Yesterday, Bob Feller told a story about how he once threw 117 MPH while urinating. He went on to talk about Triscuits and where he left his teeth. When he came back around to baseball, he said no one’s throwing a 1.15 ERA, even that guy with no hair. Once again, the old Feller has forgotten more than you could ever know. To paraphrase EPMD, last night Ubaldo Jimenez had his ERA tooken. He gave up 6 earned runs in 5 and two-thirds innings. It’s no crime to be hit by the Red Sox in Coors and you had to expect the ERA was going to come up at some point. All things considered, he K’d 7 and walked no one vs.Please, blog, may I have some more?
So how is everyone doing, fantasy wise? NBA playoffs, slimming down to fit into that banana hammock and early fantasy baseball blues is what April has in store. I was recently asked by a friend how many leagues I am in, and the answer without hesitation or lie is 21. I don’t know how I do them all and keep sanity. Everyone has a passion, mine is baseball. Here are the most unowned options for this week for purposes of 2 start pickups in fantasy baseball:
Joel Pineiro (Tigers vs.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Jimmy Rollins looks like he’s headed to the DL with a Grade 2 calf strain. For those non-doctors out there, that’s a calf strain that starts to learn its times tables. It hurts to lose your 2nd or 3rd round pick, but you don’t have many options here. You can’t sell him low. Assuming you need a little pick me up after getting *pinkie to mouth* decalfeinated, some MIs that are out there are McGehee, Furcal, Desmond, EverCab and O-Cab. They provide different things, but I like them to varying degrees, in that order. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Adeiny Hechavarria – Say that name fast one time! The Jays signed the 21-year-old Cuban defector. Defect had more going it against than any other word, yet the Cubans turned it into a positive. Sorta the same journey the word “special” took, but in the reverse. Hechavarria probably won’t be called up until the end of this year at the earliest. Not simply because no one can pronounce his name. (For those perfectionists out there, it’s Ah-THEY-nee Eh-CHA-bah-ree-ah.) (BTW, I always use the spellchecker when typing perfectionist. Discuss that amongst yourselves.) He’s still very raw, but in time they are likening Ah-THEY-nee to a young Alfonso Soriano. Not sure if “they” are saying a young Soriano means a Latin 21 or a Latin 25. I’d look at him in keepers, but league depth has a lot to do with your sitch.Please, blog, may I have some more?
The other drafternoon I took part in my Fantasy Razzball draft where the object is to field the worst team possible. This team isn’t just bad. Nah, I outdid even myself this time. On a scale of one to ten, they’re a negative seven. I did the math! Somehow I managed to get a team where not one hitter projects for more than twelve home runs. If someone in the Royals brass gets wind of my drafting skills, I may get a job! If you think I’m being facetious (which was recently outlawed in Madagascar), shame on you. And shame on this team! My co-conspirators in this were:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Tommy Hanson was called up by the Braves yesterday. His numbers: 66 1/3 IP, 90 Ks, 0.86 WHIP, 1.49 ERA in Triple A. Hello, beautiful, may I interest you in this Sutter Home White Zinfandel? It’ll go lovely with your 90/17 K/BB ratio. How about some honey mustard pretzels to go with your 12.2 K/9 ratio? Ah, yes, those were some great times when you dominated in the Arizona Fall League with a .63 ERA in just over 28 innings. Chuckle, chuckle… Yes, those were the best prospects in baseball and you held them to 10 hits and 49 Ks. But can he dominate in the majors? Much has been made of rookie pitchers at this site. More often than not, they drop a roofie in your box of wine and do unthinkable things to your Forbidden City. Hanson seems like he can handle his own in the big leagues, but remember in Double A he was great, but not insane with a 3.03/1.13/114 and a 10.5 K/9 in 98 IP. If Hanson comes out and dominates on Saturday, his value will go through the roof. If he stumbles, you might get stuck with Cueto of ’08. Rookie pitchers are very risky. If you need a hitter, Hanson’s trade value might be at its peak. Now if you need pitching and you can handle the risk, Hanson can provide the reward. In a keeper, obviously you hold him tight like your Grandma holds her bucket of quarters in Atlantic City. Anyway, here’s what else we saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Nate McLouth – Traded to the Braves. This doesn’t do much for his value. Cox can’t even sit lefties against lefties anymore because the Braves lineup is basically all lefties. McLouth’s a 25/25 guy with a so-so average. However, this opens the door for… Wait for it… It’s coming… Okay, here it is…
Andrew McCutchen – The Pirates fleet-footed centerfielder (no, he doesn’t have ships for feet). I picked him up in one 15 team league. He was just dissected last week in our Scouting the Unknown. Best case scenario is .280/25 steals with maybe 5 homers. He’s Dexter Fowler, ya’ll! I’d pick him up in 12 team leagues unless you’re bloated with steals, but, really, who ever has too many steals? Remember though, if you pick him up, you might have to watch Pirates highlights.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Lemonade was a popular drink and it still is, the Rangers could only get one hit against Willis. That’s right, Dwyck. Dontrelle Willis went six and one-third, allowing only three baserunners and K’ing five. The Rangers came into the game hitting lefties extremely well (.291) with Kinsler at .460 and Michael Young at .372. So let’s all get jazzamatazzed, right? Well, I don’t hold the same excitement. His story definitely has the Lubitsch touch, but his last start was four earned in four and two-thirds against the Twins. Dontrelle’s opponents will be tough, his recent history has been extremely poor and a 5/4 K/BB is poor. There’s got to be at least a half dozen guys better on your waivers to take a chance on. Let someone else buy a ticket for the D-Train. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
James Shields – 8 1/3 IP, 0 ER, zero run support. If only they batted Sonnanstine third…
Josh Outman – 6 IP, 4 baserunners, 0 ER, 6 Ks. His Ks are solid, but he walks too many guys and right now he’s getting a bit lucky with how many guys he’s leaving on base. Then throw in the fact that he pitches for the A’s and their A’nemic offense. Outman shouldn’t be in, man, outside of AL-Only leagues.Please, blog, may I have some more?
If you drafted Manny this year, then you better make a new plan, Stan because Man-Ram is getting time off for bad behavior. 50 games to be exact. The reason – he came up positive for human chorionic gonadotropin, or HCG, which can be used to boost testosterone levels. Manny seems to be claiming his doctor prescribed it for erectile dysfunction but the drug is most often prescribed for…women’s fertility. Huh? And here we thought Alyssa Milano was the only person in the LA Dodger clubhouse taking those. Maybe Manny got screwed by a bad boner doctor but our money is on Scott Boras. He probably gave those pills to Manny, told him they were Flintstone vitamins, and Manny hallucinated Flintstone faces onto the vitamins.Please, blog, may I have some more?
It’s analogy time. Stolen bases = candy. Chris ‘Tall’ Young = baby. Dexter Fowler‘s 5 SBs are thus like taking candy from a baby (or, as Steve Rogers would sing, like takin’ can-dee from a bay-bee). It’s hard not to love Dexter Fowler right now. He’s everything we hoped Cameron Maybin would be. He’s now to the point where he’s must own in 10 and 12 team leagues especially when facing the man we shall now call Cristal (Chris Tall) Young (as opposed to his doppelganger Krispie Young). But he’s still a rookie OF straight from AA (insert trite Josh Hamilton joke). His .335 / 9 HR / 20 SB line in 400 ABs at AA does not equate to much more than a 5th OF when equivalized for MLB. But neither did Hanley Ramirez’s. And you never know in Colorado. So if he’s available in your league, you’d be more of a Dexter if you didn’t take a chance on him. If he’s already snapped up, look to trade that bottom starter, reliever, or OF you’ve got. Anyway, here’s what else we saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Brad Hawpe – Left on a stretcher after Hundley hit him in the neck with a pickoff throw. Sounds like someone had some misplaced aggression about Fowler. Hopefully Hawpe’s okay… Because I have him on a team! No, I’m kidding. I don’t own him.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Francisco Liriano went four innings and gave up seven runs against a team that absolutely kills lefties in Fenway. Let’s run down his 3-year averages for the months of the season, starting with April: 6.93, 1.99, 1.51, 2.31, 1.13 and 4.36. You think he might need some time to get going? His April combined ERA for the last 3 years, not including this year, is almost 7. His combined May through August ERAs are under 2. Are you kidding me?Please, blog, may I have some more?
And David Ortiz goes pop. For Patriots’ Day, the Sawx had a special throwback day where Varitek went yard, Pedroia acted like an MVP and David Ortiz acted less jenky than he had all season. Fulfilling their end of the bargain was Mark Hendrickson and the Orioles bullpen. *SCHMALTZ ALERT* Rudy and I went to college in Boston and Patriots’ Day was a time of general drunkenness as we mocked people who had just run the Boston Marathon all the way to Kenmore Square (about 25 miles). They may have been more fit than us, but at least our nipples weren’t bloody. R.I.P.Please, blog, may I have some more?