Last year, the only type of starts and luck that Charlie Morton had was bad.  Despite good stuff and pedestrian ratios (6.7 K/9, 2.9 BB/9), he put up some of the worst stats in recent history.  A 7.57 ERA in 79 innings during the year of the pitcher!  It was a 54 ERA+ (adjusted for park and era) which stands as the 5th worst ERA+ since 1945 for pitchers with 79+ IP.  It’s hard to say how much of his .353 BABIP was because he threw down the middle or back luck but let’s just say the latter.  It seemed like luck was balancing out in his first three starts this year as he went 2-0 despite throwing 6 Ks and 12 BBs in 22 innings.  But excluding an ugly win in Colorado (where just about every non-ace should be benched), his last three starts – including last nights 5-hit shutout – have shown significant progress.  In those 18 2/3 IP, he’s K’d 17 and walked 7.  So let your league mates focus on his ghastly K:BB for the season while you get him on the cheap.  I’d still bench him during bad match-ups but he looks primed to be a solid 5th/6th SP in shallow leagues.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Jonathan Broxton blew his first save because of an error and he’s out as closer.  Hmph.  The Dodgers’ GM Colletti said the Dodgers would turn to Padilla and Broxton with Kuo joining the mix when he returns at the end of the week.  Hmph.  Hmph.  Mattingly then said last I checked Colletti doesn’t have a goatee and Broxton is still his closer, no committee.  Hmph.  Hmph.  Hmph.  Whatcha gonna do with all those hmphs?  All those hmphs up in your trunk?  Then Mattingly called Colletti a dwarf brain and shaved his goatee to reveal a cold sore.  Got all that?  Glad one of us does.  I’d own Broxton and Kuo.  Wouldn’t mess with this Padilla or this Padilla.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

James Loney – 4-for-4 with a steal.  I almost wrote the other day how there’s no way Loney stays hitting .200, but then I grew bored and fell asleep… Snooze…

Phil Hughes – Underwent four hours of tests on his arm.  Towards the end his arm just started answering C for everything.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Joe Nathan reclaimed his closer job this year but was missing something, consistently putting his team behind the 8-ball, so the Twins shifted to CAPPS.  On March 25th, I said this about the Matt Capps and Taipei Slinko shituation, “Here’s what I see happening.  Nathan gets torched and Capps saves a few games while Nathan works things out.  Then Nathan returns, gets torched again and, finally, the Twins send him to the Disgraceful List.”  And that’s me quoting me!  Right now, we’re at the point where Nathan’s off to work things out.  I don’t think this ends well for Nathan.  Someone in the Twins organization should’ve stepped forward and said, “Hey, Taipei, you’re a gamer in the non-nerd way, we appreciate that.  No one likes nerds — the candy or otherwise.  But, listen to me, you’re rushing yourself back.  Chillax!  Go get a Jamba Juice, enjoy some me time and let’s take it slow with your recovery.”  But, well, that didn’t happen.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Brian Duensing – 7 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 5 Ks.  He’s a Duensing machine!  Would I pick him up in certain deep leagues?  Yes, but I don’t trust him.

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Around 7 AM on Sunday morning, my smoke detector started beeping every few minutes.  Hungover, I rolled out of bed.  I figured the battery was low, so I removed it and went back to sleep.  An hour later, it started beeping again.  So I removed the smoke detector from the wall and it stopped beeping.  Then at 3 AM Monday night, it started beeping again.  I pulled out my ladder and, like I was defusing a bomb but not caring if it blew up, I indiscriminately cut all the wires from the smoke detector and went back to sleep.  About 5 hours later, it started beeping again.  I pulled a hammer from my tool box and began smashing the smoke detector.  Then I went into my office and did the same to that smoke detector just to make sure.  Then I removed the one from my bedroom and did the same.  No more beeping….

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Chris Narveson, his name makes me think of the insurance guy from Groundhog Day.  Am I right or am I right-right?  His name also would sound good recited by Chris Cornell.  Chris Narveson, won’t you come and wash away the rain?  Won’t you come.  Won’t you come.  Narveson was in my top 80 starters.  Let’s see what I said there, “Hmm… I don’t remember and I’m too lazy to click on the link to the actual blurb.  No one actually reads stuff I quote from myself so I’m gonna pretend I just explained Narveson to a T.”  And that’s me quoting me!  Yesterday, he had the line of 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks.  He’s also 29 years old, so I’d preach a bit of caution.  He’s good for Ks (7+ K/9), dangerous on walks and around a 4.00 ERA starter in the NL.  So that’s good, meh, serviceable.  In any league deeper than 12 team, he should be owned.  In 12 team leagues, I’d take the flyer where I had room.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Rickie Weeks – 2-for-4 with his 3rd homer in 4 games.  On one hand, I’d sell him.  On the other hand, who are you selling him for?  On my third lesser known hand, I’m wearing a puppet while talking out of the corner of my mouth.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

After a long, much-needed vacation, Friday’s Buy/Sell returns.  Friday’s Buy/Sell, “I spent the better part of the last four months having my naughty bits lathered in Marshmallow Fluff.”  *crickets*   Friday’s Buy/Sell, “All right, let’s get to the post.”  Brett Gardner hit leadoff on Opening Day.  In case you recently emerged from a coma, I’ll give it to you one more time.  Gardner equals Jacoby Ellsbury.  They’re the same.  Tomato-tomato with a different emphasis.  Right now, maybe you’re like, “No dur.”  Okay, but in our Funston-fueled draft, Ellsbury went 70 picks before Gardner, so you may be saying “No dur,” but someone else is saying “Yeah dur.”  If you’re a yeah dur’er and not a no dur’er, you might want to reconsider your dur’s.  Or it’s dur on you.  You want dur on you?  No, you want no dur.  Now, I’m not saying you should sell Ellsbury for less than his worth.  I think he’s going to be fine, but if you can sell Ellsbury for a big bat or SP and get Gardner much cheaper, you do that.  Dur.  Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Mark Trumbo – May not start every day, may not last in the majors when the once-singular Kendrys returns.  Don’t matter to me.  You’re not dropping anyone worthwhile to take the gambo.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

A Spanish woman, dressed in black, just pedaled past my house, chanting, “Luis Castillo no es Manny Trillo…Luis Castillo no es Manny Trillo…Luis Castillo… Oh shoot, I ripped my stockings!”  It was totally sad.  Kinda like when your best buddy, let’s call him Chase Utley, gets old man knee and the Phillies replace him with Luis Castillo.  Luis Castillo would be good for my pre-All-Star Game contest where him and Juan Pierre have a home run contest and the gopher ball-happy Rodrigo Lopez is pitching.  Just think of how few back’s we’d have to hear from Berman.  There’s nothing as far as fantasy goes with Castillo.  Even if objects appear closer in the side view, you still can’t see Castillo’s best days.  To give you an idea of how terrible he is, the Mets released him.  Long story short, he’s useless in any league where there are other starting 2Bs available.  This Castillo signing does spell further doom for Utley.  You really can’t draft him at this point.  Also, my giant ostrich head has been in the sand too long with Howard.  No Utley hurts him.  I’m dropping him eight spots in the 2011 fantasy baseball rankings to right behind A-Rod.  I would still draft him, but you can’t expect 115 RBIs or 95 runs at this point.  Well, you can, but people might start to worry about you.  Anyway, here’s some more news in fantasy baseball:

Johnny Cueto – Will miss 10 days or more with shoulder inflammation.  Looks like Jason LaRue’s voodoo doll is finally working.  This sounds like Cueto is going to miss at least a few weeks of the season.  Obviously, not a great sign, but before we take Cueto to the mattresses for getting injured we should tempurpedic our concern.  It’s a long season and he had a 5+ ERA last April and you still drafted him this year.  He gets better in the heat, just DL him once the Reds do.

Please, blog, may I have some more?