Fantasy Baseball Advice

In his last four games, J.J. Hardy has gone 8-for-17 with two homers.  You waited and waited.  Went for a dip in the ocean.  Washed ashore in Finland.  Smoked a bowl with some guy who wore only a potato sack.  Fell asleep on a raft.  Woke up in your kiddie pool wearing your water wings.  And finally Hardy got hot.  In July last year, Hardy hit .339 with 9 homers.  Followed that up with a .294 August and 5 homers.  I know Hardy’s sucked the life out of you with his April through June, but if he’s indeed hot now, and it seems that way, he’ll bat 2nd, he’ll hit some homers and a decent average for a month or so.  He’s currently batting .232.  That’ll come up.  He has 8 homers, he should finish with 25.  Will he always be as delightful as your Finnish friend wearing a potato sack?  No, probably not, but he’s better than he’s been.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Raul Ibanez – Won’t be returning this Friday when eligible.  No set backs; Phils are just taking precautions.  For those wanting to say something derogatory about him, I’d wait until he doesn’t have so much free time.

Casey McGehee – Grand slam yesterday.  Is there anything he can’t do?!  Yeah, keep this up.  But while he’s hot, you really should own him if you need MI help.

J.D. Drew – 3-for-5, batted leadoff.  Who put Ellsbury in the doghouse?  Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof.

Gordon Beckham – 7 for his 13 with a steal and he shares a first name with an alien life form.  Capable of double digit power and steals with a solid average, but this year he might be a bit underseasoned like your Mom’s cooking.  Though worth taking a flier to see if you can catch lightning in a bottle.

Gavin Floyd – 7 2/3 IP, 0 ER.  If you own him, have a cigar, you crazy diamond.

Alexei Ramirez – Left the game after being plunked in the head by Chris Perez.  He’ll be fine.  Surprisingly, he did not swing at the pitch.

Ryan Theriot – HR yesterday.  Back on May 5th when Theriot had 3 homers, frequent commenter, IowaCubs said, “If Theriot hits 4 more homers this year, I’m going to tattoo “PUJOLS” in cyrillic across my forehead.”  Theriot now has 7 homers.  Cust kayin’.

Rich Harden – 7 IP, 1 ER, 9 Ks.  Okay, so who was that other guy wearing Harden’s jersey for the first three months?  Piniella blamed Bradley.

Jake Fox – 2-for-3 as Jakie Foxx batted fourth and continued to play 3rd after interleague. Unathletic… like a fox!

Pat Burrell – HR yesterday.  He has three.  He always gets 30.  Do the math!

Carl Crawford – Stole his 40th base and hit his 7th homer yesterday.  I think he’ll be fine this year, but I’m betting he might be a wee bit overrated going into next year.  And that’s me anticipating me!

Roy Halladay – 6 IP, 2 ER as he returned from the DL.  Don’t worry about the short game (for him).  I’m sure he’ll be throwing 120 pitches and complete games by mid-July.

Randy Choate – Recorded his 4th save yesterday because Howell pitched three days in a row and Maddon refuses to let a righty save a game.

Ricky Nolasco – 8 IP, 2 ER, 8 Ks.  Now has five straight solid starts with only five walks.  From the files of No Kidding, whatever was ailing him before is obviously no longer an issue.

Dan Meyer – Had the opportunity to save the game, but couldn’t close it out and gave way to Nunez.  Meyer’s a real lemon.

David Murphy – Hit a homer and batted third.  Hey, I own him in a league or two, so that’s nice, but third?  Really?

Julio Borbon – Was called up by the Rangers and started as their DH.  Ron Washington said, “We didn’t bring him up here to sit around and watch baseball.”  Grey Albright said, “Cool.  What can we expect from him?”  Ron Washington said, “SAGNOF!”  Grey said, “That works.  Does he stay up after Josh Hamilton returns?”  Washington said, “Quit your prying!”

Luke Hochevar – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners.  He’s suckering you in again, isn’t he?  Stay strong, young Razzball reader.

Miguel Olivo – 3-for-4, and hit his 12th homer.  Matt Wieters went 1-for-4 with an infield single.

Tim Lincecum – Two hitter with 8 Ks.  Still about two years away from his peak years.  Zoinks!

Rick Porcello – 4 1/3 IP, 5 ER.  His time in mixed leagues is just about over.  Say your goodbyes and remember, you’ll always have May.

Roy Oswalt – 9 IP, 1 ER, 8 Ks, four baserunners vs. the Padres.  Oswalt issued two walks.  Both to Adrian Gonzalez.  See how easy that is?

Randy Wolf – 6 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners.  Wolf’s the king of the good winless start.

Ubaldo Jimenez – 7 IP, 2 ER.  Vin Scully said, “The Dodgers usually scramble his eggs.”  Last night, Ubaldo made omelettes.

Gary Sheffield/Ryan Church – Comatose Mets Fan, “Church and Sheff went a combined 7-for-10 and the Mets lost?!  Did Delgado, Reyes and Beltran do nothing?”  Oh, Comatose Mets Fan, you have a lot of catching up to do.

Fernando Nieve – 3 1/3 IP, 3 ER. 12 baserunners.  I had to look at the play-by-play for this game because it seemed mathematically impossible to have that many baserunners in less than 4 innings and only give up three runs.  He got lucky.  Now if you press your luck and start him again, you may get a whammy.

Carlos Beltran – He’s exploring micro-fracture knee surgery.  Does he have a tiny knee?  C’mon, Mantle played on no knees for ten years!  Have a scotch and get in the lineup!

The Carpenter/Gallardo duel reminded me of Landon and Brittini taking on Mark and Rachel as they competed to see who could slide the furthest on giant blocks of ice while wearing nothing but speedos.  (BTW, Nice to see Mark battling the ageism of MTV.  Stick it to man!  Wait, he is a man.  Show those rapscallions, gramps!)   Chris Carpenter went 8 IP, 2 hits, 0 ER, 10 Ks, then Yovani Gallardo removed his fey white gloves and went 8 IP, 0 ER, 6 Ks, i.e., the other end of the duel.  Going forward, I’d trade Carpenter away and trade for Gallardo.  You may be right, I may be crazy.  Gallardo can throw 200 Ks and a sub-4 ERA.  While Carpenter will be tremendous if healthy, but that if is supersized.  Now, no one’s saying to trade him for a Circuit City gift card, but I’d see what kind of deals you can broker.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Matt Capps – He fell to the ground in pain like he was just, um, capped as a line drive hit him in the arm.  It looked as if it could lead to a DL stint.  I grabbed John Grabow in every league.  Jesse Chavez might see some chances, but I’m not intoxicated enough to own two Pirate relievers.

Mat Gamel – 0-for-3 with 2 Ks, then Bill Hall hit the game winner.  That’s not how it’s supposed to work out.  The good news was Gamel was playing without the DH.  Though we’ll see how long that lasts.

Phil Hughes – 8 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 6 Ks.   Hughes remembers where he lost his “Next Big Thing” Award.  It was sitting next to his “Can’t Decide Whether He’s Good Or Not” trophy.

Nelson Cruz – Last six games, 5 homers, 4 steals, batting .294 on the season. I say he gets up to about .309 then it bottoms out to .275, then he cranks it up to .304, then trips up to .280, then… Well, you get the picture.

Gil Meche – Was a mess throwing 73 pitches through two and a third innings.  Somehow only allowing two earned.  I’d run him out there in his next start vs. the White Sox, then we might need to reevaulate.

Wandy Rodriguez – 4 IP, 12 baserunners, 6 unearned runs.  The Lords of Fantasy Baseball granted me my one wish this year and made Wandy’s 1st inning debacle all unearned runs.  Tie my to the WHIPping post and call me grateful.

Aaron Harang – After hours of a rain delay, Dusty sent Harang back out there for one out to get a Win.  Arm injuries be damned!  Leave it to Dusty.

Joey Votto – Seems to only have an ear infection at the inception of the game.  Is he trying out for the Fear Strikes Out remake?  You my friend are no Anthony Perkins.

Hunter Pence – Quietly hitting .358 on the season.  I say quietly because he only has 5 HRs and 5 steals.  Hey, you’ll take it and like it, but I have to think the average will come down — but the power should go up.

Jonathan Papelbon – Got the save but gave up two earned and another homer.   There’s a few options in the Sawx bullpen for Tito to turn to, but I don’t think it’s going to get that far for another week or two of meltdowns.

Joe Mauer – He didn’t start, but he did get another homer.  Without seeing the highlights, I’m going to assume he hit this one from the bench.

Francisco Liriano – 4 IP, 5 ER, 11 baserunners.  F-Liriano.  No, that’s not a nickname.  That’s my sentiment.

Jorge De La Rosa – 3 1/3 IP, 7 ER.  Hey, only two walks!

Juan Pierre - 2-for-6, 2 Runs, 3 RBIs and .385 on the season.  When Manny returns, Pierre may be traded to a club that needs a full-time outfielder, but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.

Mr. T – Sung the 7th inning stretch in Wrigley yesterday, but even more comical is the groans he made throughout the half inning he was in the booth.  If I had the techno know-how, I would’ve recorded the audio.  After a double play, Mr. T, “Grrr… Oh, man.  Grrr…. Grrr…”

Chad Gaudin – 5 1/3 IP, 7 ER.  Someone remind never to start him outside of Petco.

Matt Lindstrom – Got the save yesterday while only walking one.   When I’m modifying walk with “only,” he’s still not out of the woods.

Freddy Sanchez – 6-for-6, 4 Runs, 3 RBIs and a steal.  Please… That’s like Joe Mauer through a half inning.

Jeremy Guthrie – 7 IP, 1 ER. There’s the Guthrie I fell in love with it.  I wouldn’t run him out there for his next start vs. the Tigers, but I’ll be monitoring him.  Someone’s gotta, right?

George Sherrill – Recorded his 10th save and his ERA’s down to 2.75.  Making a run for Donkey-corn status.

Brian Roberts – Hurt his shin then stayed in the game to double and triple.  Yeah, that doesn’t sound too serious.

Travis Ishikawa – 4-for-4 with a homer just days after Bochy says Guzman will see more ABs.  Could someone take Bill Hall and Ishikawa to the Pine Barrens?

Kenji Johjima – His little piggy went to the hospital in a splint.  Rob Johnson’s as boring as his name.  Maybe Jeff Clement is finally removed from purgatory.  (Speaking of purgatory, I saw Angels & Demons this weekend.  Grey leaves his computer!  News at 11!  For the trailer… From a terrible book to an awful movie, watch as Tom Hanks, with distractingly dyed hair, runs around in search of pointing statues!  Everyone seems guilty, except the guy who is!  At least there’s no albinos!)

Adam Kennedy/Ichiro Suzuki – These two opposing lead-off hitters both went 4-for-4.  According to Elias Sports Bureau, this was the first time two lead-off hitters in the same game both went 4-for-4.  Actually… They didn’t say that.  But this was heard recently around the offices, “For the third time this week, Bob put his garbage can on his desk and labelled it, ‘In.’”

Francisco Rodriguez – Not sure how in two days he went from “crying over back pain” to the mound with his violent delivery, but there he was again.  Guess he’s *pinkie to mouth* OK-Rod.

Jose Reyes – Still out.  Does Votto and him share a doctor?  Maybe one of them can call K-Rod’s.

Ervin Santana – 1 IP, 7 ER.  Honestly, I don’t think he’ll be this bad going forward, but I did tell you to trade Ervin away two weeks ago.

Vladimir Guerrero – Returned to the lineup and went 0-for-4.  Hey, he had a better game than Ervin.

Alexei Ramirez – Now apologize for hating him for 2 months.  Not to me, to him.

Carlos Quentin – Left the game after running out a double.  His heel could nag him all year.  Can they give someone a cortisone shot in the heel?  Seriously, anyone know? Anyone, besides Joey Votto’s doctor.

David Price – 3 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 5 BBs, 6 Ks.  Price continued where he left off in Triple-A, which is not good.  He’s walking too many guys and his home run rate is up.  Hopefully, he can figure out his major malfunction.

J.P Izzywheelfourson – Meet Implosion.  Implosion meet J.P. Izzywheelfourson.  For those keeping track, and you all should be, Nelson pitched a perfect 7th and Wheeler didn’t pitch at all.  So Izzy may have been the closer coming in, but Wheeler and Howell move up just by staying out of that meltdown and Nelson moves up by pitching well.  Or… Izzy + Balfour < Nelson + Wheeler + Howell = Ulcer.

Ben Zobrist – 2-for-4.  Yesterday, I said pickup Ben Zobrist.

Carl Crawford – 29 steals, zero times caught.  That’s remarkable.  I didn’t even know he faced the Padres.

Carlos Delgado might as well enjoy a Cocktail or two as he’s the latest member of the new hip injury (double entendre) – the torn labrum.  It took A-Rod two months to come back from this and he’s younger, in better shape, and a bigger poser (not sure how the 3rd point is relevant, just felt like saying it).  If you drafted Delgado, you’ve got to just let him go.  No use clogging up a DL slot except if you’re in a real deep league.  Forget the Mets replacements for now – Tatis, Murphy, Kranepool, etc – as none of them have 1B eligibility.  Hopefully you have another player for the 1B slot and can just grab the best 1B/3B available for cornerman.  Anyway, here’s what else we saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Rickie Weeks – Weeks’s out-for-the-seasony is epidemic, ya’ll.  Hardy likes to hit 2nd and Hart or Counsell would make sense in the leadoff spot.  If Gamel plays 3rd, Counsell or Hall would be play 2nd.  Hall would get a nice boost in value if he gains 2nd base eligibility, which is to say he would go from no value to some value in deep leagues.  This Weeks injury should be a wake up call for all Blalock owners.  One day he’s hitting homers, the next day he has a root canal that sidelines him indefinitely.  Okay, Weeks, Nomar and Baldelli offer you a ride, but the catch is you can’t wear your seatbelt, do you accept the ride?

Mat Gamel – HR and error yesterday.  In 2007, Milwaukeeans called that The Braun Exacta.  Defense be damned!  Gamel got the start at 3rd.  I propose the Brewers correct Gamel’s defensive problems like how the Rockies went to the humidor.  They should put The Vacuum in Miller Park.  Whenever the visiting team is hitting, you turn The Vacuum to suck and watch as everything is hit to the right side.  The Vacuum sucks so Gamel doesn’t blow.

Kyle Lohse – 4 IP, 4 ER.  He’s not good.  Wait, do I hear an echo?  Oh, no, that’s just me the last five times he’s pitched.

Scott Richmond – 7 IP, 0 ER, 7 Ks.  Was a good match-up, still not a fan of his going forward.

Ross Detwiler – Was 0-3 with a 2.98 ERA in Double-A.  Sounds like he should be a starter for the Nats!  I wouldn’t go after him outside of NL-Only leagues and even there, I’d want to see more… On someone else’s team.

Joel Hanrahan – 1 IP, 3 ER.  Hanrahanahanananan got Kazaamahamahammed!

Glen Perkins – 2/3 IP, 6 ER.  Got flapjacked by the Yanks and now is being sent to the Disgraceful List with elbow inflammation.  I don’t know who the Twins end up replacing him with, but two guarantees:  1) over/under on K/start will be 1.5 and 2) you don’t need to pick him up.

Carl Crawford/B.J. Upton – Rays scored a kajillion runs and they went a combined 0-for-6.  What a bunch of ticker teases!

Ross Ohlendorf – 5 IP, 5 ER.  The only thing standing in the way of The Dorf is his lackluster pitching.

Carlos Gomez – 4-for-8 in the last two games with a steal.  He’s starting for about a week with Young out.  Those desperate for steals may be able to sneak in a few for the next couple of days.

Mark Teixeira – 2 HRs yesterday with 4 RBIs.  Almost June?  Yup, makes sense.

Jason Marquis – 8 IP, 1 ER.  The Marquis de Sad did it to the Braves royally.

Bobby Abreu – 0-for-2, zero home runs and 14 steals on the year.  The Angels ended up with the 2nd coming of Reggie Willits.

Kendry Morales – 2 home runs yesterday to bring his total to 8 on the year while batting .289.  I realize he’s been yawnstipating in his career, but he’s having a solid year and could end up with 25/100/.280.

Russell Branyan – Hit his 10th homer on the year.  Hey, cheap power, say hello to your mother for me.

Vladimir Guerrero – Coming back from his torn pectoral to be the Angels’ Designated Hacker.  You have to think the pectoral plays some role in swinging.  Wouldn’t bet that Stitch Tits is going to deliver much more than an empty .280 average.

John Lackey – 5 IP, 4 ER.  Aren’t you glad you held onto him for two months?  His owners probably wish he would’ve just pegged Ichiro to start the game (Ichiro’s owners probably wish that too).  I think this was just rust with Lackey, I wouldn’t be too concerned.

Brandon Morrow – Pitched the 6th and 7th, giving up 2 earned runs.  The way he’s going he’s going to be pitching the 3rd inning soon.

Randy Wolf – Is he Randy for a win or Hungry for a win?  Either way, 7 2/3 IP, 2 ER should buy a brotha a win.  To give you a glimpse into my soul, I own Wolf in three leagues and I haven’t been disappointed at all.  56 1/3 IP, 46 Ks, 1.07 WHIP and a 2.72 ERA.  If someone was willing to give you Wolf for say the random rookie nookie you have (Zimmermann, Gamel, Parra), I’d do it.  I think it’s possible too, because Wolf gets no love.  In fact, I grabbed him off waivers in one of my ‘pert 15 team leagues.

Garrett Atkins – Getting benched by Hurdle.  Mrs. Garrett’s Atkins diet was more successful than Atkins this year.

Phil Coke – Got the save as Mo needed rest after pitching on Sat and Sun.  The last time Coke got credit for a Yankee save was when Steve Howe donned the pinstripes.

Joey Votto – Votto’s in the Scripps Clinic for an examination… E-X-A-M-I-N-A-T-I-O-N… Examination.

Here’s what I said last year about Mat Gamel and his comparison to Ryan Braun, “Ryan Braun, The Hebrew Hammer, hits for average, power and butchered plays at 3rd base.  Well, Gamel can slug with the best of them and plays 3rd like Jenny McCarthy in a celebrity softball game.  Not to mention, his name is almost Gimel, which is the third letter of the Hebrew alphabet.  The similarities are endless!”  And that’s me quoting me!  Wanna really blow your mind?  I wrote a Mat Gamel fantasy baseball outlook post back in December of last year.  Prescient ain’t just a word I can’t spell without Dictionary.com, it’s a state of mind!  So what can we expect of him, he’s better than Nolan Reimold.  Right now.  He can hit.  I could even see grabbing him in ten team leagues.  He could be The Difference Maker (which would be a great name for a professional wrestler).  The only thing holding Gamel back is he fields like he has two left feet — on the end of his arms.  If the Brewers dare to play him every day over their blahtoon of Hall and Counsell, you should play him too.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Ryan Ludwick – To the DL.  “Hello, Rasmus.”  “Hey, Duncan, you wanna play every day?” “Sure.”

Gerardo Parra – This one doesn’t walk people, he runs.  He replaced Krispie last night and might spell Byrnes on some occasions.  He’s a solid pickup for the speed deprived.  Parra’s upside is what Maybin should’ve done — 5 homers, 25 steals.  He shouldn’t be a liability on average.  Obviously, picking him up depends on your league, but he should be grabbed in all NL-Only leagues and mixed leagues deeper than 12 teams.

Nolan Reimold – Getting the call. Ceiling is 20 homers and a .280 average.  Let’s see, for right now:  Gamel, Reimold, Coghlan, Parra, LaPorta, in that order.  And all are better than Hochevar.

Bryan Augenstein – 6 IP, 5 ER, 3 K.  Augenstein reminds me a bit of Slowey because of how few walks he issues.  Just remember how Hochevar stole your innocence.

Carl Crawford – Left with a bruised shoulder.  Should be okay. Get well soon, Carl!

Adam Jones – Left the game with a hamstring strain.  Might be headed to the DL.  Somebody totally harshed his buzz.

Jimmy Rollins – In Premiere’s “Spotted” section, it said that someone saw Rollins do something productive yesterday.

Alexei Ramirez – 3-for-3 yesterday.  Do this for another month and we’ll be even.

Ryan Zimmerman – Here comes the 0-for-30 game streak.  Kidding.  He’s going to be a top five 3rd baseman this year.  Recognize!

Cliff Lee – 7 IP, 0 ER, 9 Ks and the Win.  I’m done fighting it.  Doode turned a corner somewhere.  I’m not trading for him, but I can understand it.

Mark Buehrle – 7 IP, 4 ER, 6 Ks.  More in line with what I expect from him, but still a few more strikeouts.

Jo-Jo Reyes – 3 IP, 5 ER.  Tommy Hanson begins to pack his Hypercolor t-shirts and Zubaz pants.

Scott Richmond – 1 2/3 IP, 5 ER.  Told ya he wasn’t long for your team.  I wouldn’t start him again in any league.  As they say on shuffleboard courts, he’s kaput.

Ty Wigginton – Hit his 2nd homer of the year yesterday.  Shot in the dark here, but Wigginton gets real hot for a couple of weeks at a time.  This might be one of those times.

Johnny Cueto – 7 IP, 3 ER.  He’ll be about a 3.25 ERA pitcher this year.  That’s very good.

Joel Pineiro – 6 IP, 5 ER.  See what I said about Richmond then multiply it by three.

Matt Palmer – Complete game, 4 ER to move to 4-0 on the year.  Before you get crazy with yourself, he’s a thirty-year-old rookie and he’s not Dennis Quaid.

Kip Wells – 2nd save and only one run allowed.  Kip walking into the clubhouse, “What can’t Kip Wells do?!  What!?”  Heckler, “Pitch effectively for any extended period of time.”  Kip lowers his head and sighs.

Ross Ohlendorf – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 Ks.  Talk to the Dorf!

Juan Pierre - I love guys who steal bases up six runs.  You go, Juan!  Get you some, gluttony!

Shairon Martis – 7 IP, 1 ER and his fifth win (the Nats only have 11!)  With a first name like an Israeli prime minister or an Osbourne, you want to write off Shairon Martis, but he’s not pitching above his head right now outside from Wins.  I’d grab him in mixed leagues as a 5th starter.

Ryan Theriot – 2 HRs to bring his total of what the effs to 5.  Guess hiring Jose Canseco as his new strength and conditioning coach wasn’t such a bad idea.

Geovany Soto – Finally.

Chris Young – 4 IP, 6 ER.  Trouble with fly ball pitchers if the wind’s blowing out.

Adrian Gonzalez – 2 HRs and one call to his agent, “Can you get me out of Petco?”

Rickie Weeks – Hit his 9th homer yesterday and is hitting .286.    At some point, he’ll chuck in 15 to 20 steals too.  This could be the year where owners finally see what he can do when he stays healthy.

Ricky Nolasco – 3 2/3 IP, 8 ER.  At this point, he’s probably ending up on waivers in some leagues, but if he’s still owned, I’d fleece his owners as they struggle to sit down.

Chris Coghlan – Member that month long leash Maybin had to hang himself?  Yeah, Coghlan’s now getting it. Hopefully, he can make a Windsor knot from the noose and call it a tie.

Dontrelle Willis – 4 2/3 IP, 4 ER.  There’s nothing that a big Miguel Olivo hug can’t fix.

Brandon Lyon – 2 2/3 IP, 5 ER.  You think when Leyland sent him out there for the 3rd inning he just wanted the game to be over so he could go have a smoke?

Garrett Atkins – 0-for-4, batting .195 on the year.  Clint Barmes is out slugging him .415 to .319.   In case anyone’s confused, Barmes is not having a good season.

Troy Percival – 1/3 IP, 4 ER.  Wasn’t a save situation, but it was still a pounding.  I picked up Wheeler in a league, just in case.

Josh Hamilton – Two games from the DL.  Two homers.  As his street value rises.

Russell Branyan – HR yesterday.  I’ve owned him in one league all year.  17/7/31/.271 — Not bad, right?  Yeah, those are Prince Fielder’s numbers.  Branyan’s 20/8/16/.286/1 — And I didn’t draft Branyan in the 2nd round.  Cust kayin’.

With Travis Hafner likely on the DL for a while with a pronked shoulder, the Indians called up Matt LaPorta – their prize from sending Sabathia to Bratwurstland.  He’s been tearing it up at AAA with a .333 AVG and 5 HRs in 75 AB.  So could we be looking at Hafner Jr?  Maybe, but it’s more likely we’re looking at a less K-friendly Jack Cust.  He only has about a full season above AA and CHONE and ZIPS projections have him hitting .240-.250 with solid power (think 25 HRs if he got 500 ABs).  Currently, he has OF eligibility in ESPN and 1B/OF in Yahoo.  If you’ve got an extra hitting slot in a 12 team or greater league, he’s worth taking a flier on in case he starts off hot.  Just don’t expect him to be el capitán – be happy if he provides marinero stats.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Psyche! (Not the TV show.)  First I want to mention two trades I did in two separate leagues.  First trade was Elvis Andrus/LaTroy Hawkins for Julio Lugo/Ian Stewart.  This league is 16 teams deep so trading guys you usually find on waivers is actually a necessity.  I had Kelly Johnson at 2nd and Omar Baby was playing over him in Hot Atlanta, so I needed to look elsewhere.  It’s no secret; I’m a fan of Ian Stewart.  As for Andrus to Lugo, they’re more or less tomato-tomahto, but the owner I was trading with is collecting Rangers (he owns 11).

The 2nd trade was a bit bigger.  In a 15 team league, I traded Heath Bell/Huston Street for Dan Haren/David Aardsma.  If you look at the trade, it helps both teams.  But the moral is that closers are like Japanese and German cars – they have excellent trade-in value.  Sure, you’ll get some lemons when you draft them in lower rounds but all you need are a few to hit and you can usually package them for picks from higher rounds.  (On the flip side, speed-only guys seem to have the lowest trade-in value.)  Anyway, let’s get down to bidness:

Carlos Zambrano – Hamstring strain from trying to beat out an infield single.  Typical Zambrano injury.  Actually, typical Zambrano injury would be him straining his forearm from punching his fist at the sky.  Sometime during the 2nd season of an inflated WHIP, I wiped my hands of Zambrano.

Carl Crawford – 6 steals yesterday.  Alien who just landed on Earth, “First Dexter with 5 steals, now Carl with 6.  Wow, these dorky white guys are fast.”

Michael Wuertz – Collecting saves while Ziegler’s out with undisclosed “flu-like” symptons.  Maybe judging the wet-tee contest in Cancun wasn’t the best idea.

Brandon Inge – 8 HRs. Russell Martin, Suzuki, Laird, Ramon Hernandez, Dioner, Yadier and Flores have combined for 8 HRs.

Cliff Lee – 7 IP, 3 ER, 4 Ks, has a 3.92 ERA on the year.  This actually seems exactly like what we should get this season from Lee.

Justin Verlander – 7 IP, 1 ER, 11 Ks.  As I said the last time out when he had a quality start, Verlander’s a 4.00 ERA pitcher.  So he can have some awful games, but he’ll also have some solid ones.

Ian Kinsler – 9th homer yesterday.  The hot first half is nothing new.  Staying healthy all year would be.  If he can stay healthy, he could have a season that makes him a top 5 pick next year.  Though in three seasons, he’s never played in more than 130 games.

Scott Richmond – 7 IP, 2 ER, 6 Ks. In 30 and a 1/3 innings on the season, Richmond has a 2.67 ERA, 1.22 WHIP, 26 Ks and a 4-0 record.  As I said a week or two ago, I picked up Richmond in a deep league.  Do I trust him to continue this pitching version of Ludwick coming out of nowhere at the age of 29?  Oh, hellz no.  Pitchers don’t slide through that long without being discovered.  There’s too much of a need for them in the majors.  So will he get exploited at some point and end up a Poormond?  Yup, but I’m riding the lightning until it happens.

Ryan Braun - Missed two consecutive games as he nurses a stiff back.  Ryan Braun’s owner, “If he wanted to nurse something, couldn’t it be a baby giraffe?”  I’m legitimately concerned.  This stiff back seems to be connected to the rib cage injury that killed his power last September.  But, in the end, 75% of Ryan Braun (or Ryan Bra, for purists) is still better than 100% of most other players.

Oliver Perez -Headed to the minors or the Disgraceful List.  Here’s the world’s smallest violin.  Here’s the world’s smallest violin walking seven straight hitters.

Brandon Morrow – On the DL.  David Aardsma will fill-in as the closer in the mean’s while, as they said in remedial English.

Scott Baker – 6 IP, 5 ER.  Honestly, didn’t like him coming into this year, but I didn’t think it would be this bad.  Seems to be headed for the Disgraceful List.

Ricky Nolasco – 6 Ip, 5 ER. 7.03 ERA on the season and a 1-3 record.  How’s that sleeper pick doing you, non-mustachioed fantasy baseball ‘pert?

Derrek Lee – Grand slam and homers in back-to-back games.  I don’t think we’re ever going to see the Lee of 46 homers again, but the talk of his demise was prematurely reported.

Milton Bradley – 0-for-4 and now batting .116 on the season.  Doode may seriously get killed by a Cubbie fan by the All-Star Break if he doesn’t get his shizz together.

LaTroy Hawkins – 1 1/3 IP, 0 ER.  As I mentioned above, I just traded him (after picking him up on waivers) and if you think you’re going to get out alive with a sparkling month of Hawkins, you’re mistaken.

Michael Bourn – 2 SBs, .301 on the season.  In a 16 team league, I actually own this schmohawk, and remarkably don’t regret it.

Justin Upton – 4th home run in 9 games.  Can hit 25 HRs and .250.  Love to see him steal some bases because otherwise he’s Jose Guillen.  Nice thing about Upton is the perception of him, making him a commodity that can fetch more in a trade than he might be worth.

Mike Cameron – Another homer, bringing him to 6.  I think it’s fair to say at some point the bottom will fall out.  If you can get a solid piece for him in a trade, I’d explore it.

Barry Zito – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 Ks, 3 baserunners and possibly 2 owners in the entire world enjoyed it — Sabean and Bochy.

Chad Gaudin – 5 2/3 IP, 6 ER.  Well, he’s no Zito obviously!  In all fairness, Gaudin wasn’t terrible for 5 innings.  Okay, forget fairness.  The final line is ugly.  But the idea is to start him at Petco.  So I’m giving him two more home starts.  We shall see.

Johnny Cueto – 8 IP, 0 ER, 9 Ks.  Cueto was a higher touted prospect than Volquez going into last year.  Cust kayin’.

Homer Bailey – Keep him on radars in deep leagues and keepers, he’s still only 23 and won’t be in the minors for long.

Carlos Delgado -Hip problems that might not alleviate anytime soon.  Maybe he should put two baseballs on the bottom of his walker.

Jay Bruce – Hit his 6th homer yesterday.  Wasn’t it like two weeks ago you were thinking about trading him for Bonifacio?  I’m silently judging you.

Pablo Sandoval – Stole a base yesterday.  Gotta blame the pitcher when he lets the runner get an eighty-nine foot lead.