“That guy looks vaguely familiar.” ”Which guy?” ”That guy on the mound.” ”The Chris Tillman fella?” ”Yeah.” ”Did he used to serve us coffee at the Blue Danube?” ”I don’t think so. That guy’s name was Ronnie. And he had dreads.” ”But he was white.” ”Yeah, Ronnie was a white guy with dreads.Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Pirates announced the time is nigh for Starling Marte. The Pirates equipment manager, Buffalo Bill, has to start making a uniform made from Jose Tabata’s skin. Put the lotion in the basket, Tabata! Tabata, “I wanna go home!” You won’t go home, ever.Please, blog, may I have some more?
The trade to the White Sox couldn’t have worked any better for Kevin Youkilis. Now he can just chuck all of his clothes in with some bleach. I imagine him and Ventura will get along thick as thieves. They can bond over how they were both publicly beat up.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Colby Rasmus took the Miller Park crowd and said, “How ya like me now?!” Then they said, “We don’t really know you, because the Blue Jays/Brewers rivalry extends only about an hour or so, unless you count that time Rance Mulliniks said this town was nothing but a bunch of Lenny and Squiggys.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Brandon Phillips isn’t the shiniest tool in the toolbox, but he hit two homers off Beachy yesterday. He’s gone from a 30/30 2nd baseman to a 20/20 2nd baseman to now an 18/15 2nd baseman, but that doesn’t mean you’re completely screwed if you overpaid for him on draft day. As long as Dusty hits him between Votto and Bruce, good ol’ Brandon should deliver above average R/RBI at a solid average. He might not be as sexy as an Altuve or a Jemile, but he’ll probably be a better value the rest of the way. BTW, even if you didn’t own him last night, the best thing about BP wrecking another Beachy was we didn’t have to sit through a celebrity telethon and Sean Penn’s sourpuss. Anyway, here’s what else we saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Psyche!Please, blog, may I have some more?
I hate guys that are injured before the season even starts. I should’ve emphasized that more in the preseason. I should’ve followed my gut on that with Stanton too. At least Stanton can play through the nagging pain (hopefully), on the other hand, Mike Morse is shut down for 6 weeks and he has a history of injuries. (Can you tell I’m still reeling a bit on the Stanton news? It’s like a teenage love…Don’t…Don’t hurt me again…) As for Morse, he was a former roider (RIP, Lyle Alzado, I don’t know football, but I enjoyed your random guest spots on bad 80′s TV shows) and they say that tends to break down a player’s body. It’s all very sad (actually, I’m still thinking about Stanton; don’t worry, I’ll move on by Monday). I don’t think this moves up Bryce Harper’s ETA.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Even though major league teams have only played 3 or 4 games, RCL managers have been extremely active, averaging 50 moves per league. 10.6% of rostered players were picked up from the free agent pool. Factoring in players on the DL, you’re still left with the fact that 8% of drafted players have been dumped after only 3 full days of action.Please, blog, may I have some more?
There’s a theorem that says if you gave a monkey a typewriter and an infinite amount of time, it could produce a Shakespearean sonnet. My question is, what if every monkey with a typewriter writes something more ingenious than anything Shakespeare ever came up with, but since we don’t have monkey brains (entirely), we don’t understand it? Deep Thoughts with Grey Albright. As for the theorem, how much monkeying around does it take in Boston to get one Bard? The Red Sox got the infinity part of the theorem right (Aceves’s ERA and WHIP), and they got what you usually get from a monkey and a typewriter… Crap thrown against a wall. Mark Melancon’s ERA is 36.00 and WHIP is 5.00, which looks downright beautiful compared to Alfredo Aceves’s ERA and WHIP which are just letters — INF, and if you owned Aceves for fantasy you know the INF stands for I am Now F***ed. To be, or not to be: the real question is who will close for the Red Sox? Bobby Valentine hinted they might go to Daniel Bard. Valentine doth protest too much, methinks! Of course, Bard should be the closer. You mean the one pitcher with the stuff to close that is now in the rotation that doesn’t have starter stuff? Over the last three years, Bard has the third most Holds, 213 Ks and 1.06 WHIP in 197 innings. But no Holds, Bard, now. Thine own self be true, and thine self is a closer. Give him saves. In the meanwhile, trattorias in Boston’s North End are adding Fedupfitzy Alfredo to their specials. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Clay Buchholz – 4 IP, 7 ER, 10 baserunners, 2 Ks. This Tigers/Red Sox series lived up its billing, and that billing was, “Both teams have one ace, then agita.”
Austin Jackson – 4-for-6, 3 runs yesterday and 8-for-14 in the series. In related news, Vanity sang her big hit, Nasty Girl, at karaoke.Please, blog, may I have some more?
On Base Percentage (OBP) is what Skynet created for the Oakland A’s so they could win the World Series and ruin baseball.
Actually, that doesn’t sound quite right. I think OBP is the brew baseball writers’ fermented in a basement to scare Andre Dawson, or it was the reason pitchers feared Jim Rice, thereby making him a Hall of Famer.Please, blog, may I have some more?
The top 10 and top 20 for 2012 fantasy baseball are in the bag, along with the top 20 catchers and your receipt for a $30 massage valued at $50. Thanks, Groupon! Today, Razzhands, we look at the top 20 1st basemen for 2012 fantasy baseball. All this shizz can be found under the 2012 fantasy baseball rankings. Don’t believe me? Click the link. This top 20 list of 1st basemen is bursting at the seams like you at a Hometown Buffet. Speaking of gorging yourself, I’d like a top 1st baseman on my team in 2012, but it’s a little different year than last year. There’s actually only 5 top first basemen then caveats on number 6 (Te(i)x) through 9, then there’s some interesting flyers a bit later. I have a feeling 2013′s rankings are going to see major shifts with some guys that are lower on this ranking sheet moving up. Should be a fun year for first basemen and one where you can take a bit more risk than previous years. This list will get additional 1st basemen added to it in the way of sleeper posts. As with the other rankings, the first basemen are broken up into tiers with my projections included. Anyway, here’s the top 20 1st basemen for 2012 fantasy baseball:
1.Please, blog, may I have some more?