Aw, sookie. Our first look at all the closers for the 2011 fantasy baseball season. That is a bird on your window and it’s singing Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah. I went over Kevin Gregg signing with the O’s when it happened and Putz to the Diamondbacks. I didn’t go over Frank2 signing with the Jays, but he’s the closer and that’s all I’m saying on that for now. I have bigger fish to fry in this intro, The Rays.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Matt Capps got traded and kept his job, Rauch didn’t get traded and lost his job, Octavio Dotel got traded and lost his job, Brian Wilson didn’t get traded but is moping because his shoes are no longer shiny. It’s the bullpens, ya’ll. Just yesterday Lindstrom was out with a sore back that he hurt when he tried to get the A’s replacement closer in his fantasy league. That’s a true story in opposite world. On the top of the rankings, Wagner made himself a $12 Salad. On the bottom of the rankings, I wanted to move Chris Perez into the Donkeycorns, but he needs more time in the role first. He’ll be a Donkeycorn by September. Mark my words! But don’t mark them on your computer, that doesn’t come off. Anyway, here’s all of the closers for your fantasy baseball team, as of right now:
You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad?Please, blog, may I have some more?
Member when you drafted Ricky Nolasco in the preseason? You guys had high hopes for each other. You figured he’d strikeout 200 in, like, a game and he thought you’d change your boxers occasionally. You thought he’d have a low 3 ERA. He thought you’d stop hiding your bitten fingernails behind the couch. Three months later, there’s been some disappointment. There was an abuse of trust. He’s currently showing a 4.55 ERA and a lower K-rate than usual. You’re wearing the same boxers with lobsters on them, trying to convince yourself those are butter stains. Conservatively, in the top 100 for the 2nd half, I gave Nolasco a line of 4-4/3.60/1.20/90. In 2008, his 2nd half line was 5-4/3.29/1.00/98. In 2009, 7-2/4.39/1.13/105.Please, blog, may I have some more?
In the clubhouse after last night’s game, the Nats watched as ESPN reported Strasburg wasn’t pitching until Friday so there was nothing to talk about. Nothing to say about Adam Dunn. Nothing to say about that Zimmerman guy. Josh Will-something… They couldn’t even remember his name. The team stopped watching the highlights, upset they were nothing but Anthony Edwards to Strasburg’s Clooney. Knowing something had to be done, Dunn left the clubhouse as he always had – by reaching up, removing the ceiling and climbing out. Then he jumped on the back of a blue ox and circled the globe until time rewound to before the game. Dunn then went out and hit his 18th, 19th and 20th homers while rocking a .280 average on the year. Now after the game, ESPN reported Dunn hit 3 homers, specifying it came just two days prior to Strasburg’s next start. Dunn shrugged, it was a start as he ripped the blue ox’s leg off and had dinner. Hee-haw! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Ian Desmond – 1-for-2 with his 2nd homer in as many games. Now has 6 homers and 6 steals on the year. Ever heard of the slow boat to China? Yeah, Desmond’s on the slow boat to 12/12.Please, blog, may I have some more?
For the first time in over two years, Jonathan Papelbon is no longer a $12 Salad. I know, call your Congressman. Pass Prop 12. There’s been signs for a long time that he wasn’t the same closer from 2007. I didn’t want to move him because he seemed like the epitome of a $12 Salad. Overpriced lettuce?Please, blog, may I have some more?
The 27-year-old, no-name rookie, Daniel Nava, came out of nowhere, hitting a grand slam on the first major league pitch he saw. This all came after not making his college team, working as their equipment manager, finally playing college ball, going undrafted in the major league draft then being cut by the Chico Outlaws, which I believe is the minor league affiliate for Chico’s Bail Bonds. Even his ESPN player photo makes it seem like he was in the Witness Protection Program. Shoot, maybe he is. If so, I hope Hermida starts his car for him. Eventually, Nava caught on with the Outlaws, impressed the Sawx and the rest is history. Nava is old for a rookie and his success at the majors may be short-lived, but he showed a good eye in the minors with modest pop. He could be a flash-in-the-pan, but he’s worth grabbing in AL-Only leagues and monitoring in mixed leagues. He may get bumped when Ellsbury returns and then it’s back to egg noodles and ketchup. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Josh Beckett – Played catch from 90 feet. Guess when he returns he’s going to pitch from 2nd base.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Sounds like Jacoby Ellsbury will be out until the All-Star Break. Break being the key word. The Boston Globe reported that Ellsbury has, “a non-displaced rib fracture and edema in the left posterior-axillary line.” Ribs and edema? What’s that, a fusion Japanese-rib joint? The doctors didn’t find a blooming onion in there? Member in the preseason when I said you could have Ellsbury ten rounds later in Borbon? Borbon has not endeared himself in fantasy owners’ hearts yet, but he’s picking up his game of late, Ellsbury can’t pick himself out of a chair. Gotta hold Ellsbury if you have DL room and hope for a big 2nd half. I do have my doubts though about how well a guy is going to be able to steal, most specifically slide, when this latest injury happened diving for a ball. The good news is if you listened to me, you didn’t draft Ellsbury. Right? Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Carlos Santana – Getting called up for Friday’s game. Yes, the same catcher the Indians were waiting until August to bring up. Yes, the Indians were messing with you. Where do you think Justin Masterson: Passive Aggressive Fantasy Starter learned it from? As I’ve already said on the blog, I don’t expect the 2nd coming of Mike Piazza. At least not this year. Think about what you got from Matt Wieters last year. Shoot, think about what you got from him this year. If you’re starting Joe Schmohawk at catcher, sure, take a chance on some upside. I think he can give a bit more power than Posey, but they’re in the same ballpark. No, not literally. For this year, I’d give him a .280 average and 13 homers. Actually, I already wrote that. Here’s my Carlos Santana fantasy. In keepers, he should be owned already. If not, grab him immediately.Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Brain Freezes lived up to their names last month. With Jenks, Hoffman, Gregg, Dotel, Lidge, Funklin Morales, Qualls, Perez, Wood and Simon all putting dry ice on your fantasy baseball team and then shattering it. No one ever said owning Brain Freezes would be easy, but does it have to be this hard? Can’t I just Ron Popeil my Jenkses and Hoffmen and let them be? No, of course, I can’t. It would be too easy. I come from the school that if a guy has a chance to earn even one save, I’ll own them. Sometimes this yields 6 saves from Alfredo Simon, other times this yields 12 earned runs in a third of an inning from Will Ohman.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Kendry Morales could miss the rest of the season after breaking his leg during the celebration of his walk-off grand slam. Too bad the Wide World of Sports isn’t still on. They could’ve covered the agony and the ecstasy all in one full swoop. This injury reminds me of the time Justin Duchscherer heard The Hokey Pokey and in celebration put his right hip out. And didn’t put his right hip back in for six to eight months later. In place of Kendry, the Angels could call up Mark Trumbo. In AL-Only leagues, he’s worth grabbing for his power potential. In 47 games, he has 11 homers, but it’s also in the PCL, so there’s your grain of salt. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Howie Kendrick – 2-for-5, 4 RBIs and two home runs. Second home run was a game winner but there was no need for pylons around yesterday’s pile-on. The celebration was kept in check by Scioscia. He said under no circumstances is anyone supposed to injury another teammate in a celebration unless that player is Mike Napoli.Please, blog, may I have some more?
As I was thinking about Rudy going off and getting married, I needed a good cry, so I burned myself a sad song CD. Rather than try and find 15 songs that all had the same sentiment, I just put Why Can’t I?Please, blog, may I have some more?