Fantasy Baseball Advice

Collin Cowgill sounds like a Texas radio personality or a DC Comic character, but is actually the Diamondbacks’ fifth round pick from 2008 that is killing the minor leagues.  (That’s the urbandictionary killing, which is actually good.  I’m hip, snitches!)  In 97 games, 13 homers and 29 steals with a .354 average.  It was in the PCL though, where they pump helium into their stadiums.  And, now, guess what?  Well, he’s getting called up, I mean that’s obvious, isn’t it?  Why else am I talking about him?  In deeper leagues, I’d grab Cowgill to see if he can translate his power and speed combo to the majors.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Ian Kinsler – 4-for-6, 4 RBIs and his 16th homer.  Andrus went 3-for-6, 2 RBIs; Hamilton 2-for-4, 3 RBIs; Napoli 4-for-5; Cruz 4-for-6; Young hit a homer.  Frankly, the Rangers scoring summary was denser than David Foster Wallace footnotes.

Chris Davis – 0-for-6 while the Rangers scored 20 runs.  That is an incredible ticker tease.  It almost seems mathematically impossible it’s so epic.  Though Davis is more like a career tease.  He wears low cut skirts and a chastity belt.  (BTW, Davis also had two errors.  Too bad none of my fantasy teams have a slot for a futility player.)

Pedro Alvarez – 1-for-3 yesterday as he was promoted after Alex Presley was seen leaving the building.  I think the Pirates and Pedro agreed to forget that the first half ever happened.  Pirates collective voice, “Pedro, just hit like you did last 2nd half.  We’ll blame the first half on one of the many subpar 3Bs we’ve had over the years.  Pedro Alvarez, nah?  That was Jose Hernandez.  Or Andy LaRoche.  Or Jose Bautista– Oops, can’t use that one anymore.”

James McDonald – 5 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 9 Ks.  He was in last Friday’s Buy/Sell.  He was on the left side, which is the right side.  Weird!

Chipper Jones – 2-for-4 with a slam and legs as he returned from the DL.  Unfortunately, this is Glass Chipper we’re talking about and he was removed from the game with a tight quad.  I’d say he’s day-to-day, but with Chipper it’s more like minute-to-minute.

Cliff Lee – 4 IP, 5 ER vs. the Padres in Philly.  Imagine the Padres called a hitter-friendly stadium home?  Then they’d have mediocre pitching to go along with mediocre hitting.

R.A. Dickey – 6 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 7 Ks vs. Mike Leake (6 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners, 3 Ks).  How do they have a Dickey/Leake matchup and not have former Reds pitching coach, Dick Pole, throw out the first pitch?  Okay, okay.  Instead of saying a ball was hit up the middle, the announcers should’ve said it went through the vas deferns.  All right, all right.  When Dickey was facing Leake, did he shake off the curve?  Okay, that’s enough.  Geez.

Jason Isringhausen – Got another save, but you should wait until the trading deadline to drop Parnell.  That’s me reiterating me!

Dan Haren – 7 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 10 Ks.  Finally someone snuck in and changed his calendars back to June.  See, you don’t need acne to get proactive.

Jason Kubel – 2-for-4 and a homer.  I’m not a huge fan, but if you’re struggling for power, wouldn’t hurt to try Kubel.

Ezequiel Carrera – 0-for-3.  Know what would be utterly fantastic?  If the guy whose name is Spanish for squirrel, would run like one.  Stop worrying about your Amish morals and steal a base, Ezequiel!

Fausto Carmona – 6 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks.  I wouldn’t own Fausto in any league so this isn’t about him.  Do you get the sense the Indians are hoping they lose some games so they don’t have to pretend to trade for players?

Carlos Lee – 1-for-4 with a grand slam.  2nd day in a row with a homer.  Looks like Chuck Lee is the Flavor Flav of the week for power.

Colby Rasmus – 1-for-3, 3 RBIs with his 2nd homer in two games.  You can keep beating down Colby, but he’s a Survivor.

Yadier Molina – The youngest member of the Flying Molina Bros. has now hit a homer in three straight games.

Lance Berkman – Big Puma is out for a day or two with a rotator cuff strain.  Coincidentally, my Mercury Cougar’s out for a day or two with an alternator issue.  Nothing a little mustache grease can’t fix.

Jose Altuve – 3-for-4, now hitting .412 since his call up.  If you’re having issues with your middle infidel, could be worth the flyer.

Mark Buehrle – 6 IP, 0 ER, 11 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Season ERA at 3.22.  Him and Danks are like Trader Joe’s wine.  Are you impressing anyone with it?  Nope, but it does get the job done and it’s not as bad as you think.

Sergio Santos – Didn’t get the save because Ozzie had Sale open the ninth in a 3-run game.  After the game, Ozzie tweeted, “My H2H opponent has Santos.  #sorryputas”

Juan Pierre – 2-for-5 with his 16th steal and 12th caught stealing.  Jonah Hill in Moneyball would not be impressed.

Jason Vargas – 4 IP, 4 ER.  I said this last time, but not everyone reads every day.  I get it, you have to tend to your crops in Farmville.  Either way, Vargas is no longer ownable in most mixed leagues.

Kevin Youkilis – Left Monday’s contest with hamstring tightness.  The Jewish Youkilis should know better than to mess with hamstrings.

Desmond Jennings – 2-for-4 with his 3rd steal.  I’m gonna photocopy Jennings’ face onto a thousand doilies and fashion a dress out of it, then walk around singing, “Don’t mess with my Desmond Tutu!”

Rubby de la Rosa – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks.  Now has an ERA of 3.49.  I have my shades drawn so my solar calculator doesn’t work, but could someone tell me the collective ERA for all starters in the NL West?

Aaron Harang – 6 IP, 4 ER, 10 baserunners, 2 Ks.  The Harangutan now has 9 wins and a 3.45 ERA.  Boy am I glad I drafted Liriano!

Cameron Maybin – Out for a few games with a strained hip flexor.  When he returns, his coming up to bat song will no longer be The Twist.

Kyle Blanks – 7 Ks in 13 ABs.  He fills in the blanks with K’s.  Yi_es!  Quit stri_ing out, you motherfuc_er!

Kendrys Morales is out for another 6 months with surgery to remove scar tissue.  Who was the first surgeon to operate on him?  Dr. Nick Riviera?  Hey, boys and three girls!  Bummer for the Los Angeles Angels of Not Los Angeles County…I mean, hello, Trumbo.  Giddy up, snitches!  The Sciosciapath has to play Trumbo now, right?  I mean, probably.  Can’t put anything over on that sly fox.  And by ‘sly,’ I mean dumb.  And by ‘fox,’ I mean not a fox.  If you’re hurting for a corner man, this should be all the incentive you need to sound the Trumbo.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Grady Sizemore – It’s the return of Wounded Knee.  Sizemore went for an MRI for his knee pain.  In other news, water is wet, taco diarrhea burns and astronaut ice cream is delicious.  If you own Sizemore, consider therapy to find out why you keep trying to hurt yourself with your life choices.  “Why’s everyone in my living room?  I was just going to move Sizemore to my bench.”  “Billy, have you thought about trading Sizemore for a pitcher?”  “No!  He makes me feel special!  I hate all of you!”  “Why can’t you just do crank like your brother?!”  That’s you on the show Intervention when your family confronts you about your fantasy draft choices.  Now Sizemore’s MRI says (yes, the MRI talks) his knee is fine.  Right.  So let him play a few days, then you trade him.  He’s not going to run this year, so what do you have with Grady?  You have Beltran, Jason Kubel or a host of other some power, no speed outfielders.  You don’t have the 30/30 Sizemore of yesteryear (2008).

Ryan Braun – The Hebrew Hammer was removed from the game with an ankle contusion after he ran into an outfield wall.  Pending the seriousness of the injury, the wall may now be known as The Wailing Wall of Milwaukee.

Randy Wolf – 3 1/3 IP, 5 ER.  Was in last week’s post about pitchers that should see a correction, and yesterday the Padres dropped a whole bottle of White-Out on his stats.

Jason Bartlett – 4-for-6, 2 runs, 2 RBIs, 2 steals, 2 Girls, 1 Cup.

Chris Denorfia – 3-for-4, home run and is hitting .370.  He doesn’t really play every day, but he should. (Really, compared to playing Will Venable every day anyone seems like an upgrade.)

Cameron Maybin – 4-for-6, 2 runs and 2 RBIs.  That’s so Maybin!

Tim Stauffer – 5 1/3 IP, 6 ER.  After not feeding a hodgepadre after midnight, what’s the next most important rule?  Don’t start them in away games.

Edinson Volquez – 4 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks.  Guys and three girl readers, I want to formally apologize, or apologise if you use the Queen’s oldfangled spelling, for pushing anyone to draft this schmohawk.  When you can’t go into Houston and pitch well, you’re meat.  Now hang this jerky out to dry.

Drew Stubbs – The King of Slam & Legs doffed his crown and screamed, “As you were, peasants!”

Al Alburquerque – 2/3 IP, 3 ER.  Santa K, even you’ve turned on me?  For shame.  *shakes fist at the sky*  For shame!

Geovany Soto – His strained groin has forced him to the DL.  Sounds like an injury that would sideline a porn actress.

Matt Garza – He’ll be mentioned in this afternoon’s post about pitchers who should be better.  It’s an extravaGarza!

Felix Hernandez – 5 IP, 4 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 Ks.  F-Her should’ve had a nine inning O face against the Orioles.  Probably just teaching us a lesson for drafting him in the 2nd round.

Adam Jones – 4-for-4, 2 RBIs.  He’s hitting .286 with 5 homers and 4 steals on the year.  That, friend, was a surprise to me because I swear I get at least 4 comments a day about dropping him.  He’s on a 25/15 pace.  That’s Pence-ish.  What’s the major malfunction here?

Hiroki Kuroda – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks.  You know how you say reliable in Japanese?  Toyota.  But it could be Kuroda.

Hong-Chih Kuo – To the DL with an anxiety disorder.  Maybe you get to take days off for this shizz in Taiwan, but where I come from, we bottle up our emotional issues and play like crazy until we have a heart attack and die prematurely.

Matt Joyce – 2-for-5, back-to-back games with a homer while batting .358.  Sure, it won’t last but that matters?  Rhetorical!

David Price – 8 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks.  You know who is annoyed he avoided Price this year?  This guy!

Scott Baker – 4 1/3 IP, 5 ER, 11 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Ream me up Scotty!

Matt Capps – 1 2/3 IP, 3 ER.  Nathan hasn’t given up a run in almost two weeks.  Um, that’s only three appearances. Not now, Random Italicized Voice.

Jason Kubel – 2-for-3, 4 RBIs and his 4th homer.  Prolly a tad late on talking about Kubel.  I’m *pinkie to mouth* Kubelated.  Not sure what eggs you got in your outfield basket, but right now Kubel’s a good egg.  Usually, I find he has salmonella.  (BTW, I’m waiting for someone to name their daughter Salmonella.  Hopefully it doesn’t then go viral.)

Eric Hosmer – He hit his 1st homer.  Guess what else?  *taps finger, scratches chin, trims mustache, plucks nose hair*  Give up?  He’s batting third!

A.J. Burnett – 7 IP, 6 baserunners (1 Hit), 6 Ks.  Now has an ERA of 3.38.  Quite a change from Ass Jack’s 2010.  His walk-rate is in the vicinity it was the last time he had a respectable year, so it’s possible he keeps it going.  (Relatively, he’s not more than a 3.75 ERA pitcher.)

Ryan Madson – Recorded his 5th save, has an ERA of 0.60.  “That whole ‘he doesn’t have what it takes to close’ thing was an obvious motivational tactic.  Dur.” That’s what the Phils pitching coach will say any day now.

Leo Nunez – 1 IP, 2 ER.  As we learned last August, when Nunez goes south, he goes monkey-fightin’ south fast.  Mike Dunn would be the handcuff.  Then if he gets the job, after every save you can scream, “Mmm…Dunn!” and throw your mitt in the air like Jesse Orosco, because you wear a glove to watch baseball games, even at home.

Scott Podsednik – Blue Jays release Pods, hope to retain his wife.

Rajai Davis – 4-for-4 with his 2nd game in a row with 2 steals.  Somebody’s got the fever for the SAGNOF!

Craig Kimbrel – 1 IP, 2 ER with the blown save.  I love you, Kimbrel, so why do you hate the ones you love?

Ian Desmond – 2-for-6 with 2 steals to bring his total up to 12.  Wow, is he gonna go 10/30 this year?  Cause that would be huge.  (Be even nicer if he hit .270.  But that’s quibbling!  Or is it?!  No, actually it’s not.  Seriously, get to .270.)

Miguel Cabrera – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs when he was ejected for arguing with the home plate ump.  Went something like this, “Taste great!” “Less filling!”  Well, you know Miggy — he always wants to stick around after the last call.

Francisco Rodriguez was arrested for assaulting his father-in-law.  That’s going to make for awkward holidays.  Or maybe they’ll skip Christmas and celebrate Boxing Day.  Fred Wilpon needs to put some rubber bands in his beard and get K-Rod and Tony “Shirtless” Bernazard into the squared circle.  During the fight, Johan was seen comforting K-Rod’s wife.  Johan, “She was looking for the changeup, and I went with the heater.”  K-Rod will probably miss a few games while he responds to attorney emails.  Oddly enough, K-Rod isn’t the easiest guy to handcuff.  His backups in no particular order:  Bobby Parnell, who I believe is the little black kid from Role Models, isn’t very good, Manny Acosta isn’t much better, Elmer Dessens is the guy who sells fresh corn on the side of the road when you’re driving through a rural town and Pedro Feliciano is related to Pedro Feliz, I think.  Frankly, I’d avoid the whole Mets mess.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Miguel Montero – Was a part of a back-to-back-to-back-to-back homer job with Adam LaRoche, Mini Donkey and Stephen Drew as they did work on Bush.  Hey, Googlers of back-to-back + Bush.  Betcha this isn’t the kind of fantasy site you were looking for, was it?  And for those that found us by Googling Donkey + Bush –> I’m kinda skeeved.

Daniel Hudson – 7 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 9 Ks.  I picked him up when he was traded into the NL with the expectation that I’d only own him for one start, but I haven’t seen one red flag yet.

Pat Burrell – 2-for-4 with his 2nd homer in ten games as he bats .357 this month.  It’s Pat the Bat and he’s swinging, ladies.

Andres Torres – 2-for-3 with two steals and has 4 steals in the last week.  He stops hitting homers; he starts stealing bases.  What’s not to love?

Cliff Lee – 6 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 11 Ks.  The Adverb now has 137 Ks and 9 BBs on the year.  Incredible Lee.

Brandon Lyon – 1 1/3 IP, 5 ER.  Why is God punishing me?  Was it the cat I kicked in college?  I was on shrooms and Mr. Wigglenose said, “Freakin’ furball,” but I thought I heard, “I’m a free kickball.”  After the cat landed, we laughed about the confusion.  Mr. Wigglenose forgave me, why want you?!  Why?!

Matt Lindstrom – Will be out for a few days with a sore back, which could turn into a longer absence.  Well, maybe Lyon’s not so bad.  Oh my God, I have a sickness for vulture saves.

Mike Stanton – 5-for-5, 2 Runs, 4 RBIs and his 11th homer.  Next year, you’re not going to be able to get anywhere near Stanton for a reasonable price so enjoy him now while you can.

Logan Morrison – 3-for-4 with 3 Runs.  Hitting .283 and zero homers in his first two weeks in the majors.  It’s okay; there’s time.  Power will come and, unlike Stanton, the average will be fine.

Ian Desmond – 2-for-5 with 2 homers.  Now has 9 homers and 12 steals on the year.  He’s going to end the year around 12 homers and 15 steals and suck me right back in again next year.

Ryan Raburn – 2-for-4 with his 2nd homer this week.  Ryan Raburn is soooo valuable– Wait, that’s Gene Raburn.  Raburn’s playing every day, has pop and he should have 2nd base eligibility in your league.  If he doesn’t, fire your commissioner.

Tommy Hanson – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks vs. the Wandwagon (7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 9 Ks) as it was Throwback To 2009 Day at The Juice Box.  Hanson hasn’t had a terrible game since June, so it might be a little late for this, but hopefully Hanson drops a few turds the rest of the way so he’s undervalued in 2011 drafts.  Could Hanson be better than Lincecum in 2011?  Discuss amongst yourselves.

Jerry Hairston Jr. – 2-for-4 and his 3rd homer in the last four games.  These guys don’t stay hot forever, but he’s hot right now.  Hairston was also my pickup for today’s short schedule.

Chris Denorfia – 2-for-3 with a steal.  Now batting .455 over the last week.  Another guy that could go cold any day now, but is hot right now.

Jhoulys Chacin – Potential to start on August 20th, depending on how well Esmil Rogers looks in his next start.  Esmil Rogers said, “Holy chicken mole, this is a lot of pressure.”

Carlos Quentin – 2-for-2 with a homer in his 2nd straight game.  Please stay hot and avoid injury.  That is all.

Brad Bergesen – 9 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks vs. the Indians.  He strikes out less than 4 batters per 9 innings and he’s on a terrible team in a bad division.  In the offseason, Bergesen was hurt while filming a commercial.  See, he’s not good at pitching, in every sense of the word.

Brian Roberts – 3-for-4 with his 2nd homer in the last three games.  May be a surprising contributor for your H2H playoffs.

Adam Wainwright – 7 IP, 0 ER, 2 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Right now, his line is 17-6/1.99/0.97/158.  Spectacular, even if Larry King and I both want to call him, Adam Wainwright III.

Colby Rasmus – 2-for-5 with a grand slam.  He’s more or less taken a dump since I put him in my Sell column about two months, but Colby’s a Survivor.  I’m going to be pushing hard to own Colby next year, but will have to see where he’s going to be drafted.  Right now, I’d say he’ll be drafted as a 3rd outfielder, but with a hot finish or a crazy Spring Training he could get drafted as a 2nd outfielder and become a bit too expensive.  Though a 30/15 year in 2011 doesn’t seem too far of a stretch.

Chris Carter – 0 for his first 9 in the bigs.  It’s tempting to say screw it and drop him, but I’d give him a week in redraft leagues.

Jon Niese – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks.  I thought he was hitting a wall, but now I think he might’ve just been showing a blip on the radar.  Definitely worth owning again.

Jered Weaver – 8 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 11 Ks to extend his major league lead in Ks to 182 (in only 163 IP).  All of this while resembling the female gym teacher in your high school.

Clay Buchholz – 8 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, a 2.49 ERA and a Cainian ERA to xFIP difference.

Bill Hall – 3-for-5, 4 RBIs with 2 homers.  Guess how many homers he has on the year.  Go ahead, I’ll wait.  *taps finger, scratches head, swigs from a bottle of Night Train*  15 homers!  What?  Is that only insane to me?

Mike Lowell – 3-for-4, a day after hitting a homer.  He’s in a good position to succeed for about a month if his body holds up.

Ross Gload – To the DL with a right groin strain.  Until Howard returns, the area around 1st base will be Sweeney *pinkie to mouth* sod.

Chad Billingsley – 6 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks vs. Roy Oswalt who went 7 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks as I got the dreaded double sonavabench!

Matt Kemp – Didn’t start again in one of the easiest parks to hit in.  Does Torre think he’s Steve Kemp?  Did Kemp make fun of Torre for picking his nose?  Does Torre keep playing Gibbons as an homage to Jane Goodall?

The save vulture is a scavenger bird.  They see weakness in others’ misfortune.  A closer goes down or struggles and the save vulture swoops in and gnaws on the closer’s handcuff.  Peck, Brandon League, peck.  The save vultures are indigenous to rural and metropolitan areas, especially if a trade is in progress.  Goodbye, Rauch.  Hello, Drew Storen, Tyler Clippard and Sean Burnett.  Save vultures have trouble reproducing because they’re usually overweight guys who would prefer to listen to sports news than what the girl they’re dating is talking about.  “How does my manicure look?”  “Very pretty, Joel Hanrahan.”   “Did you just call me, Joel Hanrahan?”  “No.”  Kevin Gregg, Kerry Wood, Joakim Soria any of them can be traded in the next 24 hours.  If you need saves, there won’t be many saves coming into the league after the trade deadline.  If you need closers, now is the time to swoop, save vultures.  Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Domonic Brown – If I keep talking about Domonic, I’m gonna have to do a spin-off blog, Razzbrown.  My Domonic Brown fantasy is clickable.

Tyler Colvin – I told you to pick him up on June 18th.  Since then, 19/9/20/.250/1.  Yeah, that’s better than Werth, Vlad, Torii, Grandy, Alfonso and a ton of other guys.

Chris Denorfia – By the time you read this he might already be cold and not worth owning.  There’s a difference between someone like Colvin and Denorfia.  Denorfia is a random outfielder who just happens to be hot, Colvin’s actually decent.

Andres Torres – Why do you make me talk about the same guy for three weeks and then by the time you pick him up he’s no longer good?  This is a trust exercise.  Fall back into my arms.  I promise to keep my mustache to myself.

Brett Wallace – Here’s what I said this morning, “Getting passed around…” “…like a trollop…” “Berkman” “is” “different cities.”   My Zagat quote skills are strong!  Here’s my Brett Wallace fantasy without the clunky quotes.

Jon Jay – His minor league numbers look like he’s unstartable against lefties (.180 vs. the same side, .404 vs. righties), but he’s actually relieved Rasmus vs. southpaws because he’s hitting the scrammy-handed at a .474 clip.  But, as I tell the ladies, beware the small sample size.  Jon Jay should get exploited the more he sees the ‘ones who need special scissors.’  That makes Jay a platoon guy without an injury.  Grab him now since he’s hitting everything and La Russa seems to like him, but don’t be surprised if it’s short-lived.

Travis Snider – Time to get randy on Travis.  He’s due to finally return from his sore right wrist.  Usually I’d be worried about a wrist injury, but Snider pulled a Kotchman and has been recuperating since May 15th.  His wrist better be, uh, better by now.  Plus, who couldn’t love a guy who resembles this guy?

Travis Wood – Sticking with the Travis theme… There is no wrong, there is no right… The circle has one side, side, side… Wait, wrong Travis theme.  So how much can Wood chuck if Wood could maintain his BABIP?  A bunch, but it seems unlikely. Wood gets the Pirates next and he’s pitched well enough where you can take a flyer on him.

Scott Olsen – Yesterday’s game picked up right where he left off as a respectable number five fantasy starter.  He gets the Diamondhacks next, that’s a ‘Yes’ with a dollop of ‘Please.’

Brett Myers – With a line of 3.10/1.22/113 on the year, you should’ve really grabbed him four months ago, but it’s not too late.

Michael Wuertz – Bailey’s not getting traded, but he’s also not getting healthy.

Danny Valencia – Grab him if you’re hurting for a corner infidel, but his Kevin Maas-shaped candle might’ve already burned out.

Will Rhymes – SAGNOF!

Logan Morrison – Just went over my Logan Morrison fantasy a few days ago.  Nothing’s changed — LoMo Hitado!

Ryan Raburn – Green Raburn asks, “Magglio Ordonez is so hurt he _____________” However you fill in that blank, Raburn has pop and should see playing time.

SELL

Edison Volquez – Don’t be the person that says in the comments, “You can’t sell Volquez!  He’s not worth anything!”  As I said in the beginning of the year, the Sell isn’t always literal.  It also means to drop him.  In non-keepers, you let someone else see if Volquez can figure it out.

Troy Glaus – Playing first base has helped him stay in the lineup.  Unfortunately, you probably wish he were hurt for the last two months.

Dan Uggla – July was his biggest month since May of 2008.  It was his first month since then that he had an average over .300.  He currently sits at 22 homers.  Maybe he has another good week, but he’s never kept up the rate he’s currently on and I don’t think he suddenly will.  I wouldn’t trade him for your nana’s Jell-O mold collection, but I’d listen to offers.

Dan Haren was traded to the Angels for a terrible pitcher and some prospects.  On a real baseball note, the Diamondhacks got had like they were taking cards from Ricky Jay.  I think the desert sun’s baked their brains.  To make a deal in the major leagues, you see what the Yankees will give you then you dangle that deal in front of all other clubs. The Yankees will give us their top prospect and dinner with Rudy Giuliani, can you beat that?  Here’s our top prospect and Bobby Grich will do your personal taxes for two years.  Deal!  On a fantasy note, this is about as lateral of a move Haren owners could’ve hoped for.  The league change is a negative, but the park change is a positive.  Also, if your pitcher gets traded into the AL, the AL West is the place for them.  The M’s and A’s are weak and the Rangers are less strong away from Arlington (the Angels are done playing in Arlington until the last weekend of the season).  The Angels do get the Red Sox twice, but also the O’s, Royals and Indians.  The only real red flag for Haren is his 1st/2nd half splits, but that was a problem prior to the trade.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Psyche!  Before going into the roundup, I wanted to tell everyone our fantasy football site is doing sign ups for their fantasy leagues.  Anyway II, here’s the roundup:

Joe Saunders – The move to the NL doesn’t make him more attractive.  A move to the Taiwanese Little League team wouldn’t make him more attractive.

Torii Hunter – 2-for-4 with a homer as he pulled off some Multiplicity shizz.

Magglio Ordonez -  While he’s shelved for two months, he can work on what’s really important, growing out his jheri curl mullet.  Bring back the Soul Glo!  Immediately when I saw the Tigers three hole hitter was knocked out for 2 months the first thing I thought was, is Leyland really going to bat the .280 OBP Ryan Raburn third for two months?  He did for the first game of the doubleheader.  We shall see.

Carlos Guillen – Off to the DL or as they call it in the Guillen household, “Daddy day care.”

Ryan Raburn – The Magglio/Guillen injuries should give a couple new guys regular time, but the only interesting one is Raburn.  (Will Rhymes is interesting for his steals, but I don’t think he gets enough playing time.  BTW, no relation to Busta.)  Raburn hit 16 homers in 261 ABs last year.  His homers per fly balls was a bit out of whack, but if he gets hot, he can provide some pop.  In AL-Only leagues, obviously you take what you can get.  In mixed leagues, I wouldn’t touch him until he starts hitting.

Orlando Hudson – To the DL with yawnstipation.  Wait, checking my notes.  Oh, he strained his oblique.  If he were on the Mets, he would’ve played tomorrow, then sat out for a week, then played, then sat out for five games, then played.

Kevin Slowey – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 2 Ks vs. the O’s.  Since this was against a terrible team, it doesn’t instill any confidence.

Jason Kubel – 3-for-5 with a grand slam.  I ranked Kubel high in my midseason fantasy rankings because of his propensity for 2nd half thunder.  Cust kayin’.

Carlos Gonzalez – 1-for-5 with 3 Ks and has been struggling for the last week.  Rockies should trade Brad Hawpe for a new finger for CarGo.

J.A. Happ – 5 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks.  A just okay return for a guy I’m not high on (unlike this glue I’m huffing).  Happ has 12 walks and 9 Ks in 15 1/3 IP.  You shouldn’t need more.

Coco Crisp – 1-for-3 with 2 steals and 6 steals in the last week. Coco Quik!  Gotta love when a player knows how he provides fantasy value and gives it to you.

Ben Sheets – To the DL as he took one for all the Bennis Carpensheeters out there.  (BTW, The White Sox middle man, Erick Threets’ name sounds like a portmanteau of injured players too.)

Michael Wuertz – Wuertz has now picked up his 2nd save in four days as Bailey deals with back problems.  Though Bailey said he should return on Tuesday, I picked up Wuertz everywhere I could.  He’s heavy!

Brett Anderson – Should return on Friday.  I’d be careful with the first start back, but I would own Anderson since when he’s healthy, he’s nasty.

R.A. Dickey – 5 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 2 baserunners, 6 Ks.  He left the game with a strained buttock after stepping in a mound ditch made by Kershaw.  Hoping for the NY Post headline, “Dickey In A Hole, Strains Butt.”

Kenley Jansen – This converted catcher is giving herbathrowdites everywhere a good name.  He got his first save as Broxton recoups from his two inning outing on Saturday.  Leave it to Torre to rest Broxton during save chances because he was overworked then to throw him for two innings.  Jansen could be a fun MR pickup for Holds and Ks, but he’s not suddenly the closer.

Buster Posey – 4-for-5 and now batting .371.  Pray he doesn’t ask for advice from Soto and Wieters on how to follow up his rookie year.

Barry Enright – 6 IP, 2 ER, 11 baserunners, 2 Ks.  Still don’t trust him but he does go into Metco next time out.  That’s a decent gamble in some leagues.

Wandy Rodriguez – 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners (1 Hit), 7 Ks.  Facing the top hitting club in the NL, the Reds, and he does this after getting shelled by the Cubs last time out.  The Wandwagon’s shocks are causing for a bumpy ride.

Chris Johnson – 1-for-4 with his 3rd homer this week.  Yeah, he’s a mixed league pickup now.  As they say in the porn industry, all aboard the Johnson!

Mike Leake – 6 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 10 baserunners, 3 Ks.  He was in Friday’s Sell.  How did you know, Grey?  Please dish. Well, random italicized voice, I didn’t know he’d pitch poorly, but his innings will soon be limited.  And maybe he will pitch poorly going forward because he’s young and might be tiring.

Chris Denorfia – 2-for-5 with his fourth homer this week.  In the broad sense, he sucks.  In the specific as-of-right-now sense, he’s hot and could help you for a few days while he’s hitting and starting.

Joel Hanrahan – Being reported by Buster Olney that he will take over for Dotel if a trade goes down.  Olney’s forgotten more than I’ll ever know.  Like when he forgot where his keys were to his money green El Dorado, I didn’t even know he had an El Dorado.

Troy Glaus – 1-for-4 as he hits .204 in July with zero homers.  Belch.

Curtis Granderson – 2-for-4 with 2 homers and a steal.  He has a modest five game hitting streak.  Could end the season with a 20 homers and 15 steals.  Right now he’s at 9/8.  Do the math!

Phil Hughes – 5 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks.  This start might’ve been slightly shortened by rain, but, since the Yanks won’t try and push him, you should expect similar lines going forward.  Ron Washington, “Someone say lines?!”

Reid Brignac – 1-for-3 with his 4th homer in the last week.  Own while hot.

Rick Ankiel – 3-for-4 with his first homer since coming back.  In most mixed leagues, I’d wait to see more.

Scott Podsednik – 2 homers and 4 RBIs.  After the game, he told a reporter, “And I got a hot wife.  WHAT?!”  Then again, that’s his answer to everything.

Chone Figgins – 2-for-3 with a steal as he’s played in both games since him and Wakamatsu fought in the dugout.  Talks are now underway for Figgy and Wakamatsu to star in the re-remake of The Karate Kid.