Fantasy Baseball Advice

The baseball regular season ends today and as Senator Clay Davis would say, “Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!” I already feel myself falling into a deep, dark depression where the only cure is recapping the preseason top twenty lists and being hand fed Doritos. First up, Cool Ranch and our Preseason Top 20 Catchers for 2008. Of course with catchers (or any position really), you didn’t need to be tied to these guys just because you drafted them, but I think it’s important to look back to ‘08 before we look ahead to 2009. How do you know where you’re going if you don’t know where you’ve been? Thank you, B-Real. Anyway, here’s the top 20 catchers for 2008 and how they compared to where we originally ranked them:

1. Joe Mauer - Flipping through the book, “Paint Drying: A Photo Collection,” is less yawnstipating than Mauer’s year. I’d argue you’re better off drafting Brad Ausmus, punting him before the season begins, then going with the hot hand from week to week, or at least that’s what I did. We’ll cover more about catcher strategy in the offseason. For right now, let’s say I expected less of Mauer number-wise and he didn’t disappoint, but he actually ranked higher because of how poor the catching position is. Preseason Rank #4, Preseason Predictions:  85/15/70/.310/10, Final Numbers:  97/9/83/.330/1

2. Brian McCann - Here’s the one top catcher I actually have on a team and this was the team that struggled the most offensively. Buh-but, Grey… Wha happened? Because I paid for a high-priced catcher, I had to skimp on positions that could actually make a difference. Well, ain’t that something? No, not really. Preseason Rank #3, Preseason Predictions: 75/25/105/.285, Final Numbers:  68/23/87/.301/5

3. Russell Martin - If Vin Scully had said, “Martin reminds me of Benito Santiago and we know what happened to him,” then Scully would’ve been half right. No one has any idea what happened to Santiago. (Renting out scuba gear to tourists on the beach in Barbados is my guess.) All right, pop quiz, random Razzball reader, would you prefer Theriot at 2nd and Shoppach at catcher? Or Martin and Robinson Cano? Catchers that make you go Hmm… Preseason Rank #2, Preseason Predictions:  85/20/90/.290/15, Final Numbers:  87/13/69/.279/18

4. Ryan Doumit - First out of nowhere, “How’s Your Father?” As mentioned in Mauer’s entry, you could’ve drafted some other schmohawk then grabbed Doumit sometime in April, just as I did in a few leagues. BTW, Rudy and I were talking about how important it is to grab hot-starters in April and he’s thinking about writing a feature on it. We shall see… What, how come I’m not talking more about Doumit? Because he’s a catcher and a Pirate, I’m not trying to purposely drive people away from reading the blog.  Unranked in Preseason, Final Numbers:  71/15/69/.319/2

5. Geovany Soto - I’d love to see the Cubs win the World Series on the strength of Soto’s three home run clinching game. Not because I particularly like the Cubs or Soto, but I want him to be ridiculously overrated going into 2009. Muahahahaha… (Note: I didn’t rank most rookies in preseason top 20s, but I did make some preseason predictions for rookies. Unranked in Preseason, Preseason Predictions:  17/65/.270, Final Numbers:  66/23/86/.285

6. Bengie Molina - I’d go as far to say he’s actually less valuable than Shoppach at #8, but the most productive of The Flying Molina Bros. is more valuable than every other catcher below Shoppach so that should tell you all you need to know about the catching position. Pee-ewe-en-tee. Punt! Punt! Punt! Preseason Rank #10, Preseason Predictions:  45/20/80/.270 Final Numbers: 46/16/95/.292

7. A.J. Pierzynski - Shoppach is the number one reason why you don’t draft catchers. (Actually, Doumit is the number one reason and Shoppach’s number two, but don’t nitpick. People don’t like that.) Let’s say you drafted Victor Martinez and he was crap. Well, you’re stuck holding Victor Martinez for longer than you want because you drafted him early, while your opponent drafted Ausmus, punted that schmohawk and grabbed Shoppach. Wait, why am I talking about Shoppach? Let’s put it this way, do you have something to say about Pierzynski? Yeah, me neither. Preseason Rank #16, Preseason Predictions:  60/15/50/.260, Final Numbers:  66/13/60/.282/1

8. Kelly Shoppach - His numbers are far less exciting than the fantasy baseball media made them out ot be. (Ha! Sorry, I couldn’t write that without laughing at it. The “Fantasy baseball media” is to real reporters as To Catch a Predator is to law enforcement.) Still, for what you paid for Shoppach, you take your medicine and you like it! Unranked in Preseason, Final Numbers:  67/21/55/.261

9. Chris Iannetta - Well, I put Yorvit Torrealba down as 55/12/55/.265/3 so I wasn’t that far off, except for the name. Here’s a guy that I told you to pickup in the first week of May so you were, ya know, warned. Recognize!  Unranked in Preseason, Final Numbers:  50/18/65/.267

10. Mike Napoli - Here’s a good example of why it doesn’t matter if a guy starts every day. Preseason Rank #18, Preseason Predictions:  45/13/50/.260/7 Final Numbers:  39/20/49/.273/7

11. Yadir Molina - Here’s a guy that wasn’t even owned in some leagues at the end of the year. I don’t necessarily disagree with that.  Unranked in Preseason, Final Numbers:  37/7/56/.305

12. Dioner Navarro - Tale of two seasons with this schmohawk. I was touting him in April and May until I was blue in the face. He got selected to the All-Star game and left his game there, so then I started deriding him. At the end of the year, his numbers make yawnstipating numbers yawn. He’s just boring. (But he’s still young and I may not be done with Dioner just yet.) Unranked in Preseason, Final Numbers: 43/7/54/.295

13. Ivan Rodriguez - And you thought the first twelve names were boring. Zoinks! Preseason Rank #13, Preseason Predictions:  55/10/65/.285/5, Final Numbers:  44/7/35/.276/10

14. Ramon Hernandez - Kinda like his end of the year numbers more than Dioner’s. ¿Porque, Grey? Well, a .292 average from a catcher doesn’t do much, but 15 home runs and 65 RBIs is preferable to Dioner’s girly numbers.  Preseason Rank #9, Preseason Predictions:  60/20/85/.275, Final Numbers:  49/15/65/.258

15. Kurt Suzuki - Kurt Suzuki? Fantasy baseball junkies, your 2008 catchers!  Unranked in Preseason, Final Numbers: 54/7/42/.280/2

16. Gerald Laird - Considering where he played his home games and Teagarden had 300 less at-bats and exactly the same number of home runs, Laird’s only listed here because he had more Runs and RBIs than some below. You would’ve been much better off streaming catchers that are not listed here instead of owning Laird. Unranked in Preseason, Final Numbers:  54/6/41/.278/2

17. Chris Snyder - The last full-time catcher that had any sort of value. For those in 18 team deep leagues, here’s hoping you drew a seventeen or higher in the draft. Unranked in Preseason, Final Numbers:  47/16/64/.237

18. Miguel Olivo - There were moments when Olivo was actually valuable to have, unlike Laird. Yes, I’m still looking at Laird! I thought Olivo would miss Miguel Cabrera’s hugs down in Florida, but obviously he didn’t. No matter the climate, Olivo remained marginally usable. Unranked in Preseason, Final Numbers: 29/12/41/.255/7

19. Jesus Flores - Paul LoDuca was supposed to start for the Nots, but Flores took the job and never relinquished it. This is not endorsement of Flores as much as an indictment of LoDuca. Unranked in Preseason, Final Numbers: 23/8/59/.256

20. Rod Barajas - What better way to end the catchers’ recap than by mentioning the first catcher on the list that wasn’t mentioned once by me on this blog. He was mentioned during a Comment O’ The Week, from commenter Knighttown explaining how he managed 0 HRs all year from his catcher spot.

“-I wasted a second round pick on V-Mart.
-Now he’s taking up a DL spot for me which leaves me with 3 for 2 (Putz just sitting idle)
-Picked up Rod Barajas
-Sobered up and dropped Rod Barajas
-Picked up the “red-hot” Miguel Olivo
-He retired or something and got 10 AB’s in the 2 weeks I had him
-Picked up Jarred Salta-something-or-other
-Started him yesterday, went o-fer.
-Dropped him and picked up Ramon Hernandez…honestly, only because he was mentioned in today’s blog.”

Barajas’s Preseason Rank: Ha!, Preseason Predictions: Look Elsewhere, Final Numbers: Crap/Crap/Yuck/Serious Crap

There’s just over a week left on the season. Really, at this point, anything goes in non-keeper leagues. If you don’t need home runs because the schmohawk right behind you is 12 home runs away, but you desperately need steals, why are you still carrying Adam Dunn? You waiting for his speed to come around? Pickup some steals. All you need is two saves to gain a point and you’re sitting on excess starters? Punt! Pickup some possible closers. Of course, you need to think about what the other fluffernutters in your league are doing? Are they going to snatch up your John Lackey as soon as you drop him? Then maybe you shouldn’t drop him. You need to suck every point out of your standings. Anyway, here’s some more fantasy baseball players to buy and sell:

BUY

Ryan Shealy - He was a prospect in the Rockies organization. Stuck behind Helton (<–’Member him? Nah, me neither.) then he finally saw the Light of Day (<–top five Michael J. Fox drama. Easily. Check out the mullet.) in Kansas City… Wait, with all of these parentheticals I don’t even know what I’m saying. Oh, yeah, Shealy! Might stay hot for the last week of the season. You care if you win with Conor Jackson or Ryan Shealy? Didn’t think so.

Taylor Teagarden - A catching Kevin Maas or Mike Piazza’s catcher? The Legend of Taylor Teagarden grows. He’s haunted!

Pablo Sandoval - I can’t tout Chubb Rock any more than I have. He’s not heavy, he’s my catcher.

Chris Iannetta - Hopefully, the Rox will move Torrealba in the offseason and give the the kid the full-time gizz-ig.

Mark Teahen - Good month for guy’s whose last names start with Tea-.

Scott Lewis - You know those lookout machines at tourist attractions that you have to put money in to see through? A company that manufactures them should have the same motto as Scott Lewis, “Worth a look.” (BTW, that was the longest setup ever.)

Sean Gallagher - Gets the Mariners next, which brings me to this…

Any Pitcher Facing the Mariners, Nots, Padres, Pirates - This list of pitchers will get longer next week because as teams are eliminated or clinch they might sit their vets. For instance, the Sawx don’t seem that threatening when everyone’s out the lineup.

Hank Blalock - Actually, I have this schmohawk on a few teams. Yuck, I know. But when you’re (bla)locked in, you do what you do.

Aaron Cunningham - Nice combination of power and speed. So far in his audition with the big league club, he’s received rave reviews for his spot-on portrayal of a big leaguer. Only thing that worries me is his friend, Potsie.

Asdrubal Cabrera - If I push The Dribble any more, people will call me for a travel.

Eugenio Velez - Razzball and its constituents told you to pick up this guy in March! Sure, it took him six months to get hot, but we were writing that post for our dyslexic readers that are just now reading March’s posts. Dur.

SELL

John Lackey/Josh Beckett/Scott Kazmir/Ervin Santana/Carlos Zambrano/Ted Lilly/Ryan Dempster - Are you seeing a pattern? You can add Johan, Hamels, Sabathia, Sheets, etc to this list if their team clinches.

Jeff Francis - Shut. Down.

B.J. Upton - Turning down a BJ? I know! Eh, the Rays are in the playoffs and they need Upton for that. He’s probably going to be babied this last week.

Yunel Escobar - I can’t imagine he’s on any non-keeper teams, but if he is. Well, you’re not paying attention anyway.

Justin Duchscherer - He was returning this weekend suppose. (BTW, the “dly” on supposedly seems completely unnecessary and I’m done with it. ) But he got shutdown, as I mentioned this morning.

Rickie Weeks - I mentioned this morning Weeks is dead to Sveum.

Manny Parra - Get out of my streamers and get into my bullpen car!

But the White Sox were able to go back-to-back-to-back-to-back. That’s quadrupling your pleasure. Or double-double-headed. Which makes you say whoopee for fantasy baseball, right? Seriously, you say whoopee. Yeah, you do. You and Bob Eubanks. But if someone asks you the most romantic place you’ve ever made whoopee, don’t say, “Up the butt.” Now there was something in the middle of this landmark real baseball feat that you should take notice of — Paul Konerko. Nooo! Don’t talk about Konerko again. Sorry, but he has three home runs and a plus-.300 average in August. Buh-buh-buh… Ugh! Most importantly for our purposes, Guillen can’t quit Konerko. That’s right, Konerko’s been getting starts. If you need cheap lumber, cut down your neighbor’s tree, but if you want a cheap power source, try out Konerko. He might be the double-headed pleasure seeker you need. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Troy Percival/Grant Balfour/Dan Wheeler - Percival left the ninth with a knee sprain. Balfour tried to say, “Hey, dudes, I got this one.” Only he didn’t leave to the slow clap as much as the hanging-head-of-shame. I grabbed Wheeler where I had room.

Brad Ziegler - Orel Hershiser laughs maniacally, removing the pin from his Zielger doll.

Aramis Ramirez - HR yesterday, but injured his hip later in the game. He’s day-to-day, which shouldn’t be confused with Soul II Soul.

Jerry Hairston Jr. - Supposed to return for Friday’s game. He sure has got a lot of press lately. Guys, if I may call you that even though there might be chicks here, Hairston’s not really a .343 hitter. Cust kayin’.

Rocco Baldelli - Guess why I’m writing his name. Go ahead. I’ll wait. *scratches nose, itches head, dusts off my framed picture of Michael J. Fox* Baldelli’s injured! Dur.

Jason Kendall - From The Files of the Unfair:  Because of a game started clause, Kendall will earn 4.25 million next year. WTF?!

Chris Iannetta - Yorvit Torrealba has a small tear in his knee. If there was any concern about Iannetta’s playing time, this helps.

Ryan Franklin - Got the save yesterday, but that was just so they didn’t overuse Perez. Never fear, Razzballers.

Brad Penny - Returns to the DL. Nomar, “See, this healthy thing ain’t so easy… Ow! I juth bit my lip when I said eathy. Thee!”

Todd Wellemeyer - 7 2/3 IP, 0 ER. Dave Duncan says, “I’ll see your Mazzone and I’ll do it without the rocking back and forth.”

Chris Dickerson - The first cheap steal schmohawk in yesterday’s post went 3-for-5 with two doubles and a triple. Sometimes recently called-up players excel while pitchers try and figure them out. Dickerson might be one of those, so he may have even more value now than later. There will be a Buy/Sell later today as there is every Friday afternoon, and I may just beat my Dick…er, um, what was I saying–erson later today. Tasteful!

That title there, that’s country speak. This here boy, Adam Dunn, he’s country strong and this, folks, this is the 2nd half of the baseball season. Let’s git ‘r Dunn! Since July 6th, Adam Dunn has 6 hits in the last 8 games. Guess how many of those were home runs. Go ahead. I’ll wait. *scratches head, picks ear, adjusts macksack* 6 of 6 were home runs. My man’s predictable. In. The. Best. Way. Possible. Yesterday, I went over how precious time is from now until the end of the season. (I’m not talking precious like making sure you go see your kids play soccer or some shizz.) If you need home runs, there are so few guys that could put up 20 home runs in the 2nd half. Dunn is one. Now will Dunn’s average make you long for the days of Tony Pena Jr.? Maybe. But a funny thing happened on the way to the end of last season. Dunn hit .273 post-All-Star Break. Zoinks! Say what, karaoke? You heard me. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Joe Blanton - This is a lot better move for real baseball than it is for fantasy baseball. I’d throw a few dollars towards him in an NL-only waiver claim or I’d use a mid-level waiver claim. Yes, this is coming from the guy who preaches you should use your waiver claim fast and furious. Why do I say only a mid-level claim for Joe Blah? Cause I don’t really want him in any league, even in an NL-only league.

Chris Iannetta - 2-run HR. I keep getting questions in the comments or the forum about this guy. Grey, should I go with Pudge over Iannetta cuz, like, he has a starting job? Doooode, if you’re forced to have Pudge on your team, you should hope he loses the starting job. Iannetta has 10 HRs in a timeshare. You won’t take 3 or 4 good days a week instead of 6 crappy ones? Not to mention, Iannetta’s going to be getting more and more time in front of Torrealba.

Adam LaRoche - He’s at .415 for the month. If you picked him up today, you care what his April was like? That was rhetorical.

David Wright - Jerry Manuel did such great work to get Wright to hit a HR today. That was sarcastic.

Johan Santana - Tagged for 5 ER in 4 IP. After the game, he was seen dialing up his old friend, Kyle Lohse, for advice.

Marcus Thames - Hit his 18th HR in like 15 at-bats or something. I think if Thames and Dunn were in the home run derby we’d see 50 HRs and our first strikeout.

Francisco Cordero - Gave up 4 ER, 6 hits in 1/3 of an inning. I just traded him in one league with Fuentes for Ellsbury. Now I know how Tina Turner felt when Ike died. Phew.

Edwin Encarnacion - HR yesterday. I was going to put Double E on my top 100 for the 2nd half. Besides him having a good post-All-Star break last year, I couldn’t find a way to justify it. Encarnacion could be solid again, but my faith left the building.

Troy Glaus - 2 HRs. Glaus is another one that almost made the list. I pardon you. Glaus has been torrid of late. If a guy is hot for one month after the All-Star break, then you drop him for some other hot schmohawk in Augtember, you’ll be doing fine. Cust kayin’.

Kyle Lohse - 2 ER in 7 IP and Lohse moved to 12-2. Lohse says he owes it all to a chimpanzee named Ed, who turned out to be a best friend and a hirsute matchmaker of hilarious proportions. With Lohse and the chimp’s help, the Cards just might win the pennant!

Jake Peavy - Gave up four HRs and lost to Lohse. After the game, Peavy said, “I gotta get me a chimp.”

I put “Should I trade Frenchy?” into Google’s French translator. The translator steered me towards Kayak.com. So naturally, I flew to France. Stayed at a lovely hostel in the Arrondissement 4 right in the heart of the fabled Latin Quarter. The joie de vivre from the mix of students was intoxicating (and so was the wine!). When I asked a garçon at the local café about Francoeur, I talked in my worst French accent, but no strange, sideways looks. Locals embraced me and my American flag t-shirt. One Frenchman, who I asked about Francoeur, took me by the arm and whispered in my ear, “The answer is right under your nose.” I replied, “The only thing under my nose is your smell.” “No,” he explained, “The answer is in your heart.” I laughed and said, “Thank you, Yoda-like Frenchmen. Maybe when your daughter shaves her pits, we’ll meet again.” Arriving back in the States, I realized he was correct, the answer was right under my nose. I can’t find one single reason to not think Francoeur will turn around his early season power outage. So why can’t he? His BABIP is fine; Ks actually aren’t bad at all. Is he being more selective? Not really. But whatever, he never was. Is he still hitting doubles? Yup. Ground balls up? Well, they are literally up, as in his fly balls are okay. A compilation of expert projections has him hitting at least 22 more home runs. I think he gets 25 more. Since he currently sits at 3, that makes him a Buy guy. Like Sam Cooke said, “Change gonna come, nephew.” Anyway, here’s some more fantasy baseball hitters and pitchers to buy and sell:

BUY

Salomon Torres - My favorite to replace Gagne (BTW, put Gagne into French translator and it came back with, “Backne.” Weird!). Can he do the job? I’m not convinced but The Backne Situation™ could get worse before it gets better. If I were a betting man (and I am, just not on this particular situation), I’d say Backne gets 22 saves, Torres 12, Mota 3.

Dontrelle Willis - I liked him (very sorta, kinda, a little) coming into the season and soon he returns to the Tigers. There’s some value there. How much? Well, I’d drop a middle reliever for a flier on Willis, but not much more. I would not start him his first time out. Or second.

Ian Snell - I think his price has reached rock bottom by this point. I would definitely drop a marginal player on my team for him. I would also not start him the first time out. (And, yes, I do have a school girl crush on all NL starters.)

Juan Pierre - Okay, whose eyes just bugged out of their sockets? Yes, I’m telling you to buy Pierre. I think his value is way down and he’s still doing what you want from him. However, I would not give a lot.

Jermaine Dye - Someone dropped him in one of my ‘pert leagues last week. (I don’t understand it either.) So I picked him up and he’s hit three home runs in the last three days. Can Dye keep it up? Here, I’ll text you the answer: Y not?

Carlos Quentin - By this point, I don’t expect he’s available in any league, but even in shallow leagues he should be picked up.

Kevin Slowey - Yes, I like NL starters, but occasionally an AL-er sneaks through. Don’t drop anyone you’ll regret, but Slowey’s been a bit of a favorite of mine for a while. Last Triple-A season, he had a 107/18 K/BB ratio, that’s solid, ya’ll.

Ben Francisco - Has 15/15 upside, just needs the at-bats (like 500 of them), but he’s started off well, hitting seventh, second and fifth in the last three games respectively. He definitely will see at-bats against lefties, so in AL-Only leagues, he could be a platoon-mate for an outfielder.

Franklin Gutierrez - Honestly, I could put the entire Indians team, except Hafner, on the Buy list. They’re all underperforming.

Jason Giambi - He goes on streaks where he hits a few home runs and shows flashes of ‘roided Giambi.

Nick Swisher - I don’t think that highly of Swisher, but he’s not as bad as he’s been. Just keep expectations in line. Caveat emptor for those in Latin America. ¡Hola!

Ryan Howard - He will not hit .165 the rest of the season unless he gets traded to the Rockies and starts at shortstop and their Shortstop Injury Curse hits him.

Chris Iannetta - Iannetta will toil away/Until judgement day/You will be rewarded for the good things he did/Believe me every year/There is another one here/Don’t you see Iannetta used to be the new kid… (BTW, this reference was for maybe two readers. Don’t try and figure it out if you don’t get it. Just buy their new album next Tuesday. They’re much better than that crap movie, The Breakup, that they were featured in. Trust me.)

Dioner Navarro - He will never be spoken of again. Pick him up or not; it is after all your team.

Blake DeWitt - Elias Sports Bureau, in conjunction with Jayson Stark, announced that the third base situation for the Dodgers is the first time in the history of baseball that a guy (DeWitt) is blocking another guy (LaRoche) and they both have a capital letter three letters into their last names. (Actually, that’s completely fabricated by me, but it sounds like something the ESB would say. Here’s some more things recently overheard at the Elias Sports Bureau, “That is the first time in thirty years that someone has drank Tang at lunch while using a stapler.” “The parking lot has 17 empty spots for the first time since 2006.” “That is the first time Gary has ever said, ‘Excuse me,’ after burping.”  Anyway, DeWitt’s hot. You can do worse in all leagues. *cough* Longoria *cough*

SELL

Justin Verlander - See this morning’s post.

Tim Lincecum - Now, Papa Smurf, don’t comment later in the day that you traded Lincecum for Slowey, Giambi and box of Munchkin donuts. I like Munchkins as much as the next guy, but Lincecum is worth more than that. I’m only telling you to sell him because you probably could grab two top OFs with him. His BABIP actually tells us that he’s been unlucky, if you can believe that. So get what you need, but don’t sell him short. Stick to your guns with ‘cum! (That’s a line right out of “The Magnificent Semen,” a remake of the Japanese classic, “The Semen Samurai.”)

Chipper Jones - He’s having an unreal beginning to the season. But here’s what we know from past seasons, he’s still very injury-prone. If you can move him for Ryan Howard or Edwin Encarnacion and McClouth or… Well, you get the picture. When Chipper’s on the DL in a month, don’t forget you had an option to move him.

Rich Harden - Please trade him. I’m begging you. You have like a millisecond before the next injury comes.

Eric Hinske - These early season home runs are a nice story. (Actually, it’s not that nice… It’s not even really a story.) If you can drop Hinske for a worthwhile middle reliever, I would do it.

Mariano Rivera - I don’t think he starts throwing Livan Hernandez-type eephus pitches, but he’s just saves more or less. If someone in your league, thinks Ray’s Original Pizza is freakin’ awesome and tawks about their honeymoon to the Jersey Shore, then maybe you trade Mo to them.