Fantasy Baseball Advice

It feels like yesterday the baseball regular season started.  You wrote “I heart baseball” in permanent marker on your arm, then you met a girl who wrote “I heart guys who heart baseball” on her arm, then, during sex in September, you screamed out “I love you, Marco Scutaro!” and now you don’t have baseball or a girlfriend.  C’mon, calendar, make like a soldier and turn to March.  The only cure for the post-baseball season blues — recapping the preseason top twenty lists and being hand-fed Doritos.  First up, Cool Ranch and our preseason Top 20 Catchers for 2011.  It’s important to look back before we look ahead to 2012. To paraphrase the one and only B-Real, “How do you know where you’re at, if you don’t know where you’ve been? Understand where I’m coming from?”  It wouldn’t be fair for me to preseason rank the players then rank them again in the postseason based on my opinion, so these postseason top 20 lists are ranked according to ESPN’s Player Rater.  It may not be wholly accurate, but it’s wholly unbiased.  Anyway, here’s the top 20 catchers for 2011 fantasy baseball and how they compared to where I originally ranked them:

1. Victor Martinez – ESPN’s overweighing average here.  I don’t care, he’s not the number one catcher.  He’s good, but the number one catcher only has 12 homers?  C’mon.  I mean, c’mon c’mon.  Even c’mon c’mon c’mon.  In the bigger picture, he was about as valuable as Jimmy Rollins and Beltran.  Weird how four years ago that was probably true too.  Not weird as in funny or interesting.  Just weird.  Preseason Rank #3, 2011 Projections:  70/18/85/.300, Final Numbers:  76/12/103/.330/1

2. Mike Napoli – Eat your heart out, Mike Scioscia!  It’s absolutely bonkers that a catcher is ranked this high and some people didn’t even want him on their team for at least two months of the season.  He’s basically the reason why the Ron Popeil ‘Set It and Forget It’ catcher strategy was invented.  The catcher field is so shallow that you don’t need to do much to be a top ranked catcher, i.e., a guy that doesn’t even play every day can be close to the top ranked catcher.  I love you, Napoli, for as much as your stats as for how smart you make me look.  Now introduce me to your Moms!  Preseason Rank #5, 2011 Projections:  65/24/75/.255/5, Final Numbers:  72/30/75/.320/4

3. Alex Avila – First (and really only) out of nowhere guy to place in the top of the catcher rankings.  AA, you are no longer anonymous.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  63/19/82/.295/3

4. Miguel Montero – Never hit more than 4 homers in a month and only had one month over a .300 average.  3 ladies and gentlemen, your 2011 fantasy baseball catchers!  Preseason Rank #8, 2011 Projections:  55/15/70/.275, Final Numbers:  65/18/86/.282/1

5. Yadier Molina – He could be next to the definition for yawnstipating in the dictionary, but yawnstipating isn’t a word you find in a dictionary.  Yet.  Preseason Rank #12, 2011 Projections:  40/7/55/.270/7, Final Numbers:  55/14/65/.305/4

6. Carlos Santana – Pretty weird season from the Supernatural.  If you jumped out of a DeLorean and told me he’d have 27 homers this year, I’d say why are you time traveling with that info?  Can’t you tell me something could actually make me money?  I’d also say Carlos must have a .300 average and be the best catcher.  His K-rate went up, walk rate went down, ground ball rate went up, fly ball rate went down, line drive rate went down… Honestly (as if I’d lie to you), you’re pretty lucky you got the homers and counting stats from Santana.  This could’ve been a disaster season.  Preseason Rank #10, 2011 Projections:  55/15/65/.280, Final Numbers:  84/27/79/.239/5

7. Brian McCann – Every year I will continue to rank him number one.  Whether he wants to actually listen to me is between us.  I ask that you respect our privacy.  Preseason Rank #1, 2011 Projections:  80/25/95/.280/3, Final Numbers:  51/24/71/.270/3

8. Matt Wieters – Had a nice bounce back season, or he had a good August and September that is totally clouding my judgment.  I think it’s more the former than the latter, assuming I’m not confusing what former and latter means.  I could see ranking him as high as number two for catchers next year.  I probably won’t because that sounds insane to me as I write it and that’s how much forethought I had on the matter.  Maybe I think about it a little bit.  Preseason Rank #6, 2011 Projections:  60/18/85/.280, Final Numbers:  72/22/68/.262/1

9. Russell Martin – I put him in the preseason tier of upside guys because of his tremendous potential.  I mean, he only had four straight years of declining homers, RBIs, runs and average.   Oh, wait, he was an upside pick because he went to the Yankees.  Yeah, made sense then and now.  Thank you, genius brain inside my head.  Genius Brain Inside My Head, “You’re welcome.  Or is it ‘your?’”  Preseason Rank #16, 2011 Projections:  70/10/60/.270/10, Final Numbers:  57/18/65/.237/8

10. Wilson Ramos – His walk rate and ISO went up and he’s only 24 years old.  I could see him getting a sleeper post in the offseason then hitting 15 homers and a .270 average next year and being valuable in 2012 but still not that interesting.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  48/15/52/.267

11. J.P. Arencibia – This is about where the fun ends for catchers, and really was it that much fun prior to this?  Arencibia hit 23 homers and had 78 RBIs, yet as late as mid-September he was only owned in 50% of ESPN leagues.  Either a lot of people play in 8 team leagues or a lot of people overvalue average.  Next time I’m in a place with a bunch of fantasy baseball nerds, I’ll ask that question.  Speaking of which, we should have a Razzball field trip to Vegas this year.  Preseason Rank #17, 2011 Projections:  40/15/55/.240, Final Numbers:  47/23/78/.219/1

12. Miguel Olivo – His Hacky McHackstein ways seem to have translated across the whole catcher pool, i.e., most of this top 20 have batting average issues.  Preseason Rank #20, 2011 Projections:  45/15/55/.235/7, Final Numbers:  54/19/62/.224/6

13. Chris Iannetta – Let’s give you an idea of how bad/shallow/synonym the catchers are.  Iannetta is ranked here and he was replaced by his own team for a few weeks in September.  When can I start recapping the 1st basemen?  Oh, in my next post.  Preseason Rank #15, 2011 Projections:  40/15/60/.245, Final Numbers:  51/14/55/.238/6

14. A.J. Pierzynski – I hate A.J. from a fantasy standpoint.  It doesn’t look like I’m alone either since he’s the 14th best catcher and was owned in less than 10% of all ESPN leagues just about the whole year.  I think he’s the poster child for all that’s wrong with the ESPN Player Rater.  How does a guy who hits 8 homers and 40-ish runs and 50-ish RBIs rank this high?  Cause of the decent average?  I don’t buy it.  Preseason Rank #13, 2011 Projections:  50/12/55/.275, Final Numbers:  38/8/48/.287

15. Jonathan Lucroy – The Brewers backstop had a solid season for him and when you look at his numbers you realize why he wasn’t ranked by me in the preseason.  Lucroy, you are Matt Wieters’s po’ boy.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  45/12/59/.265/2

16. Carlos Ruiz – Snooze.  Preseason Rank #14, 2011 Projections:  35/10/55/.265, Final Numbers:  49/6/40/.283/1

17. Jarrod Saltalamacchia – In the preseason, I said, “He’s not quite old; he’ll be only 26 years old in 2011.  In the last round of draft, you got better things to do than to draft an upside catcher in a hitters’ park and lineup?  Yeah, I didn’t think so.”  And that’s me quoting me!  Preseason Rank #23, 2011 Projections:  55/16/70/.255/5, Final Numbers:  52/16/56/.235/1

18. Ramon Hernandez – If you put Hernandez and Hanigan together, you get a Latino-Irishman — a Leprecano — that has very little fantasy value.  Please let Mesoraco catch in 2012.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  28/12/36/.282

19. Kurt Suzuki – In the preseason, I said, “I stared at the screen for three minutes trying to think of something positive to say about Suzuki.  What you ended up with was me confessing to you that I had nothing positive to say about him.  That about sums it up.” And that’s me still having nothing to say positive about Suzuki!  Preseason Rank #11, 2011 Projections:  60/14/70/.260/3, Final Numbers:  54/14/44/.237/2

20. Geovany Soto – I haven’t given up on Soto yet.  Sure, this year was miserable.  And last year was miserable.  And… Was he ever good?  I think he was.  Never the hoo!  Soto and I have high apple pie in the sky hopes, and you can’t take that away from us.  Preseason Rank #7, 2011 Projections:  60/18/75/.270, Final Numbers:  46/17/54/.228

Went over the top 20 for 2011 fantasy baseball and top 10 for 2011 fantasy baseball.  Now, friends, it’s time for the top 20 catchers for 2011 fantasy baseball.  The top 20 catchers are the glass of warm milk right before you go to sleep.  Hey, I just drafted Jorge Posada!  Snooze.  I love Kurt Suzuki this year!  Yawn.  I don’t draft top catchers in one catcher leagues.  Because I ignore the top catchers doesn’t mean I’m starting the top 20 catcher list at number twenty-one (Chris Snyder?  Belch.); some of you might want to know the top catchers.  You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them draft Napoli.  In two catcher leagues, catchers are a little more valuable, but I’d still prefer to avoid them.  You can see other top 20 lists for 2011 fantasy baseball under 2011 Fantasy Baseball Rankings.  Listed along with these catchers are my 2011 projections for each player and where the tiers begin and end.  Anyway, here’s the top 20 catchers for 2011 fantasy baseball:

1. Brian McCann – This is the first tier.  This tier goes from here until Posey.  This tier is called, “I’ll draft any of these guys if they’re still on the board four to six rounds after their Average Draft Position.”  I ended up putting McCann above Mauer in these rankings for a simple reason.  I want 20+ home runs way more than I want a .320+ average.  If McCann gets his stupid eyes figured out and hits like he should for a 27-year-old, this will be his season.  I know Posey is way more exciting than McCann, but unless you’re dating Posey’s sister, exciting isn’t going to get you laid in fantasy baseball.  2011 Projections:  80/25/95/.280/3

2. Joe Mauer – It’s amazing to me how fickle fantasy baseball ‘perts are.  Read recently a ‘pert talking about how Mauer will never hit 20 home runs again.  These are, of course, the same people that swore his 28 homers in 2009 was the real deal.  Can’t anyone separate what someone did the previous year compared to what they will do.  I don’t think he will hit 28 home runs either, but I didn’t think he’d do it 2010 and thought it was fluky as shizz in 2009 when he actually did it.  Search the site if you’re new to Razzball.  It’s all there.  Mauer is a 14-17 home run hitter with a great average.  If he gets lucky, he hits 20 homers.  If he’s unlucky, he hits 9 homers like last year.  It’s not brain surgery.  And it is a’ight, but I won’t own him because of where he’s drafted.  2011 Projections:  90/15/90/.325/3

3. Victor Martinez – I already went over my Victor Martinez fantasy when I took a scalpel to his Tigers signing.  If you click that link, it’ll transport you to a whole new post.  It’s magic!  2011 Projections:  70/18/85/.300

4. Buster Posey – I suppose he could be the best catcher for 2011, but what about Mike Napoli?  I mean, Mike Napoli’s mom is showing you nips and you still got no love for him?  You don’t like MILF nips?  You a prude?  Are you one of our three girl readers?  If so, then maybe I should stop now before we end up with no girl readers.  I don’t dislike Posey.  All I’m saying is Wieters looked like a surefire bet going into 2010 too.  For where you have to draft Posey, I’m not going near him.  2011 Projections:  75/18/80/.310

5. Mike Napoli – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until Posada.  I call this tier, “I’ll try to grab a catcher from this tier and if it doesn’t happen then c’est la vie.”  Honestly, you probably don’t have to draft Napoli because whoever drafts him will probably drop him by mid-April.  No one wants to own Napoli.  You’re all a bunch of Sciosciapaths!  He hits 20+ home runs and steals a few bases.  That’s all you need from a catcher.  Stop trying to turn your catcher slot to eleven.  Oh, and his move to the Rangers ups his power a bit, but he’s not suddenly going to hit for .300.  2011 Projections:  65/24/75/.255/5

6. Matt Wieters – Now that Wieters’ draft position has come down to earth, I don’t mind him at all.  Could easily be the top catcher for fantasy in 2011.  That ain’t idle chatter.  He’s just needs to emerge from his nasty sophomore slump and do what he’s capable of.   He was unlucky last year and his walk rate went up while his K-rate went down.  They’re all good signs.  Here’s to him getting back on the map.  (And because no Oriole mention is complete without a Wire mention, I was pulled over the other day for talking on my phone while driving.  I know, Oprah would’ve been so disappointed.  I’m also the jackhole who usually yells at other drivers, “Hands free!” but I just got a phone call at the wrong time.  Anyway, the cop walks up to my window and I read his name tag and immediately yelled out his name, “McNulty!”  He’s like, “Do I know you?”  “No, but I watch The Wire.”  He sighs like he’s heard it a thousand times before and gives me a ticket.  Woo-hoo, I got a ticket from McNulty!)  2011 Projections:  60/18/85/.280

7. Geovany Soto – In 105 games last year, he hit 17 home runs.  Yes, he too can be the number one catcher in 2011 fantasy baseball.  Now that Piniella and his infatuation with Koyie Ugly is out of town, Soto should see all the ABs he can handle.  Tough break for The Koyie Hill Fan Club, which affectionately calls itself The Koy Pond.  2011 Projections:  60/18/75/.270

8. Miguel Montero – Unlike Napoli, Wieters or Soto, Montero doesn’t have the big power upside.  With my projected 15 home runs I’ve given him, I’m probably just about touching his ceiling.  He’ll probably get tiresome at some point in the season making you want to drop him for a hot-as-of-right-now waiver wire catcher.  If you do Ron Popeil him, he should be able to give you a solid, if unremarkable catcher season.  2011 Projections:  55/15/70/.275

9. Jorge Posada – After about ten years of ignoring Posada, I think his value has finally caught up with his draft position.  I’d like to say his BABIP was low last year, but his skills are declining.  He might not hit over .260 again without some luck.  Also, like a preacher, he has Jesus breathing down his neck.  Still, the ballpark, the lineup around him and the fact he’ll see DH ABs, makes him attractive.  2011 Projections:  50/17/70/.255

10. Carlos Santana – This is a new tier.  This tier is just Carlos Santana.  This tier I call, “I’m not owning Carlos Santana unless he falls very far in my drafts.”  Bill James has Carlos Santana down for 22 homers.  Bill James is smoking crack cocaine.  Carlos Santana might be great in 2011, but I need the ulcer to see if he’s healthy?  I have enough stress in my life.  I’m letting Carlos Santana prove his mettle on someone else’s team.  What, I’m gonna miss out on a 15-homer, .280 season from a catcher?  Big whoop, friend.  Big effin’ whoop.  2011 Projections:  55/15/65/.280

11. Kurt Suzuki – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until Carlos Ruiz.  I call this tier, “I’m only listing them so you know I don’t want them on any teams.”  I stared at the screen for three minutes trying to think of something positive to say about Suzuki.  What you ended up with was me confessing to you that I had nothing positive to say about him.  That about sums it up.  2011 Projections:  60/14/70/.260/3

12. Yadier Molina – Oh.  My.  God.  Get me the hell out of this tier.  For reals.  2011 Projections:  40/7/55/.270/7

13. A.J. Pierzynski – Not only is he a terrible pick but his last name is impossible for me to spell.  Just let Tyler Flowers flourish or flounder, for suck fake. (Say that fast 117 times.)  2011 Projections:  50/12/55/.275

14. Carlos Ruiz – Carlos Ruiz makes Kurt Suzuki seem like an upside pick.  2011 Projections:  35/10/55/.265

15. Chris Iannetta – This is a new tier.  This tier goes until the end of the post.  I call this tier, “It’s late in the game and I’m taking some upside.”  You might look at the tier names and think to yourself, why doesn’t he just move Iannetta above Suzuki if he’s ignoring Kurt?  I guess I could, but I’m not taking Iannetta or any of these late names until the guys above them are already drafted.  So by listing Iannetta here you know who has to come off the board before you draft one of these late round fliers.  If you were to draft Iannetta before, say, Ruiz is off the board, I wouldn’t be mad at you, but you might be reaching.  As for Iannetta, “Meh, at least he’s got some upside.”  2011 Projections:  40/15/60/.245

16. Russell Martin – I don’t like Martin then he went to the Yankees and I was slightly more interested.  Put a big flashing sign on “slightly” to emphasize it.  In the absolute last round of a draft, I’d consider him.  There, I said it.  Are you happy you’ve embarrassed me?  2011 Projections:  70/10/60/.270/10

17. J.P. Arencibia – First, let’s see what I said when he was first called up, “In Triple-A, Arencibia hit 32 homers in 412 ABs.  That’s-a one spicy prospect!  To go all Latin America on you, there’s a caveat.  That was in the PCL, which is like playing on the moon with an aluminum bat.  He’s not quite the prospect of Wieters, Posey or Carlos Santana, pre-Kalish yelling at him, ‘Eat everything off your plate!’”  And that’s me quoting me!  Arencibia might not be a huge impact guy in 2011, but he can be.  At catcher, I like to gamble.  2011 Projections:  40/15/55/.240

18. Ryan Doumit – He never stays healthy but in some ways that doesn’t matter for a catcher.  Since everyone only owns one of them, there’s plenty of catchers on waivers for Doumit’s thrice-annual trip to the DL.  2011 Projections:  35/15/55/.250

19. John Jaso – I look at Jaso’s number and I see a poor man’s Russell Martin.  That’s not a compliment.  But Jaso is a bit more of an unknown so maybe there’s some more upside there.  That’s barely a compliment.  2011 Projections:  60/6/45/.270/6

20. Miguel Olivo – It’s kinda sad when the upside tier has Doumit, Olivo and Russell Martin.  Catchers suck.  2011 Projections:  45/15/55/.235/7

After the top 20 catchers for 2011 fantasy baseball, there’s plenty of names, but here’s three I want to point out:

Jesus Montero – If he gets an everyday job out of Spring Training, which I don’t think he will, he’ll shoot up this rankings list.  I’d move him up to 9th overall.  If he does get the everyday job, his price tag will probably be too steep for my blood though.  I also went over my Jesus Montero fantasy already.  Click that thing-a-ma-boob.  By all means, grab him in keepers if your bench is deep enough, but with the Martin addition, I don’t think we see Montero until late summer at the earliest (barring an injury).  2011 Projections:  20/5/30/.290 in 100 at-bats

John Buck – I usually like to end these top 20 posts with some exciting names, but we’re talking about catchers when I highlight John Buck.  He’s usually forgotten on draft day and he’s good for teen power.  Should you draft him at any point before the final round?  Buck that!  2011 Projections:  40/15/55/.245

Jarrod Saltalamacchia – There was a point in the not that distance past that Jarrod Saltymochachino was a touted prospect.  “Shizz happens, write him off, let’s move on, Grey.”  That’s you talking.  “He’s not quite old; he’ll be only 26 years old in 2011.  In the last round of draft, you got better things to do than to draft an upside catcher in a hitters’ park and lineup?  Yeah, I didn’t think so.”  That’s me talking.  2011 Projections:  55/16/70/.255/5 <– optimistic but whatevs

It feels like yesterday the baseball regular season started.  You wrote “I heart baseball” in permanent marker on your arm, then you met a girl who wrote “I heart guys who heart baseball” on her arm, then, during sex in September, you screamed out “I love you, Tulo!” and now you don’t have baseball or your girlfriend.  C’mon, calender, make like a soldier and turn to March.  The only cure for the post-baseball season blues — recapping the preseason top twenty lists and being hand-fed Doritos.  First up, Cool Ranch and our preseason Top 20 Catchers for 2010.   It’s important to look back before we look ahead to 2011.  To paraphrase the one and only B-Real, “How do you know where you’re at, if you don’t know where you’ve been?  Understand where I’m coming from?”  It wouldn’t be fair for me to preseason rank the players then rank them again in the postseason based on my opinion, so these postseason top 20 lists are ranked according to ESPN’s Player Rater.  It may not be wholly accurate, but it’s wholly unbiased.  Anyway, here’s the top 20 catchers for 2010 fantasy baseball and how they compared to where I originally ranked them:

1. Joe Mauer – I predicted the homers would come down.  Literally.  Only I didn’t think they’d fall as far as they did.  It was the Hubert H. Homerfree Retrodome factor that I just couldn’t fully know back in January.  Mauer ended up number one and I’d contend he was still overrated and will be so again next March.  Certain guys just get a pass from the fantasy community because they seem likable or have can’t-put-your-finger-on-it-ness. Preseason Rank #1, 2010 Projections:  100/20/85/.330/3, Final Numbers:  88/9/75/.327/1

2. Victor Martinez – V-Mart’s age still hasn’t caught up with him (sorta pun!), but I think, in retrospect, we’re going to look back at this season as the beginning of the end for him.  Preseason Rank #3, 2010 Projections:  85/25/110/.300, Final Numbers:  64/20/79/.302/1

3. Buster Posey – I ranked him 16th in the preseason and here he is 3rd.  The scary thing is, besides the average, I was pretty right on with his projections.  That means it was another yawnstipating year from catchers.  Preseason Rank #16, 2010 Projections:  55/14/65/.290/3, Final Numbers:  58/18/67/.305

4. Brian McCann – I love McCann, there I said it.  He gives you what I want from a catcher.  Good homers, decent RBIs and doesn’t hurt you elsewhere.  Much prefer that to Mauer’s MI-type catcher output.  Preseason Rank #2, 2010 Projections:  80/28/105/.295/3, Final Numbers:  63/21/77/.269/5

5. John Buck – This was the most bang from your Buck since Midnight Cowboy.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  53/20/66/.281

6. Mike Napoli – I Ron Popeil’d him in a few leagues and I’m glad I did.  Even it wasn’t for the Sciosciapath, he probably would’ve hit 30+ homers. Sure, the average wasn’t great, but, as I’ve said many times, since there’s fewer ABs from catchers, you’re fine with a guy like Napoli.  Preseason Rank #6, 2010 Projections:  60/19/70/.260/5, Final Numbers:  60/26/68/.238/4

7. Miguel Olivo – Well, I ranked Iannetta around here in the preseason and I told you to grab Olivo in April so I wasn’t completely Mr. Bungle on Olivo, but, considering his post-All-Star break numbers were egregious, I’d say his high ranking here is more about the state of catchers.  They’re really bad, ya’ll.  Preseason Unranked, 2010 Projections:  30/16/45/.245, Final Numbers:  55/14/58/.269/7

8. Geovany Soto – Member when I told everyone to draft him?  Good times.  Or, more appropriately, okay times.  For a catcher, not bad times.  Here’s what I said at the Geovany Soto sleeper post last January, “Soto’s 2009 was off the charts unlucky.  His BABIP went from .337 in 2008 to .251 last year.  I.e. His average should come up to .270 levels.  His power was zapped because of a shoulder injury.  When he started to get healthy in June, he hit 6 homers that month.  Then an oblique injury sidelined him.  Bad luck followed by terrible luck.”  And that’s me quoting me!  Preseason Rank #7, 2010 Projections:  65/18/80/.280, Final Numbers:  47/17/53/.280

9. Carlos Ruiz – Honestly, if you jumped out of DeLorean and told me in the preseason Ruiz would be ranked this high and told me his final stats, I still wouldn’t have drafted him.  8 homers and no steals?  Who are you, Willy Aybar?  Ruiz was unranked, but he made the preseason catchers to target post.  Preseason Unranked, 2010 Projections:  45/14/65/.260/3, Final Numbers:  43/8/53/.302

10. Jorge Posada – About two years ago, I jumped off the “Ever drafting Posada again” bandwagon and I’m never going back.  Too old, too tired, too effin’ blind.  Okay, maybe not the last one.  Preseason Rank #9, 2010 Projections:  50/17/75/.280, Final Numbers:  49/18/57/.248/3

11. A.J. Pierzynski – Looking back on these catchers makes me feel like Creighton on a New Orleans ferry.  A.J. was in the don’t draft tier along with Yadier and Suzuki and, looking back, I wouldn’t change a thing.  Preseason Rank #14, 2010 Projections:  55/12/65/.280, Final Numbers:  43/9/56/.270/3

12. Kurt Suzuki – I’d go as far to say Suzuki was actually better than A.J. because he was injured and you were getting stats from someone else while Suzuki was hurt, or, if you were really lucky, you just dropped him.  Preseason Rank #12, 2010 Projections: 65/12/65/.270/6, Final Numbers:  55/13/71/.242/3

13. Yadier Molina – His numbers are even more yawnstipating than Crapolanco.  Preseason Rank #13, 2010 Projections:  40/7/55/.285/5, Final Numbers:  34/6/62/.262/8

14. Ramon Hernandez – Do you see a theme here?  Catchers were so bad, a guy who didn’t even play in 100 games or crack 10 homers is ranked this high.  If you take nothing else away from this post, please punt catchers next year.  Please.  Preseason Rank #20, 2010 Projections:  55/17/65/.265, Final Numbers:  30/7/48/.297

15. John Jaso – I’ve been looking at Jaso as a potential sleeper for next year, but I just don’t think his power or speed upside is great enough.  He might be “The Old Russell Martin (Or Maybe That’s A Young Russell Martin)” at best.  You know, the Martin that actually had value.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  57/5/44/.263/4

16. Yorvit Torrealba – If you owned Torrealba for longer than two months, you didn’t win your league.  There’s just no way.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  31/7/37/.271/7

17. Ryan Doumit – Chew on this:  If Yuniesky Betancourt were a catcher, he’d be ranked in the top ten.  Preseason Rank #15, 2010 Projections: 50/16/60/.280/3, Final Numbers:  42/13/45/.251/1

18. Rod Barajas – Ladies and gentlemen, I bring to you your 2010 fantasy baseball catchers.  They are the new blech.  2010 Projections:  Please/Don’t/Draft/Him, Final Numbers:  Do/You/Really/Care?

19. Miguel Montero – I’d say Wieters was the much, much bigger bust than Montero simply because Montero was injured for an extended stretch so you had a chance to get someone else’s numbers from him.  But, don’t get me wrong, Montero was a rather supersized disappointment too.  Preseason Rank #5, 2010 Projections:  65/17/80/.280, Final Numbers:  36/9/43/.266

20. Matt Wieters – Finally, the Billy Butler-sized bust.  As I practice my Saberhagenmetrics, Wieters will be on quite a few teams of mine next year.  Sucks if you got caught in the crossfire of his down year, but one bad season at 24-years-old doesn’t take his future shine off.  The Orioles could surprise next year.  Yeah, I said it!  And kinda mean it.  Though they’ll still only land in third or fourth place.  Preseason Rank #4, 2010 Projections:  70/18/85/.305, Final Numbers:  37/11/55/.249

Ted Williams hit a HR in his last AB.  John Elway won his 2nd straight Super Bowl in his last start.  Chipper Jones eschewed a standing ovation in favor of a reclining operation.  Sometimes you don’t appreciate greatness until it hits the DL.  In between all the injuries, Chipper Jones has had one of the top 5 careers for a 3rd basemen in WAR (behind only Schmidt, Eddie Mathews, Boggs and Brett).  Fairly well, Glass Chipper, keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars while trying not to pull any ligaments.  Omar Infante should now play every day for the rest of the year even after Prado returns.  He’s a solid average contributor and… Well… Uh…  Yeah, average.  That’s it.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Freddie Freeman – Frank Wren says the injury to Chipper doesn’t change Freeman’s timetable.  Glaus’ inability to hit anything other than weak grounders to the shortstop could change that timetable though.  Right now, I don’t think we see Freeman until September.  Stay tuned!  Or not.  Your choice.

Jonathan Papelbon – 1/3 IP, 3 ER.  I’m already dreading the ongoing storyline of 2011 that will lead to questions like this, “Grey, when will Bard take over the closer job?  When will Papelbon get traded?  How do you get your mustache so full?”

Jed Lowrie – 1-for-3 with his 1st homer.  He’ll be in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell.  I’m still waiting for Chacin from last week?! He didn’t get called up like he was supposed to so there was no reason to mention him in the Buy/Sell, random italicized voice.  You’re lucky I’m forgiving.

Jarrod Saltalamacchia – 2-for-4.  Salty’s bachia.  He’ll be backing up V-Mart primarily, but in two catcher or AL-Only leagues I’d try some Salty.  Just make sure no one seasons the plate right before you.

Bobby Jenks – Left the game with a bad back.  Weird, cause he looks like he’s in such good shape.  I think Rubenesque is the term.  Putz and Thornton are the pickups, in that order.  Though it could easily go the other way.

Matt Cain – 6 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 9 Ks.  I know it’s of little consolation but he was unlucky in the first inning to give up 2 of those runs.  Then again, he’s been lucky for two years straight so I guess it’s only fair.

Pat Burrell – 2 HRs, 5 RBIs.  You know this’ll only encourage Brian Sabean to sign more over the hill players.  He must be stewing about missing out on Jim Edmonds.

Pablo Sandoval – 2-for-4 with a homer.  The Panda’s hitting almost .400 in the last week on something other than a scale.

Casey McGehee – 4-for-4, 3 RBIs with his 18th homer.  This is what Rudy said to me on IM yesterday, “I wish we got McGehee on more teams.  You and your freakin’ Headley.”  Only he didn’t use the word freakin’.

Stephen Drew – Hit his 2nd homer in as many games.  This guy’s about two years overdue for a hot streak.  Could surprise with a big final month and a half.  Though, technically, it wouldn’t be that surprising since I’m pointing it out.  Neverthehoo!

Shane Victorino – Activated from the DL and that makes the 2010 Domonic obsolete.  In keepers, hold tight.  In redraft leagues, you gotta let Brown go.

Carlos Ruiz – 3-for-5, 3 RBIs.  He’s been hitting the ball well in the last ten days.  I gotta fess up, I haven’t mentioned Ruiz because I know the mention of any hot hitting catcher leads to a cacophony of “Should I drop Napoli for ______?”

Ryan Howard – Says he should be able to return at or around August 17th.  Hopefully everyone’s got their infieluenza shot.

Jonathan Broxton – Gave up three earned runs and recorded no outs.  This is the kind of outing that loses closers their job.  I seriously doubt if he gets the next save chance.  I’m not sure if he’ll be officially replaced or if he’s just given a rest from closing.  I think it’ll be the latter, but you never know.  I’d grab Octavio Dotel everywhere, in the non-perverse way.

Jeanmar Gomez – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks.  Jeanmar, may I ask if you’re Flemish?  Why do you ask? Because saying your name makes me hock up phlegm.

Michael Brantley – 4-for-5 with a steal and 9-for-24 with a homer since his recall.  Could be a cheap source of steals.  SAGNOF!

Jason Kubel – Yesterday, he hit his 6th homer since the All-Star break.  Member when I ranked him crazy high in my 2nd half rankings?  I don’t want to say I told ya so, but isn’t the essence of the ‘I told ya so’ said by saying ‘I don’t want to say I told ya so.’

Kevin Slowey – Will start on Sunday vs. the A’s.  I’m not sure if that’s the good news or the bad news.

Ryan Ludwick – It’s actually pretty interesting how hitters get hot, I talk about them for about a week then they go cold and there’s a new batch.  Maybe it’s only interesting to me.  If you’ve been following since Monday, you already know what Ludwick did yesterday.  *SPOILER ALERT* It’s the same thing he’s done three times this week.

Jon Garland – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks.  I know the first rule of Razzball is you do not talk about Razzball, but if you were ever to explain a hodgepadre to someone.  Here’s an easy way.  Garland’s Away ERA is 4.52.  In Petco, 2.69.

Jose Reyes – 2-for-4, 2 steals.  Everyone else is catching charges so Reyes decided to start stealing.

Johan Santana – 9 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 10 Ks.  Clearly he’s as good at picking apart a lineup as he is at getting picked out of a lineup.

Hisabobby Takafelicianell – The Mets bullpen is in tatters… Shattered.  Key syllable is shat.  Will the closer be Brother Rob or Disco Bobby Parnell?  Feliciano just cut his hair and is no longer interesting.  Hisanori is a fun name to say, but does Manuel go there?  Don’t know.  Do the Mets even get a save?  Hard to say.  I grabbed Hisanori and Parnell, then I dropped Parnell and grabbed Feliciano.  Then I dropped Feliciano, took a steam, had dinner and benched Hisanori.  Now, I’m exhausted.

Francisco Rodriguez – To the restricted list and could be out for a few days or longer.  Mets fans are just upset he isn’t married to Omar Minaya’s daughter.

Javier Vazquez went seven innings, giving up 2 ER with 7 baserunners and recording 7 Ks as he lowered his ERA to 8.10.  Though, he could’ve gave up 6 runs in 7 innings and would’ve lowered his ERA.  Do I think Javy released his inner leprechaun and found the pot on the other side of his crappy pitching?  Yes and no.  There was no way Vazquez was going to pitch a 9.78 ERA all year.  I mean, c’mon, that was obscene.  He had given up more runs than innings.  He was getting Pwnson’d every time out.  The rest of the way he should be around a 4 to 4.50 ERA guy.  There’s room to own that, but don’t expect last year this year, clear?  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Phil Hughes – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks and now has a 1.38 ERA on the year.  I really wanted to own Hughes this year.  Alas, it didn’t happen.  Alas II, I did draft Joba.  Alas III, I dropped Joba before he got any saves.  Alas IV, there’s no Alas IV.  Dur.

Nick Swisher – Day-to-day after leaving the 2nd game of the doubleheader with bicep tightness, which reminds me of my hit single I had in Japan, “A Bicep Is Two-Thirds A Tricep (Check My Anatomy).”

Rick Porcello – 7 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 2 Ks.  Even a broken clock is right a few times a season.

Shaun Marcum – 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 6 Ks and now has a 2.78 ERA on the year.  With Alex Gonzalez (10 HRs), Vernon Wells (9 HRs), John Buck (8 HRs), Brett Cecil ( 3.12 ERA), Ricky Romero (3.42 ERA, 47 Ks in 47 1/3 IP), Kevin Gregg (10 Saves, 2.12 ERA) and Shaun Marcum, I probably should’ve just autodrafted all my fantasy teams and just grabbed every unowned Blue Jay off waivers.  Yeah, I could’ve cured the common cold instead of all that preseason prep work I did, but whatever.  I’m now going to walk into oncoming traffic.

Travis Snider – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs with his 5th homer and batting .320 in the last week.  You see that fifth outfielder schmohawk on your team?  Yeah, he should be dropped for Snider.  Plus, he looks like a Muppet.  Sí or no sí?

Aaron Hill – Didn’t play due to a tight right hamstring.  This is the same hamstring that forced him to the DL in April.  He’s definitely not *pinkie to mouth* hamstrong.

Hiroki Kuroda – 7 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 9 Ks and now has a 2.66 ERA on the year.  Probably one of the most underrated starters in all of baseball.

Carl Pavano – 7 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks.  If I were only a fantasy baseball cougar and owned some of these old, reliable pitchers… Boy the way Kevin Millar played… Bombs that made the hit parade… Fantasy baseballers like us we had it made… Those were the days….

Juan Pierre – 2-for-4 as he stole his 16th and 17th base.  He could steal 60.  Wouldn’t surprise me at all.

Homer Bailey – 9 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Before the All-Star Game, instead of the Futures Game, they should have the Worst Pitcher In The Majors vs. the Pirates Game.  Like you wouldn’t watch it.

Jason Heyward – 1-for-3, 3 Runs, 1 RBI, batting third and 2 steals in the last two games.  So my question to you guys and three girls is, where does Heyward get drafted next year?  Third round?  Fourth?

Trevor Hoffman – 1 IP, 3 ER.  Kazaam!

Tyler Clippard – Won his 7th game.  Greinke still doesn’t have a Win.  Cust kayin’.

Roger Bernadina – 2 homers from a guy that isn’t anything more than a flier in deep NL-Only leagues for steals.  The over/under is 2 for rest of the season homers from Roger, roger?

Mike Pelfrey – 5 2/3 IP, 4 ER, 10 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Last week, shoulder tightness.  This week, the Mets throw him for 119 pitches.  Oh-kay.

Derek Holland – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks.  He has another solid start his next time out vs. the Angels.  Then it’ll be a play it by ear scenario, something Van Gogh wasn’t so good at.

Josh Hamilton – 3-for-5 and his 7th homer.  Member when you were pissed you drafted him?  Oh, you!

Justin Smoak – Hit his fourth homer while batting .194, but he still has more walks than strikeouts.  Yes, he’s been unlucky.  Yes, he’ll be better.

Nolan Reimold – Sent back to Triple-A.  Corey Patterson was recalled.  Well, that’ll fix the O’s problems.  Anyone wanna take a bet on who will finish with more wins, the O’s or Tyler Clippard?

Alfredo Simon – 4th Save, still has a 0.00 ERA.  It looks innocuous enough, but it’s performances like Simon’s that stick in your head when you pick up the random backup closer that then destroys your ERA and WHIP.  Thanks, Simon.  For nothing!  *small voice* And for the four saves.  I do actually appreciate that.  Kisses!

Adam Jones – 3-for-4.  I prayed for a 34-for-37 day, but I’ll take it.

Russell Branyan – 2-for-4 with his third homer in two days.  I grabbed him in two leagues.  You?

Jered Weaver – 7 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 12 Ks.  He’s been throwing his curveball a lot more this year and it’s causing hitters to swing outside the zone almost 7% more this year than last.  So far it has meant a bump of his K-rate from 7.42 last year to 10.41.  Call The Advocate, this could be his coming out party.

Mark Reynolds – Apropos of nothing, Vin Scully was talking about Joe DiMaggio only striking out 39 times in a season and he said, “Mark Reynolds strikes out that many times in batting practice.”  Oh, Scully, you make Ford C. Frick frickin’ proud.

Eric Young Jr. – Filled in when Melvin Mora left with tightness in his glutes.  Not sure how my neighbor does it but she has very tight glutes.

Miguel Olivo – 5-for-5 with a home run.  In other news, Chris Iannetta cried.

Carlos Ruiz – Left the game with a knee injury.  He’s day-to-day.  Or Day II Day, if he were starting an R&B group.

Brad Lidge – Sent back for tests on his elbow.  The club is downplaying the severity of this.  For a team, stealing signs, you’d think they’d be able to recognize a bad sign.  Contreras is the pickup, but Baez could squirm his way into the picture.

Wandy Rodriguez – 6 IP, 4 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks.  Hate to be a Wandy apologist, but he had a one-hitter through five then it all fell apart.

Gordon Beckham – 1-for-3 with no Runs, no Steals, no RBIs.  He’s really taking to the 8 hole!  BTW, I just realized his lineup replacement at the top of the order was A.J. Pierzynski of a .196 average.  Guess when you take crap out of the two hole you gotta put crap back in.  It’s called the law of diminishing returds.