Ah Flexibility. It’s like when you were a kid, (or still are a kid) and you have to do that v-sit reach test. You stretch and stretch and in your mind you are awesome, but in reality there is some Romanian chick in your class name Nadia who can eat spaghetti-o’s one at a time with her naval and makes everyone look horrible. This, my friends, is all about the fake baseball flexibility, the laid back one where you pick Cheetos’s one by one out of your belly button, and that to me is grandiose. First lint and now artificially flavored cheese snacks — the world will never cease to amaze me, next thing you know we will put a man on the moon. So last week I gave a preemptive strike into the flexibility thing covering RP that will or may be starting come regular season and are only eligible at RP. Now I am covering some guys that will have both RP and SP, it’s like a fluffer and porn star all rolled into one. So with out the frills and more annoying hullabaloo here are some cats that have dual eligibility. Keep in mind that everyone plays with different settings, so I am only giving guys with 5 starts/5 relief appearances or more to be considered.Please, blog, may I have some more?
This post is about 3000 words due to wanting to cover everyone. Stupid, OCD! OCD Voice, “Don’t forget to touch your elbow 75 times before ranking these guys, it’s good luck!” Due to its length, I’ll get right to the good stuff. All the 2013 fantasy baseball rankings are there. All 2013 Fantasy Baseball Position Eligibility is there. All 2013 fantasy baseball sleepers are there. All 2013 fantasy baseball rookies are there. All 2013 fantasy baseball dollar values are there. All 2013 fantasy baseball hitter projections are there. All 2013 fantasy baseball pitcher projections are there. And everything tangentially related to nonsense is there. Anyway, here’s the top 100 starters for 2013 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
As always on Saturdays we come to you live and direct with some of the lesser owned two start chaps that may be wandering your waiver wire like a lost kid at the Walgreens. This week has some tasty options of the buy low variety, and 2 guys that are especially hot and pitching stupid. Stupid in this case is a good thing, and if I really needed to explain that then, well, stupid does makes sense. So enjoy this week’s selections of pitchers with that two start persuasion. (Please note that pitchers and match-ups change.)
Kyle Kendrick (Mia vs LeBlanc, Hou vs Lyles) True story, his porno name would be Sweetums Swampfoot. Last 5 starts he has been money, 4-1 with an ERA a tick above 1.50, yes that’s a one in front.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yesterday, Jason Kipnis went 2-for-4 with his 13th homer. Member when he had 11 homers going into the All-Star break and we were like, “Yo, I’d let Kipnis sleep with my baby’s mama. He earned that shizz, yo. Just make sure you change the sheets, that’s all I ask.Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Rangers are thinking about calling up big-time prospect, Jurickson Profar. When I saw that news my eyes did the John Lithgow’s eyes when he sees the gremlin on the wing of the plane in Twilight Zone, The Movie. Then I started thinking, as I’m wont to do on occasion, Kinsler is on lock, Andrus isn’t going anywhere yet, Beltre and Olt can play 3rd, while Young can butcher all 4 positions and fly the “This guy is the heart of our team” flag.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Another week closer to the end. Well my friends, it is getting to be that time, crunch time. I wish they sold some kind of crunch machine for this time of the year, as every start becomes more important than the last. As you are calculating your starts remaining, innings remaining, and most inevitably the trade deadline in your leagues, take a look at where you’re trailing. It is now the time to do something about it, not yesterday or in 3 days. This is why we do all that preparation for the draft and read countless blurbs about players. We want to win or at least look good doing it. So take this week to make your final push, because it feels better to try and lose then to not care at all. Good luck and happy fantasy baseballin’. (Please keep in mind that match-ups and pitchers change.)
Blake Beavan (Tb vs Cobb, Min vs Deduno) Leave it to Beavan, not literally but figuratively.Please, blog, may I have some more?
So my weekly piece comes on the heels of the awesomely fantastic Stream-o-nator, which was dropped by the other fellas that run this piece. It is a great little widget for fantasy baseball and a great stocking stuffer for the kids come Festivus. So what else happened in the week since we checked each other out, and, by check you out I mean I was in your neighbor’s tree and all I can say is I like what you have done with your furniture. Oh… not that checking, gotcha, we are officially on the same page now. So the trade deadline dropped some great nuggets of fantasy usefulness, not much in my department of 2-start lads, but still some.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Andrew McCutchen went 3-for-4 with his 21st homer yesterday, and now has five homers in his last 4 games. On the year, he’s batting .371. For s’s and g’s, I went back to look at April comments about McCutchen when he had zero homers and only 7 RBIs through the first month.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Zack Cozart is a pickup in all leagues where you need a middle infidel. Go, I’ll wait here. *scratches chin, yawns, covers mustache with two fingers to see what I look like without it, shakes head* Welcome back! Cozart hit 17 homers and stole 30 bases last year. You know who that reminds me of? No, not you in high school. Let it go, man. It reminds me of Danny Espinosa. Danny has a bit more power and a bit less speed, but tomato-tomato with a different emphasis. Cozart also comes with the same potential to be an average drain. Also, Espinosa and Cozart sounds like a promising TNT drama starring Freddy Prinze Jr.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Wilson Betemit collided with Albert Pujols and… Why is Wilson Betemit playing?! He never plays. Doesn’t your Quad-A Beer Pong Tournament partner, Shelley Duncan, need you for a tourney? Manzo! (Which is my new favorite exclamation that means nothing.) Another tough break (strain?) for a high draft pick. You high draft picks remind me of my shoe closet — I got one penny and a bunch of loafers! (Thanks, Lil Penny.) Pujols supposedly only has a sprained wrist, but will be reevaluated on Monday. If it’s any more serious than a strain, I suggest Betemit enter the Witness Protection Program. Your deity of choice willing Pujols will be back on the field in a day or two. Luckily, Pujols has severed elbow tendons in the past and only missed one game. Manzo! Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Lance Berkman – Didn’t start on Sunday because his back and leg were “barking.” Sounds like someone has figured out how to appeal to La Russa’s PETA leniencies.Please, blog, may I have some more?