Will Middlebrooks was called up to step between his brother, Donnybrook, Bobby Valentine and Youuuuuuuuuk. Youuuuuuuuuk said, “Ow, my back hurts, I need the DL,” Valentine said, “Just wrap yourself in lavash, that makes everything better.” Donnybrook erupted in a public place because of needling from Sawx fans and Will Middlebrooks hits a lot of homers in the minors. Hello, Will, you be staying for dinner? I’ve prepared a nice spot at the corner spot. Please disregard the Rays embossed flatware that I have there; it was for someone else. This year in 23 games in Triple-A, Middlebrooks hit 9 homers and stole three bases. Last year, he hit 18 in Double-A in 96 games and 7 in 17 games in the low minors. Yesterday, he went 2-for-3 and stole a base. He strikes out way too much currently with little to no walks for him to come close to putting up a good average over the long haul. But long hauls are why you pay movers on Craigslist. You’re looking at short term if you lost Longoria and, for that, I say grab him in AL-Only and deep mixed leagues. If you’re in a league where you can grab Alvarez or Chris Davis, then I’d go with them right now. And, no, I never thought I’d be saying that a month ago. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Josh Beckett – Beckett will only miss one start due to his lat soreness. Lat’s all, folks. Please, blog, may I have some more?
If I were the type to gloat, I’d say I told you to not draft David Wright. I’m not that type of fantasy baseball ‘pert though. Nah, I simply get satisfaction from not owning him anywhere and watching as teams that do own him scramble looking for replacements. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Drew Storen is headed to see Dr. Freeze. Here’s what I said about three weeks ago, “Drew Storen had arm discomfort… About two weeks ago (so that was about five weeks ago now; this is me adding an addendum — Hey! Okay, back to the quote). He hasn’t pitched in a game since March 7th (that’s more than a month ago; okay, maybe I didn’t need to clarify that) and had soreness in his biceps playing catch yesterday (that’s less than a month ago, but more than three weeks ago… Oh, forget. I’m coming out of this quote.)” And that’s me coming out of my quote prematurely! That’s what she said! Wait, huh? My guess is Storen will probably be out for a few months. You don’t go see Dr. Please, blog, may I have some more?
First off, let me just state this post could be jumping the gun. Hell, I might be winning the 10K marathon because I started the week before everyone else did (which would explain why I had time for so much beer as I went). I know that, I own that. Now that we’ve clarified I’m trying to show the skill of clairvoyance, let’s review.
Chipper Jones has already announced he’ll retire after the end of the 2012 season and he just went on the DL to start the year due to…well whatever is ailing Chipper. Seriously, the dude hurt himself putting on a sock at one point in his career. A SOCK for all those who can only read capital letters. Though they could’ve put Martin Prado at 3rd to temporarily hold the spot, the Braves trade for a seldom used free swinger from Cincinatti named Juan Francisco. So the guy who should get the majority of starts at 3rd if and when Glass Chipper gets injured – which happens every other day – is currently less than 1% owned in yahoo, ESPN, and Fleaflicker leagues? While it’s true Jones will eventually come back and play 3rd again, in deeper leagues you have to ask yourself some important questions: ‘How long will Chipper play at age 40′, ‘will he play well if he comes back’, ‘if Juan plays well, does it delay Chipper’s return and does he come back at all at that point’ and ‘where are the question marks, I thought these were questions!!!’? It’s true, the trade for Francisco was due to the ’In case of Glass Chipper break, emergency’ sign above Jone’s locker but it’s clear the Braves don’t want Prado at 3rd in the future full time with this trade. Since 2004, Jones has averaged 122.75 games a season with his highest total coming in 2009 at 143. Chipper has always been a gamer but he’s never been confused with the Iron Man (though he has been confusing blue collar fans everywhere with his Larry the Cable Guy impersonation). The Braves will need a replacement after this season and what better way to do it then to work with the possible future one this year? Please, blog, may I have some more?
Ryan Madson has to have Tommy John surgery. Luckily, he signed with a Dusty Baker-managed team as the trainers have a lot of experience diagnosing busted arms. Sean Marshall will likely take over the closing gig, spurring indie comedy fans in Cincy to bring Sean Of The Red signs to games. Best case scenario: Marshall goes the whole season with the job, continues to rack up a 9+ K-rate and 40+ saves. Most realistic scenario: Dusty brings Marshall into the ninth inning of a tie game and, as the two teams battle scoreless inning after scoreless inning, Marshall stays in the game for another 16 innings and throws 450 pitches. 125 of those pitches he kicks over the plate Hacky Sack-style because his arm is too tired. Then Masset and Aroldis end up getting 5-7 saves each and Marshall ends the year with 30+ saves and an ERA around 3.50. Most likely scenario involving dolphins: Marshall falls asleep on a raft and wakes in Barbados. With the phone lines down due to a tropical storm, he befriends the local innkeeper, Teronimo, who teaches him how to surf. But Teronimo has a hidden secret — Marshall is really his nephew that his brother asked him to watch over. When Teronimo reveals his secret, there’s a giant rift between Marshall and Teronimo that is only assuaged by the sight of dolphins. No matter the scenario, grab Sean Marshall immediately. You might’ve just lucked into a top tier closer for free. Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for 2012 fantasy baseball:
Drew Storen – Could start the year on the DL. Davey Johnson made that announcement minutes after he said Storen had no structural issues with his elbow, which came a day after he said Storen needed an MRI, which was minutes after Storen said he couldn’t throw, which can mere moments after he was diagnosed with strep throat. Following? Yeah, neither do I. I’m beginning to think some ball clubs need a new HMO. Johnson said Clippard would not see saves, but the team would turn to Henry Rodriguez or Brad Lidge. I’d pick them up in reverse order for saves. When in doubt, go with the guy with experience. And no one has experience blowing leads quite like Lidge. “Nats Fall Off the Lidge” is already written on a Post-It on some copy editor’s desk just waiting to go to press. In one league where our innings max is small and our needs for Ks is tall — she says she likes the ocean — we went with Rodriguez. He averages 98 MPH with his fastball and has a 9+ K-rate. If he can keep his walks in check, he could be this year’s huge middle reliever breakout. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Chris Carpenter has a bulging disc. I once had a bulging disc. I had my Low End Theory disc in my car radio and I tried to jam in my Kool Moe Dee CD… *checking my notes* Oh, Carpenter has a bulging disc in his neck. Well, he should go see Dr. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Top 20 catchers, 1st basemen and 2nd basemen for 2011 are in the books. We continue around the horn (that means we’ll go back for the shortstops; don’t ask, I was getting fancy) bringing us to the top 20 3rd basemen for 2011 fantasy baseball. This year 3rd base gave most of you the gas face. For the most part, you were lucky if you didn’t draft a top ranked one cause most of them bombed. I mean, Emilio Bonifacio is a top five 3rd baseman? That’s an eff in the coolie if I’ve ever heard one. Zimmerman, Longoria, Wright? Made you look smart in opposite world. Also, to recap, this final ranking is from ESPN Player Rater with my comments. The Player Rater allows me to be impartial while looking at how I ranked them in the preseason. Anyway, here’s the top 20 3rd basemen for 2011 fantasy baseball and how they compare to where I originally ranked them:
1. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Scott Rolen is out for the season. It’s time to go gorilla! I don’t even know what that means. Random Italicized Voice, no one knows what it means, but it’s provocative! If you got some risk to burn in deeper leagues at corner infidel, get in on Juan Francisco. I talked a bit yesterday about how I’m gonna go caca-cuckoo on Francisco next year if he has a starting job. I’m gonna be like a cyclops wearing a monocle. Why a cyclops wearing a monocle? Good question. A cyclops only has one eye so it’s particularly sharp. Like how a blind person’s hearing is enhanced. So you put a monocle on a cyclops and you have creature that sees everything. That’ll be me. BTW, Yonder and Francisco have complementary hat tilts. Just something I thought you should know. Please, blog, may I have some more?
On September 7th, Kyle Farnsworth entered a 4-3 game like he had so many times before. No one knows how many times because no one’s bothered to look, or at least no one I’ve come across. This September game was played during the day in Tampa with the temperature listed as: Indoors. When the mercury first hit Indoors, many of the fans knew this day was going to be different than all but four previous Rays games. Farnsworth blew the save. Then on September 10th, with the temperature once again “Indoors” — eerie! Please, blog, may I have some more?
Collin Cowgill sounds like a Texas radio personality or a DC Comic character, but is actually the Diamondbacks’ fifth round pick from 2008 that is killing the minor leagues. (That’s the urbandictionary killing, which is actually good. I’m hip, snitches!) In 97 games, 13 homers and 29 steals with a .354 average. It was in the PCL though, where they pump helium into their stadiums. And, now, guess what? Well, he’s getting called up, I mean that’s obvious, isn’t it? Why else am I talking about him? In deeper leagues, I’d grab Cowgill to see if he can translate his power and speed combo to the majors. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Ian Kinsler – 4-for-6, 4 RBIs and his 16th homer. Andrus went 3-for-6, 2 RBIs; Hamilton 2-for-4, 3 RBIs; Napoli 4-for-5; Cruz 4-for-6; Young hit a homer. Frankly, the Rangers scoring summary was denser than David Foster Wallace footnotes. Please, blog, may I have some more?