Today is the first day of the next month in our lives without Giancarlo Stanton. If you want, I’m holding a candlelight vigil in the garbage can behind Stanton’s house. If you come, don’t make too much noise. We aren’t technically supposed to be there. The good news about his hamstring injury is when he’s limping away from us, it’ll be a lot easier to stay exactly 501 feet away. Before he’d backpedal and it was like we were doing the lambada with 501 feet between us. The bad news is I’m writing this post with tears. Hnfcsdcnnn. That was a big, stupid tear that got away from me. Short circuit my keyboard, tears. I plead with you, so I don’t have to continue. I wonder if I can seal envelopes with these tears. That would be turning lemons into lemonade, right? Ow, I just touched my eyes, and now these lemons are burning my eyes. This is the sourest injury news ever. Make the pain go away, alcohol! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
I got to thinking and, as with most of my serious introspection, I thought about the old sitcom, Growing Pains. Twenty-five years ago, Mike Seaver stayed home from school and was surprised to see there were TV shows programmed. He didn’t understand it. If he’s usually at school, why are there TV shows?Please, blog, may I have some more?
Texas Rangers 2009 Minor League Review
Overall farm ranking via Baseball America (2009)
2009 (1) | 2008 (4) | 2007 (28) | 2006 (16) | 2005 (16) | 2004 (16)
Record of Major and Minor League Teams
MLB: [85 – 75] AL West
AAA: [69 – 75] Pacific Coast League
AA: [72 – 68] Texas League
A+: [75 – 65] California League
A: [63 – 76] South Atlantic League
A(ss): [37 – 39] Northwest League
R: [25 – 31] Arizona Rookie League
The Run Down
Rounding up the Minor League Review series is the Rangers and their embarrassing amount of pitching prospects.
So this is a fun story for you. When I was a kid, I played 2nd base. Was one of those pesky slap hitters that annoyed the pitchers. I led the way for Orlando Hudson. Call me Orlando Oldson. At the age of twelve, I never struckout once. All season. That’s how Oldson did. Then when I turned thirteen, I sucked. I couldn’t hit the broadside of a barn. If they didn’t have to play every kid, I would’ve never seen any PT. At one point, I had a friend promise to throw the ball right down the middle just so I could get one hit for the year. And that was what I finished with. One hit. So wha’ happened? Where did Oldson disappear to? Well, going into that year, I discovered girls. And all of their fleshy parts. But I also needed glasses. Who was I? Chris Sabo? Chris Sabo got laid once. And he paid for it. So I took the easy way out and never wore my glasses. My baseball career paid for it big time. But I touched a boob! This brings me to Brian McCann. He’s supposed to be returning. Stat, doc. You know what catchers need? Rest. You know what McCann’s had a lot of? Mmm-hmm. See where I’m going with this? Of course you do. You gots smarts! So McCann had a terrible first month of April. Tizz-errible. Well, he couldn’t see like Oldson and his luck (BABIP) was in the shizzer too. Now as long as he’s not embarrassed to wear glasses around Frenchy, he should be fine. So potatoes to chips, he’s still a guy that can hit 20 HRs and bat .290. Buy, snitches! Anyway, here’s some more players to buy and sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Josh Whitesell – Starting the Buys with a -Sell? Oh, Grey!Please, blog, may I have some more?
Emilio Bonifacio is like that kid in the 80′s movies that seemed like he didn’t belong but, by the end, is holding his own. At least for one day. Yes, Bonifacio has 2B eligibility, but the Marlins are playing him at 3rd. Who knows how long this lasts? Perhaps as long as Anthony Michael Hall’s career. It doesn’t hurt that he stole 3 bags and had an inside-the-park homer (I didn’t see this HR, but I assuming he hit it at Dunn). Just don’t get addicted to him (like Ally Sheedy would). Today was nice, but he’s still just steals. Anyway, here’s what I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Felipe Lopez – 2 HRs. I <3 Felipe.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Halladay is the vet who averages 10 innings a game. AJ Burnett is the high-paid free agent with filthy stuff. McGowan is the prospect that’s on the verge of greatness, but Marcum has the best ERA, WHIP and K rate. That’s right, Shaun Marcum!Please, blog, may I have some more?