Fantasy Baseball Advice

Aaron Harang is not a bad pitcher. Actually, he hasn’t even been bad this year. (Okay, he hasn’t been good either.) If I may turn my hat crooked, Harang just had some straight-up bad luck, yo. You want numbers? How about these? His BABIP .335, that’s bad luck. His K/9 is around 8. That’s very solid. Three year ERA, 3.77. He’s at 4.33. So that should come down. He’s a workhorse, so that’s a lot of IP with good numbers. Going forward, Harang should have good numbers across the board minus wins; those I can’t guarantee. But chasing wins is a losing man’s game. (Hey, that was a pretty clever turn of a phrase. If I had an internet page of quotes like Oscar Wilde or Mitch Hedberg, that would be 17th. 16th would be, “Can I get an Amen, Sherman Hemsley?” and 18th would be “Dance With Me here, Orleans.” But I digress.) So what do you do with this Harang-a-tang of info? You go trade for him, that’s what you do. Anyway, here’s some other fantasy baseball players to buy or sell:

BUY

Robinson Cano - On my gravestone it will say, “I told you I was ill” and my legacy will be pimping Cano for two months straight.

Jo-Jo Reyes - Someone mentioned in the comments yesterday that they haven’t heard anything about him. Reyes has really gone under the radar for me. I only mentioned to pick him up here, here, here, here, here. The first mention was a day after his first start of ‘08. If you guys (and possibly one or two girls, but highly doubtful) want, change your fantasy baseball password to what I use, “GreyIsFortified” and I’ll do your drops and adds.

Chase Headley - Kouzmanoff has done a lot of nothing since last year. Now he’s supposedly suffering from a sore back.

Jeff Francis - Very serviceable coming into this year until he was completely derailed in his quest to match Snell in a game of onedownmanship. His next game is against the Royals. If he pitches well, he’ll be a hot add. You’ve been warned. Or as they say in knitting circles, you’ve been yarned.

Jeff Baker - Rudy liked him coming into the year, then he fell out of favor (Baker, not Rudy). Rudy’s adding him all over the place again.

Kory Casto - On most days, he’s starting in place of Wily Mo Pena; I like Casto in NL-Only leagues. But remember, “Person who dance with Nats is easily bored.”

Jeff Keppinger - I wait with bated breath to start him in a NL-Only league. (BTW, it is bated, not baited. Check yo’self, fool.) Keppy’s about a week away from coming back.

Mike Aviles - Seems like people are falling over themselves to add this dude. I can understand it. As I’ve said many times before, when you’re dealing with MI, CI, UT or fifth starters, you want to take a gamble. There’s no point in fielding a boring, safe guy. (That’s not to say there’s no point in fielding a productive, safe guy. There is a difference. Figuring out the difference was my minor at The Fantasy Baseball College of Charleston.)

Eric Byrnes - Nope, I don’t like him, but I feel like no one likes him at this point. If everyone’s zigging, why aren’t you zagging? Would be worth seeing how cheaply you can grab Byrnes. I’d think you can get him for next to nothing and he could prove a valuable fifth outfielder in the 2nd half of the year.

Josh Willingham - It says he’s owned in 93% of all ESPN leagues. Now I’m assuming 99% of ESPN leagues are drafted in March then the owners never look at their team again. If this is not the case and people have been holding onto Willingham and wasting a lineup spot all of this time, you are going to make me blow a blood vessel. Now everyone who dropped Willingham, you can go get him again.

SELL

Jake Peavy - I love Peavy, but as I mentioned a few weeks ago, I’m selling. Call me conservative, but I can’t wrap my mind around pitchers with recent arm troubles.

Kevin Kouzmanoff - See Headley, Chase or about three and two-thirds of an inch above.

Hiroki Kuroda - He wasn’t that bad when he was in there, but now he has shoulder tendinitis. Punt.

J.D. Drew - With my hands in my pockets, I stood next to J.D. Drew as he talked to Manny. I waited for an introduction. They laughed about Youkilis’s party out on The Cape. Apparently, Manny read from his journal of poems that he wrote while in left field. They laughed and I punched Drew in the mouth.

Joe Saunders - I think he’s already been on a Sell List. Hmm… Well, here he is again, because he’s keeping up this unsustainable start!

Aaron Cook - Full disclosure, I’ve had him in a mixed ten team league for two months and have reaped a lot of his benefits. I know he’s not really this good; everyone knows this. This isn’t a “sell” as much as a “be glad for what you got and be ready to drop.”

Joe Nathan - I could’ve put Mariano Rivera here instead of Taipei Slinklo or any other top closer. (I could’ve even put Beanie McDougalston, but that’s a made up name.) Because at the end of the year, when everything’s said and done, do you ever look in the mirror and say, “I am so glad I had Taipei Slinklo. And damn my hair looks good,” or do you say, “I’m glad I traded Joe Nathan for Harang. And damn my hair looks good?” You tell me. Tell me!

With two home runs yesterday, Ryan Braun is up to 20 HRs. Not sure I mentioned this before, but I traded for The Hebrew Hammer a couple of weeks ago. (If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em!) I traded Carl Crawford for Braun. Rudy called me all kinds of names about this one. Topped with, “I’d say you’ve sunk to a new low but trading Verlander to (so-and-so) for Street (two years ago) when (so-and-so) was 3 starts away from being maxed out was the lowest…” Honestly, I enjoy pissing off my friends at fantasy baseball, but I wasn’t sure why Rudy was mad about this one. I mean, Crawford for Braun is fair, no? Well, turns out the team I traded Crawford to didn’t need steals. Know what? I don’t care. The team’s owner has been playing with us for a long time. He’s proven himself a worthy adversary. If he wants to trade for more steals while sporting Reyes, Pierre and Bourn, it’s his prerogative. (I don’t need permission to make my fantasy baseball decisions….It’s my prerogative…) So does this mean I suddenly endorse Braun? I placed him 22 overall; I never didn’t endorse him (sorry, double negatives hurt my brain, too). I just thought Braun was going too high. Well, on that team, I needed power because Hafner was a have-not, so I went out and got Braun. Am I suddenly down on Crawford? I am starting to think the power may never come and I’m not a huge fan of speed only guys, so there’s that. The lesson that should be taken away? Every player has a place on some team. Except Ryan Zimmerman. Anyway, here’s what I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Chase Headley - Watched him bat three times yesterday. Saw nothing that exciting. Seems like he likes to take a pitch even if it means striking out. Reminded me of Jeremy Hermida in this respect. This was one game; this is by no means a ‘pert evaluation.

Manny Parra - 7 shutout innings, 5/4 K/BB. Confidence level looks like it’s climbing. (I don’t know what that means. I heard Bill Schroeder say it and Bill Schroeder is a knowledgeable color man.) Know what helps a confidence level? Pitching against the Blue Jays.

Jose Reyes -Left with what Jose Mota (not Molina) deemed a minor injury. Word from a different (more reliable) source is he might have strained a hamstring. Ugh… *sticking head in oven*

Brad Penny - Hit the DL yesterday. Here’s what Alyssa Milano’s MLB blog update said today, “I told him to stop eating all of those fried foods and late nite meals at Mel’s Diner. When I was preparing for the roll (sic) of Charlotte Wells in Embrace of the Vampire, I ate only soba noodles for 2 months straight! Do u think I wanted to eat so much soba noodles? Well, actually…. Yeah! I did! (Wouldn’t u?) But even if I thought soba noodles tasted gross, I’d still ate (sic) them if I thought they’d help me stay in shape. BTW, I wasn’t the one who gave you herpes! L8 and <3″

Chad Billingsley - I want to draft Billingsley right now for 2009, 2010 and 2011 with an option for 2012. In the same blog entry, Alyssa Milano said this about Billingsley, “Blame Penny for the herpes. Sorry! L8 and <3 * 2″

Johnny Cueto - Not sure why his Ks are so down. Might have something to do with scouting reports, but I think it’s more to do with him falling behind and going for contact. There’s also a strong chance that Dusty Baker is somehow responsible. Dusty, “Cueto, I will throw you in back-to-back games for the ‘mainder of the season if you try to strike people out. I’m not joking. Call up Mark Prior, he will tell you.”

Brandon Webb - Going through what the people in the biz call, “a dead arm period.” If this period is anything like my girlfriend’s, it’s best to act like he’s fine and NOT bloated.

Justin Duchscherer - Of course, Dook-sheer pitched well. Apparently, that’s what Dook-Sheer do. Needed only 94 pitches to get through 8 innings.

Jeff Clement - The Mariners called him up, so he got in the game, right? Nope. Ladies and gentlemen, your 2008 Seattle Mariners!

Brandon Morrow - Making the best of the opportunity, converted a save with a perfect ninth. Putz hadn’t pitched a perfect inning in June.

Ian Snell - Snell got O-Cab to ground out to open the game. The rest didn’t look so good.

Carlos Quentin - Batting .170 in June. Where’s April/May Carlos? We want him back.

Livan Hernandez - Movie trailer guy, “In a world where Livan Hernandez looks like a good replacement for Johan Santana… He’ll baffle you with his eephus! He’ll take his time with each pitch! He’ll avoid the foul line when walking off the field! George Lopez is Livan Hernandez!”

Brandon Lyon - Kazaam’d up the joint for 4 runs in 2/3 of an inning.

Will probably be activated for Tuesday. I hear the Padres didn’t want to pay for his Sunday meal waiver when the guys decided to go to Dick’s Last Resort in the Gaslamp. Chicken Fingers don’t come cheap. Headley should play six of seven games unless he struggles mightily, then he’ll probably play seven of seven like the Friars did with Kouzmanoff last year. Headley can hit. Ryan Howard and Prince Fielder are about the only ones that could hit forty home runs in Petco if it were their home park, so the park will be a factor in Headley’s success. Headley has a terrific eye and good power. Will he be Bruceterful? Perhaps, he’s got a much better eye than Bruce, but his ballpark is dreadful. Also, his speed is somewhere between A-Gonz and Kouz, which is to say it’s non-existent. I’d say Headley’s projections are 30/10/40/.280. Numbers that could make a difference in deep leagues. Of course, the exciting thing is the ceiling’s much higher since he’s a rookie. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Jorge Campillo - Complete game loss is nothing to sneeze at. Unless you’re allergic to complete game losses, which would be an odd allergy. But I think Trace Adkins can help.

Micah Owings - I’m done done with Micah Owings. You wanna use him in the near future? You’re taking your WHIP into your own hands. For those reading in Latin America, caveat emptor.

Billy Wagner - Hey, what do you know? He can still get three guys out. Imagine how many saves Nolan Ryan would’ve had if he only had to get three guys out four days a week. Seriously, imagine it. If you can’t, I will for you. 12,000 saves for Nolan Ryan.

Paul Konerko - Might head to the DL. Maybe he’s got the same injury as Victor Martinez. The ‘ol “I’m really sucking and I gotta figure out an excuse fast” injury.

David DeJesus - 3 HRs and .345 in June. Also, turned a loss into a win.

Joe Saunders - Fifth ten game winner. Is it me or are we headed for more twenty game winners this year than in the last four years combined?

Lastings Milledge - Playings welledge recently, but stilledge got a way to go before he’s worth addings.

Jacoby Ellsbury - 33rd steal. On pace for a lot. I gotta say, one of the bigger surprises this season so far for Grey (that’s me). Maybe later in the week I’ll do my top twenty surprises. That seems like something you people would like to read.

Vernon Wells - After leaving with a sore wrist on Saturday, he was back in there to go 0-for-4. I’ll cut to the chase for you, a sore wrist for Wells is a major issue.

Jorge Posada - 8-for-22 and two home runs since returning. Eh, Doumit did that in one game. If you need a piece, trade Posada and don’t feel guilty about it. As Oskar Schindler said, I pardon you.

Jay Bruce - He just came off his worst week (5-for-30 with one RBI) and I don’t think it’s necessarily going to get better. However, he did manage to find time to air lift 18 rare mountain bongo antelope to Africa.

C.C. Sabathia - I’m sure glad he was an absolute waste of a top pick– Oh, wait. He’s fine. Yeah, dur. (BTW, I said Cliff Lee wouldn’t be at 2.50 ERA by June 15th and Eric Karabell said he’d finish the season with it. I win. Again. Eat it, Karabaloney.)

Halladay is the vet who averages 10 innings a game. AJ Burnett is the high-paid free agent with filthy stuff. McGowan is the prospect that’s on the verge of greatness, but Marcum has the best ERA, WHIP and K rate. That’s right, Shaun Marcum! Wait, who? Um, he’s from Missouri. You know, Marcum! He’s prone to the home run ball and… Let’s see… He’s averaging about one baserunner every seven starts. He has a ridiculous BABIP that’s under .200… (Grey, please no numbers!) Okay, sorry, grasshopper. So what are some predictions? Marcum is a solid #3 starter that should have between a 3.50 and 4.00 ERA the rest of the way. *nodding off* I’m sorry. What? Oh, Marcum! Right! Wow, Marcum is boring, right? He’s throwing a .87 WHIP through May and I can’t get excited about him at all. Maybe it’s because he’s from Missouri. Where is Missouri? Do they have TV there? Isn’t that Cardinals country? Why am I talking about the Cardinals? Cause Marcum’s really boring. But he can be helpful. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday:

Brandon Webb - Has dropped 2 in a row since the 9 game winning streak. If you convince someone in your league that he’s going to lose 7 more in a row, go for it. He’s as good a bet as there is for a starting pitcher right now. Worthy of a straight-up trade with just about any hitter not picked in the 1st round.

Jair Jurrjens - He was removed after 4 and 2/3 innings when he was up 2 runs. Sometimes a Cox yanking doesn’t lead to a happy ending.

Melky Cabrera - After a great April, Melky has been awful in May. Figure he’ll be in-between for the rest of the year which makes him a 15/15 OF who varies from 5th OF to droppable in most leagues.

Jason Bergmann - It’s hard to believe in anyone in Washington, but we’re fast becoming believers in Bergmann. 3 straight scoreless outings with 22 Ks in 19.2 IP. He was a reliever in the minors so it’s hard to project his stats, but he pitched OK last year in his first stint with the Nationals. Ride the streak and see where it takes you.

Corey Patterson - We suggest he move in with Corey Feldman and Corey Haim. They can all star in Lost Boys 2. (BTW, after offhandedly mentioning Sidney Pollack in Sunday night’s post, I wouldn’t stand too close to the Two Coreys today.)

Chase Headley - We told you about Ian Stewart 10 ten days prior to his call-up. We told you about Jay Bruce eight days prior. Headley should be up soon too. So if you’re still holding onto him, keep holding onto him. Let’s reevaluate in a week. (BTW, I don’t think everyone needs Headley, but if you’re weak at 3rd or corner, you might.)

Cristian Guzman - I feel like he could go 100/40/.330/40 and no one would ever pick him up and, next year, no one would draft him. It would be an interesting experiment to see if Cristian Guzman hit 27 home runs in a month, how long it would take for people to think he was for real and pick him up. I’d say he’d still be at 33% owned at the end of the month. Am I saying this because I think he’s worth a pickup and no one is because of preconceived notions? Oh, heck no. I just philosophize about mock drafts and fantasy expertise; you can call me a White-Mustachioed Socrates.

Chad Tracy - No one likes a red-headed stepchild. All he’s going to do is steal ABs from Co-Jack and Mark Reynolds.

Salomon Torres - If you feel like it’s a broken record, I apologize, but he can be the closer for two months. Team decisions about who is getting paid more (Backne) might affect the outcome, but don’t think Torres can’t do the job. “This was paid for by the committee to avoid a closer by committee.”

Ryan Spilborghs - A Corky Thatcher-looking skull that looks like it can be bought at Spencer Gifts is an alien God? Karen Allen looked like she’s too old to be dating Tommy Lee Jones forget Indiana Jones. Shia LaDouce is a tough-ass greaser? Why not just put a comb in Jonathan Lipnicki’s back pocket? *realizing it’s Spilborghs, not Spielberg* Oh, um, Spilborghs has been batting fourth with Holliday out. If he’s facing a lefty, you should absolutely have him in your lineup.

Chase Utley/Ryan Howard - I’m only surprised when one of them doesn’t hit a home run.

Kosuke Fukudome - Lately, he’s been like Ichiro without the speed or Matsui without the power. Either way, he’s in a serious funkudome.

Nick Markakis - I am Sparkakis!

Gary Sheffield - Oblique spasms. Perhaps they were caused by the fork poking him to check if he’s done.

When I go for chicken ‘n waffles, they have to be smothered in gravy; that’s just the way I like ‘em. And I love me some Red Rooster Hot Sauce. I can do without the hot sauce, but it makes the whole experience so much better. I mention this for two reasons, 1) I’m really hungry and my woman’s taking a long time preparing my eats and 2) a rookie pitcher like Manny Parra is the hot sauce. You shouldn’t expect them to win your championship. You have your chicken ‘n waffles and gravy. You need those components.  (Yes, I’m calling chicken, waffles and gravy components.) But the extras — the hot sauce — the rookie pitchers, the ones you don’t count on, they make everything that much better. Actually, I’m not sure if that metaphor makes any sense, but like I said, I’m hungry so bear with me. I don’t think Manny Parra is out there in too many leagues, but if he is, you should jump on him. The hot sauce can make all the difference. (Okay, just returned from dinner to finish this post and that pre-dinner rambling made a surprising amount of sense. You’re welcome.) Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday:

Mike Mussina - If you have him on a team, you’re probably reading this site for the pictures.

Erick Aybar - Left yesterday’s game with a hand injury. Chone Figgins says, “Ah-ha,” a’la Nelson from The Simpsons.

Ryan Ludwick - Vincent aka The Queen’s Assassin was asked about in the comments recently. Crux of the question was, “Can Ludwick keep up this pace?” My abbreviated/edited answer, “Chances he keeps hitting three home runs a week? Slim to anorexic. Can he get to 30 home runs? Probably. He’s about a HR/15 at-bat guy. LaRussa’s your biggest obstacle right now because there’s a chance he starts some other schmohawks in the outfield over Ludwick and Rasmus is waiting in the wings too. I’d say that Ludwick can net you 65/28/80/.270.” And that’s me quoting me!

Salomon Torres - He could be back on as the Brewers closer since Backne is complaining of stiffness.

Clint Barmes - Homered in third straight game. Deer Meat plots its revenge.

Kevin Kouzmanoff - He has absolutely killed me thus far in my ‘pert league. Get a load of this one, this was his first three RBI game of the year. That’s pathetic. According to Elias Sports Bureau, this is the latest point in the year that anyone’s knocked in three runs for the first time after starting a majority of their team games. (Elias Sports Bureau didn’t actually say that. But here’s some things that were overheard last week at the Elias Sports Bureau, “For the first time in three years, the soda machine ran out of Dr. Pepper before Orange Crush,” “Patrick slept with his secretary sixteen times before telling the same co-workers he swore not to tell,” “On March 3rd, the elevator stopped at every floor three times before it stopped at the fourth floor once. This is the first time in the history of the Elias Sports Bureau elevator that this has happened.”

Corey Hart - Looks like he’s finally getting hot. About time, now maybe he can send that elixir Alexis Rios’s way.

C.C. Sabathia - Now has a 1.17 ERA and a 28/3 K/BB ratio in his last three starts. He’s still 77% Number One Starter and 23% Twinkies. (The margin of error is plus or minus four percentage points.)

Yunel Escobar - Was helped off the field after taking Church’s noggin to his knee. I’m hoping this is nothing because he’s been most of my offense on one team. I’m talking to you, Kouzmanoff!

Daniel Cabrera - I feel like he will burn you at any moment, but he’s thrown eight consecutive quality starts and didn’t walk anyone against the Yankees, a team that draws walks against Carlos Silva. Whoever took the risk and grabbed him late or off waivers could reap serious rewards this season. Unfortunately, I didn’t pick him up in any league. *sniffing the air* I smell like vagina.

Adam Jones - He went 4-for-5 and knocked in four RBIs yesterday. (He’s beating you, Kouzmanoff.) I dropped Jose Guillen in my ‘pert league to grab Adam Jones. I figured that I know what I’m getting from Guillen, but with Adam Jones, who knows, maybe he’s adjusted quicker than anyone thinks he can. ‘Member he was a lot of prognosticators’ choice for AL ROY in the preseason. (BTW, prognosticators was your Word of the Day.)

Chad Billingsley - I’m thinking Billingsley can win a Cy Young in two years and he will be in my top twenty starters for next year. Yeah, I’m crushing hard.

Chase Headley - He didn’t do anything yesterday. (Well, I’m sure he did something. I mean, he is alive and all. Some extremely large people considering eating ‘doing something.’ Others consider Yahtzee ‘doing something.’ So Chase was doing something, just not sure what it was. But I digress.) The reason why I mention him is because this morning I picked him up in the same ‘pert league. (Yeah, when you have Kouzmanoff, you scrounge for offense.) He seems like he’s due up within a week or two. (June 1 gives the Padres some extra arbitration time.) I don’t know if I’m going to have him by the time he’s called up, but if I do, then I might have an extra piece on offense. He hit nearly .350 in spring training with pop. And, really, it’s not like he can hurt the offense that the Padres are trotting out there every day, so why wouldn’t they bring him up? (BTW, there were three sets of parentheses in this entry alone. That’s impressive. (And four if you count that one (Wait, that’s five) Now six) Infinity!)))