Fantasy Baseball Advice

Finally, Francisco Liriano looked like the fantasy baseball player that we all wanted when we drafted him back in March. And by “we,” I mean you. How did I know you drafted Liriano? Because, when you drafted, I was in your room, sitting behind the John Cena life-sized cardboard cutout, eating your Raspberry Newtons, while I read your Choose Your Own Adventure book. You think that’s freaky? I’m still there. Only you can’t see me. Muahahahaha…ha. So Liriano put together a great first start back after dominating Triple-A, yet there’s some savvy fantasy baseball owners out there that will see this for what it is, an opportunity to sell. Buh-buh-but, Grey, Liriano could dominate? Yeah, so can Campillo, Randy Johnson, Nolasco and Myers, but none of those guys have the name/trade-value Francisco Liriano has right now. Do I think Liriano will be good? Sure. But if you need a piece other than a starter who is riskier than people are perceiving him, then go for it. Don’t forget, I’m watching. Boo! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Billy Wagner – 2 MRIs in 2 weeks is 2 many; 2 bad; K.I.T, BFF. On a scale of worthy replacements, Aaron Heilman and Duaner Sanchez fall right between Shemp and Curly Joe. The Mets called up Eddie Kunz, their Double-A closer. This, fellas, is anyone’s ballgame for at least a few weeks, if not the rest of the season.

John Maine – Maine hit the 15-day DL. This is a move that’s probably about a month overdue. He should be back in a couple of weeks.

Manny Ramirez – 4-for-5, HR, 3 RBIs. Imagine you’re a waiter for Applebee’s. You slack off for two years, deciding customers can get their own mozzarella sticks from the kitchen. Then Applebee’s starts saying you haven’t been doing your job, which is absolutely true, but you don’t want to hear it. You quit and take a job at the Olive Garden, knowing if you work for two months then you will get a huge bonus in the winter and be able to go anywhere — Chili’s, Cheesecake Factory, you name it. So do you bust your hump at the Olive Garden or do you continue to slack?

Stephen Drew – Yesterday, 3-for-5 with a HR, and over .350 in last 7 games. So far not a “step forward” season, but he’s worth the gamble the rest of the way to see if he can get hot.

Xavier Nady – 4-for-5, HR and 6 RBIs. Let’s go back to the 7th day of the season, shall we? “Honestly, never thought I’d ever mention (Nady) on the blog, but he’s starting the season on fire. Could he keep it going? What, am I Ms. Cleo? I don’t know for sure, but history tells us no. This won’t continue. Know what you can’t do? Let him sit on the waiver wire. Don’t drop Carlos Lee for him, but every year some players come out of nowhere. Maybe this is Nady’s year.” You know what’s funny? (Not funny funny, just mildly interesting funny.) People are still asking me if they should pick up Nady. No love for the X-Man.

Fernando Rodney/Kyle Farnsworth/Joel Zumaya – Triumvirate, noun 1. a group of three closers that are making Todd Jones feel missed. 2. Sounds like it’s a Latin combination of triumphant and irate, but it’s not.

Mike Aviles – 4-for-4, HR. Check out his ESPN player photo. Talk about respect. For those who are interested in what he looks like, here’s Mike Aviles.

Mariano Rivera – Back spasms. Supposedly he’ll be okay. Jose Veras would’ve been who they turned to. Okay, save vultures, pick apart Veras’s bones.

Jose Guillen – Homered for the 2nd straight day and 3rd this week. Worth a pickup, just drop him when he realizes he’s stuck with the Royals until the end of the season.

Alfonso Soriano – The other day someone asked me for some names that could hit 15 HRs between now and end of season. In two months, this is a very difficult assignment (to hit 15 HRs, it’s not difficult to pick guys), the list looked like this (the order is their likelihood of getting to 15 HRs): Dunn, Soriano, Holliday, Burrell, Braun, Carlos Lee, Hamilton, Cust, Krispie and Vlad.

Andy LaRoche – HR yesterday. In leagues where you need to take some risks, I’d look at LaRoche. Then try and find anyone else, then look at LaRoche again, then take a steam, get a massage (you look stressed), get a bite to eat, play nine holes, then look over your 3rd base choices again and, if your choices are still limited, grab LaRoche.

Rafael Soriano – He’s done for the year. Back date this to April.

Chone Figgins – Another 4 hit game. Oh Figgy give him one more chance.

Joel Hanrahan – Picked up his first save since Rauch was traded. As I said when the trade went down, Rauch only had 17 saves in over half of a year, Hanrahan’s not netting 20 in two months. And that’s me paraphrasing me!

Jorge Campillo – 7 IP, 6 Ks, 0 ER. He replaced Harang on most of my deeper teams. Now I don’t care if I ever see Harang again. Okay, that’s mean. I wanna see Harang again, just not on any of my teams.

Shane Victorino – 10th HR as he threatens to run away with the HR crown in the Victorino vs. Rios battle.

Ryan Ludwick – I’m convinced LaRussa could make Austin Kearns an All-Star (while batting him ninth and the pitcher fourth).

Brett Myers – Only one walk in his last two starts. Definitely worth taking a look in deeper leagues. Maybe he’s taking a similar route to Wainwright last year when it took him half a year to shake being a closer the previous year. Or maybe Myers’s trip to the minors smacked some sense into him. Though it’s usually Myers smacking the minors.

Is there another pitcher that tantalizes more than Chad Billingsley? 13Ks in 7 IP against the Marlins to earn his 9th win. His 135 K’s are tied with Lincecum for the major league lead – a couple more than guys like Volquez and Sabathia. Why is someone so unhittable not an elite pitcher yet? Because he’s still hanging out too much with Motley Crue on the Sunset Strip – as in he likes to take a ride on the Wild Side w/ his 4+ BB per 9 IP. Yes, we’ve managed a hip-hop and hair band music references in one post. We’re well-rounded like that. (If we were celebrities, we’d so beat Reege on Celebrity Jeopardy! and give all the money to anyone who lives in a bubble. Cause really is there anything worse? You’re in a freakin’ bubble! How is this not the number one charity on every celebrity gameshow? BTW, if you live in a bubble, do you have to dust? We have to know!) While Rudy is still patting himself on the back for getting him a couple starts back for a still healthy Matt Capps, the window is near closed to pick up as good a dark horse for NL 2nd half Cy Young as you’re going to find. Anyway, here’s what else we saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Takashi Saito – Came out of Saturday’s game with elbow pain. Time for some math, ya’ll — Pitcher + elbow pain = Broxton closer for at least two weeks as Saito hits the DL.

Jhonny Peralta – He was so insulted by our lumping him in with fellow extraneous H Khalil Greene that he finishes the half with a flourish — 11-for-30 / 7R / 4 HR / 12 RBI in his last 7 games.

A.J. Burnett – The #1 crazy hot chick in baseball. Today against the Yanks, hot. Next start, pretending to be pregnant so you can’t watch football. Worth the gamble if you need K’s or agita.

Kevin Youlikis – Left the game after being hit by a Daniel Cabrera fastball. Youch. The tragic part. Cabrera was trying to throw a pitchout.

Hanley Ramirez/Carl Crawford – Sat because of a sore shoulder and a sore hamstring respectively. Don’t be too concerned; this is like Senior Day in the majors. I hear they’re all meeting at The Max then going to TP Mr. Beldings’.

Mike Gonzalez – Kazaam!

Jorge Campillo – On my cursed ‘pert team (Rich Hill, Harang and Wainwright), I had Campillo. He pitched well then fouled a ball off his foot in the sixth. Hopefully he’ll be all right. Otherwise, I’m going for Charlie Morton. You’ve been warned.

CC Sabathia – CG, 9Ks, 2 ER. Seems to be a good fit in Milwaukee. Schmiel, Schmazzle, Hossenfeffer Incorporated…ba pa ba pa ba ba pa…they’re gonna do it….CC and Prince sharing a carefree ride on a tandem bicycle, CC blowing a bubble with sausage casing at a bratwurst factory and sticking it on top of a brat….

Tim Lincecum – 8 IP, 1 ER, 9 Ks, now has a 11-2 record. Somehow the Giants are ahead of both the Padres and Rockies right now. Wow. I’m not sure if that’s more a compliment to Lincecum or a kick in the nuts to the Padres and Rockies. (BTW, Does a kick in the nuts hurt more or less when you’re a mile high?)

Justin Verlander – Since June 1, 8 starts, 5 Wins, 55 IP, 52 Ks, ERA/WHIP in the 2.70/1.10 area. When Rudy predicted him to win Cy Young, he assumed that Verlander was going to pitch like this and not take April off. Kudos to anyone who picked him up on the cheap.

Jeff Clement – HR yesterday. His .165 AVG shows that Seattle can get the same production from young players that they normally get from high-salaried guys like Sexson, Kenji, and Vidro. Clement’s got upside though…keep him around if you’re in a 2 catcher league. Otherwise, throw him back into the FA pool.

Daisuke Matsuzaka – Dice-K’s now 10-1. I say smoke. You say mirrors. I say smoke. You say mirrors. If you think a .257 BABIP and 5.68 BB/9 IP is unsustainable, say “Regression”….

Jerry Hairston Jr. – Left the game with a right hamstring pull. 1800 miles away, Scott Hairston yelped in pain.

Matt Joyce – 4 HR in 5 games for Detroit. Guess Marcus Thames gave him the HR conch shell. His minor league stats point to power with no speed or great average. Ride him while he’s high, drop him when he starts falling.

Mike Aviles – Three hit game yesterday. He’s at 21/4/21/.310/3 over 58 games. If I’m not wrong, aren’t these numbers pretty yawnstipating? I get more questions about this schmohawk. People got rookie nookie on the brain. Aviles is fine, but he’s not F-I-N-E or winning you any league, unless you’re playing in the “Most Mediocre SS League,” but then you’re probably going to lose to the team with Renteria anyway.

Pat Burrell – HR yesterday. Goes into the All-Star break with 23/57/.275. Is it me or does he run like he’s on a mop pony? It’s like he’s accompanying King Arthur to find the Holy Grail. The 1B coach should have to hit coconuts together when he runs. I’m sure Victorino can supply the coconuts.

Mike Gonzalez is now the closer of the Braves. Right? Right…. Kinda. He’s going to be closing games when he’s available. Cox may take it easy on him since he’s coming back from Tommy John surgery. Gonzalez was not rushed through rehab, so that’s a good thing. Barring an injury, there’s no reason why Gonzalez can’t save 20 games this year. (<—– That’s my projections for Gonzalez.) Soriano might grab another couple and Acosta might snatch a few more. Mike Gonzalez is not some schmohawk that just turned up on the Braves roster. He was an effective closer on the Pirates. He can be again. If Ryan Franklin and Salomon Torres can earn saves, then goddamnit, so can Mike Gonzalez. Okay, now go pick him up. As if he’s still on waivers in any league.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball yesterday:

Carlos Zambrano – Left the game with an apparent injury to his shoulder. Maybe it was the 3.7 million pitches he’s thrown in the last year or two.

Jeremy Guthrie – Guess his line. Seriously. I’ll wait. *taps foot* Okay, I’ll tell you. 8 IP, 1 ER, 3 H, 1 BB, 8 Ks, no decision.

Russell Branyan – Do I have to mention him? People know what’s here, right? Three Outcome Dude — HR/K/BB.

Oliver Perez – **Writing this before the game** 6 IP, 7 Ks, 2.00 WHIP, 6.00 ERA **okay, back** I was high on Ks, but right on for IP, WHIP and ERA. I have to say, I didn’t feel confident about this one because he’s so erratic. I started him in one league where I’m hurting for pitching and now I’ve dropped him for Campillo (whose next start is against the M’s).

James Loney – Hit HR yesterday, now hitting over .390 for June. He still yawnstipates me.

Kevin Kouzmanoff – Sore back that could land him on the DL. Headley started at 3rd and hit a HR. Yo, Kouz, you’ve been Pipp’d. (Now Headley just needs to start another 2129 straight games. Just in case, we should call him Biscuit Pants.)

Barry Zito – 5 R in 2 IP.  SI.com informs us he’s not provided adequate value for his large free agent contract.  Thanks, SI.com.  I guess it could be worse – they could’ve put him on the cover and jinxed him.  That prevented a maple bat from shattering and slicing his guitar strumming hand. Hey, Zito — stubble is for winners!

Johnny Damon – He’s hitting .433 in 67 AB since June 1st. Cust kayin’.

Homer Bailey – Back to the minors. I have a vision of what I’m going to write in March of ‘09, “Don’t draft Homer Bailey. Way too risky. BTW, I love these new flying cars.”

Chase Utley – He is 0 for his last 20.  Just as disturbing, a cat in Philadelphia was left stranded in a tree as a little girl cried for help.   We still believe in ya, Chase.  It’s just a bad week, Champ, right?

Nomar Garciaparra – Hit a home run and is due to be back next week as the Dodgers SS. Sounds like everything’s going right for Nomar, but he looked glum after the game. When asked why, he said, “I forgot to make Mia lunch. She’s gonna kill me.” Aw, Nomar. That’s a sad emoticon for you.

Geovany Soto – Hitting .213 since June 1.  Next thing you know he’ll be picking a fight with Carlos Zambrano.

Hard Rock Cafe – It was announced that a Hard Rock Cafe will run a restaurant in the Yankee outfield.  Can’t wait to hear this guy jam there.

Sidney Ponson – The Yanks just signed him.  Hey Bawston, I got your Colon right here!

Will probably be activated for Tuesday. I hear the Padres didn’t want to pay for his Sunday meal waiver when the guys decided to go to Dick’s Last Resort in the Gaslamp. Chicken Fingers don’t come cheap. Headley should play six of seven games unless he struggles mightily, then he’ll probably play seven of seven like the Friars did with Kouzmanoff last year. Headley can hit. Ryan Howard and Prince Fielder are about the only ones that could hit forty home runs in Petco if it were their home park, so the park will be a factor in Headley’s success. Headley has a terrific eye and good power. Will he be Bruceterful? Perhaps, he’s got a much better eye than Bruce, but his ballpark is dreadful. Also, his speed is somewhere between A-Gonz and Kouz, which is to say it’s non-existent. I’d say Headley’s projections are 30/10/40/.280. Numbers that could make a difference in deep leagues. Of course, the exciting thing is the ceiling’s much higher since he’s a rookie. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Jorge Campillo – Complete game loss is nothing to sneeze at. Unless you’re allergic to complete game losses, which would be an odd allergy. But I think Trace Adkins can help.

Micah Owings – I’m done done with Micah Owings. You wanna use him in the near future? You’re taking your WHIP into your own hands. For those reading in Latin America, caveat emptor.

Billy Wagner – Hey, what do you know? He can still get three guys out. Imagine how many saves Nolan Ryan would’ve had if he only had to get three guys out four days a week. Seriously, imagine it. If you can’t, I will for you. 12,000 saves for Nolan Ryan.

Paul Konerko – Might head to the DL. Maybe he’s got the same injury as Victor Martinez. The ‘ol “I’m really sucking and I gotta figure out an excuse fast” injury.

David DeJesus – 3 HRs and .345 in June. Also, turned a loss into a win.

Joe Saunders – Fifth ten game winner. Is it me or are we headed for more twenty game winners this year than in the last four years combined?

Lastings Milledge – Playings welledge recently, but stilledge got a way to go before he’s worth addings.

Jacoby Ellsbury – 33rd steal. On pace for a lot. I gotta say, one of the bigger surprises this season so far for Grey (that’s me). Maybe later in the week I’ll do my top twenty surprises. That seems like something you people would like to read.

Vernon Wells – After leaving with a sore wrist on Saturday, he was back in there to go 0-for-4. I’ll cut to the chase for you, a sore wrist for Wells is a major issue.

Jorge Posada – 8-for-22 and two home runs since returning. Eh, Doumit did that in one game. If you need a piece, trade Posada and don’t feel guilty about it. As Oskar Schindler said, I pardon you.

Jay Bruce – He just came off his worst week (5-for-30 with one RBI) and I don’t think it’s necessarily going to get better. However, he did manage to find time to air lift 18 rare mountain bongo antelope to Africa.

C.C. Sabathia – I’m sure glad he was an absolute waste of a top pick– Oh, wait. He’s fine. Yeah, dur. (BTW, I said Cliff Lee wouldn’t be at 2.50 ERA by June 15th and Eric Karabell said he’d finish the season with it. I win. Again. Eat it, Karabaloney.)