Replacing Phil Coke in the Tigers rotation is Charlie Furbush. It’s about time that Leyland gave Furbush a mustache ride. Furbush also sounds like a character description for someone in a Woodstock documentary. Or a character name in a 70′s porn flick made by Leyland called, “The Marlboro Mandingo.” That was co-starring Virginia Slim. Furbush looked great in the minors, posting a solid K-rate while keeping his walks in line. He is not a 2-something ERA pitcher as he’s shown so far this year. He’s leaving 93% of men on base, that won’t continue. He can give you around a 7 K-rate with a 3.75 to 4.00 ERA. I’d grab Furbush in H2H mixed leagues for matchups and in AL-Only leagues. In roto mixed leagues, you can grab him in certain circumstances, but caveat emptor for our Latin readers. (BTW, To all the Googlers who searched for Furbush and weren’t looking for a fantasy baseball site — howdy!) Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Cole Hamels – Hit on his hand by a comebacker, but x-rays came back negative. Speaking of negatives that are positive, yesterday frequent commenter DHill Dragons pointed out the Phillies starting staff in June had a 1.96 ERA. A Philly quartet hasn’t been this hot since Boys II Men. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Wilson Betemit collided with Albert Pujols and… Why is Wilson Betemit playing?! He never plays. Doesn’t your Quad-A Beer Pong Tournament partner, Shelley Duncan, need you for a tourney? Manzo! (Which is my new favorite exclamation that means nothing.) Another tough break (strain?) for a high draft pick. You high draft picks remind me of my shoe closet — I got one penny and a bunch of loafers! (Thanks, Lil Penny.) Pujols supposedly only has a sprained wrist, but will be reevaluated on Monday. If it’s any more serious than a strain, I suggest Betemit enter the Witness Protection Program. Your deity of choice willing Pujols will be back on the field in a day or two. Luckily, Pujols has severed elbow tendons in the past and only missed one game. Manzo! Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Lance Berkman – Didn’t start on Sunday because his back and leg were “barking.” Sounds like someone has figured out how to appeal to La Russa’s PETA leniencies. Please, blog, may I have some more?
I read yesterday Brett Anderson might be headed for TJ surgery, which I believe is surgery done while a stray dog limps through the operating room… Wait, Googling TJ surgery. Oh, it’s Tommy John surgery, not Tijuana surgery. Silly me. “No, I don’t want any chiclets, I’m having a tumor removed!” That’s someone in Tijuana having surgery. Something’s wrong with Anderson, Tommy John surgery or not. He’s making a nice run to be included in the definition for Bennis Carpensheeter. I just have to add an ‘r’ and it’s Brennis; you follow, Anderson. I’m sure that’s his main concern. “You know, my career was going fine until I was included in the Razzball glossary.” That’s Brett Anderson talking to Bryant Gumbel’s head in a jar of formaldehyde on Real Sports in 40 years. I wouldn’t drop Anderson yet, but I get the sense it’s not too far away. Doesn’t anyone stay in one place anymore? Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jemile Weeks – A’s are calling up their 2nd base prospect. Jemile, schlimazel… Hasenpfeffer Incorporated! Please, blog, may I have some more?
Matt Joyce a sell? Now I will bite my lip and try not to sob. Quiet, gentle sobs that Joyce used to assuage. Joyce and I had something together that no one else can understand. Well, maybe some of you that also own him can understand it, but the rest of you never will. We shared moments that can only be explained by watching an Ecuadorian couple that has been married for 60 years sharing a mango on a park bench. That’s what we had! Picture, if you will, a giant mustache wrapped like a shawl around Matt Joyce’s shoulders. We were that inseparable for about six weeks. I own Joyce all over the place and he’s about the only hitter I have playing over his head. Alas, playing over his head is the problem with Joyce, to DeWitt. His BABIP is absurd; he’s a .270 hitter currently hitting .360. He’s sandwiched between Votto and Miguel Cabrera on ESPN’s Player Rater. That’s crazy. I know I told everyone to grab him back in April, but he’s not this good. Humble brag! He’s never had more than 5 hits vs. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Matt Holliday heads to the DL with a quadriceps injury. C’mon, Mantle played with no knees for ten years! Have a scotch and get in the lineup! John Jay should see time while Holliday recoups. Worth owning in 12 team leagues and could make a decent sub while Holliday’s out. That’s not to say he could make a decent hoagie. Different things. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Kyle McClellan – Out for at least a couple of weeks with a hip flexor strain. Or it’s hip to be strained, if you’re a kid of the 80′s. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Evan Longoria is out 3 weeks with an oblique injury. He’s not to pick up a bat, ball or AK-47. Looks like the oblique is still the number one injury that no one has any clue about. Intercostal injury twirls its Snidely Whiplash mustache and plots its revenge. For those who lost Holliday and Longoria this weekend, I’m pouring some Mad Dog out for you. BTW, I was just thinking something… CAN WE FIGURE OUT WHAT THE DEAL IS WITH THE OBLIQUE AND HOW TO PREVENT THESE INJURIES? Seriously, modern medicine step up your game! There’s gotta be something that we can do. Have we tried to apply dolphin tears to the sore area? If I were on Celebrity Apprentice, I’d be playing for a cure for oblique injuries. This injury should guarantee everyday ABs for Sean Rodriguez. Great, that eases my pain. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Matt Holliday – Out up to a month for an appendectomy? Isn’t this an outpatient procedure? My friend in high school had out his appendix then funneled a forty of Old E to ease the soreness. Granted, he was mental and is now in prison, but c’mon… Buck up, players! I own some of you in fantasy. Having a similar procedure last year, Andres Torres returned after 11 days. Corey Hart took 4 weeks, but he’s Amish. I think Holliday will be out 3 weeks. It’s too early in the season for them to rush him back. The Federalist, Jon Jay should see most of the time in his stead. Allen Craig will see the occasional ABs though, so in most leagues I wouldn’t add either. Please, blog, may I have some more?
This is almost the end of the 2011 fantasy baseball rankings. With these top 80 starters for 2011 fantasy baseball, there’s a few names that I’m really gunning for on my teams… My deeper teams. On last year’s top 80, there was one guy who truly emerged (Mat Latos) and a few who kinda did (Filthy Sanchez, Trevor Cahill and Brandon Morrow), so I imagine a lot of you won’t need most of the names on this list. But humor me. There’s tiers and projections mentioned for everyone. Anyway, here’s the top 80 starters for 2011 fantasy baseball:
61. Please, blog, may I have some more?
This is it, fellas and three girl readers. The last train is leaving the station. The giddy has just about got up and went. It’s your last chance and I’d throw every single pitcher, not just the ones I have listed here if it meant the difference in my league. You need to do what you do. The line for last week was 3.50 ERA, 1.19 WHIP, 108 Ks and 6 Wins in 153 2/3 IP. To recap, these aren’t guys I’d drop anyone worthwhile to get, these starters are meant for streaming purposes and all of their ownership in ESPN is under 50%. These streamers are in no particular order. Also, in the final days of the season, managers juggle their lineups more, so there’s no guarantee all of these guys are listed on the right day. Anyway, here’s some borderline starters for this week in fantasy baseball:
Friday, October 1st
Fausto Carmona – I’ve been recommending for a few weeks in a row now. Like Carmona, huh, Grey? Answer, man! What, too italicized for you? Please, blog, may I have some more?
Miguel Cabrera rolled his ankle the hard way, didn’t make his point and was immediately lifted from the game to have x-rays taken. I have some back-of-a-comic-book x-ray glasses, but I wasn’t wearing them when it happened. I’m only one man! It looked pretty serious. My mom was right, I could’ve been a doctor. There’s a whole lot more zeroes in blogging. Though that’s not zeroes as in money. X-rays said it was a sprained ankle, should be more news about how many games he’ll miss. I’m guessing quite a few. In other words, it ain’t good. In other other words, make other plans. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Martin Prado – Left the game with an injury to his left hip pointer. That’s gonna make it hard for his sales presentation on Friday. I’m guessing he’s done for the year. If you wanna guess he’s not, then we’ll put my guess and your guess in the squared circle and let them duke it out. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yesterday, Ozzie Guillen said, “Bobby’s not my closer right now, he’s not, I’m very happy with Chris Sale. I’m not saying (Jenks has) lost his job, I have to wait to see to put him in the game to see how he’s doing… It might take a little while, maybe one day, two days, three days… a week. Unless I find out Chris Sale is Asian, then I’m gonna make him work for it.” The last line was inferred. Sale’s been lights out since his call up — 0.57 ERA in 15 2/3 IP with 21 Ks. The manager says he’s the closer, so I’m gonna say Sale’s the closer. It’s obviously not as easy as that when Ozzie’s involved. The wind could change directions, Ozzie’s weather vane that’s labeled with Putz, Jenks, Thornton and Sale could spin and someone else could be the closer by tomorrow. As of right now, I’d grab Sale. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jimmy Rollins – Sounds like he’s done for the regular season, or at least until very close to the end of the year. Rollins said, “Studies show, even if it’s a mild hamstring, even though the doctors like to say 7-to-10 days, it’s usually three weeks.” Studies, yeah. Studies of Jimmy Rollins. Please, blog, may I have some more?