You know how cutters cut themselves to take their mind off some pain in their life? (RIP, Frankie from The Real World… San Diego!) Well, I have an idea that major league teams can employ.  They should hire absolutely terrible ex-major leaguers to make slumping hitters feel better about themselves.  “Pena, you’re in a real bad slump, but imagine how I felt when I hit .195 for the better part of the 1990′s?”  Wait, they already do this.  They’re called major league managers.  So, Carlos Pena is capable of 10+ homer months and 40 homers on the year.  His average isn’t going to be good.  He’s not a .170-something hitter though.  Even if he hits only .210 this year.  That’s a forty-something point increase from where he is.  Right now, fantasy baseballers (<–my Mom’s term) aren’t just trading Pena on the low, they’re flat out dropping him.  So you don’t have to buy him for a lot, you barely have to buy him for anything.  You could throw a Pena owner a bag of empty pistachio shells that you already licked and they’d probably be happy to get Pena off their team.  In fact, I just saw a guy walk through heavy traffic wearing a Carlos Pena jersey.  Hmm… Maybe that was Carlos Pena.  Come back, Pena, you’ll be better!  (Note:  I wrote this before I was told that Pena was a Buy Low guy at ESPN.  Though I still haven’t read what they said, it makes sense when a 40 homer guy is struggling.  Note from Hater Bell:  Hey, Grey, you and Karabell should get a room and have sex.)  Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:

BUY

John Axford – Hoffman will either suddenly hang ‘em up and retire or he’ll be the closer again by the end of the month.  At least that’s what my Magic Eight Ball that I purchased at Spencer’s Gifts says.  In the meantime, grab Axford.  He could get sloppy with his walks at some point, but he’s getting saves now.  And, yes, I am an Axfordian scholar.