Kazmir’s career sunk like a lead zeppelin, but get ten Ks against anyone and I sit up and take notice and I’m not just talking above my waist. Hey now! Yesterday, Scott Kazmir‘s line was 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners with 10 Ks. Okay, I have to be a cyclops with a monocle for this guy. To refresh everyone, a cyclops only has one eye so it’s particularly sharp. Like how a blind person’s hearing is enhanced. So you put a monocle on a cyclops and you have creature that sees everything. That’ll be me. Let’s see, his fastball speed has returned to his 2008 levels. The last time he was good. His walk rate went to atrocious after that year, but that too has returned and he has a 25:6 K:BB ratio. The only start where he was hit was his first. Maybe that was nerves — or noive if you’re in Brooklyn. Everything else from Kazmir has been like butter, so he’s no longer toast? That’s what I’m seeing. Okay, now for whether or not you should pick him. He gets the Yankees, Mariners and Red Sox next. Two out of three isn’t good. Sorry, Meatloaf. I wanted to pick him up so badly, I counted each start of his for the next two months. It doesn’t get better. He gets the Reds, Yanks again, Tigers then Nats. I like him more than I have in five years, but I’m still not picking him up. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?Brandon Wood
At least that’s the creed that Francona and Epstein keep repeating to themselves as they sit in the fetal position on opposite corners of the clubhouse shower. Carl Crawford seems like a nice guy. Something about the name Carl. So innocuous. “Hey, sis, what’s your new boyfriend’s name? Carl? I’m gonna like him on Facebook.” That’s you jibber-jabbering with your family. Because Carl seems like a nice guy could be partially why it’s so sad to see him struggle this much. Doode better not stand too close to the Pesky pole in a lightning storm cause he will get struck. That’s been his luck so far. Franconian measures were taken to get Crawford going by openly mocking him with a lineup switch. That never helps. It’s like when you’re a teenager and your Mom makes an appointment for you to see a dermatologist. Suddenly, you realize you’re not hiding your acne as good as you thought you were. Crawford is really doing nothing wrong other than getting extremely unlucky. That luck will turn around and he’ll suddenly look like the 2nd round pick he was in the preseason. To misquote a cliche, get in now while the gettin’s not good. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
BUY
Justin Smoak – I just went over my Smoak fantasy. I wrote it riding on the back of a bicycle through downtown Milwaukee while Shirley steered.
Please, blog, may I have some more?Ozzie said that Sergio Santos would be the closer vs. righties. That means Santos is just the closer closer. Or as close to it as we’re gonna get. I don’t know how much I believe this. Just the other day Ozzie said the White Sox had the best bullpen in the American League. And he didn’t add “in opposite world,” at the end of the sentence. I think Sale and Thornton are still in the mix, but it’s old school to go righty vs.
Please, blog, may I have some more?Ozzie Guillen said Jake Peavy “has some things with his arm.” You know how know-it-alls put (sic) to indicate the quote’s error is not the transcriber’s error? They should adopt this for major league managers. “Has some things with his arm (Ozzie).” “Mathis just knows how to play the game BETTER!
Please, blog, may I have some more?This is a moderate Buy. I wanted to find a player that would make you excited to buy, but I also wanted to cover Grady Sizemore. I owed it to you, loyal Razzball reader. So here we are. Grady has NOT (Hey, it’s Caps Night!) been terribly unlucky. I know BABIP makes you say WTF, but I need to go there super quick. His BABIP shows a guy that isn’t that far off from his career mark. His line drive rate is around its norm and his fly ball rate is down. His K-rate is up and his walk rate is down. So to break this down into your Leisure Suit Larry terms, I think he’s pressing (that’s what the walks and Ks are telling me), his average should go up (his line drives), which should help his steals (guessing). There’s got to be some homers in his bat. Guy just doesn’t lose his shizz at 27. Actually, they’re supposed to gain it. I wouldn’t pay more than sixty cents on the dollar, but I would buy Grady. The Indians are despised, according to the Wall Street Journal (that’s real PC there, WSJ), but that doesn’t mean Grady needs to be. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Psyche! Before we get into the post, I wanted to tell everyone I’m in Austin this weekend to attend Rudy’s wedding. I won’t be near a computer for the weekend, so please help each other. You can do it! Now make me proud. Anyway II, here’s the post…
BUY
Brandon Wood – I will now attempt to avoid any Wood puns. As I opine… Dah! If you’re hard up… Gah! I give up, grab Wood.
Please, blog, may I have some more?Alex Trebek, “Nelson Cruz, Josh Hamilton and Ian Kinsler.” What’s the deal with all of these Rangers having all the upside in the world but not being able to stay healthy? Alex, “Um, okay, we would’ve also accepted, ‘Who are some Ranger players?’ Oh, and nice mustache.” Nelson Cruz has hit the DL five times in his short career. Always with these little niggling injuries. Shoulder fatigue this, ankle sprain that. Someone get this guy some HGH. I’d like to see a rule put into place that every player who has an injury needs to make two phone calls before they’re able to go on the DL. One phone call to discuss their injury with Cal Ripken. Another phone call to a Holocaust survivor. If they can handle the guilt and still think their injury should force them out of action, then so be it. Nelson Cruz will be out at least two weeks. Nothing you can do but DL him and try to find a decent replacement. David Murphy’s a good in-house one. Though he needs to benched by you and the Rangers vs.
Please, blog, may I have some more?Josh Beckett game yesterday was a thing of beauty if you’re into that New Agey art where people smear bodily functions on canvas. 3 IP, 8 ER, 12 baserunners, 3 Ks. I’m not sure what the most disturbing part of this outing was. The lack of Ks? How second nature these terrible starts have become for Beckett? Or the amount of wood the Jays were getting after seeing Beckett’s pitches?
Please, blog, may I have some more?Jimmy Rollins looks like he’s headed to the DL with a Grade 2 calf strain. For those non-doctors out there, that’s a calf strain that starts to learn its times tables. It hurts to lose your 2nd or 3rd round pick, but you don’t have many options here. You can’t sell him low. Assuming you need a little pick me up after getting *pinkie to mouth* decalfeinated, some MIs that are out there are McGehee, Furcal, Desmond, EverCab and O-Cab. They provide different things, but I like them to varying degrees, in that order. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Adeiny Hechavarria – Say that name fast one time! The Jays signed the 21-year-old Cuban defector. Defect had more going it against than any other word, yet the Cubans turned it into a positive. Sorta the same journey the word “special” took, but in the reverse. Hechavarria probably won’t be called up until the end of this year at the earliest. Not simply because no one can pronounce his name. (For those perfectionists out there, it’s Ah-THEY-nee Eh-CHA-bah-ree-ah.) (BTW, I always use the spellchecker when typing perfectionist. Discuss that amongst yourselves.) He’s still very raw, but in time they are likening Ah-THEY-nee to a young Alfonso Soriano. Not sure if “they” are saying a young Soriano means a Latin 21 or a Latin 25. I’d look at him in keepers, but league depth has a lot to do with your sitch.
Please, blog, may I have some more?Clayton Kershaw went 4 and two-thirds innings, giving up three earned and 11 baserunners. Six of those ducks on the pond were walks. That’s 1-2-3-4-5-6 walks. Versus the Pirates. A team that had a .318 OBP last year. Sure, this year they’re starting with Robot Jones, “I must kill the Queen,” but c’mon. How did I convince myself a pitcher who can’t get through 5 innings was a good idea? I blame all of you. Someone should of said something. And if you did say something, you should used more exclamation marks or a bigger font. This is not your beautiful wife, this is not your beautiful house, this is a pitcher who walks the ballpark. On the bright side — and let’s face it, we need a bright side since not all of us live on the first floor — Kershaw was very bad last April too. He’ll get better. Or at least I keep telling myself that. Convincing, right? No, really he will. Right? Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Aaron Cook – 5 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 5 Ks. Can you smell what the Cook is rocking? Smells like Dwayne Johnson’s movie career.
Please, blog, may I have some more?Many things have changed since November when we kicked off the 2010 fantasy baseball sleeper posts. For one, the date. For two, some of these guys are no longer that sleepery. For three, hut-hut-hike! As long as you don’t reach too far, sleepers can make all the difference on your team. You’re not grabbing a sleeper in the first round. You’re not like, “Hey, Drunky Cabrera, you walk that line, I’m going with Garrett Jones.” You should have a solid foundation in the first eight to ten rounds, then mix some sleepers in after that. If you click on the names for these players, there’s entire posts about them with their 2010 projections. Anyway, here’s some sleepers for 2010 fantasy baseball:
Alcides Escobar – Forty steals from Alcides wouldn’t be surprising. He’s especially nice if Web Gems is a category in your league.
Please, blog, may I have some more?

