Scott Downs/Jason Frasor – It’s been so long since the Jays got a save, I’m honestly not even sure who their closer is.

Angel Guzman – Really no reason why Marmol loses the job… Right now.  Member he’s been prone to blow-ups in the past.  I kinda just want Guzman to take over so I can hear what song he uses for his entrance music.  Shaggy?  Aerosmith? Real Life?  Whatever it is, it’s sure to be lame.

It’s good to be past the trading deadline.  The closers that kept their job feel woobie-safe.  Pull down the Murphy bed, Qualls is here to stay! You might be right, random italicized voice.  Don’t forget, closers still find a way to lose their job.  In the past week, Downs is down, Jenks looks jenky, Frank-Frank is a baby sneeze away from another stint on the DL, I fully expect Lindstrom to get back in the closer picture within two weeks and Nathan seems about as safe as they come and yet, he’s still just a closer.  Look at the ground with your forward facing eyes and put some drops in the eyes in the back of your head.  In other words, don’t settle in.  Sleep is the cousin of death.  Anyway, here’s all of the closers for your fantasy baseball team, as of right now:

$12 Salads

You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad? Every time you go there, you have a thoroughly solid meal. No complaints, except you just paid $12 for a salad when you could’ve went to McDonald’s and stuffed you and your woman for ten schmools and had $2 in quarters left over to make the hotel bed vibrate. These closers are $12 salads.

1. Joe Nathan (+1) (Matt Guerrier, Jose Mijares)
2. Jonathan Papelbon (+2) (Takashi Saito, Hideki Okajima, Manny Delcarmen)
3. Francisco Rodriguez (-1) (Pedro Feliciano, Bobby Parnell)
4. Mariano Rivera (+2) (Phil Hughes)
5. Jonathan Broxton (-4) (Ramon Troncoso, George Sherrill)

Donkey-corns

Imagine you’re following a donkey, who’s wearing a wool cap, through a desert for 1700 miles. Why are you following a donkey? Because he promises you something wonderful and you just need to trust him. Does the donkey talk? Yes. Yes, he does talk. So when you and the donkey in the wool cap arrive at his destination, he removes his the wool cap to reveal a horn. The donkey is a unicorn and his gift to you for your trust is saves. These closers are Donkey-corns.

6. Heath Bell (-1) (Luke Gregerson, Mike Adams)
7. Joakim Soria (+14) (Juan Cruz, Jamey Wright)
8. Francisco Cordero (David Weathers, Arthur Rhodes, Nick Masset)
9. Jose Valverde (+11) (Chris Sampson, Alberto Arias, LaTroy Hawkins)
10. Ryan Franklin (Jason Motte, Kyle McClellan, Dennys Reyes)
11. Huston Street (+2) (Rafael Betancourt, Matt Daley)
12. David Aardsma (Sean White, Mark Lowe)
13. Brian Wilson (Jeremy Affeldt, Bob Howry)
14. Trevor Hoffman (+9) (Todd Coffey, Mitch Stetter)
15. Kevin Gregg (Carlos Marmol)
16. Fernando Rodney (Bobby Seay, Brandon Lyon)
17. Rafael Soriano (+2) (Mike Gonzalez, Peter Moylan)
18. J.P. Howell (+4) (Dan Wheeler, Grant Balfour, Joe Nelson)
19. Brian Fuentes (-10) (Jason Bulger, Darren Oliver, Justin Speier)
20. Chad Qualls (+8) (Jon Rauch)
21. Brad Lidge (-3) (Ryan Madson)

Brain Freeze

I’m going on a picnic and I’m bringing apples, bananas and Troy Percival– Wait, he just gave up 12 earned runs and hit Pena in the head with a pickoff throw. Brain freeze! Make it stop! Use the following closers at your own risk.

22. Matt Capps (+4) (Jesse Chavez)
23. Kerry Wood (+2) (Chris Perez, Joe Smith)
24. Mike MacDougal (+5) (Sean Burnett, Jason Bergmann)
25. Andrew Bailey (-12) (Michael Wuertz, Brad Ziegler)
26. Frank Francisco/C.J. Wilson (-2) (Darren O’Day)
27. Bobby Jenks (-10) (Matt Thornton, Octavio Dotel, Scott Linebrink)
28. Jason Frasor (-2) (Scott Downs, Brandon League)
29. Leo Nunez (Matt Lindstrom, Kiko Calero, Dan Meyer)
30. Jim Johnson (-11) (Danys Baez, Chris Ray, Billy Ray Valentine)

Matt Holliday is a sell.  Zoinks!  Holliday’s value does go up with this trade to the Cards.  But his value doesn’t skyrocket as it seems most people will now think.  Remember, this is Matt “Shin-Soo Choo Has Better Numbers Than Me” Holliday.  In the National League, where there’s better pitching and less Runs scored, suddenly Matt Holliday has a ton of value?  Way more value than he had in Oakland?  Why, because Oakland was a bad team and the Cards were a great team?  Oakland actually had a better OBP than St. Louis (though that includes Holliday).  Better ballpark?  This year Oakland Coliseum actually ranks above Busch for offense.  Holliday will suddenly readjust his sonar for NL pitchers?  That didn’t work so well when he moved to the AL.  Listen, I think Holliday’s a terrific hitter, but to suddenly expect him to cure gout is asking too much.  I wouldn’t sell Holliday for a box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, but I’d explore offers.  Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Chone Figgins – I don’t like Figgins.  He reminds me of Grover Dill to Vlad’s Scut Farkus.  More than that, I think you put yourself in an ugly hole if you have a 3rd baseman who gets you less than 5 homers on the year (though that hasn’t stopped me from touting Alex Gordon before).  But this is about something else.  This is about do or die time in fantasy leagues.  It’s coming up with fantasy baseball trading deadlines approaching faster than ever.  (It’s true, it’s faster this year.  Has to do with gravity or some shizz.)  So you have the Dwarf Planet (Pablo Sandoval) at third and you’re fine in the outfield with a bunch of big boppers (minus Richie Valens and Buddy Holly), but you’re stuck in third place and need steals.  Steals are the easiest thing to catch up in (saves being a close second).  Chone Figgins may not have been appealing to you (or I) on draft day, but right now you need steals and Figgy can provide them.  Or Bourn.  Or Taveras.  Or Ellsbury.  Or random schmohawk SAGNOF’er behind door number three.  Time is not your friend.  Do what you do, but Figgins is a very viable option if you need steals.  So… Figgy, give me one more chance…. (Notice how I didn’t mention his Runs or average.  His steals, that’s why you get him.)  (Notice II, this paragraph has more sidenotes than a David Foster Wallace story.  (You went way too soon.))

Chris Perez/Jon Rauch/Jim Johnson – Potential vulture SAGNOF’ers.

Matt Thornton – With Bobby being jenky, Thornton’s a decent vulture to look at for potential saves.  Though the White Sox have a pretty deep bullpen so it’s probably not that clear cut.

Seth Smith – The Rox are saying Smith is their every day leftfielder.  He could hit 10+ homers and some steals with full time play, but I still doubt he sees many ABs vs. lefties.  So his name is about as boring as his stats.  Talk about selling a buy!  Smith’s worth a spot in deep leagues, I wouldn’t bother with him in 12 team leagues yet.

Erick Aybar – Okay, Alex, Aybar Brothers for $300.  This Aybar brother has seven homers and a .282 average.  Who is Erick?  Sorry, that would be Willy.  Aybar Brothers for $400.  This Aybar brother is batting .417 in his last four games.  Who is Erick?  Sorry, still Willy.  Okay, let’s finish the category.  This Aybar brother is batting .483 in the last 7 games, has stolen two bags and plays every day.  Who is Willy?  No, it’s Erick.  You might think about auditioning for Wheel of Fortune.

Miguel Montero – Honestly, the D’Backs shouldn’t play Sndyer when he returns.  Miggy Pipp is doing work with his lumber stick.

Daric Barton – In his first start filling in for Giambi, Barton hit a homer.  Since then he’s made Nadir Bupkus look promising.  Doode needs to do much better with the time he’s getting while Giambi nurses his no ‘roids problem.  But all of that aside, Barton’s still worth a look in AL-Only leagues.

Chris Tillman – If the Orioles bring him up, and it seems like they will, he could be a solid guy for matchups.  Just don’t drop anyone too valuable in one year leagues because the Orioles schedule gets ugly in September.

Steve Pearce – Member when he went by Steven?  Ah, maybe I’m showing my age.  Pearce was recalled from Indianapolis on June 21st and has played once since July 8th.  Here’s what I think happened.  The Pirates bought a ticket for Ian Snell to be recalled, he said he was having too much fun in Indianapolis (I’ve been to Indianapolis; Snell may want to redefine fun), so Snell gave his ticket to Pearce.  Pearce should get some time at first with LaRoche outta there.  At one time, Pearce was a decent prospect, tis the reason he’s even here.  Tis indeed.

Jon Niese – I think he’s underseasoned like your Mom’s cooking, but he is in the NL and in Metco.  Matchups could work for him.

Rajai Davis – Rajai Davis is a buy and Holliday’s a Sell?  What’s the world coming to?  With Holliday out of town, Rajai could see more time.  SAGNOF!

SELL

Colby Rasmus – Rasmus was a sell two weeks ago.  With the Holliday trade, things are only going to get worse.

Kerry Wood/Chad Qualls/George Sherrill – The Trading Deadline Reaper may be cutting off their saves.

Ricky Romero – Really, I could’ve put any young pitcher here whose innings are starting to creep up.  Young pitchers will begin to get skipped and shutdown to preserve their arms.

Jarrod Washburn – Watching Washburn ‘09 vs. Washburn Oh-earlier in his career is like watching any Batman not directed by Joel Schumacher right after any Batman directed by Joel Schumacher.  Everything is pointing to Washburn being a solid starter going forward, but I can’t tell you to grab a guy that I wouldn’t grab myself.  I’m sorry, I don’t trust Washburn as far as I can throw him. (And I can’t throw him very far — I mean, look at my mustachioed picture — that’s actual size.)

Garrett Jones – Blasphemy!  I don’t think he’s going to hit another 9 homers in his next ten games.  That’s all I’m saying.  Don’t shoot the messenger.  (BTW, isn’t it weird how the phrase don’t shoot the messenger was out there since Shakespeare (thanks, Wikipedia!) then everyone starting going postal? It’s almost like postal employees felt too safe and abused their power.  Or not!  These are things for you to decide.)

In this month’s closer look, let’s discuss trading for closers.  Now before people think my battleship has sunk, I’m not saying to pay top dollar for closers.  But with us heading into July, it should be pretty clear how badly you need saves.  Luckily, saves are one of the categories (steals are another) where you can make up ground quickfast.  If you’re ten or more saves behind a pack of people and can gain three or more points with an additional closer or two, then you should be thinking about trading for a couple.   I’d look to trade one player from your strengths for two closers.  Think Shields for two donkey-corns.  Or a donkey-corn and a brain freeze.  It really depends on your strengths and weaknesses.  And since saves do come in bunches, if you’re finding yourself picking up plenty of ground in saves, then in August, you can trade away a closer or two for a different piece.  Anyway, here’s all of the closers for your fantasy baseball team, as of right now:

$12 Salads

You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad? Every time you go there, you have a thoroughly solid meal. No complaints, except you just paid $12 for a salad when you could’ve went to McDonald’s and stuffed you and your woman for ten schmools and had $2 in quarters left over to make the hotel bed vibrate. These closers are $12 salads.

1. Jonathan Broxton (Ronald Belisario, Ramon Troncoso, Cory Wade)
2. Francisco Rodriguez (Pedro Feliciano, Bobby Parnell)
3. Joe Nathan (Matt Guerrier, Jose Mijares)
4. Jonathan Papelbon (Takashi Saito, Hideki Okajima, Manny Delcarmen)

Donkey-corns

Imagine you’re following a donkey, who’s wearing a wool cap, through a desert for 1700 miles. Why are you following a donkey? Because he promises you something wonderful and you just need to trust him. Does the donkey talk? Yes. Yes, he does talk. So when you and the donkey in the wool cap arrive at his destination, he removes his the wool cap to reveal a horn. The donkey is a unicorn and his gift to you for your trust is saves. These closers are Donkey-corns.

5. Heath Bell (Edward Mujica)
6. Mariano Rivera (+1) (Brian Bruney, Alfredo Aceves)
7. Bobby Jenks (-1) (Octavio Dotel, Matt Thornton, Scott Linebrink)
8. Francisco Cordero (David Weathers, Arthur Rhodes, Nick Masset)
9. Brian Fuentes (+2) (Darren Oliver, Justin Speier)
10. Ryan Franklin (+2) (Jason Motte, Kyle McClellan, Dennys Reyes)
11. Andrew Bailey (+16) (Brad Ziegler, Michael Wuertz, Santiago Casilla)
12. David Aardsma (+12) (Sean White, Mark Lowe, Chad Cordero)
13. Brian Wilson (+2) (Jeremy Affeldt, Bob Howry)
14. Huston Street (+6) (Joel Peralta, Manny Corpas)
15. Kevin Gregg (-1) (Carlos Marmol)
16. Fernando Rodney (+2) (Joel Zumaya, Bobby Seay)
17. George Sherrill (+5) (Jim Johnson, Danys Baez, Chris Ray)
18. Brad Lidge (-8) (Ryan Madson)
19. Mike Gonzalez (-2) (Rafael Soriano)
20. Jose Valverde (+8) (LaTroy Hawkins, Chris Sampson)
21. Joakim Soria (+4) (Juan Cruz, Jamey Wright, Kyle Farnsworth)
22. J.P. Howell (+8) (Dan Wheeler, Grant Balfour, Joe Nelson)

Brain Freeze

I’m going on a picnic and I’m bringing apples, bananas and Troy Percival– Wait, he just gave up 12 earned runs and hit Pena in the head with a pickoff throw. Brain freeze! Make it stop! Use the following closers at your own risk.

23. Trevor Hoffman (-1) (Carlos Villanueva, Todd Coffey, Mitch Stetter)
24. Frank Francisco (-14) (C.J. Wilson)
25. Kerry Wood (-8) (Chris Perez, Rafael Betancourt)
26. Matt Capps (-2) (John Grabow, Jesse Chavez, Sean Burnett)
27. Jason Frasor (-8) (Scott Downs, B.J. Ryan)
28. Chad Qualls (-15) (Tony Pena, Clay Zavada, Jon Rauch)
29. Mike MacDougal (Joe Beimel, Julian Tavarez)
30. Leo Nunez (-4) (Dan Meyer, Matt Lindstrom, Kiko Calero, Waco My Airplane)

In this month’s closer look, let’s discuss the value of middle relievers.  I’m a big Mr. B.  Depending on the team, I have various combinations of MRs.  On one team, I have C.J. Wilson still.  (Notched a Save and a Win in a doubleheader the other day — natch!)  On another team, I’m rocking Dan Meyer.  On another, Rafael Soriano.  Besides having a guy that could take over the closing duties, middle relievers help lower your starters’ ratios.  Mark DiFelice + James Shields = 7-4/3.01/1.15/74 or Jake Peavy, 5-5/3.67/1.13/84.  That’s right, the Frankenpitcher of Jark DiShields is beating the pure breed Jake Peavy.  So how’s dem apples?  Delicious!  Now in some cases, you just can’t hold a MR.  Whether you’re besieged by injuries, need to handcuff one of your closers or need a bench hitter, sometimes it’s just not feasible.  As much as I like MRs, they are invariably the first ones I drop on my teams when I need help somewhere else.  Luckily, there’s always one available on waivers.  If it’s not Jark DiShields, you can own Kiko Garzero or C.J. Wolfson.  Anyway, here’s all of the closers for your fantasy baseball team, as of right now:

$12 Salads

You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad? Every time you go there, you have a thoroughly solid meal. No complaints, except you just paid $12 for a salad when you could’ve went to McDonald’s and stuffed you and your woman for ten schmools and had $2 in quarters left over to make the hotel bed vibrate. These closers are $12 salads.

1. Jonathan Broxton (+3) (Ronald Belisario, Cory Wade)
2. Francisco Rodriguez (+2) (J.J. Putz)
3. Joe Nathan (-2) (Matt Guerrier, Jose Mijares)
4. Jonathan Papelbon (-2) (Takashi Saito, Manny Delcarmen, Hideki Okajima)

Donkey-corns

Imagine you’re following a donkey, who’s wearing a wool cap, through a desert for 1700 miles. Why are you following a donkey? Because he promises you something wonderful and you just need to trust him. Does the donkey talk? Yes. Yes, he does talk. So when you and the donkey in the wool cap arrive at his destination, he removes his the wool cap to reveal a horn. The donkey is a unicorn and his gift to you for your trust is saves. These closers are Donkey-corns.

5. Heath Bell (+3) (Greg Burke, Edward Mujica, Luke Gregerson)
6. Bobby Jenks (-1) (Octavio Dotel, Matt Thornton, Scott Linebrink)
7. Mariano Rivera (Alfredo Aceves, Brian Bruney, Damaso Marte)
8. Francisco Cordero (+3) (David Weathers, Arthur Rhodes, Nick Masset)
9. Frank Francisco (C.J. Wilson)
10. Brad Lidge (-4) (Ryan Madson)
11. Brian Fuentes (+1) (Jose Arredondo, Scot Shields)
12. Ryan Franklin (+4) (Jason Motte, Chris Perez, Kyle McClellan)
13. Chad Qualls (-3) (Jon Rauch, Tony Pena, Clay Zavada)
14. Kevin Gregg (Carlos Marmol)
15. Brian Wilson (Jeremy Affeldt, Bob Howry)
16. Kerry Wood (-3) (Jensen Lewis, Rafael Perez, Rafael Betancourt)
17. Mike Gonzalez (Rafael Soriano)
18. Fernando Rodney (Joel Zumaya, Ryan Perry, Brandon Lyon)
19. Scott Downs (+7)  (B.J. Ryan, Jason Frasor)

Brain Freeze

I’m going on a picnic and I’m bringing apples, bananas and Troy Percival– Wait, he just gave up 12 earned runs and hit Pena in the head with a pickoff throw. Brain freeze! Make it stop! Use the following closers at your own risk.

20. Huston Street (+2) (Manny Corpas)
21. Trevor Hoffman (Carlos Villanueva, Todd Coffey, Mark DiFelice)
22. George Sherrill (+7) (Jim Johnson, Danys, Baez, Chris Ray)
23. Matt Capps (-3) (John Grabow, Jesse Chavez, Tyler Yates)
24. David Aardsma (Brandon Morrow, Miguel Batista, Chad Cordero)
25. Joakim Soria (+3) (Juan Cruz, Jamey Wright, Kyle Farnsworth)
26. Matt Lindstrom (-7) (Leo Nunez, Kiko Calero, Dan Meyer)
27. Andrew Bailey (Brad Ziegler, Michael Wuertz, Santiago Casilla)
28. LaTroy Hawkins (-3) (Jose Valverde)
29. Joel Hanrahan (+1) (Kip Wells, Julian Tavarez)
30. J.P. Wheelfourson (-7) (Randy Choate, The Amazing Rando, Randy Jackson)