Stephen Drew to postpone all ballroom dancing classes for six to nine months with a fractured ankle. His wife Nancy isn’t gonna be happy. More time for mystery solving! If you haven’t seen the video of Stephen Drew, I’d wait for it on the big screen in Faces of Death: The Drew Edition, which will also feature J.D. throwing out his back, knee, shoulder, back again and ‘pulling up short.’ We probably won’t see Stephen again this year, so it’s fine to drop him. In his place, Cody Ransom, Quad-A/futility infielder. He has 25 homers in Triple-A this year, and 9 homers in about ten years of on again/off again major league service. You can probably do better. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Wilson Betemit – Castaway Wilson got volleyed to the Tigers yesterday. Betemit has never received any modicum of respect in his major league career, if I’m using the word modicum correctly. For the longest time, the Royals would drop the boom with prospect after prospect and Betemit would be MOS — ‘Mit Out Starting job — but now Betemit will take over 3rd base. Brandon Inge must feel Blind Sided by this. Maybe he should call Sandra Bullock or Big Mike to campaign for him. Every bone in your body tells you you shouldn’t own Betemit, but why are you listening to bones? Is that some voodoo shizz? If you’re struggling with your corner infidel in deep mixed leagues, Betemit could provide some pop and average. Of course, don’t drop anyone too worthwhile for him. Still no respect!
Casper Wells – This was what Leyland said when he sent Wells down, “It’s a crying shame. He doesn’t deserve to go down. This one hurts because the kid has done a hell of a job.” Apparently, the only thing harder than giving up Casper is giving up tobacco. If only there was a Casper Wells patch!
Duane Below – 5 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 2 Ks. He’s a pretty mediocre AL-Only option with a bleh K-rate in the minors. Plus, Duane Below sounds like a What’s Happening episode where Raj and Rerun lost their friend’s hair pick. Hey HEY….sob….hey.
Carlos Gomez – Broke his collar bone and will be out for a while. Maybe Lastings Milledge can work “poppin’ collars like Carlos Gomez” into a song.
Dan Haren – 4 1/3 IP, 7 ER. I thought we had a deal that someone was going to sneak into Haren’s room and turn the calender back to June?
Clayton Kershaw – 8 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 12 Ks. He looked better than Lincecum, in both a straight and gay way.
Andre Ethier – Has 9 homers, zero steals and a .299 average. Johnny Damon would be embarrassed by that line.
Dustin Ackley – 2-for-4 with his 4th homer in 26 games since he’s been called up. He’s almost surely going to be overrated next year. Damn you, half empty glass.
Chris Narveson – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks. Next, he gets the Cubs, then the Astros twice. That’s a yes, please and thank you.
Jason Vargas – 3 IP, 5 ER. How very JV of him. Two straight bad starts, two reasons he should no longer be on your team.
Adam Dunn – Out with knee problems. Ironically, this year his fantasy owners were forced to take a knee.
John Danks – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks. Solid start in his return from the Disabled List. Or as Ozzie calls it, the Puta List.
Brad Lidge – Due back from rehab on Friday. I’d make sure he comes with return postage for when he gets hurt again. He won’t be the closer immediately, but the Phils merry-go-round closerousel could pick up in August.
Antonio Bastardo – Charlie Manuel hinted that Bastardo could remain the closer. I hope Madson enjoyed screwing Charlie Manuel’s daughter (I imagine she looks like Cletus from The Simpsons with boobs) because for some reason he’s in the dog house again. Or maybe Manuel was saying Madson would be the closer, but calling him a bastardo.
Vance Worley – 8 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks. He’d be cooler if his name was Van Swirley. Last time Worley pitched well, I said he shouldn’t be pitching this well, but you should pick him up until he stops pitching this well. Well, well, well…
Jimmy Rollins – 3-for-5, 4 runs, 3 RBIs and 2 homers. The Cubs were mowed down by Philly — back again! — with a little east coast swing by the J, the I, the M, the M, the Y, y’all!
Michael Martinez – 2-for-5 with 2 steals. Probably won’t hit over .240 but he has some speed and is playing while Polanco receives an epidural. Betcha Polanco wishes he chose natural childbirth.
Ryan Dempster – 3 IP, 6 ER as Dempster goes back to the dumpster.
Edwin Encarnacion – 3-for-5, 4 runs, a home run and two steals. Encarnacion goes through stretches where he gets crazy hot. Right now, hitting near .450 in the last week with three steals and a homer and 17 for his last 40. He’s a hot schmotato, ya’ll.
Travis Snider – 2-for-4, 5 RBIs and a home run. Really shouldn’t be on waivers in any leagues at this point.
Jayson Werth – 3-for-5, and his 11th home run. According to RCL updater, VinWins, Duffy’s Irish Pub in Washington, D.C. is matching beer prices to Jayson Werth’s average. 3 hits yesterday raised the price to $2.18. For where I live (Los Angeles), a bar could match Ruth’s lifetime slugging percentage and be a good deal.
Lonnie Chisenhall – 2-for-4 and a home run. Or as someone on Sportscenter probably said, Lonnie went gonnie.
Freddy Garcia – 6 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks. When I see Garcia’s season ERA at 3.21, I get as incredulous as De Niro when Spider talks back to Pesci.
Eduardo Nunez – 1-for-3 with 2 steals. Now has 13 steals on the year (and 13 errors and 13 strikeouts and 13 times he’s name dropped Jeter to try and get laid).
Joe Nathan – 1 IP, 1 ER. Still recorded the save, but it’s worth noting he gave up a run. And noted.
Johnny Cueto – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks. Now has a season ERA of 1.98 as he went against Jeff Karstens (7 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 1 K) and his 2.28 ERA. To think we paid 20-something dollars for Gallardo in March… Cust frustrated.
Chase D’Arnaud – Now has 7 errors in 21 games played. More like Chase D’Ball.
Jacoby Ellsbury – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs with his 14th and 15th home runs. Member when I said in April Ellsbury and Gardner were the same player? I kill myself sometimes. Literally, I’m sticking my head in the oven.
Ricky Nolasco – 1 1/3 IP, 9 ER vs. the Padres. San Diego bats haven’t been used this much since Cinco de Mayo. Not sure if candy came out of Nolasco.
Will Venable – 2-for-4 with his 3rd homer as every hitter on the Padres got into the action. San Diego’s offense yesterday was like Ralphie beating up Farkus. Months of futility boiling up into an uncontrollable rage. I just picture Jason Bartlett kicking and screaming, “Fickin’, shmikin…”
Ben Zobrist – He has been a sort of “super-sub” who’s managed to get a full season’s worth of at-bats over the past couple of seasons. His usefulness has been derived mostly from his flexibility, as he currently qualifies at 1B, 2B, and OF. 2009 and 2010 were both positive years for him, but for quite different reasons. In 2009, Zobrist provided a surprising burst of power, smashing 27 homers to add extra value to his 17 stolen bases. Then in 2010, he continued his base stealing proficiency with 24 swipes, but his power spike faded, as he hit only 10 homers. His batting average throughout his career has been quite erratic, but for the most part, he’s settled into the .250-.260 region. A .326 BABIP in 2010 aided his .297 batting average that year, but, in the end, Zobrist has been a player who supplies a decent amount of power, nice steals, and most importantly, positional flexibility.
Analysis: Now with 7 HR’s already, the power seems to have suddenly returned. The most eye-popping statistic in his line though are those 25 RBI’s, which currently paces the entire American League. Obviously, Zobrist is on a roll right now, and may continue to be so for some time; May and June are historically Zobrist’s best months, as he has posted a .963 and .900 OPS in those months, respectively. His current BABIP is only .264, so we can’t just chalk this production up to good luck, but both his BB and K rates are about 3% worse than his career averages. The latter stats may not be too significant, as it could just be that, without Carlos Pena and Carl Crawford, and with Evan Longoria injured much of the season, Zobrist has been called upon to be a larger run producer and thus is pressing to, well, produce. It’s also important to remember back to 2008 when Zobrist was called up from Triple-A for the final time. He had only 227 plate appearances in 2008, but did manage 12 HR’s, so the power wasn’t only seen in 2009. With Zobrist currently 29 years old, he’s the perfect age to post a career year — this could be it.
Grady Sizemore – Wow, who saw this coming? After a down year in 2009 and an injury-shortened season in 2010, expectations for Grady Sizemore’s 2011 campaign were not positive. While ZiPs had originally projected a dash line of merely .249/.348/.445, and Bill James a more optimistic .265/.355/.455, most analysts were extremely skeptical of Sizemore ever being able to return to his previous elite level of production. Sizemore has obviously started with an absolute bang, hitting like it’s 2006 all over again.
Analysis: Despite Sizemore’s wonderful start, he hasn’t solicited an enormous amount of faith from ZiPs, as their updated projected dash line is .274/.362/.514, they are pegging him for only 399 plate appearances, an ode to Sizemore’s frailty over the past few years. Still, it’s a good time to be an Indians fan and Sizemore owner. Although his walk rate is currently slightly lower than his career average, Sizemore’s K-rate is his typical 22%. It’s impossible to predict health, so assuming he stays around the whole season, I think it’s safe to say his power and run production will be good. But with a completely unsustainable .419 BABIP, that sweet batting average is sure to fall. Finally, with 0 SB and just 1 attempt over his first 11 games, it seems Sizemore is playing it safe with his knees, trying to avoid injury. His days of stealing 30-40 bases may be over, but a decent amount should still be anticipated.
Carlos Gomez – His breakout has been anticipated eagerly ever since he was a key component in the blockbuster trade by the New York Mets to acquire Johan Santana from the Minnesota Twins. The trade hasn’t worked out well for the Twins (although Phil Humber, now a member of the White Sox organization, looked pretty darn good the other night against the Yankees, carrying a no-hitter into the 6th inning). After several disappointing years, Gomez was traded to Brewers after the 2009 season. His untapped talent is so tantalizing that he has been named the Opening Day starter each year from 2008-2010, but hasn’t yet been able to put it all together, and thus is close to acquiring the much dreaded “bust” label. Acquiring Nyjer Morgan before the season, the Brewers declared the CF spot open for contest this year, but injuries to Morgan have allowed Gomez to amass 111 plate appearances thus far. Although his batting average hasn’t been great, Gomez’s 8 steals have obviously supplied owners with plenty of value, while his 2 homers have been a welcome surprise.
Analysis: Gomez’s ratios aren’t very different from his career averages, as he’s still only walking at a 5.4% rate. His K-rate is down slightly to 21%, but his dash line (.240/.278/.320) is simply awful, and actually lower than career averages. The keys for Gomez remaining the starter all season is going to be whether or not he is able to get his OBP above .300 and if his sudden pop is for real. If he can do this, and if he does continue to hit the occasional homer, he’ll pile on the steals and likely fight off Nyjer Morgan’s press for playing time. But with his ratio’s the way they are, I just don’t see how Gomez can continue to be a positive influence in the Brewers’ lineup. He’s a great defensive player, and knows how to steal bases, but he simply is NOT a good hitter. Still, Morgan isn’t really either, so I have a feeling Gomez will get a fair number, but not a full season’s worth of at-bats.
Michael Pineda - Named the game’s #16 overall prospect by Baseball America entering the 2011 season, Pineda’s talent is well known. Still, the decision by the Mariners to have the 22-year-old flame-thrower start the season in the rotation was a bit unexpected. But an amazing showing in Spring Training (2.12 with 15 K’s in 17 IP) made it obvious that Pineda was ready for The Show. With now 5 starts at the Major League level, Pineda has seemingly gotten better with each start.
Analysis: Armed with electrifying stuff, Pineda has put up a 8.62 K/9 rate while managing a respectable (especially for his age and pitching style) 3.45 BB/9 IP. Although his opposing BABIP of .262 is a little bit low and his 76.5% LOB may decrease as the season progresses, he’s emerging as a legitimate front-line starter. So while he may encounter a bump or two in the road, especially as he faces lineups for the 2nd time around, Pineda is a guy to keep around, and not dump when those bumps do come. An intelligent pitcher as well, he’ll make adjustments and likely end the year with strong numbers. Much like the San Francisco Giants with Tim Lincecum and Matt Cain, the Seattle Mariners are now blessed with a ridiculous 1-2 punch who could each contend for Cy Young awards over the next decade. For fantasy purposes in 2011, however, monitor his usage late in the year. In order to protect their young prized arm, the Mariners are likely to shut him down early if not in playoff contention.
Fantasy Baseball King’s Bold Prediction: 12 W, 3.35 ERA, 1.25 WHIP, 170 IP, 165 K
Randy Wolf – Noted as fairly dependable mid-rotation starter, Randy Wolf has exceeded 200 IP in both 2009 and 2010, compiled 117 victories over his career, and managed a 4.10 ERA throughout his career (not shabby considering much of it was during the steroid era). But with a steadily declining K-rate from 2007 (8.24) through 2010 (5.93), Wolf hasn’t been viewed as a major fantasy contributor. But Wolf has been a stalwart front-liner the entire year, especially the past 2 weeks, as he’s managed a 0.68 ERA over his past 21 innings pitched.
Analysis: At first glance, Wolf’s peripherals look great. He’s gotten his K/9 rate back up to 7.88 (his highest since 2007), and his walk rate is all the way down to 2.39 per 9 IP (his lowest of his entire career). But deeper digging shows a different story. On April 14th against the Pittsburgh Pirates, Wolf had an amazing day, striking out 10 batters over 6.2 innings. Taking this day out of Wolf’s game log (he’s only managed 4 or 5 K’s in each of his other 5 starts), his K-rate goes all the way down to 6.67, making that one game an obvious anomaly. Additionally, his opposing BABIP is a mere .255, 29 points lower than his career average. Still, while it’s obvious Wolf has benefited from some good luck and that weak, K-prone Pirates lineup, there are some positive signs, too. His LOB%, HR/FB, and GB% numbers are all close enough to his career numbers to feel confident that 2011 is going to be a good season for Wolf. But there’s no reason to mistaken him for an ace. He’ll be durable, pretty dependable, and win a good number of games playing for the Brewers, who are likely to be in playoff contention all year long.
Fantasy Baseball King’s Bold Prediction: 13 W, 4.05 ERA, 1.20 WHIP, 200 IP, 143 K
Wow, it’s chilly in here…will the ice thaw?
Gordon Beckham – Remember when this guy was the “next big thing?” Coming up in 2009 after less than 300 minor league plate appearances, Beckham had a phenomenal rookie campaign, hitting .270/.347/.460 with 14 HR’s and 63 RBI’s. That’s great for any rookie, but even better considering Beckham plays 2B, a position not noted for its depth in offensive stalwarts. Things haven’t gone as well as analysts, White Sox fans, and Gordon Beckham owners have hoped, however. A horrible 2010 diminished his value significantly, and trade rumors even began to surface. Still, both Bill James and ZiPs showed confidence, projecting Beckham to hit around .270 with 15 HR and 75 RBI in 2011. Thus far, Beckham hasn’t made them look good. Although he has hit 2 homers and managed decent run production, his batting average has been awful, absolutely plummeting over the past 2 weeks. Now, questions whether he will ever build on his promising rookie year are abundant.
Analysis: I’ve always been a fan of Beckham. Mostly because it’s not easy to find good offensive second basemen. While there’s no disputing his poor production, especially as of late, his batting average is artificially low due to a .221 BABIP (career, .286). The 2 HR’s give hope that his moderate power is still there, and the White Sox deep lineup promises plenty of opportunities for good run production. So I definitely think Beckham could deliver on preseason projections. But in order to make the leap from a somewhat above-average hitter to a dangerous threat, he’ll need to substantially improve his abhorrently low walk rate of 3.8%. He needs to be more patient and trust in his ability to make contact. Only then will he deliver on his ultimate potential.
Raul Ibanez – While he has a big name and makes $12 million a year, Ibanez has really only had 2 star-quality years (2006 and 2009). Otherwise, he’s been a pretty dependable but very boring .285, 20 HR, 85 RBI, 80 R player…and that’s not a bad thing; it just means he’s not necessarily deserving of his salary (but what player really is?). As for 2011, projections called for more or less a repeat of 2010 season, when he finished as the 140th most productive player in Yahoo! Public Roto Leagues. Even with these fairly moderate expectations, though, Ibanez has disappointed. He started the season with a burst, and after the first week boasted an OPS of .886 with 1 HR and 6 RBI’s. But things have been downhill from there, and he is currently mired in an 0-for-31 slide.
Analysis: Ibanez is a professional hitter. He isn’t a superstar, but he’s intelligent, and has been a steady guy year-in, year-out, with the occasional All-Star type season thrown in here and there. But turning 39 years old this coming June, he’s clearly approaching the end of his good career. His current, almost season-long slump is due largely in part to a .217 BABIP. Considering his walk rate is right around his career average tells me he still has a good eye, but I’m concerned by his K-rate of 29.9% (career average, 17.5%). He’s obviously pressing at the plate, practically begging for a hit. Physically, he looks slow, and although I think he’ll have somewhat a rebound, I think his years of being a decent #3 fantasy outfielder are definitely over. As stud prospect Domonic Brown recovers from a recent injury, and as Ben Francisco continues to hit well enough to remain in the lineup, Ibanez may have to fight for at-bats as the season progresses.
Edwin Jackson - Jackson, once a big-time prospect in the Tampa Bay Rays (at that time, Devil Rays) organization, didn’t truly break out until 2009 with the Detroit Tigers. That year he was phenomenal, winning 13 games while striking out 6.77 batters per 9 IP over 214 innings. A big key to his success that year was his walk rate, which he lowered to a still career-low 2.94/9 IP. Traded in 2010 in the much talked about deal that made Daniel Hudson a member of the Arizona Diamondbacks, Jackson is now pitching for the White Sox. He started the season with bang, allowing only 3 ER and 9 hits over his first 14 innings pitched, while striking out 20. Analysts were excited about his velocity and, yours truly began touting 2011 as his “career year.” I noted his increased K-rate and good composure on the mound. Since those first two games, however, things haven’t gone quite as I had anticipated they would. He’s been abysmal for 4 straight starts now, allowing 34 hits, 12 walks, and 20 earned runs over his past 21.2 IP, while striking out only 12 batters
Analysis: Jacksons’ career has had its share of ups and downs, so much so that ZiPs was not as optimistic as I was entering the season, projecting him for 10 wins, a 7.26 K-rate, and a very pedestrian 4.53 ERA. But although the peaks and valleys make the back of his baseball card a bit confusing to analyze, he’s made slow but substantial improvements since first arriving as a rookie in Tampa Bay. His first full season of work resulted in a BB/9 rate over 5, and although he was striking out around 7 batters per 9 IP, he appeared flustered and nervous when batters got on base. All this together resulted in ERA”s of 5.45, 5.76, and 4.42 from 2006 through 2008. But along that time, he made subtle improvements, lower his walk rate each year from 2006 to 2009, and despite striking less batters out, became a true pitcher, as opposed to a “thrower.” But he’s returned to being a thrower over the past few starts, as his numbers indicate, and ZiPs’ updated projections are even worse than their preseason ones (they currently have him pegged for 4.75 year-end ERA). However, I still like Jackson this year, and believe it could very well end of being the best of his career. His biggest problems have been walks (4.33 BB/9), luck (suffering from an opposing BABIP of .357), and some defensive woes on his own team’s side (his LOB% is currently a career-low 62.7%). Watch him over his next several starts and see if can lower his walk total again. Lady Luck will eventually return, so if he does harness his control, he should be able to limit the damage, continue striking batters out at a good rate, and ultimately regain form. As an owner, just realize his sporadic nature and be prepared to sit him for a string of starts if he struggles again.
Fantasy Baseball King’s Bold Prediction: 12 W, 3.58 ERA, 1.32 WHIP, 205 IP, 181 K
Yovani Gallardo – Yikes, this wasn’t expected! Gallardo, seen almost unanimously as an up-and-coming ace, has now struck out close to 10 batters per 9 innings pitched over the past 2 seasons (9.89 and 9.73) while winning 13 and 14 games for the playoff-contending Brewers. Although he’s been a bit injury-prone during his short career, the expectations for a major breakout were rampant. Several analysts even had him on their short-lists for Cy Young contenders. But obviously, Gallardo’s season has been a major disappointment thus far. After a decent first start, his 2nd start of the season was a brilliant, complete game performance: 9.0 IP, 2 H, 0 ER, 2BB, 2 K. Since then, however, he’s imploded, giving up 21 earned runs over his next 21.1 innings pitched, while allowing 35 hits, and 10 walks. For fantasy owners, many of whom were probably counting on him to be one of the top 2 anchors in their rotations, it’s been an unanticipated disaster.
Analysis: The strangest part of Gallardo’s season thus far has been his strikeout rate, which has been practically split in half (career 9.11, current 5.70). Otherwise, several other metrics (BB/9, HR/9, and HR/FB) are all right around his career averages. He hasn’t been hurt, and by all accounts his velocity is at normal speeds. He had a spectacular spring, posting a 1.96 ERA and striking out 23 batters over 18.1 innings pitched. So then, one naturally wonders…what’s wrong with Yovani Gallardo? Apparently, he recently met with Brewer higher-ups to discuss his performance, and they mutually agreed his pacing on the mound was “off.” Going forward, Gallardo stated he intends to work at a faster pace, explaining, “I’m just trying to get into a better rhythm…I’m trying to speed up a little. And I”m working on commanding the ball on both sides of the plate.” I wouldn’t be worried here. Considering everything in his peripherals is normal, and the only thing “off” right now is his K-rate, I have full faith in Gallardo turning it around fairly quickly. Now may be a good time to grab him from a competitor at a discounted price. Don’t wait.
Fantasy Baseball King’s Bold Prediction: 14 W, 3.41 ERA, 1.30 WHIP, 190 IP, 192 K
Francisco Liriano – When we left off two weeks ago, I ended my Francisco Liriano analysis by stating “My advice is to sit him until he gets going. Maybe he just can’t pitch in the cold. I don’t know. But what I DO know is that he is still a bonafide stud, and will prove that come the warmer months of the season. Keep with him; you’ll be happy you did.” I also predicted, based on his career monthly splits, that he was a natural slow starter (much like his predecessor Johan Santana), and would get better and better as the weather got warmer. Well, he hasn’t gotten better and better; in fact, he’s completely imploded. As a result, I felt it was my responsibility to include him for a second straight column. During his most recent start (worst to date), one could have sworn that Oliver Perez had stolen Liriano’s uniform: 3.0 IP, 6 H, 7 ER, 4 BB, and 4 K. Rumors of injury and trade now fill the Minnesota air.
Analysis: I’m split on this one, because I really, really do believe in Liriano’s ability to be a true front-line starter. But with recent reports that his velocity is down, and in light of the incoming news that, should he not turn it around over his next several starts, he’ll lose his rotation spot, I can’t give Liriano owners the green light here. What I would NOT do is drop him (unless, of course, further news develops). If you NEED starting pitching and are in desperate shape, go ahead and get value for him. But my gut tells me this is one of those situations in which Liriano is going to come back to surprise us. Losing his rotation spot would obviously be a huge and painful event for Liriano owners, but if he does, I think the Twins’ plan/hope would be that he regains confidence in the bullpen, pitches his way back into the rotation, and resumes his expected dominance. I’m staying positive, but with nervous owners out there, I obviously have to retract my “Go get him…NOW!” proclamation from 2 weeks ago. Instead, I would advise owners to sit tight, pay attention to each of his starts carefully, and read the local news reports. If he loses his spot and you can carry him while he figures it out, great. If not, then that’s the time to drop him.
Fantasy Baseball King’s Bold Prediction: 11 W, 3.79 ERA, 1.35 WHIP, 165 IP, 156 K (low innings pitched due to losing his rotation spot for a few weeks)
Let’s all give Scott Sizemore a big “Welcome back.” Well… Let’s give him a medium-sized “Welcome back…” Screw it! Let’s give him a quick “Hey” and a head nod like you give to your sister’s boyfriend that you can’t stand. It’s not like he’s done all that much in his short time in the majors, but — and unless you’re an alien there’s always a but — who else are you rocking at your middle infidel spot? Sizemore was hitting in the minors (.408/.495/.605 and 2 homers in 92 PAs). It’s worth the flyer to see if he can translate minor league success to the majors. Who knows? Now that bin Laden’s listening to Gary Glitter’s Greatest Hits in hell, maybe Sizemore can get his bats through customs. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
David Freese – He’s gonna miss nine to twelve weeks. Or the same amount of time it takes to get a 4-year degree from the University of Phoenix.
Lance Berkman – 2-for-3, 4 RBIs and his 9th homer. Could he win a Triple Crown? Not unless we’re talking horse racing and he’s a jockey. He’s 35 years old, hitting .406 and on pace for 50+ homers. The bottom may not fall out until mid-May or June or July, but he’s gonna slow or get injured at some point.
Albert Pujols – 0-for-2, hitting .241 on the year. Can someone double check that it’s not Nick Punto wearing Pujols’ jersey?
Kyle Lohse – 6 IP, 5 ER, 9 baserunners, 2 Ks. It’s like Dave Duncan pulled out of his hat a dead rabbit.
Mike Stanton – 3-for-5 with his 2nd homer in two days. Wouldn’t shock me to see him hit 15 homers this month. Doode is a mollywhopping, pony stick machine.
Tommy Hunter – His groin was cleared for a rehab assignment. Hey now!
Nelson Cruz – 0-for-5, hitting .225. When a guy who usually hits well or gets injured isn’t doing either, I get this sick feeling in my stomach that he’s going to get hurt and not even get his usual good hitting stats. Though that sick feeling could be from the 7-month old cheese I found in my refrigerator. I can’t resist Camembert!
Brandon McCarthy – 6 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks and four unearned runs for the agita-inducing ticker shock.
Josh Willingham – 2-for-4 with his 2nd home run in his last three games. If you wait until he shows up in Friday’s Buy/Sell, he may no longer be hot. That’s from my typees to your eyes. My typees are my fingers. Please start calling your fingers typees. Thank you.
Kurt Suzuki – 2-for-4 with his 2nd home run in the last three games. Do I hear an echo?
Dallas Braden – Had a setback while playing catch. Debbie Downer does Dallas.
Carlos Gomez – 1-for-3, hitting .236 and a .278 OBP. On a real baseball note, I’m surprised the Brewers are only 2 games under .500 batting Gomez 2nd in almost 100 ABs in the first month. Though this will go against what I’m sure many of you think, but I’m not a brain surgeon. Yet, I could tell you batting Gomez 2nd is idiotic. How hard is it to fill out a lineup card? “Let’s see… I think I’m gonna bat the guy with the .278 OBP second. Oh, and what does OBP stand for again?”
Yovani Gallardo – 5 IP, 5 ER, 13 baserunners, 7 Ks. I love, love, love, love, LOVE when my entire fantasy staff has to dig my team out of a hole dug by my ace every week. Speaking of a hole, yeah, that’s Gallardo.
Jair Jurrjens – 7 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks. No Ks is usually than but no thans, but Jar-Jar’s dancing through the raindrops and not getting wet.
Alex Avila – Hit his 4th and 5th homers yesterday. For those about to ask, I’d take Avila over Suzuki.
Jose Valverde – 1 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners. This could be nothing but the reports in the Razzball comments yesterday said Valverde was struggling and had shoulder issues. Benoit and Ryan Perry have been blech but are next in line. I’d be very impressed if Leyland skipped them just because they’re pitching poorly (read: I don’t think it’s likely). But if he does, we then have the coolest name since Ubaldo, Al Albuquerque, who sounds like either a cartoon character who is a cactus with eyes or a lounge singer. Al Alburquerque has 16 Ks in 9 1/3 IP. Yeah, that’s good.
Alfonso Soriano – 2-for-4 with his 11th homer. Member when I told you every day the first week of the season to pick up Soriano because he’s an April hitter? Yeah, he still is and this isn’t gonna continue.
Jonathan Broxton – Got the save. After the game, Selig announced Broxton is the closer.
Garrett Jones – Hit his 6th homer, is on fire and batting third. Cust kayin’.
James McDonald – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks in Petco, which translates to 5 IP, 4 ER, 11 baserunners, 3 Ks vs. anyone else in any other stadium.
Aaron Harang – 5 IP, 4 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks. This Harangutan couldn’t even get Jane Goddall’s nipples hard.
Jacoby Ellsbury – 2-for-4, 3 runs, 2 steals and one knee contusion. He’s day-to-day which is better than minute-to-minute.
Madison Bumgarner – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks, but didn’t get the win because I own him.
Tom Gorzelanny – 8 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 4 Ks. Now has a 2.93 ERA and a 0.93 WHIP. Pitching a tad over his head. And by tad I mean a shizzton.
Sergio Santos – Picked up a one out save after Chris Sale entered the ninth in a 6-0 game and gave up 2 runs. Santos is the closer right now and it could stay that way, even with Ozzie calling the shots.
Jenrry Mejia – Tear in his MCL. Hopefully his 1151 is okay.
Jordan Walden is replacing Fernando Rodney as the closer for the Angels. The Angels decided to drop a guy with two first names for a guy with two last names. Makes sense – you start a game with a guy with two first names, you close a game with a guy with two last names. (No bullpen backup plan for you, Jeff Francis!) (Oh, and don’t forget Charles (Jeff) Nelson Reilly in middle relief.) Walden should be owned in every league that counts things like saves. Seems like a Neftali-type situation. Walden has to lose the job back to Rodney. Fernando can’t win it back by just being good (as remote as that even seems). By June, Walden can be a Donkeycorn and never look back. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Kendrys Morales – Took BP. Where? To court for the oil spill? *rereading news report* Oh! Batting practice. That’s a good sign. If someone lost patience with Kendrys, I’d buy him for sixty cents on the dollar. No more though, he could be a setback away from missing another month.
Hank Conger – Homered in his first start of the season. Here’s what Stephen said about Conger, “He has above average bat speed and contact. His plate-discipline is stellar but his defense is still marginal at best. I don’t see the Angels giving him much of a chance catching.” And that’s me quoting Stephen! Conger’s in a tough spot for playing time; Scioscia loves Mathis like a fat kid loves cake.
Sean Rodriguez – 1-for-3 with his first homer. This comes after Maddon announced Felipe Lopez would see time at 3rd while Longoria’s out. Sean-Rod pissed off the baseball gods in another life because he just can’t get guaranteed playing time no matter where he is. Oh, and on a real baseball note, the Rays don’t look good. That is all.
Madison Bumgarner – 3 IP, 3 ER vs. the Padres. When the only hitter you need to pitch around is Nick Hundley, you kinda should beat the team… Or at least get out of the fourth inning.
Aaron Harang – 6 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks. Before the game, Tony Gwynn announced the arrival of a brand new Hodgepadre. Then Tony ate a hot fudge sundae while watching a videotape of his old at-bats. Pretty unsexy name, but the Harangutan is worth starting at home in every league until he no longer is.
Mike Leake – 6 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks. Before you run out and pick him up, this was against the team Ed Wade’s Toupee put together that is currently 0-4.
Mike Stanton – Pinch hit yesterday, but is supposedly not starting until Friday with his hamstring strain. The real sad emoticon in this whole thing is he had leg issues in the spring so hopefully this won’t be an ongoing issue the whole year.
Gaby Sanchez - 2-for-5, hitting .444 on the year. I wouldn’t defrost Ted Williams head just yet, but he’s hitting well.
Anibal Sanchez – 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners, 7 Ks. It’s not Dirty Sanchez, it’s not Filthy Sanchez, it’s Unsanitary Sanchez.
Ryan Zimmerman – 1-for-2 with his first homer and he’s hitting .364. Member when you wouldn’t draft him because he wasn’t playing in Spring Training? Oh, you.
Mike Morse – 1-for-4 with 3 Ks, now hitting .154. I’d say he’s not hitting righties, but he’s not hitting lefties either.
Brandon McCarthy – 8 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 2 Ks vs. the 1927 Blue Jays. What I’m thinking with McCarthy is Beane, as played by Brad Pitt, hasn’t had much luck in the last few years, so McCarthy is gonna pan out. I think that’s confirmation bias, but I don’t feel like going to Wikipedia to look it up. Either way, that’s a marginal ‘keep your eye on him, but don’t pick him up yet.’ (Sorry, you now have to read the rest of this with one eye.)
Conor Jackson – 2-for-4 as he hit 3rd. He’s like totally recovered from Valley Fever, as if. BTW, he’s a backup outfielder as of right now. Yes, a team is very good when they have a backup outfielder batting third. /sarcasm
Brian Fuentes – Out with a blister. The A’s manager hopes Fuentes can go Wednesday. Fantasy managers that own Fuentes aren’t sure what to hope for.
Alex Gordon – 3-for-5 with his first homer (in possibly 4 years, or maybe it just feels that way). After he hit the home run, fireworks went off… In my heart. He’s batting third and hitting; ask questions later, just pick him up.
Alcides Escobar – 1-for-5. Whoopie-doo, I know. But he stole his 2nd base. Last year, it took him until May 29th to steal his 2nd base. Oh, it’s on.
Yovani Gallardo – 9 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 2 Ks. Rudy picked him to win the Cy Young. In the preseason, I ranked him 10th overall for all starters. If you’re reading this, you probably own him. Yay us!
Carlos Gomez – Benched for Nyjer. And that’s how quickly a major league manager can realize a player sucks at baseball. Oh, well.
James McDonald - 4 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks. I gotta be honest, my heart wasn’t fully into this guy as a potential late round bargain. Pirates pitchers are arghuably the worst in baseball from 1 through 5. In most competitive leagues, I’d hold McDonald for another start, but start making other plans.
Kyle McClellan – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks. I’m eating whatever Dave Duncan is cooking.
Cole Hamels – 2 2/3 IP, 6 ER, 9 baserunners, 3 Ks. Drop him! I keed. He had a 5.28 ERA last April and still ended the year with a 3.06. As they say in Vegas about the shoe, you gotta deal with it.
Chris Young – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 7 Ks. Was so cute the way the giraffes at the Bronx Zoo all gathered around the TV to watch this start. I liked Young when he pitched for the Padres, and Metco isn’t that bad, but his fastball has been trending down for four years and he works up in the zone. 9 baserunners in 5 and a third like yesterday isn’t great. You can pick him up, I wouldn’t. I.e., You do what you do and I’ll do what I do and we’ll be fine.
Josh Tomlin – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks. I believe Josh Tomlin was a child actor on an 80′s sitcom. I wouldn’t pick him up, Willis.
Josh Beckett – 5 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 4 Ks. Sticking with the newly established Josh theme, I don’t love Beckett to bounce back from last year.
Barry Enright – 6 IP, 4 ER, 10 baserunners, 3 Ks. Uncle Barry was babysitting the baby bears and they went wild. BTW, Barry Enright vs. Andrew Cashner sounds like a match-up in the Greater Westchester County Dental Tennis league.
Andrew Cashner – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 2 Ks. Pitched beautifully until he left the game with tightness in his shoulder. Accidentists happen.
Tyler Colvin – 1-for-3 with his 1st homer of the year. It’s about time! Oh, wait, it’s less than a week into the season. Eh, you probably dropped him already.
Jhoulys Chacin – 7 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks. Another pitcher I told everyone and their pedophile uncle to draft. Hope you had the peanuts to start him in Coors.
Chris Iannetta – 1-for-3 with his first homer and he’s hitting .444 on the year. I saw someone ask the other day in the comments if they should drop him. Didn’t you just draft him?
Michael Pineda – 6 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks. Not bad vs. Texas. But, hey, listen, he’s a rookie, it’s not going to be all peaches and cream in the champagne room every start out.
Willie Bloomquist – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and a steal. Justice has been served!
Juan Miranda – 1-for-3. Kirk Gibson announced Miranda would get the majority of the starts to see what they have in him. Finally, a manager that makes a smart decision. Miranda’s worth a flyer in leagues 14+ to see if he can not only stick but make good on some of his promise.
Justin Upton – 1-for-4, I wish Justin and B.J. had a brother named Wes. Wesssssupppppton!
Mark Teixeira – His fourth homer. He attributed his newfound early season success to not sleeping since last October. This message was sponsored by Red Bull.
Alexi Ogando – 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks. A… O… A’ight! He left with a blister. Probably because he was throwing heat. He won’t be in the rotation for long, but you have my permission to grab him while he is.
Aaron Hill – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs. I think I heard mumblings in the forums or the comments or somewhere that Aaron Hill is already a bust. Um, they’ve only played four games and he’s hitting cleanup for the 1927 Blue Jays. Chillax.
Jose Bautista – Out because of a personal matter. I’m guessing he’s in Russia killing people for Ben.
The Angels decided to drop a guy with two first names for a guy with two last names.
Evan Longoria is out 3 weeks with an oblique injury. He’s not to pick up a bat, ball or AK-47. Looks like the oblique is still the number one injury that no one has any clue about. Intercostal injury twirls its Snidely Whiplash mustache and plots its revenge. For those who lost Holliday and Longoria this weekend, I’m pouring some Mad Dog out for you. BTW, I was just thinking something… CAN WE FIGURE OUT WHAT THE DEAL IS WITH THE OBLIQUE AND HOW TO PREVENT THESE INJURIES? Seriously, modern medicine step up your game! There’s gotta be something that we can do. Have we tried to apply dolphin tears to the sore area? If I were on Celebrity Apprentice, I’d be playing for a cure for oblique injuries. This injury should guarantee everyday ABs for Sean Rodriguez. Great, that eases my pain. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Matt Holliday – Out up to a month for an appendectomy? Isn’t this an outpatient procedure? My friend in high school had out his appendix then funneled a forty of Old E to ease the soreness. Granted, he was mental and is now in prison, but c’mon… Buck up, players! I own some of you in fantasy. Having a similar procedure last year, Andres Torres returned after 11 days. Corey Hart took 4 weeks, but he’s Amish. I think Holliday will be out 3 weeks. It’s too early in the season for them to rush him back. The Federalist, Jon Jay should see most of the time in his stead. Allen Craig will see the occasional ABs though, so in most leagues I wouldn’t add either.
Mike Minor – He’s back. But it may not be for long. Jar-Jar is set to make a rehab start on April 11th then potentially return after that. So you’re looking at two maybe more starts from Minor. I’d add him in all leagues, but I wouldn’t drop anyone worthwhile yet. Because I’m psychic, I’ll answer your question right now. Beachy over Minor for now.
Jaime Garcia – 9 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 9 Ks. Murray Chass — 1. “Newfangled stats” that said Garcia would regress — 0.
Dustin Moseley – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 2 Ks. How about the gutsy performances the Hodgepadres gave this weekend away from home? Sheer force-itude! Wait a second, I’m now looking at the Cards lineup. Hmm… They may as well bat the pitcher fourth.
Matt Garza – 7 IP, 3 ER, 12 baserunners, 12 Ks. It’s an extravaGarza! That’s a real nice sign even vs. the Pirates since their hitting isn’t its usual crizzap self.
Alfonso Soriano – 1-for-4 with a homer. He was in the post about hitters who do well in April. I’d give him the month to see if it holds.
Mike Napoli – Hit his 2nd homer. Not much of a limb here, but he could hit 30 homers.
Nelson Cruz – 1-for-4 with his 3rd homer. Kinsler also hit his third homer in yesterday’s game. Over IM, Rudy said something like, “If Cruz, Hamilton and Kinsler were to play 155+ games, they’d all be MVP candidates.” And that’s me paraphrasing Rudy!
Fernando Rodney – He’s hot garbage. No. He’s cold garbage that you take out of the trash can, put in the microwave and serve in a dirty ashtray. The bullpen is in tatters. Shattered. I grabbed Takahashi in a few leagues because the Sciosciapath may see that he has closing experience and get the giggles. Though I would grab Walden first, then Jepsen; they were, unfortunately, gone in my leagues.
Bobby Abreu – 4-for-4, homer. Another guy that was in the best April hitters post. Cust kayin’.
Howie Kendrick – 2 homers yesterday, 3 in four games. I liked Kendrick coming into this year, and now I’m check raising to the bettor that he has a solid season.
Alex Gordon – 4-for-6, 4 runs, 1 RBI and batted third. Cool, do it for another five straight months and all will be forgiven for the three years of anguish you put me through.
Ryan Hanigan – 4-for-4, 2 homers. You ever wanna wonder if everyone in the world has a doppelganger but because there’s so many people you’ll never meet them? Like somewhere there’s a Brian Hanigan who looks and acts exactly like Ryan Hanigan, but, instead of catching in the Major Leagues, Brian Hanigan lives in Fiji and catches coconuts when they fall from palm trees. Yeah, maybe it’s me. Hanigan could push Ramon Hernandez into a backup role rather than the timeshare they’re in. But, as of right now, Hanigan might be tough to own in one catcher mixed leagues.
Jose Bautista – 2-for-4 with his 2nd homer. 2010 called, they want your insane year back. I still believe Bautista won’t come close to last year. If he has twenty homers by the All-Star Break, then I’ll send out my mea culpas and buy everyone a Frosty from Wendy’s.* *Offer not good in the 48 contiguous states, Canada or anywhere else.
Joe Nathan – Got the save but gave up an earned run. I’d continue to hold Capps.
Miguel Cabrera – 3-for-5, 4 RBIs, 2 homers, and one late Saturday night with Charlie Sheen.
Brennan Boesch – 4-for-4, 4 RBIs, 1 homer and was hitting third because the unreliable-to-stay-healthy Maggs was out. It’s a situation worth monitoring. Or not. Your choice.
Max Scherzer – 5 IP, 6 ER, 11 baserunners, 6 Ks but the Win. There should be a glossary term for when your pitcher does awful but because you get the win, you’re sorta okay with it. Please make suggestions in the comments.
Phil Hughes – 4 IP, 5 ER, 7 baserunners, 1 K and the Yanks pitching coach is concerned about his loss in velocity. I wanted nothing to do with Hughes this year. I.e., if you Hughes, you lose.
Jorge Posada – 2 homers. Hip Hop Jorge!
Justin Masterson – 7 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 0 Ks. Note to Self: If Masterson has two more quality starts, start touting him as a pickup. Note to Self, II: You know as soon as you tout him he’s gonna kick you in the nads. Note to Self, III: There’s no Note to Self, III.
Carl Crawford – Dropped to 7th in the lineup. Wow, Francona is like one of those crazy fantasy managers that drops their fifth round pick because they went 0-for-5. Not naming any names. Though there’s a few of you that might qualify.
Carlos Gomez – 1 for his last 8 with three Ks. He was in Friday’s Buy/Sell, but he could also be on the bench by April 15th.
Brian Matusz – Going to the DL with a strained intercostal muscle. Watch out oblique! I’m gaining on you! He’s a marginal 10/12-team mixed league starter at this point (mainly because of AL East and his crappy team) so you can drop him if you don’t have an open DL spot.
Zach Britton – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks. First Brandon Belt, now Britton. It’s hard to believe in Oriole SP prospects for mixed league play after the mixed results of Matusz (and Tillman and Arrieta and the Razztastic, Brad Bergesen). Britton doesn’t project as well as Matusz, but he induces a lot of ground balls which should limit his downside. And while his K-rate isn’t stellar, it’s not Buehrle-bad (7.60 per 9 IP in AAA). For now, Britton’s a viable match-up candidate (I’d like to say great for the pun) assuming he’s not going against the AL East, Texas, or at Chicago.
Kyle Drabek – KD left us with a constant craving for more – giving up only one hit and 3 walks with 7 K’s in 7 innings. I haven’t seen Twins abused that bad since this one porn…. Drabek’s a must-own in deep leagues but still pretty marginal for 10-12 team leagues.
J.P. Arencibia – 2 HRs and a triple on Friday. Thatsa one spicy hitting line! From now on, he will be known as Napolito.
Travis Wood – 7 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks. May not have made this known as much as I should’ve, but I absolutely love Wood. Okay, that sounded wrong. I’d definitely grab Wood. Okay, still wrong.
R.A. Dickey – 6 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks. I don’t like Dickey. Hmm, this has devolved, hasn’t it?
Jordan Zimmermann – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 2 Ks, though when I saw the score was 11-2 I did have a bit of Ticker Shock.
Mike Morse – 1 for his first 9. The retractable leash is stopped and soon I’m gonna start pulling him in.
Brian Wilson – Ready to return from his oblique injury. Because of the mysterious Yin-Yang nature of the oblique, I blame Wilson’s good health for Longoria’s injury.
Ubaldo Jimenez – Might miss his next start because he switched manicurists and his cuticle was cut. His plan is to try and heal his finger by soaking it in pickle juice, which sounds like a cure out of My Big Fat Greek Wedding or a Judy Blume book.
Bud Norris – 4 IP, 5 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks. Not great. We’re in agreement on that point, but four came in the first (three were a homer by Howard), then he settled down.
Brett Wallace – 0-for-3, batting .091 so far. His uncle George Wallace is not smiling in a blue suit at Brett’s performance so far.
Mike Stanton – Has a strain in one of his pony sticks, but he should be back in a few days.
Javier Vazquez – 2 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 11 baserunners. Hey, at least he didn’t run over my dog. I have very little patience with this schmohawk. I’m not dropping him in my leagues yet, but I’m making contingency plans. If I’m using the word contingency correctly.
Donnie Murphy – Will miss a day or two after being hit on the wrist. Must’ve been Murph’s past coming back. “I did some bad things, Fredi.” That’s from Ben Affleck’s new movie where a Boston ex-con becomes a major leaguer but can’t escape his past. “Hey, Sully, what the fick is a Mahlin?” Starring Ben Affleck as Donnie Murphy! And Casey Affleck as Chris Coghlan! Ben Affleck, “Hey, Matty, how about you and me in a movie for old time’s sake?” “Ask Renner.” “You can use your Boston accent.” “Ask Robin.” “What, cause I’m not Martin Friggin’ Scorcese? Where was Mahtin when you got in a fight in high school with Big Fitzy?”
