I’m here with Giancarlo Stanton in the hospital. No, I’m not here to direct Giancarlo to put the hospital gown on backwards. That was a happy accident. I’m also not here to try to convince new parents in the maternity ward to name their daughters, Giancarla or Ginacarlo or Ginacarla. The flowers everyone sent were beautiful, by the way. Every time he falls asleep I sprinkle flower petals on him like he’s Mena Suvari in American Beauty. Whoever sent the balloon, “Get Well Soon, My Fantasy Team Needs You,” you should be ashamed. Can you not think of anyone else? At least think of me! On the fo’serious for a full second, in 2013, when Showtime aired the inspiration for True Detective that was trying to solve the mystery on whether or not anyone in the Marlins front office knew anything about baseball, Giancarlo was out for a knee operation. Then last year, Mike Fiers did what many of us dream of, but only a few of us can visualize in its fullest, put a ball on Giancarlo’s face. Now, he’s out for four to six weeks with a broken hamate bone. I don’t doubt mi novio can hit 50 homers one year, but he kinda needs to stay on the field to do it. Hopefully, one of these years we see it. I have to go now, he’s waking and likes his Jell-O at room temperature, so I have to remove the cold Jell-o from my rectum and hope it’s warmed. Coming, Giancarlo! Literally! Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

 

I almost went with Mark Wahlberg‘s rendition here but I thought, nah, I ain’t gonna make your ears bleed. I’ll just gif it and be done. Just realize you did it to yourself if you clicked that. Ample warning was given. But back to the point: Drew Hutchison. He’s a GPP play today at the low, low price of $6,500. I hear you out there: but Sky, he has a 5.33 ERA and is pitching in a pitcher’s park. Bish you cray! Yeah, yeah, I’ve heard these things before. Don’t care. What I care is going on below the surface numbers for Hutch and that’s his home/road splits. He’s having a bizarro season thus far so why not have him be amazing at Rogers Center despite having major reverse splits on the year? I mean, it all makes sense, right? Over 45.1 IP this year at home, Hutch carries a 2.38 ERA, an 8.34 K/9 and a miniscule 1.59 BB/9. I don’t understand this and yet I can’t fight these stats. And just for correctness, he ain’t getting lucky as his xFIP of 3.04 and FIP of 2.49 can attest to. So Hutch really does have the power…YEAH! PS, if you’re reading this Michael Bay. Kindly go eff yourself for taking a CGI dump on my childhood Transformer memories. Hate you forever. But enough about Optimus Prime, let’s move along. Here’s my Sunday fun day takes for this day’s slate…

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 20 teamer of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

For one day, let’s put our troubles away and bask in Nolan Arenado. No, I want you to shove your troubles further under the rug than they usually are. Here, give me your high school depantsing, the girl that dumped you the day before prom, you walking in on your mother and the mechanic and all your other emotional scars and lift the rug, I’ll slide them under. There. *wipes hands* Now, you are unencumbered to enjoy The Torenado. He hit two homers yesterday to bring his total to 19, and he’s hitting .287 with a .271 BABIP. Yes, he’s actually been unlucky. You can likely tell from the ends of my mustache turning upwards, but he should actually be better. He’s on pace for a 35-homer, .290 season with ease! Again, with some stank — EASE! Help me, Auntie Em, it’s a Torenado and my house is spinning and my Yorkie is barking and I’m landing on a person. Oh, shucks, I landed on Pablo Sandoval. If you followed my rankings, and drafted Arenado. You’re welcome. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I just can’t resist myself when it comes to a baaaaad sheep pun and my buddy Jake Lamb. Jake’s had a pretty rough go of things since coming off the DL including being 0 for his last 10. Do you know what can end a rough patch faster than a scalded dog? A trip to Coors field, that’s what. The Diamondbacks pack up and head from Coors South to Coors Coors and I’m going to be all over Jake Lamb while he visits. Because of Lamb’s missed time it’s hard to get a great read on where he’s at as a hitter. In his 22 games so far this season he’s got an identical wOBA as his teammate, Yasmany Tomas (.342) and a very similar SLG percentage (.418 vs. .429). Looking back to his minor league numbers last season we can see he was just obliterating AA (.318/.399/.551). The kid can hit and with the Coors assist I like him to have a nice few days.

As for the second part of my title, DraftKings is running a fun little survivor tournament that starts tonight. I’m a big fan of these style tournaments, I think they are lots of fun. You can read the details on the tournament here. This is the first of three of these they will be running at various price points. The one tonight happens to be their “medium” tournament. The smallest stake event will feature a $5 buy-in and if you’ve never done one before, I encourage you to give it a whirl. The biggest deal is, you need to have the 4 days to be able to build a lineup. For the most part you play each day as you would a regular 50/50 game. Survive the second day and you’re in the money. If you make it to the final day, you’ve made your money back and can shoot for the moon and the 30 grand top prize. Not bad for a $27 buy-in. I said for the most part you can play this as a regular 50/50 because I tend to be a little more aggressive in these tournaments than a typical 50/50. The reason is, the pros and those with money to burn will be running some large trains in this thing, trying to push through multiple entries to the end and the guaranteed money. I’m not saying to go totally crazy but when choosing between Byron Buxton and Torii Hunter for your final roster spot, lean towards the upside. Here’s a couple more picks to help you survive tonight…

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 18 teamer of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

frazier

“Son of a female dog,” exclaimed Tim Lincecum as he reached into his pocket. “What? We’re out of weed,” asked Ron Washington in a rather concerned voice. “No man. We’re never out of weed,” replied Tim as he pulled out another joint. “I forgot to set my damn lineup again,” he continued as he lit the joint, took two hits and passed it to Wash. “Dude, with those two hits, I think you are approaching 3,000 hits,” declared Ron to Tim as he took a Chong-like inhale of the devil’s lettuce. “Me too,” remarked Alex Rodriguez, who had just stopped by Tim’s to pick up some baked goods. “Look what the cat dragged in,” said Lincecum when he saw ARod. “You want a hit,” he asked as he offered him the joint. “Nah man. I’d love to, but these idiot fans in New York are just starting to come back around. It’s amazing what a few home runs and RBIs will do for your fan base. The last thing I need to do is derail that progress,” replied Alex. “I see you forgot to set your lineup again today buddy. What’s with that? It’s like the third time this season. You’re lucky we’re not in a daily league,” he continued. “You guys are in the same league?” questioned Ron. “Yeah man,” said Tim. “That’s some bs. I asked to get in that league and you said you were full,” retorted Wash. “We were, but then Lenny Dykstra dropped out at the last minute. He said he was broke and couldn’t afford it. Magic Johnson offered to back him, but our league rules prohibit a person from paying for two teams. Alex happened to be there at the time, so he jumped in. Sorry,” explained Tim.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Saturday has once again given us great pitching options to choose from. Pirates’ pitcher Gerrit Cole heads the list. Considering the price tag of $10,700 and facing the Phillies at home in Pittsburgh, he’s by far my favorite pitching option of the day. As you’ll read below, there are plenty of good pitchers to go with today, but Cole has the price and matchup that just makes me want to board ship and look for the booty. He’s won his last 4 starts, and has 6 straight Quality Starts. He’s well on his way to Cy Young contention with a 9-2 record. He has 86 Strikeouts in 78 innings pitched with a 1.73 ERA and 1.10 WHIP. The Phillies rank 26th in the league in team batting average, last in the league in OPS, next to last in the league in total bases, and last in the league in total home runs. Convinced? Roy Halladay, Curt Schilling, and Cliff Lee are not out there on the mound either. How about now? Okay, Sean O’Sullivan is the opposing pitcher. Even if Cole gives up a run, O’Sullivan might give up 3 for every run Cole surrenders. O’Sullivan has 19 strikeouts in 45 inning pitched, a 4.96 ERA, a 1.39 WHIP, and a .289 BAA. Needless to say, I like the chances of Cole getting the win. Keep on reading and checkout some of the other swashbucklers I like today.

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 10 teamer of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Here we are again to talk about you, because who really wants to talk about fantasy baseball players all the time? Wouldn’t you rather talk about fantasy baseball playa’s? Tehol talks about dragons, bad actors, and himself every week and we all read that. When I thought about what to make from ten, I thought of Razzballs Missing Link, the Pacfic Northwest Skysquatch. Drunkest yeti ever! I assume because he is from the rainy part of the country that he must own Ten. I was never really a big fan of Pearl Jam but I have to assume Ten is owned like Frampton Comes Alive. Funny Pearl Jam story, back in like 98-99ish, my buddy Chuck got two tickets to a Pearl Jam concert at the Forum with a special guest. I wanted no part of it, but he needed a ride so I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to go so she could drive. Long story short, the special guest was “X” and for those that follow my music could understand the pain that caused me when I found out what I missed. Cool follow up though, I ended up seeing them at Street Scene in San Diego years later the same night I saw James Brown before he passed. Even funnier James Brown story, this one time … I had no James Brown story. What? A whole intro with no link, Jay can’t have that kind of satisfaction. Pearl JamX….James Brown!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I’ve used a similar open before, so rounding to the point – there’s a ton of players in baseball…  It’s why fantasy baseball rules the land – there’s no end to how deep it goes (that’s what she said!).  You can play 10 team, 12 team RCL, AL and NL only, and I’m hoping to start up a 30 teamer next year.  The possibilities are endless!

And even within the abyss of players that will contribute to an MLB season, I’m only looking at starting pitchers and even then I miss tons of things!  It’s not like I scan every starter’s game log and peripherals every single week, so guys will occasionally fall through the cracks.  One such example is Trevor May, who I thought was still having egregious control problems.  I looked at his ERA and WHIP in passing on the wire, and gave it an ol’ shrug-a-roosky.  But then I started digging into the numbers after his huge 7-inning two-hitter, and realized he was much more than a butterface.  Kinda like realizing you could hop on board of that!  “It’s not the sweater, but what’s underneath that counts!”  I was then on the verge of picking up May after seeing his 50:9 K:BB in 56.1 innings this year, remembering he was a pretty hot prospect despite walking everyone in his limited time last season.  I watched an early 2014 start and it was something like that uber-fail Tyler Matzek debacle (58 pitches, 20 strikes?!).  So I decided that May would be a perfect pitcher to Profile (and Peter Piper picked peppers!) to see just how dominant his start was last Wednesday at the Red Sox.  I know I usually pick a pitcher who started over the weekend, but I’m selfish and I’m using this week’s post for my own add/drop evaluation needs!  Here’s how May looked:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The title comes from Rudyard Gamble’s novel about a young Astros prospect named Carlos Correa that is saved by a non-Portuguese man named Jeff. Jeff Luhnow is his full name, and he’s the only straight man named Jeff in the northern hemisphere. A point that Rudyard only alludes to in the 4th chapter, when he says, “As he read the Doppler radar outputs that track the ball in three dimensions, Jeff chewed corn from the cob, careful to not disturb his mustache that still had the fragrance of a dame.” The adventure novel is full of twists and turns. Correa is signed as a 17-year-old in 2012 and hits, then is called up to Single-A and hits, then is called up to High-A and hits, then is called up to Double-A–Now that I think about it, it’s pretty straightforward. Not too many twists. Correa hits everywhere he goes. According to the novel, Correa even succeeds when he comes upon a fellmonger on the Appalachian plain. Rudyard’s adventure novel first appeared in serialisation form in SABReader’s Digest underneath the horoscope. A fact that once disturbed Rudyard, but when his horoscope read, “The two-plus months of waiting are over, Correa’s being called up,” even he took pause. Any the hoo! I already went over my Carlos Correa fantasy about two weeks ago. I told everyone to grab him then, so the same holds true now. If you don’t think you have room, think of the trouble Jeff, Rudyard and Correa went through to make this possible. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Finally, the phrase ‘riding my jock’ could be used in the Dodgers’ clubhouse without referencing Alyssa Milano. Joc Pederson went 1-for-3, 2 RBIs with his 15th homer in the 1st game of the doubleheader, then 2-for-5, 2 RBIs with his 16th homer in the 2nd game of the doubleheader. He now has a .260 average to go with the 16 homers and 2 steals. Oh, bee tee dubya, he has 30-steal speed, we just haven’t seen it yet! I don’t even own him and he makes me goose pimply and go humma-humma-humma and get warm and fuzzy and make me want to dip my hand into wax and walk into Madame Tussaud’s and say, “I’m Tom Selleck from the third floor.” How is it even possible I like a guy I don’t own? Am I getting empathic unlike Alice in Luther? This isn’t coming out of nowhere either. He had the PCL’s first and only 30/30 year in 2014. First time in 80 years someone had done that in the PCL. Not since Trout has a player gone from rookie to the first round, but this Joc has the tools! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?