“Just because we share some organs doesn’t mean you can’t hit 2 two-run homers for each of us!” Josh Hamilton had a night that makes you feel like you’re seven years old again. You remember it. When the birds chirped, it made you smile. When your dad carried you on his shoulders, you were on top of the world. When you peed the bed, no one tried to commit you to rehab. People pinched your cheeks without you having to pay some stranger on Craigslist $75. You’d throw a pebble into the lake without worrying if you hit someone in the head and blinded them if your insurance would cover it. A time of joy. Wonder. No Splenda. That’s what Josh Hamilton did for us last night. And he also gave his stupid fantasy owners 4 friggin’ homers, going 5-for-5 with 4 runs and 8 RBIs. Why don’t I have him on every team?! I would not try and sell him high because if he stays healthy (it doesn’t have to be that remote of a chance, you cynical bastard), you have an MVP. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Adrian Beltre – 2-for-5 with a homer. Pfft, wake me when you hit three more! Please, blog, may I have some more?
Did you know that Vapors song, Turning Japanese, is about masturbation? Because when said act is done, a man squints, hence turning Japanese. Things that are offensive aren’t always racist, but, in this case, they are. Too bad The Vapors follow up single, “When I Really Have To Pee, I Dance Like A Cherokee” never climbed the charts. So this morning, Selig, on advice from his toupee, is taking the greatest day, Opening Day, and putting it up against infomercials and a three hour loop of the Emergency Broadcast Network. Why the hell is Opening Day at 3:05 AM Pacific Standard Time, you ask. Because Selig is a f*cking idiot. That asterisk is a U, by the way. In case that wasn’t clear. Way to excite the next generation of baseball fans. Take Opening Day 6,000 miles west and have the two worst teams play. Could we not get the Padres to play the Washington Generals in Cape Horn? Anyway, for fantasy baseball, pick up anyone who may play, especially in H2H leagues. They’re all fair game. If I were you, I’d focus on the hitters. From what I’ve read, Japanese ballparks are smaller…. Please, blog, may I have some more?
First off, thanks Grey for this opportunity. Second, please be gentle, Razzballers…this is my first time.
I’ve now played in a 12 team yahoo mixed league where we start two at each infield position and five in the OF (LF,CF,RF,OF,OF) for over five years. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Andrew Bailey bettah work on his non-rhotic (Word of the Day!) pronunciations cause he’s headed to the town of beans. This is my town and these are my beans! Not to say I told you so, but to tell you I told you so. When Melancon went to the Sawx, I said, “The GM over in Beantown says Melancon is “capable of closing.” In big market speak, that means he won’t be the closer. Melancon is the stereotypical small market closer, big market set-up man.” Prescient ain’t just a word you need a spell checker for. It’s a state of mind! Bailey will be absolutely fine as a closer when he’s healthy, which is to say maybe 4 of 6 months of the season if the Sawx are lucky. So Melancon will get some saves, say, maybe, I don’t know, interjection, 10 saves. It’s not bad for a guy that won’t be drafted in many leagues. This also solidifies the Sawx’s intention of putting Bard into the rotation. I think it’s slightly crazy talk, but I’m wearing a burlap sack and drinking a Capri Sun without a straw so what do I know? Anyway, here’s some more offseason moves and what they mean for 2012 fantasy baseball:
Sike! Before we get into today’s post, just want to say that if you’re into fantasy basketball, you should check out the work Adam’s doing; it’s smart and funny, and I don’t know basketball at all. One time I was playing a pick up basketball game and I tried to do a layup and I threw the ball over the backboard. I was like, “Call me Calista Flockhart cause I’m throwing up shizz.” Ah, the laughs we had. Then I was never picked to play on a team again. Anyway II, some offseason moves for 2012 fantasy baseball:
Josh Reddick – Heads to the A’s on the other side of the Bailey hullabaloo. Did Beane get enough? I don’t know. Instead, let’s ask ourselves this: Did Braun test positive because he was treating herpes? In Triple-A, Reddick hit .127 in 2009, then .266 in 2010, then .230 last year. So I’d be surprised if he hits above .260 over the course of the 2012 season. He has shown the ability to hit for power, but now he moves to the unfriendly confines of Oakland. Best case scenario, you’re getting a 15/10/.260 guy. It’s all right, but if he fails to meet those modest expectations, he’s nothing but a third outfielder for AL-Only leagues. Herpes, Braun, really? That’s your defense? That’s like telling your wife you killed her cat to take your mind off cheating on her. Braun, you couldn’t say you tested positive because you were taking some non-FDA approved Chinese medicine for migraines? Who’s advising this schmohawk? Please, blog, may I have some more?
Justin Smoak has back-to-back days with home runs and back-to-back-to-back games with a home run. Say that fast 117 times! Where there’s Smoak, there’s fire! See what I did there?! Did you see?! Yeah, of course you did, it was pretty obvious. Smoak seems to be the hot schmotato of the moment. (Hot schmotato hasn’t made its official way yet into the glossary. Just taking it out for a test drive, seeing how it feels. It does have that new Razzball glossary word smell.) If you’re currently rocking a corner infidel that doesn’t excite you or your nipples, grab Smoak. Kid’s got talent and might just be coming into his own. The lost Smoak monster is found! (BTW, he was a preseason sleeper. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge, bassoon.) Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Erik Bedard – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 3 Ks. When he’s healthy, he’s usually pretty a’ight, so, sure, I’d grab him. As Fonzie’s horse would say, what the hey! Please, blog, may I have some more?
In opposite world, news that Andrew Bailey hurt himself comes as a complete shock. Here’s what I said in the top 20 closers for 2011 fantasy baseball, “Is it me or is this the news once a month for him, “Andrew Bailey has been cleared to start throwing.” Hey, Bailey, throw already!” And that’s me quoting me! Unfortunately, when Bailey is cleared to start throwing he leaves games with tightness in his forearm. Wouldn’t be surprised to hear Bailey will miss the season for more surgery as he’s off to see Dr. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Kila Ka’aihue went 3-for-3, 4 Runs, 4 RBIs and 2 homers. Also, he just missed a third homer that ended up a triple. Mauna Kila! He hasn’t hit for much average so far in the major leagues. Or is it ma’ajor leagues? His plate discipline is in impeccable and the peasant Royals would be wise to give him a starting job next spring, which could make him a sleeper for 2011 fantasy baseball. But you put the wise moves the Royals make in one hand and the stupid moves in the other hand and you’ll need the empty hand that was supposed to hold the wise moves to help hold up the stupid moves hand. Then have someone else move everything off the counter so there’s room to balance the weight of both hands that have become stupid move hands. Then get some Lysol because it smells like rancid onions. Oh, and Kila has another homer in the last week and is worth playing in the final week if you’ve lost some other players. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Josh Fields – Now 4 for his last 8 with 2 homers. It must be ‘games don’t matter’ time, because the Royals look terrific. Fields is worth a flier if you’re looking for a hot bat. Please, blog, may I have some more?
I’ve added average draft position (ADP) from MockDraftCentral.com to the 5×5 10/12/14/16 Team Point Shares tables. (NL-only Point Shares are also up for 8, 10, and 12 Team.)
As expected, pitchers are valued higher in Point Shares vs. actual drafts. There’s plenty of reasons for this – riskier pitchers are undervalued, (mis)perceptions, blah blah blah – but all that matters is finding the best bargains across all positions. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Catchers, 1st basemen, 2nd basemen and shortstops for 2009 have been accounted for. Up now, the top 20 3rd basemen for 2009 fantasy baseball. Lots of surprises in the top 20 for 3rd basemen. On top, Mini-Donkey, Figgy, Longoria and Kung Fu Panda, which sounds like an anime cartoon that has a 75% chance of giving you a seizure. (BTW, anyone ever watch anime? It’s about giant robots that want to be loved. That shizz is depressing.) Then when you get to around the halfway mark-o, the drop off is precipitous. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Who doesn’t love to show their frenemies their fantasy baseball teams in October and say, “Look at what I won with?” Then they see Juan Uribe and they’re confounded, “How did you win with Juan Uribe?” That is the secret to fantasy baseball in September. If you win your league, I guarantee someone will look at your team at the end of the year and be completely confused by some of the guys you own. Cliff Pennington? Robinson Tejeda? Did the other teams in your league quit? Please, blog, may I have some more?