Fantasy Baseball Advice

John Lackey showed Jered Weaver and Jake Peavy how it’s done. When your team gives you one run, you make shutout lemonade. After the game, one Angels fan said, “Lackey is twice the pitcher of Jim Abbott.” That’s 9 starts for Lackey this year and they’ve all been fantastic. 7+ IP every game. 2 runs or less in all except one (where he had 3). 6 Wins, sub-1.00 WHIP. Lackey hasn’t made a bad pitch since he tried to convince Arte Moreno to invest in his remake of Cop and a Half with John Lackey and Chone Figgins. I don’t know what they did to rehab his elbow but they should give a little bit to Kelvim Escobar. Now if he could only run for Vlad. As for Kevin Slowey, he pitched a complete game shutout. I touted Slowey all the way back in the beginning of May, while remaining realistic about his propensity for giving up home runs. I felt yesterday’s Brewers matchup wasn’t favorable for him, but I also told you Frenchy was a Buy in that May 3rd post, so I’ve had a few bumps along the way. However, if I may beat my own horn, in that May 3rd post I was probably 75% right. Seriously, doubt me. It makes me want to be better. Like Jerry Mcguire. Anyway, here’s what else we saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Chris Davis - Homered yesterday. In one of my leagues, he doesn’t clear waivers until July 3rd. Seriously, Yahoo, you suck. How has Yahoo become the de facto fantasy baseball service of choice? I’m leaning to returning to ESPN next year. (Of course my favorite will be CBS, but they charge. Then again, isn’t everyone paying money for real time stats on Yahoo? How is this okay? Chris Davis played in two games before he was even added. It wasn’t even like he was added the day after his at-bat. Yahoo is known for being the number one search engine ten years ago. They’re attempting to do some nonsense with new email addresses. I guess this is for the six people who don’t already have a work email, a personal email and a spam email. Yeah, I want a fourth email. A “I’m never going to use this email” email. You can now reach me at YahooFantasyBaseballSucks@Rocketmail.com.)

Mark Buehrle - I started him again last night and got another quality start. I’m worried that I’m pressing my luck. No whammy! No whammy! Ooh… 5 IP and 7 ER.

Eric Gagne - Untuck his shirt Sunday night as he was activated from the DL. Knowing Torres should remain the closer and trying to save (<—pun!) face, Gagne said he’d welcome any job the Brewers had for him. I have an idea. During the 7th inning sausage race, how about a new addition — the crapwurst?

Andy Pettitte - That’s 4 straight wins with a 1.00 ERA over 27 IP. Granted, that includes a start against OAK and SDG but he’s paid off Rudy bigtime as a 6th starter in two leagues.

Jim Thome - I said on Friday that I would be buying once interleague was over. He hit a home run yesterday. I’ve picked him up in a ten team league. Adam Dunn was happy to see me pickup Thome. No longer would he get mocked for wearing overalls and chewing straw.

Dustin Pedroia - Here he comes to save the day! Mighty Mouse has been on fire all month and is now over .300 with 8 HR and 9 SB for the year.

Edwin Encarnacion - Homered yesterday. Do you think he dreams of being Adrian Beltre when he grows up? All you need is one monster season, double-E!

Michael Cuddyer - From the files of 2007 fantasy baseball, I felt like I should mention this schmohawk, but he’s done nothing this year at all. Now he’s headed to the DL.

Oliver Perez - Shut down the Yanks. He’s the equivalent of a crazy hot chick.

A.J. Burnett - If Oliver Perez is like a crazy hot chick, AJ Burnett is like a crazier Oliver Perez.

Brandon Lyon - After blowing another Haren save, it’s quite apparent. He’s made a Brandon pact with Mr. Webb. Todd Jones has made a similar pact with an imaginary pitcher on the Tigers he’s named Todd.

I don’t like Brandon Webb. Why, Grey? Why the hard feelings? Did he have sex with your sister and then make you smell his fingers? No, you sick bastard. In 2004, I owned Brandon Webb in a league that counted Ks minus BBs and Webb had 119 walks that year, which is about twice his usual amount. I left that season vowing never to draft him again. So what did he do since my vow? He went on to become one of the top pitchers in the game. Did he become great as a personal vow of vengeance against me? Probably. Now just because Brandon Webb wants to be petty doesn’t mean I have to be, too. So while he has sucked dog balls over the last month, am I celebrating his struggles during Mojito Night at Case de Grey? No, it’s not necessary. A 6.05 ERA in June is bad. He knows. I don’t need to point out the obvious. Only 14 strikeouts in 22 IP is dreadful. In his last two games his ERA is 9.58. That’s 11 ER in 10.1 IP. Ugh and ugly. So this is great news for me because I get to see Webb struggle, but even better news for all of you that don’t own him. Not simply for the schadenfreude glee you get from seeing your friends miserable. (But that helps!) No, his recent struggles opens up a buying opportunity. Last year his Pre-All Star break ERA was 3.37; Post-All Star was 2.56.  His three year average against is .256 before the break and .239 after. I’m not a huge fan of trading for pitchers, especially not top ones, but while Webb struggles, there might be a chance to get him cheaper than usual. So if you need to get a pitcher, Webb should get better. Anyway, here’s some other players to buy and sell in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Chris Davis - Mentioned this morning. How’s that for timeliness?

Fred Lewis - On one hand, he has a name that sounds like he should be an 80s sitcom character, on the other he has 6 HRs and 13 steals. Consider him a weak man’s 30/30. Say 10/30?

Steven Pearce - Starting to hit everything he sees out of the park. Pirates prospect should get a look soon once the Pirates realize they should be playing for next year. (Yes, they should’ve been playing for next year in March. That’s cute. Did you think up that one on your own?)

Vladimir Guerrero - He already made one Buy list. Guess what? I’m still buying. Not because I think he’ going to go 40/40 after the break, but I do think he will be better than he has been and his price tag is extremely low right now.

Jim Thome - I noticed he was on waivers in one of my ten team leagues. Hmm… Once interleague is over, I’m picking him up. As a utility guy, he’s that bad? (That was rhetorical!)

Wandy Rodriguez - Well you came and you gave without taking, but I sent you away, oh Wandy… Where else do you go to get your fantasy baseball and Barry Manilow fill in one place? (That’s not rhetorical.)

Ryan Church - He should be back this weekend from his concussion. (On a side note, I was hit by a truck in college, knocking me into a coma. Long story short, I was back within the week getting drunk on Lansdowne. The truck was bigger than Marlon Anderson. Seriously, Willie might have made a misstep chucking Church back in there the next day, but now Church’s moving close to pulling a Kotchman.)

Gary Sheffield - Sheffield hates you. He just does. There’s no rhyme or reason. He especially hates those who think he can’t play anymore. To prove your stupid face wrong, he will continue to hit and prove his worth. But Sheff has the distinction of being both a Buy and a Sell. See below why he’s a “Sell.” (Talk about hedging my bets!)

SELL

Gary Sheffield - He’s old and steroids are now banned. Nagging injuries become DL stints and “Sheff needs a day off.” It’s hard for me to hate on Sheff too much; Sheff talks about himself in third person. Grey likes that, but Grey also is not picking Sheff up in any league.

Carlos Pena - If Pena was dropped in any league while he was injured, he’s worth grabbing to see if he can get hot. But, like Chief Jay Strongbow, I have my reservations. Then again, I used to think George Michael was straight, so I’ve been wrong in the past. Wait, this sounds like a Buy. Yeah, it is sorta (Grey’s hedging again!), but I also think Pena will be a season long bust and if Pena gets hot I think he should be sold immediately before he gives you a .220 average.

Francisco Liriano - He might be a Buy again next week, but for now, I’m dropping him. He’s looked bad in his last two minor league starts.

Kurt Suzuki - He had two home runs in the last two weeks and now he’s a hot add. An arm wrestling match between Suzuki vs. Kendall would last for three hours with one of them quitting because of a broken nail.

Eric Stults - I loved him as Rocky Dennis. Is he some kind of wonderful? Eh.

J.D. Drew - He will break your heart, just ask Philly.

Milton Bradley - He hates you more than Sheff. Larry King seems to think Milton Bradley should add “Fun For All Ages” at the end of his name. I think Milton Bradley would Chacon the air from your lungs if he heard you say that.

Okay, who’s the new schmohawk that Grey’s touting now? It’s Chris Davis, the Rangers hot prospect. There’s lots of things to like about Chris Davis. In the last 162 games, he’s hit .327 and 49 home runs. Zoinks! The only thing that’s standing in Chris Davis’s way of playing time is Hank Blalock’s health. (If Hank Blalock came down with the black plague, would anyone blink a eye? The guy makes Mr. Glass seem insurable. Maybe it’s some kind of psychological thing because when he was young he heard how it was so cool to be “ill” or “be illin’” and now Blalock’s manifesting that into injuries and sickness? Okay, it’s just a theory.) The bad fantasy baseball news about Chris Davis, he strikes out a lot. Okay, I’ll define a lot. Adam Dunn struckout 101 times in his last full year of the minors. Chris Davis struckout 150 times. Dunn walked 100 times. Davis walked 35 times. Dunn hit 16 home runs. Davis hit 36. Okay, that doesn’t mean he will strikeout 250 times and hit 50 HRs, but it gives you a bit of an idea of what kind of player he is. So what should you do? Take a flier if you have room (not that he’s in Yahoo’s database anyway). The downside is you drop him after a week and move on. The upside is 15 home runs and lots of Ks. As I’ve said many times before, Braun’s ‘07 does not happen every year or every five years. Just don’t get burned chasing rookie-nookie. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Matt Garza - Threw a one hitter against the ‘lins. Shouldn’t be on waivers in any ten team or deeper league. Garza is too erratic/wild to just yet move up to being called a “solid #2.” It’s fine anyway, I’ve seen some solid number twos and they smell — oofa!

Edinson Volquez - Take out the Liquid Paper; there’s been a correction! You knew it was coming at some point. I think the most surprising thing was Julio Reyes aka Edison aka Edinson didn’t strikeout anyone. Honestly, this is a bizarre time for his correction to come. Interleague? Against the Blue Jays? In the dome? I think all the Reds pitchers are just glad they don’t have to face Joe Inglett anymore. (BTW, Joe Inglett should sell his Reds pitcher voodoo dolls on QVC; those things worked!)

Chase Headley - Now has 14 Ks to 0 walks. Just as I advised with Bruce a month ago, I’d trade Headley or hold onto him and lower expectations. (I also advise catching The Real World: Hollywood. There’s someone from this season’s cast actually dating someone from a previous season’s cast. They should do a reality show where they rent out a whole town and put up every reality show person. Sorta like Kid Nation meets The Truman Show. Only it will be filled with bickering and orgies. Eric Nies could be the mayor, Rudy from the first Survivor could be the sheriff (if he’s alive, I have no idea), MythBusters could run a diner and Kynt & Vyxsin from The Amazing Race could open a boutique…. My head’s going to explode just thinking about all the possibilities.)

Curtis Granderson - I’m not the first one to say this — this might not even be the first time I’ve said it, but he’s a really poor base stealer. I watched Izzy, who’s so slow to the plate Leyland went for a cigarette break during the windup, throw an off speed pitch to Jason LaRue and LaRue, who throws like he’s drunk or handicapped, still threw out Granderson at 2nd base.

Jason Isringhausen - Pitched 2 and a 1/3 innings yesterday. This isn’t how he’s meant to be used and, frankly, I don’t want any part of it. Not sure what LaRussa’s drinking doing, but it’s not going to end well. In fact, Izzy was seen limping at one point yesterday and the trainer had to come out and check on him. Then Izzy went on to pitch another inning. Hold your Franklins and Perezes.

Gary Sheffield - Homered yesterday. He’ll be mentioned later today in the weekly Buy/Sell. You’re welcome.

Rich Harden - The only ability of Harden’s I doubt is his ability to stay healthy. I think if you have him, you might have a potential Cy Young winner or a guy that won’t see July. You can’t trade for that or trade that away. The only way I trade for Harden is if the deal’s lopsided in my favor.

Cliff Lee - Two words for you old-timers, Atlee Hammaker. In 1983, Atlee had 1.70 ERA going into the All Star game, then he gave up seven runs in 2/3 of an inning, including the first ever grand slam to Freddie Lynn. After the All Star game, he was never the same. Muahahahaha…. (Is it me or did that sound like campfire story from baseball camp?) BTW, Atlee actually wasn’t that bad after the All-Star break. But muahahahaha anyway…

Clayton Kershaw - 4 IP, 2 ER, 69 pitches. He’s on waivers in my fifteen team league and I can understand it.

John Danks - As someone pointed out in the comments or the forum (I’m not sure), Danks has pitched well. He’s only given up more than 3 ER once since the beginning of May.

Juan Pierre - 32 steals. Yeah, it sure was a waste to draft him for steals!

Wandy Rodriguez - He’s a bit of a bumpy ride, but he’s posted some great numbers thus far. Maybe Wandy and Ervin went to a hypnotist in the offseason to get over their fear of pitching on the road. You will choose not to suck…. You will chooose not to suck…. Later that night, “Yo, Wandy, what are you doing with that lollipop?” “Ervin, I can’t suck!”

Josh Hamilton - Left the game in the 2nd inning because of his knee or the HBP from the previous inning. Either way, every time I see Josh, I think of Bubbles from The Wire. Yo, man, Sherrod’s death wasn’t your fault!