Fantasy Baseball Advice

This one goes out to the guy – one of the three TB fans that can actually be seen at a game – who was holding up the sign ‘Free Russ Canzler!’ last year.  You didn’t see that sign?  Yeah I didn’t either, mainly because it wasn’t there but since I don’t have cable I can’t verify that.  Can someone please tell me why a team that has been in the playoffs for 3 of the last 4 years doesn’t get more people at the actual ballpark without offering a Zimbear?  But back to what I had to say, Canzler was never going to see the light of day in Tampa Bay (How about I just go eat some hay. I could make things out of clay, and lay by the bay…) because he is not good at defense.  But this is a fantasy baseball blog, why should we care about defense?  Good question, hypothetical reader and the answer is simple: The Rays play real baseball against real teams…sorry, you expected more?  Oh, well Canzler has to play somewhere in order to be useful.  Their OF is full, the position he played in AAA is covered by Evan Longoria and they found their DH for the year in Luke Scott.  Also, the Rays are one of the top fielding teams in baseball.  There’s a reason a guy like Casey Kotchman got a shot to start at 1B for them last year and it wasn’t for his bat or his rapier-like wit.  They field a strong defensive ball club and Canzler was anything but a strong defender.  He racked up 13 errors at third base alone in 2011; fine numbers if he were a Milwaukee Brewer, but not for a utility role in TB.

So as the story goes, Canzler was traded to Cleveland in February for two meat pies and a 6 month subscription to Vibe magazine (every word after ‘February’ is still pending verification).  But why should we get excited about a soon to be 26 year old with only five major league plate appearances on his resume?  Sing it with me now:  Opportunity, opportunity, is knockin at your door…sorry, I started doing the jitterbug there for a second.  Russ has a healthy walk rate and has exhibited strong power numbers over the last two years, posting a .279 ISO in AA for the Cubs and a .215 last year in AAA for the Rays.  With a minor league K% rate above 20 percent, he’ll most likely saddle you in a totally non-sexual way with a .260 average.  That’s a’ight, but the ISO is what has me interested and also that I can’t tell you who is going to bat 6th in that lineup.  I can tell you Travis Hafner probably bats 5th when he’s healthy *Snickers*…the laugh, not the candy bar.  Sorry, the last time Hafner played in over 130 games was 2007.  Plus, Grady Sizemore needs a bench friend to swap funny doctor visit stories with over the course of the year.  I also can’t tell you whether Kotchman holds down the job at first all year.  I could go into extreme detail, but let’s just say his average from last year had a lot to do with his ground ball rate and how well that played on Tampa Bay turf.  He won’t be as bad as he was in Seattle but surely not as good as he was for the Rays.  With Lonnie Chisenhall looking more and more like he could use a AAA stint to start the season,  the Indians could use a little pop in their lineup.  Right now, Canzler is unowned basically everywhere — ESPN, Fleaflicker, Yahoo.  If he can get a starting job, he might land in a prime RBI slot.  With enough at-bats, 18 HRs and 90 RBIs is attainable.  Yeah, I know it’s not that exciting, but wait there’s more!  Alright, actually there’s not.  I just always wanted to say that.

And all the pitchers in the top 10, please allow Stephen Strasburg to bump thee.  Let’s see what we can say about Strasburg that hasn’t been said before.  Mikhail Gorbachev’s port wine birthmark on his head is actually Strasburg mid-windup.  I don’t think that had been said before.  Stephen’s cheering section, The House of Strasburg, better get out its Austrian officer uniforms because Herr Strasburg is goose stepping back into town.  I think in most redraft leagues you’d be able to find a dozen waiver wire pitchers that can do what Strasburg can do for this year.  What’s he gonna get?  4 starts at most?  Brandon McCarthy could be as valuable as him in 4 starts.  I’m just tempering you like Margaret from Boardwalk Empire.  I wouldn’t expect more than 20 innings of a 3.00 ERA.  Don’t go dropping anyone too valuable to roll with the Strasburger.  In keeper leagues, drop your priceless Faberge egg and grab him.  Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Casey Kotchman – Which of these statements is false:  1) He’s hitting .337. 2) He had mononucleosis for two years because the Angels Rally Monkey used his toothbrush.  3) He considered legally changing his first name to I’mplaying1stbasey.

Mike Carp – Just went over my Mike Carp fantasy.  I wrote it while wearing giant gold sunglasses like Pitbull.

J.D. Martinez – He went from a lukewarm buy to a must have in less than a week.  He could revert back to a lukewarm buy by (stutterer!) next week.

Brandon McCarthy – Has a 3.31 ERA, 1.17 WHIP and a 74:16 K:BB rate.  McCarthy’s taking on every team this year like they’re the Reds.  Hopefully he keeps it up tonight vs. the Rangers and doesn’t leave his initials on the mound.

Dontrelle Willis – For a long time his career looked as promising as the person who told Jordan a Hitler mustache was the way to go.  His ERA looks the best its looked in years, but better still is he’s keeping his BBs in check better than Ralphie.

Jake Peavy – He’s looked good the last four times out.  If you had him for those starts, take a lap around your computer, cheering yourself.  You deserve it.

Rafael Furcal – Nothing says fresh blood infused into your fantasy team’s veins like an oldie-timer.

Eric Young Jr. – I ran into Eric Young Sr. and Eric Young Jr. Jr. at a Carl’s Jr. the other day and they agreed that the only thing that’s stopping Eric Young Jr. from stealing 60 bases a year is playing time.  Then they began to argue over the real star of the duo, Junior Senior.

Jose Altuve – Has hit in ten of his last twelve games while batting .330 since his call up and is owned in 1.5% of ESPN leagues.  Jed Lowrie, who has one good week every year or so, is owned in 13.4% of ESPN leagues.  Then again ESPN dedicates five hour programming blocks to the Sawx so I guess it makes sense.

Johnny Giavotella – Could have some speed, power and abbreviate his last name as GTL.  I’ll cop to picking up Giavotella in one league.  Hey, if you can’t beat ‘em or file a restraining order…

Yuniesky Betancourt – Hitting over .400 in the last week with a homer and a steal.  Not a long term add but hot schmotatoes rarely are.

Jose Constanza – His name translates to Joe With Poem so here’s one in his honor.  Constanza is playing over Jason Heyward/Leaving a hole in my outfield the size of a fjord/Now I’m blahtooning Eric Young and Peter Bourjos/What rhymes with that? Orange juice?

Jesus Montero – Will be called up shortly and hit 2 to 4 homers while collecting 9 to 13 RBIs; I can hardly wait!

Rafael Betancourt – He can be found in the definition of Cuddle Boy, but that shouldn’t stop you from handcuffing Huston Street who once pulled a hamstring from around a candied ham and strained his elbow.

Vinnie Pestano – If Chris Perez blows one more game in horrific fashion, Pestano will be the closer.  If Perez blows two more games in less than horrific fashion, Pestano will take over.  If Perez just shows up at the game wearing a mismatched outfit, he should be fine.

SELL

Vernon Wells – If you think Vernon Wells has another month and a half of productivity in his bat, then the Blue Jays GM Alex Snuffaluffagus has a bridge in Kansas to sell you.

Derrek Lee - Has a team ever traded for someone then put him on waivers within a few weeks?  I don’t know, but Derrek Lee or Ryan Ludwick might be the first ones.  Pirates spokesman, “Listen, we were never really in the running and now we’re really not in the running… Anyone wanna take these schmohawks off our hands?  How about Ryan Doumit?  How about Dyan Roumit?  How about a catcher to be named later?”  Sure, Lee is wily with grit, but put grit and wily into Google and you get “Did you mean John McCain?” and he can’t play baseball.

Carlos Lee - Sticking with the old Lee theme, if you have Chuck Lee, stop fighting the power and shut him down.

Jason Heyward – I wouldn’t drop him in keeper leagues or leagues 12 team or deeper.  In those leagues, I’d walk into traffic wearing a burlap sack muttering about how Heyward betrayed you.  But in shallow redraft leagues, it’s time to move on.  What’s the best he can give you in a month-plus?  6 homers?  Rick Ankiel called and said he’d give you that, but not to call him back and his number is unlisted.

Curtis Granderson hasn’t had a lead all season and you know what?  He deserves one, consarn it!  Yesterday, he went 2-for-4 with 2 steals.  If I was producing a 30 for 30 about my fantasy season, I’d just follow Granderson around with a camera.  “Sorry, Grey, no homers today, but how about two steals?”  “Oh, okay, Grandy,” as I look down in the mouth.  “Hey, tomorrow I’ll hit 2 homers!”  “Thanks, Grandy, you’re dandy!”  This year he has 25 homers, 17 steals, 83 runs, 68 RBIs, a .274 average and a killer smile.  Back in March, you would’ve took that from him for his overall season line and you would’ve liked it.  I do think this season is gonna be the peak for him, but hell with next year!  Let’s wrap his 2011 around us like a Snuggie (or the lesser known Slanket) and enjoy the ride.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

A.J. Burnett – 5 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 14 baserunners, 4 Ks.  I didn’t see the game, but 14 baserunners in five and a third doesn’t even seem possible.  Were they playing Wiffle ball rules with ghost runners needing to be forced?

Josh Collmenter – 8 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 7 Ks.  Has a 2.65 ERA on the year and pulls girls from every ethnic background.   I.e., he’s a rock star.  Now has 14 scoreless innings in the last two games vs. the Brewers.  Shlemiel, schcan’ttouchmyshizz, I’m Josh Collmenter.  I’d be worried about putting too much faith in J.C. — no offense — but you should own him at this point.

Ryan Roberts – 2-for-4 and his 2nd homer in two games.  Totally one of those guys that people are gonna ask about next March as a sleeper pick and it’s gonna turn into a wasted pick.  But, for now, you could do worse.

Ryan Vogelsong – 6 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks, season ERA is at 2.02 and I can’t get a G-D clean game from Gallardo.  Throw me a frickin’ bone.

Stephen Strasburg – Threw 95 MPH in a simulated game.  Hey, this weekend I threw a simulated 150 in Wii bowling.

Koji Uehara – Will see saves for the next three days while Kevin Gregg serves a suspension.  If this were elementary school, Gregg and Ortiz would serve their suspensions in the same room while cleaning the erasers.

Adam Jones – 2-for-5 with his 3rd homer in the last 4 games.  He seems pretty underappreciated considering he’s pulling a Hunter Pence impersonation that could fool Henrietta Pence, that’s his mom.

Mark Reynolds – 0-for-4 as the Orioles scored 10 runs.  Ticker tease!

Ryan Zimmerman – 2-for-4 with his 5th homer.  Here he comes (God, I hope so)!  I just know it (no, I don’t)!

Mike Morse – 3-for-4 with his 16th homer.  About time he started dashing and dotting again.

Huston Street – Might get traded.  For who, Avenue of the Americas?  Lindstrom would be the handcuff.

Jordan Lyles – 8 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks and 113 pitches.  Not much to report here, but Ed Wade’s Toupee may want to chillax on throwing the youngster so deep into games.  I mean, isn’t Dr. James Andrews making enough money?

Mark Buehrle – 7 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks.  Solid, if yawnstipating 5th fantasy starter.  That is all.

Billy Butler – 2-for-4 with two WTFs (Warning Track Flies).  If you have a WTF category in your league, Butler is the WTF master.  If he moved forward in the batter’s box ten feet, he’d hit 30 homers.

Joe Mauer – 6-for-8 in the doubleheader.  He hit .373 in last year’s 2nd half and has raised his average nearly 50 points in the last 10 games.

Trevor Plouffe – 1-for-3 with his 5th home run, and he left the bowl streak-free.

Chris Perez – 1 IP, 1 ER.  The Indians rest him when there is a save opportunity in the afternoon game then bring him in for the pointless Kazaam!  Grr.

Josh Reddick – As a starter since June 18th, batting .340 with 4 homers.  But that’s only 13 starts in a month.  Guy at the Cask’n Flagon with a Jeter jersey is getting more play.

Clay Buchholz – On Monday, he threw from 120 feet.  Not sure why he’s pitching from 2nd base, but there ya go.

Jarrod Saltalamacchia – Was 0-for-his last week before this game, but for those who like to play Russian roulette with their catcher, Saltymochachino hit a bomb yesterday.

Roy Halladay – 4 IP, 3 ER.  Left the game with heat exhaustion.  Hey, Ruiz, stop calling for the heater!

Carlos Pena – 3-for-3 with his 20th homer, after just getting done with a 1-for-15 stretch.  His hitting streaks are like riding a bicycle in San Francisco.  Holy crap, we’re really flying as we go downhill!  And now we’re going uphill and nowhere…  Watch out, now we’re downhill again!

Aramis Ramirez – 1-for-3 with his 17th homer.  Who said he’d slow up?  Oh, I did.  Well, I still think he will.  Unless he backed into a leftover Sosa needle.

Jason Heyward - Sat out yesterday after being hit on the foot Sunday.  As frequent commenter, zombie, said yesterday, “Should have know something was up when Glass Chipper demands that you grab a bat.  Definitely no relation to Ironhead Heyward.  Dude played with a brain tumor.  Foot contusion.  Seriously?!”

Clay Hensley – 5 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 3 Ks.  Did you ever want to call him Hay Clensley?  Me too!  Last time he was a regular starter, he was a solid deep league option, but marginal in most mixed leagues.  And that was in Petco.  For a few starts, he’ll also be on a pitch count.

Leo Nunez – Got the save yesterday, but, whatever, this isn’t about that.  Everyone is saying Dunn would be the closer if Nunez is dealt, the only problem I have with that is Mujica is having a better year and consistently coming in games after Dunn.  Plus, Dunn’s a lefty.  Well, that’s the short of it, Peter Dinklage.

Alex Cobb – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks vs. the Yankees.  Like the quarter of Harrison Ford that is Jewish, that’s not too shabby.  He gets the peasant Royals next time out.  That’s a decent gamble, no relation to Rudy or Oscar.

Casey Kotchman – 2-for-3 and now batting .337 with 4 homers on the year.  James Loney called, he wants his stats back.

Ezequiel Carrera – He said nine innings is for Quakers, and played 18 innings yesterday and stole 2 bases.  After all the success with Asdrubal, the Indians might just be promoting anyone with a funky first name.  Get ready, Azerbajan Ramirez!  Carrera had 35 steals in 81 games in Triple-A this year and now he’s the starting center fielder for the Cleveland Indians.  You know who has two thumbs and picked up this Amish SAGNOF’er?  This guy!

Grady Sizemore – To the DL with knee problems.  He said there’s a lot of concern about his knee.  You don’t say, Grady.  It’s only been bothering you for two years.  The FDA looked at his knees and said Grade-E.  Uh-uh, Grade F.  Suitable only for ‘meat’ filling at Taco Bell and 7-11 chili dogs.  Hmm, what is that taste?  Oh, that’s right.  The unfulfilled promise of multiple 30/30 seasons.

Ben Zobrist had a pretty good day yesterday.  A double slam and legs and 10 RBIs.  Zobrist’s wife, an aspiring singer of Christian pop music, wrote a song about Zobrist’s day called, “The Day The Lord Shined His Lovelight On Ben.”  Its B-side is “Here’s The Church, Here’s The Steeple, God’s Fifth Outfielder Is Jason Kubel.”  Both are pretty catchy.  Kirk Cameron would rock them on his iPod.  He’d unironically say, “Holy smokes!  These are awesome!”  Zobrist had a great day, doesn’t mean he’s the meow’s cat.  His value may never be higher if you’re thinking you’d like to trade him.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Casey Kotchman – Hit his first home run of the year as he went Mono y Mano with the pitcher.

Sam Fuld – Led off and went 0-for-9 in the the doubleheader where the Rays scored 21 runs combined.  That’s a ticker tease of epic proportions.  After the game, a teammate touched Fuld’s shoulder and said, “You’ll get ‘em next time.” and turned away.  Fuld responded, “That’s not why I was here.  I just wanted to see this team reach its potential.”  The befuddled teammate turned around and Fuld was gone.

Edwin Jackson – 4 IP, 6 ER, 9 baserunners, 2 Ks.  I saw nothing worthwhile here, but it was against the Yankees, so I’m giving him one more start.  That’s it.

Travis Snider – He’s evidently not taking notes in Dwayne Murphy’s class (.181 AVG w/ no power) so the Blue Jays are sending him to detention (aka AAA).  The Blue Jay LF will be manned by either SAGNOFs (Patterson, Podesdnik) or a BAGNOG (Brother Ain’t Got No Glove) like Juan Rivera.

Adam Lind – Homer yesterday, now has 3 homers in 3 days.  He’s not at 100% in ESPN leagues, but then again Manny’s still owned in 12% of ESPN leagues, so I’m not sure those ownership numbers mean anything.

Alex White – Called up to replace Carrasco in the rotation.  Had a hot start in AAA, but his previous year in AA was nothing great.  Throws a decent amount of ground balls with good Ks this year, but last year it was just okay Ks (stutterer!).  Best case scenario for him is Britton, which is terrific, fabulous, wonderful.  His worst case scenario is roofie’ing you and dousing your naughty bits with Sriracha.  For now, I wouldn’t go near him outside of AL-Only or deep mixed leagues.

Travis Hafner – Sat out yesterday with a sore ankle.  Never hear about sore cankles.  Another vote for cankles!  I wonder if we can convince Zobrist’s wife to help put together a ‘We Are The World’ for cankles.

Shelley Duncan – Homered then ripped Chief Wahoo’s arm off with a high five.

Grady Sizemore – 2-for-4 with his 4th homer.  I’ll be honest, I’m hesitant to buy in.  He abused me so many times, I flinch when I watch him.  But I’ll Be Honest, Part II:  More Honesty, he could hit 25 homers and steal 15 bags.

Fausto Carmona – 7 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 2 Ks.  Is it me or does it seem like he’s pitching well every time out?  It’s obviously me because Carmona has an ERA of 5.15.  So he is pitching well, but only compared to Gallardo, Edwin Jackson or Liriano.  As the Irish Justin Timberlake says, crimey a river!

Joe Mauer – Twins said Mauer wasn’t ready for the start of the season and he can’t resume any baseball activities yet.  No spitting, no scratching himself.

Miguel Olivo – Hit cleanup, replacing Kennedy.  Will now be known as Miguel Baines Olivo.  MBO has 2 homers in the last three games.  He hits them in bunches.  I’d say he’d be in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell, but he won’t.  I’m telling you about him now.

Michael Pineda – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 9 Ks.  Now has an ERA of 2.01 and a WHIP of 1.07.  I have one thing to say, it sounds like, I wish I owned him sum wear.

Alexi Ogando – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks.  I almost made him a sell for this afternoon’s post because his K-rate (prior to this game) and his xFIP (or ‘What’s an Ex-Fip?’ as Murray Chass calls it) was absurd.

Ian Kinsler – 2-for-4 with his 4th steal as he gets his BUPKIS in order.

Kendrys Morales – With pain lingering when he running, he’s off to see a specialist.  Sylvester Stallone?

Ryan Vogelsong – 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks.  The Giants love Vogelsong in a Sting-like way.  First, there was the tantric, never-quite-orgasmic prospect years (2000-2001).  Second, they set him free, shipping him off to sea (the Pirates) like a message in a bottle.  Third, he came back (which I think is the point of the ‘If You Love Somebody Set Them Free’ song otherwise it makes little sense, right?) older and wiser, having pitched in the minors and Japan for the past 5 years.  All that said, he has a career ERA of 5.77 and WHIP of 1.577.  Pick him up only if you’re the King of Pain.

Ryan Zimmerman – Played catch yesterday and Mark Zuckerman, from CSN Washington, said Zimmerman “won’t be back for awhile.”  But they fail to mention that it was a lovely father-son moment.

Roger Bernadina – Whatever, the Nats are stoopid.

Nick Swisher – 3-for-4, 4 RBIs and his first homer.  I didn’t like Swisher in the preseason and this was his first good game, but if someone grew tired of his shenanigans I’d grab him to see if he’s about to get hot.

Brett Gardner – 2-for-3, 3 runs and the slam & legs.  Now if he could only pitch for my fantasy teams…

Ryan Dempster – 1/3 IP, 7 ER.  Abe Froman may be the sausage king of Chicago but Ryan takes a sausage in the Dempster like a king.

In the clubhouse after last night’s game, the Nats watched as ESPN reported Strasburg wasn’t pitching until Friday so there was nothing to talk about.  Nothing to say about Adam Dunn.  Nothing to say about that Zimmerman guy.  Josh Will-something… They couldn’t even remember his name.  The team stopped watching the highlights, upset they were nothing but Anthony Edwards to Strasburg’s Clooney.  Knowing something had to be done, Dunn left the clubhouse as he always had – by reaching up, removing the ceiling and climbing out.  Then he jumped on the back of a blue ox and circled the globe until time rewound to before the game.  Dunn then went out and hit his 18th, 19th and 20th homers while rocking a .280 average on the year.  Now after the game, ESPN reported Dunn hit 3 homers, specifying it came just two days prior to Strasburg’s next start.  Dunn shrugged, it was a start as he ripped the blue ox’s leg off and had dinner.  Hee-haw!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Ian Desmond – 1-for-2 with his 2nd homer in as many games.  Now has 6 homers and 6 steals on the year.  Ever heard of the slow boat to China?  Yeah, Desmond’s on the slow boat to 12/12.

Todd Helton – Placed on the DL with a sore back.  He needs his Bond girl, Miss Aja Chair.

Brad Eldred – 3-for-4, 3 Runs.  Was called up in the wake of Helton’s old age.  Eldred has monster power and a poor average.  In NL-Only leagues, I’d grab him for the chance at lightning in a bottle.  I’d say grab him in mixed leagues too, but he may not see all the playing time over Giambi.  Depends how quickly Giambi’s defense and fragility (<–hey, it’s Italian!) expose themselves.

Dexter Fowler – A three-run homer as he showed that Fowler power.

Chris Iannetta – 3 games, 3 homers.  As if it needs to be said, but this is not good for Miguel Olivo.

Matt Garza – Picked up the save.  Soriano had pitched four days in a row so Maddon opted for Garza on his throw day.  Or maybe Maddon owns Hellickson in a keeper and wants to see Garza get hurt.  Hard to say.

David Price – 7 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 10 Ks.  Hopefully he doesn’t need to close out Sunday’s game.

Marc Rzepczynski – 5 2/3 IP, 4 ER, 9 baserunners, 7 Ks in The RZE’s return from a fractured finger.  Shame on a finga!  The consonant monger had a great K-rate in the minors and is worth a flier in AL-Only leagues.

Delmon Young – Hit his 10th homer yesterday while suffering a sprained wrist.  Delmon said his wrist should be F-I-N-E, fine.  He spelled it out gangsta-style.

Orlando Hudson – 3-for-4 with a homer.  I yawned while I typed his name.

Aramis Ramirez – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his third homer in two games.  Think it’s safe to get him back in the lineup now.

Josh Johnson – 8 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks.  Now leads the majors with a 1.70 ERA.  C’mon, Marlins, trade him for some prospects, you know you wanna.

Mike Stanton – 2nd game in a row with a homer.  Definitely can mollywhop with the best of them, but he can be a drain on average for this year.

Dan Uggla – 3-for-3 as he hits .285 on the year.  Bet you’re glad you avoided him in March with his terrible average.

Casey Kotchman – 2 homers yesterday as he emphatically answered the question, “Is Casey Kotchman retired, playing 1st for the M’s or in the minors?”

Doug Fister – 6 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 1 K as the Fister/Johnson battery made Mariner fans wince.

Chad Qualls – I see your confidence Kirk Gibson and I raise you an inning thrown and three runs given up.

Edwin Jackson – 5 IP, 5 ER, 10 baserunners, 1 K.  Hey, at least he didn’t need 149 pitches.

Max Scherzer – 7 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Whoever the pitching coach was in Triple-A who fixed Scherzer, he might think about applying for a job in the big leagues.

Buster Posey – 4-for-4, 6 RBIs and two homers.  Let’s hope he doesn’t work out with Wieters in the offseason.

Andres Torres – 2-for-5 with his 5th homer.  He also has 17 steals.  Incredibly, Torres is headed for a 10/30 year.  That is all… But that should be enough.

Carlos Lee – For the 2nd straight day, Lee and his “I’m too old for this shizz” brother in arms, Berkman homered.

Jayson Nix – Now with his 5th homer in 5 games.  Maybe Nix hired Marcus Giles as his strength and conditioning coach.

Matt Holliday – 4-for-5, 4 Runs, 2 RBIs and 2 more homers in Coors.  Hey, I know that one… 2007 Matt Holliday, right?  Cool impersonation!

Jake Peavy – To the DL and off to see Dr. Freeze, but this doesn’t affect anyone who reads Razzball because I told you to avoid Peavy this year.  What?  You didn’t listen?  Aw, that’s a sad story.  Here’s a tissue.  Taking over for Peavy, will be D-Hud.  To see my Daniel Hudson fantasy, click that thingamabobber.

Carlos Quentin – Could be out until Friday with a sore knee.  His knee obviously doesn’t own him in fantasy.

Aaron Hill – Was out with a stomach virus.  Interestingly enough, his owners haven’t been able to stomach him all year.

Martin Prado – 2 homers yesterday, now has 10 homers on the year with a .336 average and 61 Runs.  Yeah, he’s going to be overrated next year.

Matt Diaz – Hit a homer.  Sure, it was off Gimme Moyer, but, more importantly, what is Gimme?  *taps finger, cracks neck, yawns*  He’s a lefty!  Diaz eats lefties for breakfast.

Shane Victorino – Hit his 13th homer yesterday to keep pace with Ryan Howard, who hit his 16th.  Now if Howard had 17 steals to match Victorino, they’d be close in fantasy value.

Bronson Arroyo – 8 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks.  In 303 1/3 innings over the last three years, he has a 3.06 ERA in the 2nd half.  Okay, that’s the last time I’m mentioning it (until he pitches well again).

Jonathan Niese – 7 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks.  I could make the case that Niese is having a better season than Pelfrey.  If I were to make that case, I’d talk about K-rate and xFIP.  That’s if I were to make that case.

Sean Gallagher – Pirates received Gallagher for cash.  The unconfirmed cash figure was seventeen dollars, but the Pirates had a Has-Been Prospect coupon.  If you’re going to pick up Gallagher, you better put on a raincoat because he can get messy when he takes a mallet to your team’s ERA/WHIP.