Fantasy Baseball Advice

Jay Bruce has hit four homers in the last four days while hitting over .500 in the last week.  Now has 22 homers in only 74 hits with 73 Ks to go along with 3 steals.  I never thought Mark Reynolds would steal 24 bases.  I didn’t think he had 15 in him.  So, don’t take this comparison the wrong way, but Mark Reynolds is lucky he snatched up the Mini Donkey nickname because Jay Bruce looks like he could be headed that way next year.  Bruce is still very young, and his propensity to strikeout leaves him vulnerable to big slumps, so I won’t predict a huge breakout in 2010.   But he can hit 30 homers and steal 10 bases while batting .250.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Homer Bailey – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 Ks.  Now we’re getting to the point where he might actually be touted by the analcysts over at ESPN, which would mean his 2010 sleeper status could be in jeopardy.

Rick Porcello – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER.  He was in the borderline starters post for this week with a very mild recommendation.

Denard Span – 4-for-9 in the doubleheader.  Quietly having a very solid year.  Those Minnesotans are so modest!  He needs a spokesman.  His Wikipedia page is a third the size of the Wikipedia page for mutton.  He needs the mutton man!  His numbers are looking a lot like Victorino’s.  Let’s see, someone already has the nickname, Feign Victorino.  (I think I gave it to Fowler.)  So, Victorino’s The Flying Hawaiian.  Maybe The Flying Twinkie?  Hmm… That needs work.  Maybe The Flying Minnesotan?  Hmm, that sounds like someone on a roller derby team.  How about Wing Span?  Too cutesy?  Yeah, probably.  Forget it, this is a job for the mutton man.

Josh Hamilton – Shutdown for the season.  Back date this to April.

Mark Buehrle – Also shutdown for the season.  Back date this to his perfect game.

Jack Wilson – Lastly, shutdown for the year.  Back date this to the day he was drafted.

Ian Desmond – 2-for-4, HR and a steal yesterday.  He hit the longest homer (460 feet, which was not this homer, but I just heard this yesterday) for any Nationals player at home this year.  This is a team with Paul Bunyan aka Big Donkey aka Adam Dunn on it.  Ian Desmond’s a shortstop.  You ready for a math problem?  Come on, I hear Winnie Cooper from The Wonder Years loves math.  Okay, here it is:  A shortstop that can hit a ball 460 feet + speed = Fantasy Sleeper.

Cameron Maybin – Speaking of fast guys with sneaky power, Maybin has two homers in the past 4 games.  I was pushing him last March for a reason, and I’ll be pushing him again next March.

J.A. Happ – 5 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 6 Ks.  He has a 2.85 ERA on the year with 12 wins.  Is he generating Rookie of the Year buzz?  Is there such a thing as Rookie of the Year buzz?

Ryan Madson – 2 IP, 0 ER and his 10th save.  On Sunday, he got a four out save.  Manuel’s finally figured out how to make the set-up man comfortable in the closing role.  Start him in the 8th inning.

Huston Street – 1 IP, 3 ER.  Maybe he’s still injured?  I don’t know, that’s why I put a question mark on it.

Trevor Cahill – 4 2/3 IP, 6 ER as the A’s continue to flummox me.  I might need to reach out to Bubb Rubb to see if he can counsel me.

Tony Gwynn – Has 4 steals in the last week.  SAGNOF!

Cesar Ramos – 5 IP, 1 ER.  The latest HodgePadre.  Okay, close your eyes for a second.  Don’t worry, I won’t pickpocket you.  Now imagine Adrian Gonzalez is traded to the Rockies for Ubaldo Jimenez.

Miguel Montero – 2 HRs.  Speaking of trades, hopefully the Diamondbacks move Snyder this offseason.

Scott Kazmir – Scratched to ready himself for the playoffs.  He probably won’t see anything more than a tuneup before the end of the season.

Curtis Granderson – 2 HRs with the 2nd being his 30th.  He also has 20 steals.  Sure, his average is .252, but don’t get so tied up in average.  That’s how you ended up missing Mark Reynolds this year.

Grant Balfour - Now has saves in back-to-back games.  This could mean he doesn’t see another save this year, or it could mean he saves two more games.

Wade Davis – 7 IP, 1 ER.  He’s still going to be too young and prone to major mistakes in the AL East for me to get that excited about him in 2010.

Adam Lind – 3 HRs yesterday.  Now has 35 homers on the year.  I already went over my Lind for 2010 campaign.

Clay Buchholz – Had a 3.21 ERA coming in, now has a 3.74 ERA.  7 earned runs in 5 innings is one way to make your 2009 stats look worse than they are.

Josh Beckett – Supposed to start on Saturday.  I wouldn’t be surprised to see him pitch 5 innings and then get pulled from the game.  Or as Dodgers fans say, “A Kershaw start.”

Edwin Encarnacion – Out with groin tightness.  Sounds like an injury that would sideline a porn actress.

Tim Lincecum missed yesterday’s start vs. the Padres (there goes that 14 K start) and gave way to the Giants big-time rookie pitching prospect, Madison Bumgarner.  Lincecum should be back by this weekend.  A detailed Madison Bumgarner outlook can be found where it says, “Madison Bumgarner outlook.”  (Yeah, still haven’t figured out how to naturally link to something.  I feel like Buzz Bissinger.  Bleh!  What are these things you call links?  Bleh! Actually, that sounds more like The Count.)  So one in for Mad-Bum, and no harm done.  5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 4 Ks.  I think he can supplant Joe Martinez in the rotation.  He sure as heckfire has a better name… Go with Jose at least, geez.  Bumgarner will have value in all leagues down the stretch if he has a rotation spot.  He’s risky, but in the NL West and with his stuff, well worth a look in mixed leagues.  In keepers, pursue him aggressively.  He’s real and he’s spectacular.  I expect he’ll take the David Price route next year.  Start in the minors, then get the call in June.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Brad Lidge – Prior to getting removed from a save situation for Madson, Manuel said that Lidge will remain the Phils closer.  HA!!!  Sorry.  Lidge hasn’t been a closer in three months.  Are they freakin’ kidding me?  Lidge is pitching like he’s wearing contacts that bear Pujols’s face.  Please, someone tie Lidge to a bed and break his ankles to put him out of his misery.

Alex Gordon – He returns from his Triple-A stint.  A lot has been made of his trip to the minors.  (Because of the minors stint, he’ll be under contract through 2013.)  People are saying the Royals pulled a low move to delay free agency.  Um, and Gordon’s done something to stay in the majors?  At this rate, he may not be a major leaguer by 2013.  Though, February Grey still will probably find a way to talk him up for next year.

Pedro Martinez – 6 2/3 IP, 3 ER.  Not great vs. the Nats, but I would’ve taken it over the roofie-ing I took from Carlos Torres.  Don’t worry, I’ll get to that.

Raul Ibanez – 3-for-4 with 2 HRs yesterday.  I swear, after three months of homer sobriety from Ibanez, I was a twitch away from pulling the trigger on him.  Now, he’s hot.  Someone was looking out for me.  They obviously didn’t care enough to warn me about Carlos Torres.  Fantasy baseball, because every day stress is not enough.

Carlos Torres – 2/3 IP, 5 ER vs. the A’s.  I hate you, Carlos Torres.  I swore off rookie pitchers earlier this year because of a start by Hochevar vs. the A’s.  Why do the A’s hate me?  Someone, help!  I was roofied and I’m hemorrhaging from the A’s.

Julio Borbon – 2 HRs yesterday and a steal.  Someone’s been talking to Drew Stubbs.

Elvis Andrus – 2 steals yesterday.  If you need steals, maybe he’s running now, cause he hadn’t been.

Frank Francisco – 1 IP, 2 ER.  Kazaam!

Nick Swisher – 2 HRs yesterday.  Hitting over .300 in the last seven games with 3 homers.

Evan Longoria – Has 5 homers in the last 8 games and is hitting near .500 in his last seven games.  H2H teams rostering Longoria tip their caps.

Garrett Jones – Hit his 19th homer yesterday.  If I didn’t see it myself, I wouldn’t have believed it, but after Robot Jones hit his homer, he elevated five inches off the ground to allow wheels to slide out from his cleats and he rolled around the bases.

Dustin Pedroia – This might be Scrappy Doo’s first appearance in a daily roundup this year.  Well, anyway, he hit two homers yesterday against the Orioles’ Double-A pitching.

Felix Pie – 0-for-3, and 2 for his last 13.  I think he’s back to being lame.

Carlos Beltran – Returned with a 1-for-4.  Now he has three weeks to hit 35 homers and steal 20 bases.  Or if he just outproduced Angel Pagan, that would be nice, too.

Cameron Maybin – You’re going to hear about every positive thing he does until next year.  Yesterday, he hit a homer.

Nate McLouth – Hit his 2nd homer since he returned.  This is a hunch, but I think he realizes he has three weeks to make his season’s stats look somewhat palatable.

Manny Parra – Left the game with neck spasms.  Manny, you don’t watch the ball off the bat.  That’s how you get a crick in your neck.

Mat Gamel – Was recalled.  But McGehee’s got the corner locked down like Marlo Stanfield.

Corey Hart – Is back from the DL.  He says he wants to steal bases.  I have no idea if he’s lying.  I couldn’t see his eyes through his sunglasses.

Chris Davis – 3-for-4 with a HR in yesterday’s nightcap.  In the, uh, daycap he went 0-for-5.

Michael Brantley – He’s stealing bases.  You know you wanna.  Go ahead, pick him up.

Franklin Gutierrez – Hit his 16th homer yesterday.  The Big FraGu’s having a better year than Carlos Beltran, Grady Sizemore and Josh Hamilton.  Cust kayin’.

Matt Murton – Called up by the Rockies.  Score this a victory for the National Association for the Advancement of Gingy People.  But the NAAGP won’t rest until Murton gets playing time, so there will be a lot of late nights for them.

J.A. Happ – His strained oblique is still vaguely hurting and will miss another start.

Jeff Baker – The pride of Bad Kissingen, West Germany went 3-for-4 yesterday as he hits near .400 in the last week.

Jake Fox – Piniella hates him.  Bobby Scales?  Sam Fuld?  They sound like the bassist and drummer for the Cubs’ heavy metal band, Quite The Riot.

In this corner — BJ Upton.  In that corner — expectations.  Should be TKO with BJ clobbering expectations.  Not sure what happened on the way to September, but he hasn’t been right all season.  Maybe he’s hiding an injury.  But that was last season’s excuse.  This season he was supposed to make good on his cortisone-induced playoffs show that had every classy waitress in Tampa standing at attention from their chest.  Well, didn’t happen.  I still think there’s time and I’m excited about him next year (again!).  But until then, he’s now dealing with an ankle sprain.  I’m sure he comes back.  But at what?  87.7 percent?  You need 100% from this schmohawk.  Oh, and at 100%, he’s given you 2 homers and 8 steals with a near-.220 average since July 1st.  If there’s better options, I’d consider looking elsewhere.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Franklin Morales – Huston Street made it to September without an injury.  Mazel tov, my friends in Brooklyn.  It was a deed no one thought Street capable of in March.  Now he’s suffering from an arm issue.  Rafael Betancourt’s the righty, Franklin Morales is the lefty.  When in doubt, I go with the righty.  But the Rockies obviously got word that Betancourt is a Cuddle Boy, so they’re calling Morales the closer.

Jarrod Washburn – You guys had a good run.  Okay, it wasn’t that good.  But it’s over now.  He’s sucking on the suckhole and the Tigers are skipping him in the rotation.

Carlos Torres – 7IP, 0 ER, 6 Ks. He has a decent amount of Ks in the minors.  I’m not saying to grab him everywhere, but in some deeper leagues, I could see it where you need Ks because batters won’t be familiar with him.  He also walks a ton of guys, so be very careful.  He’s capable of a Spud from Trainspotting type defecation.

Michael Brantley – First steal (and caught stealing).  Nice to see him running.  He should continue to do so.  If not, we have people we can talk to to get him running again.  *wink wink* *nudge nudge* *hand under armpit making farting noises*

Fausto Carmona – 6 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners as he tied his owners to the WHIPping post.

John Smoltz – 6 IP, 4 ER.  Six innings and four earned is the line you get when you take a pitcher who shouldn’t go more than five innings more than five innings.  Or maybe he decided to tip his pitches again.  In fairness, Lugo bobbled a ball that should have been a double play then the wheels came off.

Jorge Posada – 4-for-5 and his 20th homer yesterday, while batting .288 on the season.  The Jetstream may be doing wonders, but he’s going into territory where he may be overrated next season.

Alfredo Aceves – Middle man who won his 10th game of the season yesterday.  Randy Wolf has 29 starts, 110 extra innings and 9 Wins.  Cust kayin’.

Cameron Maybin – 2-for-3 yesterday as he started, while Hermida deals with a strained intercostal (isn’t that a highway in Florida?).  Maybin should see time this weekend.

Marc Rzepczynski – Shutdown for the season.  And just when I figured out how to spell his last name.

Pedro Martinez – 7 IP, 1 ER, 9 Ks.  Okay, never saw this game coming, but still a very solid effort sans dwarf.

Casey McGehee - Now has three homers in the last four games.  He’ll be discussed in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell.  You lucky you!

Jon Garland – 7 IP, 2 ER, 6 Ks vs. his old team, the Diamondbacks.  So this is what other pitchers were talking about!

Orlando Hudson – Losing time to Ronnie Belliard.  Ouch.

Mark Reynolds – 1-for-4 with 3 Ks.  He now has 11 Ks in the last five games.  Obviously, I have much love for Reynolds this year, but this is the kind of stretch I worry about happening that would give me pause next year when people are going to be drafting him in the top 50 players overall.  When he was priced at an average draft pick of 175, it was much more reasonable.  Though I hope he turns it around and finishes this season strong so no one’s scared away for next year.  Muahahahahaha…

Hanley Ramirez – Missed another game because of his strained hamstring.  Then Uggla called him a faker.

Carlos Beltran – Hopes to return next week.  Wait until he sees what the Mets have done with the team!

Angel Pagan – 3-for-4 yesterday, hitting near .400 over the last week with one homer and one steal.  Maybe Pagan made a deal with the devil. (Pun point for Grey.)

Clint Barmes – Hit his 22nd homer.  Bar-MESS has 5 hits in his last ten games and two homers.  18 hits in August and he had 7 homers.  He’s a Jesse Barfield-Marcus Thames hybrid, the Barmes.

J.J. Hardy wasn’t appreciated by the Brewers earlier this year — I made all the key outs!  I don’t see Ryan Braun doing that! — Well, Hardy will return to the Brewers on Tuesday to pick up where he left off.  Hope he remembers to bring his magic bats with him.  This one here, this one is my runners in scoring position batting .198 bat. Too bad Alcides couldn’t step up in the two plus weeks he had the gig to himself.  Guess he missed the day in If You Have Speed Steal A Damn Base class when they went over if you have speed steal a damn base.  In fact, there’s only one day of class.  That’s all you learn.  This shot of Hardyrenaline will nullify Alcides and Hardy’s value in mixed leagues, unless one gets hot and runs with it.  Runs being the key word, Alcides.  Hardy has pop and little else.  His best month of the last two years saw him hit 9 homers.  Conservatively, I’d say you’re looking at a guy that will give you a .250 average and 4 homers.  I will enjoy not owning you, Hardy.  Be well.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Brad Penny – Signed on with the Giants and will be inserted into their rotation.  Bartleby’s Quote of the Day, “Everything old is new again, except Brad Penny.  He just kinda sucks.” That Bartleby, he’s quotatious!  I do like NL West pitchers and Penny suddenly is on my radar in deep mixed leagues (12+ teams).  In 12 team leagues, I’d grab him for match-ups, but would be cautious.

Jim Thome – Dodgers acquired the forebearer of country strong.  He’ll serve primarily as the guy on the bench that chews tobacco and scratches himself.  Occassionally, he may fill in for the power off the bench when Juan Pierre just won’t suffice.

Jon Garland – Dodgers decided August 31st is the new July 31st as they made a flurry of deals.  Don’t worry, Timmy.  It’s just a flurry of deals.  It’ll pass. If Garland were a Native American, his name would be Man Who Will Serve As Dodgers Long Relief Man In The Playoffs.  For now, he’ll have a slight uptick in value.  Which is to say he goes from negative value to just a smidge.  He’ll give you no Ks, not a great WHIP, but he’s been keeping his team in the game, which could become Wins with the Blue.  Unless your name is Randy Wolf.

Jarrod Washburn – 5 2/3 IP, 8 ER.  About a month ago, I pointed out to you that Washburn’s FIP was showing he was headed for a correction.  His owners and the Tigers obviously didn’t pay attention.

Carlos Guillen – 4-for-5, 2 homers.  Somebody’s been drinking their raw egg Hulk Hogan shakes.  I’m not a fan of Guillen usually, but at this time of the year, he’s hitting with power with 8 homers since his return.  Worth a flier to see if he keeps it up.

Daniel McCutchen – 6 IP, 3 ER, 5 Ks vs. Reds.  The Dread Pirate’s brother from a different mother had his major league debut yesterday.  It was a modest showing against a terrible team.  The Pirates really should be monitoring his innings, but they do what they do, so you can do what you do.  McCutchen has decent value in deep leagues — Think of a 7 K/9 and great control.  On the Pirates, good luck getting wins.

Drew Stubbs – 4-for-9, 2 HRs and a steal yesterday.  His home run balls are still in the left field bleachers since there were only about 2,000 people in attendance.  That’s including players and media.  If you need steals, Stubbs is worth owning.  But, with all of his strikeouts, he’s still a faux hawk away from being cool.

Johnny Cueto – 5 IP, 1 ER, 5 Ks.  Great, terrific, welcome back!  It was still against the Pirates and it was still only 5 innings.  I’d risk Cueto in certain leagues, but not for the risk averse.

Chad Qualls – Done for the season.  See yesterday’s roundup for the rundown.  See what I did there?

Juan Gutierrez – Didn’t wanna scroll down, huh?  Gutierrez got the save yesterday.  SAGNOF!  If you need saves, grab him in every league.  He’s just as likely to get 7 saves in September as is Broxton.

Adam Lind – 2 HRs, 8 RBIs.  I fluffed him in a fluff piece just last week.

Rod Barajas – 2 HRs yesterday, but only 5 RBIs so last night he was Barbara Hershey to Lind’s Bette Midler.  But he has six homers in the last 10 games and he’s batting near .400 in the last week.

Jose Contreras – Rockies got Contreras from the White Sox.  This seems like a recipe for blech.

Alexei  Ramirez – 1-for-3 yesterday.  It’s a longshot at this point, but if he somehow gets to 20/20 this year (needs 6/7 respectively), he will be the most disappointing 20/20 middle infielder in the history of fantasy baseball.  He’s like the guy who has a 25 game hitting streak while only hitting .275.  Excite me, Alexei!  Do something!

Vladimir Guerrero – 2 HRs yesterday.  For a guy with 13 homers, he seems like he has ten two homer games this year.  Have to check with Elias or Jayson Stark.

Nick Blackburn – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 Ks vs. the White Sox.  He’s still a risky play in mixed leagues.  I’m not even sure how Blackburn managed 7 Ks.  Guess when the White Sox throw in the towel, they really throw it in.

Cameron Maybin – Returns to the ‘lins, yes!  Has no place to play, no!

Kyle Blanks – Done for the year with a tear in his plantar fascia in his right foot.  He was seen limping out of the clubhouse using David Eckstein as a crutch.

Adrian Beltre – Expected to be activated for today’s game as he was able to take grounders again off his nuts.

With September 1st knocking on August’s door — August 31st, is that you? Uh… No.  August 30th? Nope.  August 32nd? No, you nitwit!  It’s September 1st! – it’s time we looked at September call ups.  These are potential September call ups that will, should, could and potentially make or not make a difference in fantasy baseball.  Today, we’ll look at the hitters, then on Tuesday afternoon we’ll look at pitchers.  So tip out some of your malt liquor for the pitchers who aren’t here and take a drag on that Newport, cause Razzball’s Alive With Pleasure with September call ups, the hitters.  Anyway, here’s some potential September call ups to keep your eye on for fantasy baseball:

Jason Heyward – I could shave words of praise in my merkin for Heyward, but it probably won’t do us any good.  If Heyward gets called up, he probably won’t have that large of a role in September.

Mat Gamel – He should be the every day 3rd baseman in Milwaukee in September.  At worse, he plays every day vs. righties.  He’ll be worth an immediate pickup in all leagues for a shot of adrenaline to your fantasy baseball heart.  Speaking of which, Inglourious Basterds… I was kinda bored.  Maybe it was my mood.  Not sure.  Just got sick of looking at slow push-ins.

Kila Ka’aihue – I was actually looking forward to the Hawaiia’an mash machine’s call up last November.  How’s that for prescience!

Jeff Clement – Oh, just call him up already, Pirates.  What are you waiting for?  2012?  He deserves to be up already and given a long look.

Buster Posey – Probably will see some time… In spring training.

Justin Smoak – Was broken down by Scouting the Unknown.  Smoak’s another guy I don’t think we see this year.

Chris Heisey – Should get the call up by the Reds.  Or not!  This is for the Reds to decide.  He has moderate speed and power.  Think 12/12.  In one month, think 3/3.  So, eh.  But keepers should stay alert.

Cameron Maybin – You need to put aside the differences you guys had back in April.  Maybin’s worth look in 12 team, mixed leagues if/when he gets his September call up.

Eric Young Jr. – If you need steals in NL-Only leagues, stash him immediately.  Also, Barmes may lose significant time.

Brandon Allen – Besides sounding like a furniture store, he has good power, has already been called up and has a legit shot of seeing a lot of time at first for the Diamondbacks in September.

Tyler Flowers – Sticking with the mall store names, Flowers may get called up in September, but his role will be limited like cumin in chili.

Jeff Larish – Yo, 70’s Bowie was Larish!  Wait, that’s not right.  Jeff Larish is an all power, heavy K 1st baseman.  He probably won’t see much playing time if he’s called up.  And he’s androgynous.

Krispie Young – Now there’s a hot rookie name!

Chris Davis – With the Rangers in the hunt, I doubt they give Davis the requisite at-bats he’ll need to continue his assault on the all-time strikeout record.  Though he’s capable of a huge month, so it’s worth a flier.

Brandon Wood – Yeah, Scioscia will play him.  And in other news, water is dry.

Austin Jackson – For all of youse out there with Don Mattingly pillow cases and “Jeter’s My Homeboy” t-shirts don’t do it. Put down Jackson for this year.