Jose Altuve is on pace for 60 homers. He can’t even reach the cereal in the morning! If an opposing manager were to ask to see Altuve’s bat, they would crack it open to reveal gumballs because he’s the leader of the lollipop guild. If the major leagues were to institute a Daffy Duck ‘You Have To Be This Tall’ sign before getting to the batter’s box, Altuve would need his mother to escort him into the batter’s box every time. That’s assuming she’s tall enough! If she’s not, who does he get? His uncle? Erik Kratz? If might were height, Jose Altuve would be a giant. That much is true. I love that lil’ bugger! I want a Teddy Ruxpin in the shape of Altuve to cuddle at night. Last night, he went 4-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs with his 9th homer, hitting .330. So, the question is, can he keep it up? Up is not a word I associate with Altuve, and, no, he can’t keep it up. No one could keep up this pace. Of course, he’s still a .315 hitter with an easy 110 runs, 35 steals and 70 RBIs, i.e., a top ten bat. So, keep it up? No, not without four phonebooks under him. Do enough to make you glad you didn’t sell high? As a French dwarf would say, “Wee!” Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Matthew Wisler threw a gem yesterday — 8 IP, 0 ER, 1 Hit, 2 Walks, 4 Ks, lowering his ERA to 3.24. Or if you like portmanteaus and/or vomit — Matthrew up a gem. By the by, after anyone says their name is Matthew, do you always want to say, “Gesundheit?” “Name for the cup?” “Matthew.” “Wow, it’s allergy season, huh?” That’s me as a barista, a job I never had. I’ve actually held one real job in my entire life. I’m like Mark Cuban without the money. Since I own Wisler in more leagues than I care to admit, I watched the whole game. Prolly first time I watched one of my pitchers while listening to the opposing broadcast, but you cannot beat the Mets announcers for a broadcast booth or for stories about insane cocaine intake in the 80s. Wisler was dancing a 94 MPH fastball just at the knees, spinning a backdoor curve that had Neil Walker look more like Neil Statue. Duda? Go take a doodie, it’d be more productive than facing Wisler! Asdrubal? Well, he actually hit the ball hard. Quite a few Mets did. It was like, “Matthew! Damn, I think I caught something,” and the Braves would look up with a ball in their glove. So, Wisler’s performance last night was a gorgeous line, but I wouldn’t go near him outside of the deepest of leagues. In shallower leagues, Matthew? God bless you for last night, but I don’t need those tissues. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Could this finally be Brett Lawrie‘s post-post-post-post-post-post-post-post-POST-post hype breakout? I don’t want to overrate or prorate or ameliorate a past inveterate obturate to eviscerate execrate, try not to hate, love your mate, mediate or flip through cards like Michael Hutchence forth, Sandoval’s girth, Andrelton’s not from this earth, movie remake that never went anywhere was North by North. Yesterday, Lawrie went 3-for-3 with his third straight game with a homer, and he threw in a steal on Saturday, not a liar like James Frey, in Florida I need my mosquito spray, I have three albums by The Fray, said no one that wasn’t gay, which is totally okay. I was very high on Lawrie in the preseason, and right now he’s on pace for 20+ HRs, 12-15 SBs and hitting .290. On its own this would be implausible, laughable, impossible, insoluble in water, but he hit 16 homers last year, is only 26 years old and has easy 15-steal speed, so it’s not INXS of the possible. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
At this point, we’re almost a month through the 2016 MLB season. We are getting close to the point where patience is wearing thin on players who have started slow. I’m looking at you Justin Upton! Upton is far from the only player who has struggled through the first month of the season and I’m sure everyone has at least one player on their roster who is letting them down. That said, I’d still give it a couple more weeks before I made a big trade to shake things up. Let’s take a look back at every article that went up this week on Razzball and a brief look at the week ahead:Please, blog, may I have some more?
I’m not the first to pander to our Muppets roots with Sean Manaea and I’m sure I won’t be the last. I mean, when Russian Trololo went viral, I thought to myself ‘how did Mahna Mahna not win this role first? This is America! *Salutes flag, eats apple pie, cheers for individuality while getting ticked at hipsters*. That said, if I AM the first to pander, you know I’m totally patenting and suing at will to make money of this. Yay American again! Sean Mahna Mahna has a strikeout dream matchup to start his career going against the ‘Stros. Houston sports the highest K rate of the league on the year at 27.2% and the 14 and 7 day numbers don’t shine a pretty picture either. If you’re not ready to do a trust fall just yet just cuz the K’astros strike out a lot, let’s look at Mahna Mahna’s numbers down on the farm…yup, they look good! Oh, you wanna know what they are? Well ok then, his lowest K/9 in the minors to this point came just last year (obligatory ‘that’s what she said’) at 10.07. That’s a pretty high low, IMHO. Now not to get nit-picky but I want to point out that Sean could be mighty chalky today AND you have some lefty killers in the ‘Stros lineup so let me preface this pick by simply saying: go against the grain. If I’m the grain today, ignore what you’ve just read and if vice versa, join in and enjoy the Muppet show. But enough of Manaea Manaea, let’s talk about the rest. Here’s my Swedish Chef hot dog taeks for this Friday DK slate…
New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 15 teamer of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Josh Tomlin continued his early season success pitching 6.2 innings of four hit beisbol, allowing just one run and striking out four for his second win of the year. Josh is now 2-0 through his first two starts with a 1.54 ERA, 0.77 WHIP and 10 strikeouts. He’s available in over 90% of ESPN leagues. Am I missing something? Tomlin was part of my championship pitching staff last year. No. I didn’t win, but I still made the finals, so that counts as a championship team, right? Tomlin finished 2015 especially strong giving up just 14 runs in 49.3 IP with a 44/3 K/BB rate, and two complete games. Can he keep it up? Let’s look at the stats. First, Josh’s ESPN player page photo looks a whole lot like Bradley Cooper. Second, Tomlin’s .219 BABIP for 2015 was laughably low, and he’s not exactly a strikeout machine. That said, he doesn’t walk anyone either. Doode throws strikes, and his 3.2 BB% from 2015 is no fluke. If we look further into the advanced stats (NERD!), we see Josh doesn’t induce a lot of ground ball outs either, and his fly ball percentage was 46.2 last year. Basically, he could give up a lot of long balls. Or not, what do these numbers know anyway. I’ll tell you what I know. Josh Tomlin has been pitching very well dating back to last September and he has a juicy match up with the Twins next week. He’s certainly a worthy streaming option in the right match up and I’d give him a chance next week in Minnesota.
Here’s what else I saw Friday night in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
To understand Jake Lamb, I think it’s important to go back to the 1964 Summer Olympics when his father’s hero, Lambis Manthos, was competing for Greece in the 50 meter pistol shooting event. Due to a clerical error, Lambis thought he was competing in the 50 centimeter pistol shooting event. Lambis practiced shooting dinner plates from about 20 inches away. At one point, he was able to shoot an olive off a branch from about two feet away. Metaphorically, that meant war, and he knew it. He was ready, which is why this story ended so sadly when he realized it was really a 50-meter event. Lambis was extremely shortsighted and nearly took out a judge when tasked with shooting so far away. Thankfully, tragedy was averted when he only shot into one of those mats high jumpers fall on. At the end of the event, with Lambis in last place, the laughingstock of the competition, a young man by the name of Jake, was so moved with Lambis and his ability to hit close targets, he took his name as his last. This was Jake Lamb Sr., and the legend that Jake Lamb has to live up to. So, besides being a heartwarming story, what does this have to do with fantasy? Not a ton, said the man with four letters at his disposal. Lamb is currently slotted into the six or two hole on most days. He hasn’t shown great ability with lefties, so he’ll likely need to be platooned, but I’d do just that in all leagues. He has some power, some speed and shouldn’t kill you in average. Not from 50 meters or centimeters. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Bryan Price, always one for colorful language, should go full Tony Montana about his relievers, “Look at that, I got a junkie bullpen, mang. My bullpen is so polluted! I can’t even have a save with that bullpen. It’s so polluted!” After his Montana rant, Price could clarify who will save games in his bullpen through a string of curse words and em-effers. Yesterday, Price said they’d go to a committee. Great, maybe they can make a camel. Hoover’s out, Jumbo’s gone because his physique reminded them too much of their ERA. Caleb Cotham could see some saves, and he’s been good vs. minor leaguers, but he’s been honing his craft in the minor leagues for a while. This isn’t like a potter who needs time to hone his ashtray-making skills before hitting the big-time flea markets. Being in the minors long just means you might never achieve success in the majors. Going for Cotham is that he throws righty and he hasn’t failed yet. Then there’s Tony Cingrani, who I grabbed on Tuesday. He has been decent enough in the bullpen this year, but he’s a lefty and he blew the save yesterday in the 8th inning. Oh, and there’s Blake Wood, who is reminiscent of Jeanmar Gomez, and we know how well that turned out. *intern whispers in my ear* Seems that so far Jeanmar has worked out okay. For now, I’d own Cingrani then Cotham, but this is nigh-thurr pretty nor set in stone. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Marcus Semien was so grateful to be the 2nd week’s Buy lede that Semien shot up, overcome, thanking people in spurts. First, Semien said he had to give a hand to Reddick. Then Semien said, as much as it hurts him, Burns challenges him to be better, more fluid in his follow through. Semien says that before he’d get stale like dried paste. I heard through the grapevine that the A’s are being cautious about moving Semien up in the lineup between Burns and Reddick for fear of being labeled NC-17. “I have no recollection of a conversation about Semien, but I would be against it.” That’s Tipper Gore consulting with MLB. Marcus Semien has four homers, hitting .276, and he has 12-steal speed. So, that’s roughly 65/18/65/.260/12 on the year. Yeah, that’s better than that other schmohawk you have in your MI slot. I would absolutely add Semien all over. Plus, it’s a great moisturizer! Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
I don’t know where it’s coming from with Jeremy Hazelbaker, so I called Keith Morrison of Dateline to investigate. He went to St. Louis to investigate and left me this message, “Here, in bucolic St. Louis, all seemed right in the world. Jeremy had just married his high school sweetheart, and they were on a honeymoon of a lifetime when the unthinkable happened.” I picked up the phone, because I use an old school answering machine, “Keith, St. Louis isn’t bucolic, and I’m not looking for a suspicious murder scenario. I want to know who Jeremy Hazelbaker is for fantasy baseball.” Keith continued, “The neighbors had nothing but nice things to say about the couple. But they didn’t see the dark side.” “Keith, yesterday, Hazelbaker went 4-for-4, 1 run, 1 RBI, and is hitting .526 through a week’s worth of games and hitting 2nd on most days. Can he continue it?” “Only that wasn’t pine tar on his bat, it was iron-rich blood. Coming up after the break–” So, I don’t know how the Cardinals do this with outfielders every year. These outfielders that just come out of nowhere to be fantasy relevant; I will call them, The Sons of Ludwick. Will it continue for Hazelbaker? It seems highly unlikely. He profiles as a 5-7 HR, 15-17 SB guy who might hit .245. But, ya know what, I don’t need to know where it’s coming from or if it will continue to own Hazelbaker, as I now do in a few leagues. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?