The Pirates and Cardinals played a marathon game yesterday.  19 innings that saw 47 lineup changes, 16 different pitchers and 12,000 fans at Busch Stadium leaving simply because the beer cutoff was in the 7th inning.  ”This is baseball sober?  Damn, I’d prefer a third divorce.”  Tim Kurkjian’s voice is cracking at the sheer craziness of the game.  Can you believe this game, fellas?!

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Andy Pettitte managed to shut out the Rays yesterday for 7 1/3 IP with only 4 baserunners and 10 Ks.  No wonder why he returned.  He was probably sick of beating his kids at MLB 2K12.  “Dad, we don’t mind you playing our video games while we’re at school, but could you stop spitting tobacco onto our all-terrain robot?”  That’s Andy’s kids after a powwow about how to address the problem.  I’ll be the first to admit I didn’t see this coming.  He wasn’t even that good before he retired.  I guess he just needed 26 months between starts.  If he retired again tomorrow, he’d throw a no-hitter in 2016.  Or he’d win that perfect game contest that MLB is doing with their video game.  Enough with the commercials already.  I liked baseball better when they were a conservative game without the cheap gimmicks.  Bring back the Spiderman web-covered bases!  So, can Pettitte keep this up?  Seems doubtful.  He’s about a 3.75 ERA guy that pitches his home games in not one of the more forgiving parks in a tough division.  But, you know what, he looks no worse than what I’d expect of Oswalt and you’re stashing him, so he’s definitely worth owning.  Anyway, here’s what else we saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Psyche!  Before we get into today’s roundup, wanted to draw attention to the contest we’re holding.  We’re giving away a fifty-five inch LG 3D TV.  The TV comes with a remote control that has a mustache glued on top of it.  I’m kidding.  The mustache is glued on top of the TV.  Go ahead and enter.  It’s free and there’s a chance your significant other might be less inclined to get annoyed with you when you check your teams on a romantic date if you just won a TV.  Anyway II, here’s the roundup:

Colby Rasmus – Watch out Mr.

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Alex Castellanos was called up by the Dodgers to replace the DL’d Kemp, so what’s this guy’s story?  He was found in an orphanage in Crete.  He grew up eating ambrosia, feta and olives.  He spent all of his waking hours either playing baseball or pooping because of his diet.  Oh, you mean what’s his story as in what’s his stats like?  He looks like a product of the PCL, which is more glamorous than a product of Greek economists, but just as dangerous.  As we know, hitting in the PCL is like hitting on the moon with an aluminum bat.  So far in Triple-A this year (21 games), he has 4 homers, 7 steals and a .361 average.  That’s being wholly supported by an inflated BABIP because his K-rate isn’t pretty.  He’s closer to a .270 hitter with 10-ish homer power and 15-ish steal speed.  That’s solid enough in NL-Only leagues for a placeholder, but I’d hold off in mixed leagues for now.  In keepers, I’d pursue slightly more aggressively, but he is already 25 and from his picture it looks like it’s a Latin 25.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Matt Kemp – Won’t return for at least 4 weeks with a strain in two different places.  One place is his hamstring, the other place is his ears from the high-pitched screeches of his fantasy owners.

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Let Kate Upton know that Philip Humber is now allowed entrance into the Perfect Club as he retired 27 straight Mariners (here’s a tip: don’t get too close to Dallas Braden in the sauna).  That’s only the 21st perfect game in history – surprisingly, as you would’ve thought at least that many pitchers would have thrown perfect games against the Mariners last year.

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I don’t necessarily love Adam LaRoche. Or LaLove him, for that matter.  Sure, I’d like him more if he slept with a groupie then screamed, “And that’s how you screw LaPooch!”  But I have no way of knowing that, and thinking of LaRoche having groupies is like thinking people actually buy John Tesh CDs.  Though I do enjoy La Bouche — want to be my lover, be my lover!  LaRoche reminds me of the guy you have on your team that you’re looking to drop all season long for anyone that’s hot, but still gives you 25 homers and passable counting stats.  Strike that, he doesn’t remind me of that guy.  He is that guy.  Are you gonna wake up one morning and say to yourself, “I may have been fired, can’t make my mortgage payment this month and have yellow pits on my favorite t-shirt, but I own LaRoche… Today’s gonna be a good day!”  Nah, son, shizz ain’t gonna be that sunny, but he’s hitting and healthy and should be owned.  Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Hector Santiago – On the podcast the other day, I distinctly remember saying (in my high-pitched Jersey accent that actually makes dogs howl) that Addison Reed would end up with more saves than Santiago this year.  Well, la dee whatever, right now you should own Santiago.

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