Paul Goldschmidt homered yesterday for the 2nd time in two games and third in his last four games. He’s also hitting around .400 in the last week. Goldschmidt may have had some Growing Pains, but don’t call him Tracey. Neil Young and I have been searchin’ for a heart of Goldschmidt, and finally AuShizz is translating from German into actual stats. Go for the Goldschmidt! Now I ain’t saying Paul’s a Goldschmidtta. There’s Goldschmidt in dar hills! John Jacob Jingleheimer Goldschmidt, his name is on my waivers too! Okay, breathe, Grey, you got puns… Breathe! Remove the cigarette and put on the oxygen mask — stat! Goldschmidt probably won’t hit above .250, but he can hit another 20 homers and have solid counting stats. If an impatient owner dropped him early on when he was AuMess, I’d grab him.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yoenis Cespedes homered in yesterday’s second day of kinda real baseball played about six hours before I wake up. I wonder where Cespedes is being drafted now. When Rudy and I took our giant beach balls to early March drafts and took Cespedes in a bunch of drafts, he was going cheap. I wonder if now all those other ‘perts are suddenly stepping up because others are excited about him. I wonder if everyone else is a Monday morning quarterback with their advice. I wonder if Yoenis will hit 30 mistake pitch homers. I wonder if he’ll make adjustments and hit for a decent average too. I wonder how this would sound read by Morgan Freeman. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in spring training (and real baseball) for 2012 fantasy baseball:
Bartolo Colon – 8 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 6 Ks.Please, blog, may I have some more?
On the first day of the season, I said something profound and uplifting. Don’t go back to look. I’m sure I did. Today, I’m like Mark Twain talking about summer in San Francisco but less pithy. The coldest winter I ever spent was the last day of the baseball season. It’s metaphorical, friend. Trust me. Here’s where I tell you how everything’s gonna be okay. How there will be a next season, barring the Mayans taking things into their own hands… I can’t do that. I can’t tell you there will be a next season. *checking notes* Actually, I can do that. There will be a next season. Hey, that’s good news! Also, next year we’ll know not to draft Morneau. That’s more good news! And next year we’ll be done with the hair transplant so girls will start to react favorably to us. That’s good news too! So, I know you’re blue, but without clouds there’s no sun. Actually, I don’t know if that’s true. Again, metaphorical. Or is that meteorological? You know what? These aren’t things we need to get hung up on. We’re gonna sit here, read all my year-end recaps that’ll be coming in the next few weeks and wait until next year. Even if gangrene sets into our legs from lack of circulation! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jose Reyes – Laid down a bunt single then had himself removed from the game to guarantee he won the batting title. That’s not how Ted Williams would’ve liked it. He risked a .400 average to take all his ABs in the last game of the season. The only time he quit while ahead was after death.Please, blog, may I have some more?
This is it, fellas and three girl readers. The last train is leaving the station. The giddy has just about got up and went. It’s your last chance and I’d throw every single pitcher, not just the ones I have listed here if it meant the difference in my league.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Welcome to week 12, please wipe your feet before you enter. For most leagues this week is the halfway point. Peripheral stats are darn near impossible to make up this late in the season, but the impossible is what fuels fantasy fires.Please, blog, may I have some more?
This week offers some slim and very unattractive pickings for low end two start options. Although I guess we should take anything considering the world was supposed to end today. There seems to be a lot of either already owned pitchers or a lot of guys that you may have dropped two or three times going twice this week.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Cliff Lee aka The Adverb got through the Gnats like a subject and a predicate. Pitches so sharp, Lee will cut your head off. Selig is the commissioner. You no wanna start Leezy, he is the Finisher. Stop playin’, he do it like a King do. Pitch! Lee flow like scuba, pitch, Lee’s bold like Cuba and The Adverb blow right through ya! Sorry, I kinda love that song and I’m not even a huge Lil’ Wayne fan. (Note: Rudy just read that and needs Chad Billingsley’s grandmother Barbara to help translate that jive like in Airplane) Any the hootie hoo! For fantasy purposes, there’s not much to say. The Adverb lit up the scoreboard… Brilliant Lee. He’s a number one. You knew that. Moving on, snitches. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Aroldis Chapman – After first being reported here after inferring shizz from other news sources, Aroldis is being shutdown for a few days. Doctors are saying he got Dustied.Please, blog, may I have some more?
In our 2011 fantasy baseball rankings, we’ve gone over so many flippin’ players I’ve lost track. This is, I believe, the top 60 starters for 2011 fantasy baseball, but you’re best to check the title to be sure. If it is indeed the top 60 starters, then you’re in luck. Only a few more top 20 rankings posts. What is it, February? March? Why don’t I have an app for this? Or do I want a hashtag? App ‘n Hashtag would be a good name for a 50s style diner with wifi. As with the other rankings posts, tiers and my projections are mentioned. Anyway, here’s the top 60 starters for 2011 fantasy baseball:
40.Please, blog, may I have some more?
So, how’s everyone holding up without baseball every day? I don’t know what to do with myself! Yesterday, I wandered into a Starbucks and told the coffeerista about Carlos Gonzalez for 2011. We’ve gone over the final 2010 fantasy baseball rankings for hitters and the top 20 starters. There’s only one of these godforsaken recap posts left before we’re into 2011 fantasy shizz. You’re welcome. Anyway, here’s the top 40 starters for 2010 fantasy baseball and how they compare to where I originally ranked them:
21.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Alberto Callaspo was traded to the Angels. Exactly what the Angels needed, a light hitting infielder. Oh, wait, no they don’t. Why’d they get Callaspo? To get Mel Gibson to be interested in the team? Oh, wait, that was Apocalypto. Anyone see that movie? I like the part where Mel’s like, “I will slap the taste out of your mouth, Pocohontas! So help me, I will rip your neck off! Even if I have to go through a number of metal rings.” Callaspo will help the Angels more than he’ll help fantasy teams. He is what he is. Light power, decent average, next-to-no speed. The Royals will go with Wilson Betemit at third base. Why are they not going with Mike Moustakas or Alex Gordon? Because for whatever reason the Royals are punishing them. If you can figure out the peasant Royals, you get a cookie. I actually like Betemit if he’s the everyday 3rd baseman. He has 4 homers and a .377 average in 61 ABs this year. As for “Of Maicer Men,” I think Callaspo is more Lennie than George. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
David DeJesus – Slammed into the outfield wall when DeJesus was turning a Jeter out into a homer. He’s listed as day-to-day, which is trade deadline code for “Please still trade us someone for DeJesus, he’s really, really healthy.” In reality, he’ll probably be out for a while. So, while Betemit might replace Callaspo, here’s a chance for Gordon to see some daylight. We’ll see now how much sense the Royals make.Please, blog, may I have some more?