Fantasy Baseball Advice

Surprisingly, the dust has settled a few places and some of the riskier closers (Frank Francisco, Jim Johnson, Grant Balfour, Fernando Rodney (wtf?), Javy Guerra, etc.) have gotten off to good starts. That said, there’s still a dash of turmoil in Boston, Chicago, Detroit, Miami, Toronto and Washington.

Boston Red Sox - Mark Melancon is out of the picture and Alfredo Aceves looked great in his last save outing, so there’s a chance this situation is settling after a tumultuous start. That said, in leagues where every save and handcuff is owned, Vicente Padilla is worth a look. He hasn’t made many relief appearances in his career, but has been excellent so far in 2012, posting a 4.00 K:BB rate. It wouldn’t be shocking to see him take a similar turn as former teammate Brett Myers did in 2007 on his way to 21 saves. In addition, I’m continuing to lessen my stance that Daniel Bard ultimately ends up with more saves. Bard looked damn good in his first start of the year on Tuesday. If he can throw 160 innings of that quality, it’s the right move.

 Chicago Cubs – I firmly believe that Jed Hoyer and Theo Epstein want to extract as much value from Carlos Marmol as possible and that only can happen if he’s the closer. Consequently, unless he becomes utterly dreadful, I don’t expect him to lose his role. Furthermore, I’m not worried about his production. He should be right at the top of the closer heap in K’s and get plenty of saves. His ratios will do some damage, but that’s about it. If you’re in a deep league and feel like speculating, just go right past Kerry Wood and look to Rafael Dolis, a popular dark horse. Dolis, just 24, was signed eight years ago out of the Dominican Republic. Hi career began as a starter, but he transitioned to relieving last season at AA. In 72.2 IPs, he had a 1.37 K:BB rate, 3.22 ERA and 1.32 WHIP. Dolis hasn’t seemed to master his control but does have potential to be a high leverage arm in the pen. That said, unless Marmol is traded, his time probably isn’t 2012, but keep your eye on him in dynasty leagues.

Chicago White Sox – So far, so good for Hector Santiago, as he is perfect in save chances. While he allowed a HR in his last inning of work, he had one of those cushy gooshy 3-run save opportunities.  Robin Ventura made his first real decision giving the ball to Santiago and Santiago’s retro John Franco screwball, so he should have a long leash. He walked a ton of guys as a starter in AA last year (the highest level he’s pitched at in the minors), but, if he can harness his control, he can repeat Sergio Santos’s 2012. The door for speculating on Matt Thornton and Addison Reed will be nailed shut for the time being with two more save conversions.

Detroit Tigers – While he has recorded one save, Jose Valverde has been anything but automatic this season. He has given up four hits and a walk in         2.2 innings of work. Octavio Dotel is suddenly a very real handcuff in deep leagues. Nevertheless, Dotel is a flawed reliever as well and shouldn’t really face many left-handed batters. Valverde should have a long leash, but if you’re speculating, it’s best to get in on the ground floor.

Miami Marlins - Two appearances, no saves, two runs and a loss for Heath Bell this year. While it’s early, Bell has been on a downward trajectory with him losing 1.3 MPHs off his fastball last season. Given his contract and home ballpark, he should have enough of a cushion to maintain the closer role. However, if you can get equal value in a trade or “downgrade” to someone like Huston Street (while upgrading elsewhere), I’d certainly think about it.

Toronto Blue Jays -  While Sergio Santos has labored on the mound lately (as Grey noted a few days ago), General Manager Alex Anthopoulos gave him a vote of confidence and evoked some small sample size rhetoric in a TV spot during the Jays game on Tuesday against the Red Sox. Santos was brought in during the offseason to be the closer and Anthopoulos seems to be a process driven guy, so Santos should have a reasonably long leash. There will be some hick-ups throughout the year as he faces stiffer competition in the AL East (competition that takes pitches and is willing to watch a called third strike in late innings), but Santos has good stuff. For what it’s worth, the Blue Jays let Ricky Romero finish off the win against the Red Sox on Wednesday (of course he was straight dealing). Romero walked the first two batters he faced and Santos was told to get warm in the bullpen. Adrian Gonzalez hit a long fly off Romero that allowed Jacoby Ellsbury and Dustin Pedroia (the tying runs) to tag and advance to second and third. That was Romero’s last pitch and Santos came in. Santos struck out Kevin Youkilis and got a weak grounder from David Ortiz.

Washington Nationals – It’s a shame that good news for Dr. James Andrews means bad news (initially) for fantasy baseball managers. Drew Storen has been the latest to visit Dr. Andrews after experiencing pain in his throwing elbow after a simulated game. This could spell a much longer disabled list trip than originally thought. Brad Lidge, who has been darn effective since his horrific 2009, likely has the pole position for the closing role. However, manager Davey Johnson will continue to switch off between Lidge and Henry Rodriguez until there is clarity on how long Storen will be out. It’s possible the hottest hand at the time will claim the saves. Lidge has the track record, eau du veteran and has pitched the best in a small smattering of innings. Own both, if you can.

Joakim Soria went from being a $12 Salad to a Donkeycorn to a Brain Freeze back to a Donkeycorn to off the list completely in 12 short months.  And if this is the first post you’ve ever read at Razzball, I probably lost you by the eighth word.  Later!  In Soria’s wake is Broxton and Holland, who together can be called Hamsterdam.  In other “Saves give me serious agita” news is Ryan Madson.  He went from a donkeycorn to off the list.  Donkeycorns are dropping like flies!  Then there’s Drew Storen.  He was touch ‘n go there for a day or two… Okay, for about a week or two, but it seems like he could be okay.  Yet, he’s starting the year on the DL.  Terrific.  Since our last Closer Look, Beane told us Balfour got the closer job in Oakland and Chris Perez got the job back from Pestano, which has the Italian American Anti-Defamation League up in arms, but that’s the norm for them since they talk with their hands.  Finally, Carlos Marmol had some nerve issues with his hand that many Razzball commenters opined was from too much internet porn surfing.  Sounds like someone is empathizing.  Anyway, here’s all the closers for 2012 fantasy baseball:

$12 Salads

You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad? Every time you go there, you have a thoroughly solid meal. No complaints, except you just paid $12 for a salad when you could’ve went to McDonald’s and stuffed you and your woman for ten schmools and had $2 in quarters left over to make the hotel bed vibrate. These closers are $12 salads.

1. Craig Kimbrel (Jonny Venters, Kris Medlen)
2. John Axford (Francisco Rodriguez)
3. Mariano Rivera (+1) (David Robertson, Rafael Soriano)
4. Jonathon Papelbon (+1) (Antonio Bastardo, Chad Qualls)
5. Jose Valverde (+1) (Joaquin Benoit, Octavio Dotel)

Donkeycorns

Imagine you’re following a donkey, who’s wearing a wool cap, through a desert for 1700 miles. Why are you following a donkey? Because he promises you something wonderful and you just need to trust him. Does the donkey talk? Yes. Yes, he does talk. So when you and the donkey in the wool cap arrive at his destination, he removes his the wool cap to reveal a horn. The donkey is a unicorn and his gift to you for your trust is saves. These closers are Donkeycorns.

6. J.J. Putz (+1) (David Hernandez, Takashi Saito)
7. Heath Bell (+1) (Steve Cishek, Juan Leo Carlos Nunez Oviedo)
8. Huston Street (+6) (Luke Gregerson, Andrew Cashner)
9. Jason Motte (+4) (Fernando Salas, Eduardo Sanchez)
10. Brian Wilson (-4) (Santiago Casilla, Sergio Romo)
11. Joel Hanrahan (Evan Meek, Chris Resop)
12. Andrew Bailey (+4) (Mark Melancon, Daniel Bard)
13. Sergio Santos (+3) (Francisco Cordero)
14. Kyle Farnsworth (+4) (Joel Peralta, Jake McGee)
15. Carlos Marmol (-6) (Kerry Wood, Rafael Dollis)
16. Jordan Walden (+1) (Scott Downs, Rich Thompson)
17. Frank Francisco (+3) (Jon Rauch, Ramon Ramirez)
18. Brandon League (+6) (Tom Wilhelmsen, George Sherrill)

Brain Freeze

I’m going on a picnic and I’m bringing apples, bananas and Matt Capps– Wait, he just gave up 12 earned runs and hit Valencia in the head with a pickoff throw. Brain freeze! Make it stop! Use the following closers at your own risk.

19. Rafael Betancourt (+2) (Rex Brothers)
20. Javy Guerra (-1) (Kenley Jansen, Matt Guerrier)
21. Grant Balfour (+8) (Brian Fuentes, Faustino De Los Santos)
22. Sean Marshall (-10) (Nick Masset, Aroldis Chapman)
23. Joe Nathan (Mike Adams, Alexi Ogando)
24. Brett Myers (+2) (Wilton Lopez, David Carpenter, Brandon Lyon)
25. Chris Perez (+4) (Vinnie Pestano, Tony Sipp)
26. Jim Johnson (Kevin Gregg, Matt Lindstrom)
27. Matt Thornton (-3) (Jesse Crain, Addison Reed, Will Ohman, Hector Santiago)
28. Matt Capps (Glen Perkins, Jared Burton)
29. Greg Holland/Jonathan Broxton (-19) (Aaron Crow)
30. Brad Lidge/Henry Rodriguez (-27) (Drew Storen, Tyler Clippard, Mitt Romney)

We at Razzball realize that exporting our views across the country has damaging consequences on the blogosphere. To help make amends, we are reaching out to leading team blogs and featuring their locally blogged answers to pressing 2012 fantasy baseball questions regarding their team. We feel this approach will be fresher, more sustainable, and require less energy consumption (for us anyway). The 2012 Cubs Fantasy Baseball Preview comes courtesy of Hire Jim Essian.

1) Epstein made over the team best he could going into the Spring.  Who do you think still goes and how soon?  (I think Carlos Marmol is out-ski, but you would know better than me.)

Now that we’re less than two weeks from Opening Day, it’s much safer for me to opine that the team will at least enter the season pretty much as-is.  I’ve been lobbying for the trade of Carlos Marmol since 2009, and now his arm is more useless than a one-game wildcard playoff (ZING, BUD!).  I don’t think he’ll make it through the end of the year as the Cubs’ closer, even if he remains on the Cubs’ roster.  Hopefully, Ryan Dempster performs well enough and adds a hilarious enough Dick Vitale impression to his resume to get traded away, but Jim Hendry gave him a stupid contract, and the Cubs might actually have to eat some of it to unload him.  What a horrible thought.  Alfonso Soriano is having a great spring, and people were saying Carlos Zambrano was equally “untradeable,” so I have a glimmer of hope that Jeo Hoystein can move him.  Now that Marlon Byrd is off gluten, there’s no point in him staying in the city with the greatest pizza on the planet (Get bent, New York.).  I think he’ll be traded away for scraps, and Brett Jackson will finish the season in Chicago.  Oh, did you want to talk about tradeable players with actual value?  The Cubs have one.  And that one is Matt Garza.  He won’t finish the year in a Cub uniform.  Maybe the Cubs can even get Sam Fuld back in a Garza deal!

2) Do the Cubs fans see Chris Carpenter this year?  And I don’t mean when they play the Cardinals. (Note from Grey:  I asked this question a few months ago prior to Carpenter being shipped.)

Maybe.  The Red Sox are coming in on June 15th.  Because I’m a procrastinator, you obviously asked this question prior to Carpenter being sent to Boston to complete the Theo Epstein “trade.”  But so I don’t cheat you out of an answer, I’ll make this rotation prediction:  Jeff Samardzija will make 20 starts in a Cub uniform this year.

3) Bryan LaHair is keeping the 1st base bag warm for Rizzo or LaHair stays at 1st for the entire year putting up better-than-expected numbers?

Bryan LaHair is Micah Hoffpauir 2.0.  He even wears the same number.  That is not a compliment.  LaHair is having a miserable spring, and Rizzo is having a great one.  I know the front office is playing it safe, tempering expectations for Rizzo and keeping pressure off him by saying that LaHair is their guy.  Nonsense.  Rizzo will be up by the All-Star Break.  I’m going to make a not-very-bold statement right here and say that before the start of August, the Cubs’ Opening Day roster will have undergone a 40% turnover.

4) I’m in a deep league and I’m looking at Reed Johnson, Tony Campana, Wellington Castillo and Jeff Baker.  Who gets the most ABs?  Best stats?

Baker gets the most ABs.  Barring an injury to Soriano, the outfield is crowded enough as it is to count on significant at-bats from Reed Johnson.  That’s not even taking into account the fact that Reed’s back is made of Styrofoam and that he has a penchant for running headlong into walls.  Tony Campana is a terrible baseball player, and the Cubs finally have a front office capable of recognizing that fact.  I hope he doesn’t see the inside of Wrigley Field this year.  Wellington Castillo is having a great spring, but so is Steve Clevenger.  There’s no guarantee that Castillo will even make the team, even though both “backup” catchers deserve to make it over Geovany Soto.  The Cubs seem intent on unloading Blake DeWitt, and Darwin Barney is only slightly less bad than Campana.  That is going to leave a big hole at second base.  Baker should get a lot of at-bats there, especially against left-handed pitching.  He’ll also spell David DeJesus in right field against lefties.

Reed will probably end up with the best slash line.  For whatever reason, he loves hitting in a Cubs uniform, and can’t hit anywhere else.  He’s the anti-Cub.

5) What would make you happiest as a Cub fan in 2012?
A) They win more than 75 games
B) It’s uncovered that Alfonso Soriano is using a fake name (real name Carlton Banks) and must forfeit the rest of his contract.
C) Ian Stewart’s bat livens up in the denser Chicago air.
D) Travis Wood morphs into a young Kerry Wood and Darwin Barney evolves into someone other than Darwin Barney.

I’m going to put them in order from what would make me least happy to what would make my heart grow larger than Tony Campana’s hat.

A)  Whether they win 75 games (that’s my exact prediction) or 82 games (they won’t), this team isn’t built to do anything in the 2012 playoffs, so it doesn’t really matter.  2014.  That’s the year I predict they’ll be back in the playoffs.  They should even win a game or two.  Only 11 years after their last playoff victory!  Hooray!
D)  How dare you suggest that anyone could take the place of Kerry Wood?  He’s #34 in my heart.  Travis Wood is having a shockingly bad spring, so at this point I’d be happy if he morphed into MIKE Wood.  I truly hope you intentionally used the word “evolve” in reference to Darwin.  Knowing the Cubs, if he does evolve into someone else, that someone will be Augie Ojeda.  Which will actually be a significant improvement.
B)  I’m a big Soriano apologist.  I like the guy.  He tries hard, he accepts blame when he sucks, I hear he’s a good teammate, and it’s not his fault that Jim Hendry overpaid him in both dollars and years.  But, yeah, that money could be far better spent elsewhere.
C)  I know you’re a big Ian Stewart guy, and I really hope you’re finally right about him.  The Cubs took 30 years to replace Ron Santo, and I hope it doesn’t take them another 30 to replace Ramirez.  He was the best hitter on the team for the last several years, and I hope Stewart finally blossoms into a threat at the plate and makes me forget all of those thrilling Ramirez walkoff home runs.

Drew Storen had arm discomfort… About two weeks ago.  He hasn’t pitched in a game since March 7th and had soreness in his biceps playing catch yesterday.  Playing catch?  What, the Nats doing a video for Cat’s in the Cradle?  He should be pitching, not playing catch.  So that’s one red flag.  The bigger red flag with a skull and crossbones is obviously soreness from playing catch.  That’s awesome for a young reliever who was used a lot last year (75 1/3 IP).  Two days ago, Davey Johnson said Storen wasn’t throwing because he had strep throat.  So does he have strep arm now?  Johnson said he’s not worried about Storen.  Davey lies… Davey lies when he cries and implies Storen is still his prize…  In all but the shallowest leagues, I’d grab Tyler Clippard, who sounds like a captain in the America’s Cup.  For those in deeper leagues or feeling light on saves, I’d grab Lidge.  I think Storen will ultimately be fine, but better safe than sorry as they say in the Clichè Hall of Fame, which is located on Main Street in Capital City.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in spring training for 2012 fantasy baseball:

Joe Blanton – Report out of Philly is they aren’t motivated to trade Blanton.  Sounds like when your garbage piles up and you can’t motivate to throw it out.  Maybe we’ll see the Phillies on the new season of Hoarders.

Ryan Howard – Without a walking boot, he took grounders yesterday while sitting on a stool.  Maybe he’s hoping he can be the Bill Cosby of 1st baseman.  “I was taking ground balls with my manager, Man-yoo-el.  Man-yoo-el is great; he gave me chocolate cake!”

Ryan Madson – Threw twenty pitches in a simulated game, then left with pain in his elbow.  Wow, and Dusty hasn’t even managed him in a game yet.  He just points his toothpick at pitchers’ elbows and they go down.  This is starting to sound like Sean Marshall is gonna be the closer for the Reds on Opening Day.  Yes, he should be owned too.

Juan Pierre – Has been caught stealing three times in five attempts in the spring.  Is there anything sadder than a steals-only guy who can no longer steal?  That’s not rhetorical.  Really, is there?

Neftali Feliz – Rangers are reporting that Feliz threw with no issues.  To incorrectly paraphrase Modest Mouse, this is bad news for people who like bad news about starters they don’t want to own.

Carlos Marmol – Will return on Monday.  Will close until July.  Will be traded to a contender to be an eighth inning set-up man.  It’s a feeling I have.

Mark Reynolds – The O’s are talking about trading him.  Looks like the O’s management got the letter in the bottle that was dropped in the Atlantic about thirteen years ago that read, “Go young, you have no chance of competing right now.”

Adam Dunn – Sticking with the newly established donkey theme, Dunn hit two homers yesterday.  In 1970, Boog Powell hit 35 homers and won the MVP at the age of 28.  The next year, he struggled to hit 22, then 21, 11 and 12 before having one final (Berkman-type resurgence) with 27 homers in 1975, then he was out of baseball at the age of 35.  Frank Howard hit 44 homers at 33, then 26 homers the next year and pretty much out of baseball at 35.  Greg Luzinski hit 35 homers at the age of 27.  At 28, he hit 18.  Then nothing for 4 years (had a Berkman resurgence year), then out of baseball at 33.  Mo Vaughn went from MVP contender to retired.  The history of the big-bellied isn’t great when they start to age.  Dunn is 32 years old.  I wouldn’t be surprised if he was out of baseball at the age of 35.  Can Dunn come back and hit 25 homers this year?  It’s possible.  It’s gonna come with a .240 or lower average.  We’re not going to see 40 homers from The Big Donkey again.

Desmond Jennings – Could be out until next week, but he should have plenty of time to be ready for Opening Day.  Or as they call it in the Albright household, O’Jennings Day.

Dustin Pedroia – Left the game after being hit on the forearm.  He didn’t want to leave, but Bobby Valentine insisted.  Then Pedroia nipped at his ankles and Bobby put a cone on his head.  Pedroia should be back in a few days.

Kendrys Morales – In his first action with the Angels since his limp-off home run, he got two hits.  Small victories are good.  They’re especially good for Morales who celebrates big victories like an idiot.

Tyler Greene – The Cards look like they’re going to start Greene at 2nd base and in the leadoff slot (with Furcal somewhere at the bottom of the order).  Greene feels like a guy that someone in an NL-Only league will either get lucky drafting or will want to drop by week two.

Tyler Colvin – Hitting near .400 in spring training.  That means nothing, as does Colvin in most leagues.  However, I wouldn’t be shocked if we get into the first week of the season and Blake is benched (or injured), Cuddyer goes to 3rd and Colvin is playing the outfield and becomes one of the hottest adds.  It’s a thought to stash next to your rolling papers.

Scott Baker – Yesterday, he threw in a minor league game.  So he pitched Twins batting practice?

Justin Morneau – 3-for-33 this spring.  Feels like old times!

Lorenzo Cain – Now has four homers and is batting .486 in the spring.  Cain…Sugar!’s not yet on any of my teams, but I think I might need to reach for him in one league.  Bourgeois, you’ve been Marx’d down!

Billy Butler – Hit his third homer of the spring as he has an insane 1.258 OPS over 39 at-bats.  They don’t call him Mr. Grapefruit for nothing.

Pedro Alvarez – Ah, my old heartthrob, is playing like there’s a reason why he’s not my new heartthrob.  It looks likely M.C. Gehee will be playing 3rd base.  The Pirates get the gas face.

Erik Bedard – Named Pirates Opening Day starter.  The Pirates then added, “If he’s healthy.”

David Wright – Took BP and said, “I feel about as good as I’d feel, I guess, picking up a bat for the first time in a few weeks.  Hopefully it gets better from here result-wise.  But just being out there and being able to go through a full day and a full round of batting practice and not feeling anything, that’s pretty good.”  I’ll read between the lines for you.  ”I was swinging at about 50% against a soft-tossing BP pitcher and I still didn’t really get good swings on the ball.  It was sure nice to see the fellas after going through three weeks of testing done by a Met doctor who had a degree from a med school in Guam.  I wonder if there’s bears in Guam and if they call them Guamy Bears.”

Jon Niese – Got an offseason nose job because Beltran used to make fun of him.  It’s not the first time that a Mets outfielder led to drugs being applied to a Mets pitcher’s nose.

Fausto Carmona – Or as his birth certificate says, Roberto Hernandez Heredia, is scheduled to throw 80 pitches at the Indians’ academy in the Dominican Republic.  Afterwards at the academy, Carmona will take classes like “Ethics In Nomenclature and Age” and “Nutrition:  It’s a Real Word.”

Jason Bourgeois was traded to Royals with Humberto Quintero.  Fun fact:  Did you know Humberto Quintero weighs exactly a quarter more than Humberto Quadtero?  When the trade was announced, Bourgeois said he’d once and for all bring down the tyrannical rule of the Royals and restore a society where Lorenzo Cain lost 75 to 100 at-bats and The Guido Playing 2nd Base lost 100 at-bats.  Bourgeois insists that a free market system for steals is essential to their success.  Then Bourgeois doffed his powdered wig and asked Yuniesky Betancourt to bring him some unpasteurized cheese.  Chop, chop, Piss Boy!  This trade doesn’t flat out kill Cain…Sugar!’s value.  It sure doesn’t help it.  As I mentioned to someone in the comments right after this trade went down, Cain…Sugar! needs to perform well in April to be worth the draft gamble and if he performs well, then he’ll play and Bourgeois will see at-bats at 2nd or all over the field.  I don’t think Bourgeois is worth a grab in mixed leagues yet, but he can quickly get on radars because of his ability to steal.  SAGNOF!  If you were looking at The Guido Playing 2nd Base for a late round flyer, he’s still worth it too.  He’s in the similar predicament as Cain…Sugar!.  If Giavotella hits in April, he’ll get playing time.  If he didn’t hit, you’d drop him with or without Bourgeois.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for 2012 fantasy baseball:

Joakim Soria – Headed for Tommy John surgery.  It’s fine to drop him in all leagues, except leagues that have a category for damaged ulnar collateral ligaments.  In that league, you’ve got an early lead!  Go pick up Brandon Webb in case he latches on with a team.  There’s still been no clarity on the Royals closing shituation.  Holland’s better, Broxton has experience, Crow doesn’t seem likely in front of either guy.  I’m going with Holland first, and both of them in some leagues where I feel light on saves.

Derek Jeter – Has a minor calf injury.  If he had a major calf injury, I’d say, “Don’t have a cow, man!”  And we’d laugh.  Oh, would we laugh.  You and I.  Are you gonna finish that peach pie?  You know Grey likes peach pie?  Jeter should return by Friday.

Nick Swisher – Left a game with groin tightness.  In related news, A-Rod gets groin tightness when he looks at Jeter.

Daniel Bard – When the Sawx first announced Bard would start, here’s what I said, “The Sawx are toying with the idea that Daniel Bard should be in the rotation rather than as the closer.  To incorrectly quote Gordon Gekko, “That’s a toy with fleas.”  As a starter in the minor leagues, his ERA was 7.08 and walked 78 hitters in 75 innings.  Granted, this was early on in his minor league career, but I don’t see the Sawx taking a pitcher that is actually succeeding as a reliever and stretching him out to fail.  Then again, their rotation isn’t exactly five deep.  Hopefully Daniel doesn’t stay *pinkie to mouth* Bard from the bullpen.  Or should I say bullpun.”  And that’s me quoting me!  Now it’s being reported that Bard is headed back to the bullpen.  I’d say I told you so… Well, I just kinda did.

Dontrelle Willis – Orioles signed Willis to a minor league deal.  He was always good with the bat; it’s not too late for him to become a herbathrowdite.

Ryan Braun – Has a groin injury that he blamed on FedEx.  He should be back in the next few days, assuming FedEx gets their shizz together!

Michael Morse – His lat strain may cause him to miss a few games at the start of the season.  I’m not concerned at this point.  If he misses a week in April, it’ll all be forgotten by May.  Or beep, beep, dot, dot, slash in Morse code.

Neftali Feliz – From the files of, “Actually interesting news if I didn’t tell you to not draft him anyway,” Feliz has shoulder issues.  A closer moving into the rotation + shoulder problems = Gummi Worms.  Shoot, I did that math wrong.  It was supposed to add up to “Stay away from at drafts.”

Chris Carpenter – Felt neck discomfort yesterday.  Now seems all but certain that he’ll start the year on the DL.  Carpenter’s fans feel like it’s a rainy day or Monday.

Kyle Lohse – Will start Opening Day for the Cardinals.  Hey, Cards fans, there’s still a chance to go 161-1!

Hisashi Iwakuma – Will start the year in the bullpen.  M’s rotation will be Felix Hernandez, Jason Vargas, Hector Noesi, Blake Beavan and Kevin Millwood.  Hey, M’s fans, there’s still a chance to go 20-142!  On a side note, Rudy came up with a Mariner version of the Hodgepadre for our glossary… A Marginer.  A Marginer is any mediocre pitcher on the Mariners that’s worth owning when they start in Seattle.  Similar to Hodgepadre.  Most Marginers are Homeschoolers.  Not to be confused with ex-Mariner closer Mike Schooler.

David Wright – Word out of Port St. Lucie is, doesn’t Port St. Lucie sound like an after-dinner drink?  Also, Wright could play this weekend.  I don’t think he’s out of the woods yet.  And I’m not sure if the breadcrumb trail out of the woods is gonna lead to a 60-day DL stint or 140+ games played with weak power because he’ll be nursing an injury, but I’m not excited about either scenario.

Johan Santana – Only gave up one run in six innings, but whatever with that.  I ignore spring stats, but what I’d focus on is he was only in the high-80′s with his fastball.  That wouldn’t even win a SpongeBob at the local carnival.  I still have a hard time recommending him as a late draft gamble.  I think this year’s best case scenario is Johan throws 170 IP and gets about 140 Ks and around a 3.50 ERA.  Basically, you’re hoping for Vogelsong/Mike Leake-type projections.

Orlando Hudson – You shouldn’t even be drafting O-Dog, but if you were thinking about it, he’s having groin problems.  Speaking of groins, Wang’s gonna miss over a month.  (BTW, if this is your first day reading Razzball, we’re not always this fascinated with groins.  Not that we have anything against them… I mean, we’d have something against them if the situation presented itself… Okay, moving on…)

Shaun Marcum – Won’t miss any time in the rotation coming out of the gate because of his previously inflammed shoulder. To summarize in a pithy fashion, Marcum down to start.

Chris Perez – Threw batting practice yesterday and will be more than ready for Opening Day.  You know who this makes happy?  Chris Perez’s son.

Mike Adams – Joe Nathan has looked like a beast this spring.  I’m not using “like a beast” in some cool, hip phrasing.  Do I seem cool or hip to you?  I have a mustache, for crikey’s sake!  I mean, he’s looked like a beast as Mary Shelley would’ve liked that phrase used.  If you heard the podcast yesterday, you know this already.  By early summer, Nathan’s headed for the Disgraceful List and Adams will be the closer.  I’d be more surprised if it happened later than early summer than early early summer.  Glad I clarified that!

Carlos Marmol – Left a game with a hand cramp, but the MRI showed no nerve damage.  To get rid of his cramps, the doctor told him to eat a pint of ice cream and watch Sex and the City reruns.