The World Baseball Classic news hit the wire first, “Team USA will add another first baseman; Team Yankees will add another leading doctor in the world of performance-enhancing drugs.” Team USA added Eric Hosmer, Team Yankees added a guy with a peach fuzz mustache, a B.U.M. equipment sweatshirt and red, white and blue Zubaz who goes by the name, Rick, and graduated Magna Cum Laude from the University of Phoenix. Team USA said that whole thing about Votto being a Canadian was total BS, Rick said he trained with Lance Armstrong. Team USA no longer has Mark Teixeira, neither does Team Yankees. But Rick’s got a plan. It worked for Lance Armstrong and A-Rod. Drink carrot milkshakes and inject horse semen. “These are my stallions.” That’s Rick overlooking his kingdom (a musty cellar with bad lightning). John C. Reilly is in talks to play him. So, if Te(i)x being hurt is a surprise to you, I wouldn’t want to see you when a cat jumps out of a closet. He will miss eight to ten weeks after hearing a pop in his wrist. He might miss more time. Right now, Cashman isn’t optimistic. I changed my Te(i)x projections and rankings in the top 20 1st basemen; I don’t foresee me drafting him anywhere. They’re no longer the Yankees, they’re now the Jankees. At first base, they’re looking at the craptastic Dan Johnson/Juan Rivera blahtoon or the more likely scenario of Youuuuuuuuuk moving to first and Nunez (and his razztastic defense) over at third. Will suck for any Jankee LHPs to have Pasta Diving Jeter and Errordo Nunez. Today, Mets fans are smiling. If you can’t beat them, pray they join you! Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Another week, another couple of awful performances from John Axford, who book-cased two perfect saves with blown saves against the Royals and Blue Jays. Coming into the season, Axford was one of the stronger closer options in the game, and was drafted behind only Craig Kimbrel, Mariano Rivera, Jonathan Papelbon, and Brian Wilson on average in preseason drafts.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Pittsburgh Pirates: Surprisingly, Juan Cruz toed the rubber in the ninth to earn the save for the Pirates Tuesday night. Initially there was no word as to the why. Eventually, we heard that Joel Hanrahan tweaked his hamstring on the last pitch of his outing against the Giants on Sunday.Please, blog, may I have some more?
I watched Mat Latos yesterday. Now I want an eye transplant with someone that watched Jamie Moyer pitch (not when he was first called up because that eye transplant would have cataracts). I wish I could pinpoint what the problem is with Latos, besides looking terrible. He was hitting 95 MPH on the maybe-a-tad-Reds-friendly radar gun for three straight pitches to Beltran. Unfortunately, he threw all three friggin’ pitches in the exact same spot, so, of course, Beltran turned on one. Then he made the next hitter, Holliday, look terrible with offspeed stuff. Like a bachelorette order form, is there somewhere I can check for him to mix in the junk? Does Mesoraco only have one finger on his pitch-calling hand? Is Latos giving up early runs so Dusty can’t throw him into the 11th inning? How do you even give up 5 earned runs in the first two innings on only 6 baserunners? Is that even mathematically possible with only one two-run homer? Why are you making me wrack my brain? And why are you giving up a two out triples to the opposing pitcher?! Latos gets the Giants next. If he can’t make them look like a team that has only three hitters, and one of which they bench, then Latos is going to my bench for the foreseeable future. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Krispie Young – The MRI revealed a ligament tear and who wins this year’s Biggest Loser. Damn you, MRI, and your spoilers! Krispie’s headed to the 15-day DL and the Diamondbacks say he should be fine after a couple of weeks of rest. With a ligament tear in his shoulder? Sounds like they have a ligament tear in their silver lining. This sounds like something that won’t only sideline Krispie for longer than 15 days but also leave him at less than 100% for the rest of the season until an offseason of rest. It’s pretty terrible news. Rico Suave should see the majority of the time in the outfield while Krispie gets himself right. Parra’s pretty yawnstipating from a fantasy perspective for mixed leagues. In NL-Only leagues, he should get you some counting stats.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Tim Lincecum went six innings and gave up a bongillion runs and has a 10.54 ERA on the year. He’s either sharing a UCL with Wilson or he’s about to make a turn around. No pitcher is going to throw a 10.54 ERA without the universe abandoning that whole gravity thing. And in that case, there would be bigger fish to fry, and we’d have to fry that fish in a Jiffy Pop container, otherwise the hot oil would float away. Or so I read in one of Ken Cosgrove’s stories. Will Lincecum have a 2.75 ERA this year? Well, that’s a different bag of flying fried fish. There’s talk that his velocity is down, which makes his change-up less effective. See, you need one to go fast and one to go deceptively less fast. It’s timing, y’all. Could Lincecum be nothing more than a 3.50 ERA pitcher? Yeah, it’s possible, but there’s still value in that. I wouldn’t give the farm in a trade for him, but I’d see if someone was interested in the tractor. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Brian Wilson – There’s talk he could rehab and not get Tommy John surgery because he has a moderate UCL sprain. Oh! Is that all? Terrific. Spray some Windex on it and get out there!Please, blog, may I have some more?
Brian Wilson is donzo. I called this one about 48 hours prior. You can put it on the beard…. Goodbye! The crizzappy thing for me is I told everyone to pick up Santiago Casilla to replace Wilson, and I picked him up too. I mean, I literally grabbed Casilla while the trainer was looking at Wilson’s arm on Thursday. So, of course, I dropped Casilla when Wilson was supposedly okay on Friday and Rudy grabbed him on Saturday before I could. *shakes fist* Rudy! No one really knows who’ll follow in Wilson’s non-conformist footsteps. He leaves a long shadow that smells of dirty socks. Sergio Romo has been a great MR for a couple years, while Casilla is rumored to be the favorite and Bochy brought him into the 8th in a tie game on Saturday. The mystery of ‘Who replaces Wilson?’ is trapped inside Bochy’s enormous head. To get the answer, you have move Bochy’s head like one of those wooden labyrinth marble mazes and hope the answer comes out his mouth and not one of the other holes. I’d grab Casilla and Romo, in that order. I actually even grabbed Affeldt for situational saves, but I realized I couldn’t speculate that deep — don’t have the bench room, yo — so I lost him. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Jacoby Ellsbury – That hard C you heard was the crunch of Brignac falling on a crapton of fantasy baseballers’ (<–my mom’s term!) number one outfielder. Doctors are saying Ellsbury has a subluxation, laymen are saying he has a dislocation of the shoulder, my Asian woman neighbor who’s always working on her lawn said, “Potato-potahto, you’re screwed.” For the next six to eight weeks, he’s D’Ellsburied. If he fails to respond to rest, there’s a chance he’ll need season-ending surgery. I say put a cone on his head and shove him in a dog crate. Gotta respond to that kind of rest. If you owned Ellsbury, you should be able to find steals — SAGNOF!Please, blog, may I have some more?
I hate guys that are injured before the season even starts. I should’ve emphasized that more in the preseason. I should’ve followed my gut on that with Stanton too. At least Stanton can play through the nagging pain (hopefully), on the other hand, Mike Morse is shut down for 6 weeks and he has a history of injuries. (Can you tell I’m still reeling a bit on the Stanton news? It’s like a teenage love…Don’t…Don’t hurt me again…) As for Morse, he was a former roider (RIP, Lyle Alzado, I don’t know football, but I enjoyed your random guest spots on bad 80′s TV shows) and they say that tends to break down a player’s body. It’s all very sad (actually, I’m still thinking about Stanton; don’t worry, I’ll move on by Monday). I don’t think this moves up Bryce Harper’s ETA.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yoenis Cespedes homered in yesterday’s second day of kinda real baseball played about six hours before I wake up. I wonder where Cespedes is being drafted now. When Rudy and I took our giant beach balls to early March drafts and took Cespedes in a bunch of drafts, he was going cheap. I wonder if now all those other ‘perts are suddenly stepping up because others are excited about him. I wonder if everyone else is a Monday morning quarterback with their advice. I wonder if Yoenis will hit 30 mistake pitch homers. I wonder if he’ll make adjustments and hit for a decent average too. I wonder how this would sound read by Morgan Freeman. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in spring training (and real baseball) for 2012 fantasy baseball:
Bartolo Colon – 8 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 6 Ks.Please, blog, may I have some more?
In the first real game of the season (it was real, right? I looked for highlights, but ESPN was showing a Red Sox split-squad game instead). From the box score, I heart Brandon McCarthy. His line was 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners and 3 Ks. Yeah, the Mariners aren’t very good at hitting, but a quality start is a quality start. Brandon McCarthy celebrated by taking out a Tokyo girl with red streaks in her hair who lives on the other side of the tracks. Sorry Peking Ducky! I tried to get Rudy to draft McCarthy in one of our leagues on Tuesday night, and was disappointed to see he went to someone else for $9. I have his projections down as 8-11/3.50/1.17/140. Last year, his home ERA and WHIP was 2.65 and 1.11. He may not strike out many hitters, but there’s not many pitchers late I’d trust to actually help my WHIP. Anyway, here’s what else we saw in spring training (and real baseball) for 2012 fantasy baseball:
Justin Smoak – 0-for-5. That two day pick up has worked out well so far! While he’s at it, maybe he can hit a line drive into Florida and injure Anibal Sanchez.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Joakim Soria went from being a $12 Salad to a Donkeycorn to a Brain Freeze back to a Donkeycorn to off the list completely in 12 short months. And if this is the first post you’ve ever read at Razzball, I probably lost you by the eighth word. Later! In Soria’s wake is Broxton and Holland, who together can be called Hamsterdam. In other “Saves give me serious agita” news is Ryan Madson. He went from a donkeycorn to off the list. Donkeycorns are dropping like flies! Then there’s Drew Storen. He was touch ‘n go there for a day or two… Okay, for about a week or two, but it seems like he could be okay. Yet, he’s starting the year on the DL. Terrific. Since our last Closer Look, Beane told us Balfour got the closer job in Oakland and Chris Perez got the job back from Pestano, which has the Italian American Anti-Defamation League up in arms, but that’s the norm for them since they talk with their hands. Finally, Carlos Marmol had some nerve issues with his hand that many Razzball commenters opined was from too much internet porn surfing. Sounds like someone is empathizing. Anyway, here’s all the closers for 2012 fantasy baseball:
You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad?Please, blog, may I have some more?