The Brewers signed Aramis Ramirez to a deal worth between $34-37 million.  Wouldn’t you love to make so much money that there’s a gap of three million between what you might make?  “Hey, Aramis, you got a second?”  “I was just rolling up hundred dollar bills to make kindling.”  “Just wanted to see if you’ll take a deal for somewhere between $34-37 million.”  “There’s a three million dollar gap there. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

As Alex Rodriguez rehabs down in Miami, the heat (oofa!) is on his gambling habits.  “According to the baseball executive, MLB has yet to positively determine that Rodriguez took part in the (poker) games, which reportedly included actors Ben Affleck, Matt Damon, John Malkovich and that guy in that movie starring that other guy.”  Poker is a game played by men or women who will beat your ass, so you know A-Rod is only getting invited to these games because he’s probably the world’s worst poker player.  

Please, blog, may I have some more?