Gerrit Cole has an injured arm, possibly elbow spurs.  I love this scenario:  a pitcher throws like garbage for weeks then the team announces he’s hurt.  Love, love, love.  This is my favorite.  Five innings, five runs, but it’s likely nothing, just a bad start.  Cut to five weeks later of terrible starts.  “Oh, yeah, he’s got a torn tendon/elbow spur/missing forearm due to lost baggage.  Oops!  We should’ve sent him to a doctor six starts ago.  Our bad!”  Here’s what I said after his last start, “I don’t know what’s going on with Cole, but I’d guess injury or dead arm.”  And that’s me quoting me!  How is it that I can guess there’s a problem but a major league team can’t figure shizz out?  That should never be possible.  I couldn’t even pass Bio 101, and a MLB team has a staff of doctors.  Seriously, how does this happen?  I want answers!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

We’re about two weeks from September call-ups, or as we call it in my house, “One more month and Cougs gets back the Fantasy Master Lothario,” or as they call it in Prospector Ralph’s house, “Let’s make another baby,” or as they call it in any Cubs fan’s house, “Start drinking heavily now so the heartbreak of October is a blurry haze.”  By the way, whatever team faces the Cubs in the World Series should pay Steve Bartman to throw out a first pitch of one of the games.  Bartman, “I won’t do it.”  “We’ll give you $50,000.”  “Do you want me to throw out the first pitch while riding on the back of a goat?”  So, that brings us to who will be the top September call-up, or at least for hype, Yoan Moncada.  About a week ago, Moncada injured his ankle, but he’s likely to be fine in a week.  In about 12 days, every fantasy baseball site will be telling you to grab Moncada, so it depends on how quick you need to react in your league on when you grab him, but I would in most leagues.  “Why, Unkie Grey, what does Moncada do?  Can he help me talk to girls?”  Yes!  If those girls live in Boston, have red hair and are named Francine.  Would you be interested if I told you Moncada went 13/44 in only 97 games with a .300 average?  How about if I told you he’s going to play in one of the best offensive parks with one of the best hitting teams?  What if I said he’d move your car on street cleaning day?  He will do all of that (minus the moving of the car, but it’s good if you get out of the house once in a while).  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

True or false:  A) Dansby Swanson is famous for being Ted Knight’s caddy in Caddyshack. B) Starting a meme at his frat house in Arizona where he’d put his checkered pants on a cactus with the caption, “I’m thirsty, yo.”  C) There’s no C.  D) All the above.  E) Was drafted a second ago by the Diamondbacks 1st overall, then traded to the Braves for the fellow WASP, Shelby Miller, and all-around terrible pitcher.  If you answered D) All the above, how did you know what all the above was before reading E?  Also, it was a true or false quiz, what the hell is all of the above?!  So, Dansby Swanson is being called up by the Braves just in time, no lie, for their series against the Diamondbacks.  Dayum.  Hello, wounds, here’s your salt.  In Prospector Ralph’s midseason top 100 prospects, Dansby was 22nd overall, right by Willie Calhoun, who totally tanked Mike Dukakis’ campaign.  Swanson is a 22-year-old that was a’ight in Double-A (8 HRs, 6 SBs, .261 in 84 games).  That’s neither here nor there, he’s young; he should be owned in most mixed leagues; you’re not going to find his talent level on waivers in many leagues; semicolons; fun.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

If you’re not familiar with Sia, then I encourage you to take a minute and enjoy her golden voice. If you’re still not convinced then I feel bad for you, cause she got Heidi Klum to star in this video Fire Meets Gasoline. Sorry I couldn’t edit the dude out, but I couldn’t pass up the opportunity of sharing my German crush that’s even hotter than my last name. Yes, Heater really is my last name and I’m banking on Jose Fernandez, $12,800 vs SF & Kevin Gausman, $8,500 at OAK to ignite our DK lineups even hotter than that clip, so we can cash in tonight. J-Fer’s splits are well documented, but I did the old stop short when I actually looked them up. Check this shizz out (that way you can come to your own conclusions) 113 Ks in 76.2 innings to go along with a 2.11 ERA and a 9-2 record vs 79 Ks in 55 innings with a 3.93 ERA and a 3-4 record. Yeah, dude is hotter than the girls wearing bikinis on Beachfront Avenue when he takes the mound in Miami, he’s straight FIRE. Fire definitely needs some Gausoline to make it go boom and our boy Gausman is primed with a great matchup in the friendly confines of the O.co Coliseum. Oakland’s offense has been the worst AL team at home when it comes to scoring and with a flame throwing righty on the mound that trend will continue tonight. Gausman has been roughed up this year being in the AL Beast, but he’ll feast on his AL West opponent tonight with at least 7 Ks and he’ll offense will do the rest to get him the win.

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run today to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. Wanna know what the best part is about signing up with us? The free subscription for the rest of the season to our DFSBot, that’s what! For details on the how to, please visit our Razzball Subscriptions page.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Manny Machado put up his right hand yesterday to measure it against a hand drawing every clubhouse has posted on its wall.  The drawing is of Mark Whiten’s hand that once held four baseballs in it.  Four baseballs for the four homers he hit in one game.  In the Padres’ clubhouse, this hand has been removed because it’s just a not-so-subtle reminder of what will never be.  In the Indians’ clubhouse, the hand is made into a turkey to celebrate the first Thanksgiving.  In the Astros’ clubhouse, the hand has been cut out and fashioned into a t-shirt for Altuve.  Imagine if Donald Trump wins the presidency and throws out a first pitch.  He may never make it to the field, too distracted in the clubhouse by measuring his hands against Whiten.  Yesterday, Machado came a fingernail short of the hand, hitting three homers with seven RBIs.  Now has 25 homers on the year with a .307 average.  Terrific, stupendous, adjective!  What’s more remarkable is he does not have one steal all year.  Almost as crazy, he’s only attempted three.  Did he have a knee transplant this offseason with McCutchen as the donor?  Machado stole 20 bases last year.  To go to none?  Wow, his feet definitely don’t measure up to the Rickey Henderson foot drawings in each clubhouse.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Steve Cishek hit the DL with the same injury that sounds like it once affected Nadia Comaneci –a torn labrum.  Grey’s got Olympics fever!  Which this year sounds like it can be transmitted by a mosquito.  “I’m not wearing my Brazilian national flag t-shirt to sit in the room all day!  Actually, I feel a little woozy too.”  That’s a family of four coming down with the Zika Virus at this year’s Olympics.  With Cishek likely out for the year, grab Edwin Diaz in all leagues.  On a related note, I’ll leave you with the Double Dutch Bus, a song that Missy Elliott later made famous on Gossip Folks.  The chorus for Double Dutch Bus sounds like it’s just me trying to say the name Steve Cishek.  Fast forward to 2:15 if you’re not feeling early 80s funk and just want the guy to say Steve Cishek repeatedly.  

Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Aaron Sanchez, $10,300 vs San Diego, has been great over his last six games limiting offenses to less than 2 runs, 6 hits and 2 walks over 40 innings. The 24 year old former closer has been the Blue Jays Ace this year going 10-1 with a 2.87 ERA to go along with his 108 Ks. Even more intriguing is that he’s doing all of this in the AL “Beast” going up against some of the toughest hitters in the league. Hitters have been struggling all year to square him up as his 3.44 FIP ranks sixth behind Corey Kluber. The Padres scored 10 runs yesterday, but much of that damage was done against Washington’s bullpen in the 8th and 9th innings. San Diego still leads the league in Ks vs RHP, so I’m counting on that trend to continue so our boy Cheeze can rack up at least 7-9 K and possibly hit double digits if he doesn’t get pulled early innings limits. There’s been tons of of talk about him getting sent to the bullpen and if those rumors are true this may be one of a handful of times that we have left to roster him in DK. Let’s get some Cheeze, so we can get that DK cheddar.

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run today to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. Wanna know what the best part is about signing up with us? The free subscription for the rest of the season to our DFSBot, that’s what! For details on the how to, please visit our Razzball Subscriptions page.

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run today to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. Wanna know what the best part is about signing up with us? The free subscription for the rest of the season to our DFSBot, that’s what! For details on the how to, please visit our Razzball Subscriptions page.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

If your fantasy portfolio is anything like mine, it probably means that there’s some work to be done to ensure you’re sitting at the top of the standings at the end of the season. Sure, there have been some good calls along the way. Drafting Mookie Betts looks like it’ll work out just fine. That late round SAGNOF pick of Jonathan Villar is making you look like Nostradamus right about now. But it hasn’t exactly been all sunshine and katydids for your fake teams. That Stanton/Upton/Heyward monster outfield that you assembled on draft day has put up some scary numbers this year (and not in a good way). Perhaps you decided to go the two ace route since a Harvey/Archer combo was just too good to pass up back in March. And just like that, you went from feeling like Nostradamus to Nostradumbass. Fantasy can be so cruel sometimes. The point is that things don’t always go according to plan. Fortunately, there’s still plenty of time to turn things around, and plenty of widely available players with which to do so. The purpose of this article is to identify some of those players who have the potential to provide significant fantasy value in the second half of the season as well as a few of the expendable players who might be burning holes in your roster.

Today, we’re going to look at some hitters of interest while focusing on pitchers in the near future. Without further ado, here are some potential second half treasures on the hitting side who are widely available in ESPN leagues (ownership percentage in parentheses):

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Cincinnati Reds first baseman Joey Votto has been a model of consistency throughout the majority of his MLB career. This has been especially true in terms of his disciplined approach at the plate. From 2012 to 2015, he led MLB in walk rate (18.8%) by a comfortable margin and was one of only two qualified players (A.J. Ellis being the other) with an O-Swing% under 20%. Simply put, if a pitch was out of the strike zone, Votto rarely swung at it. This impressive strike zone awareness resulted in him being one of only four players (including Miguel Cabrera, Mike Trout, and Paul Goldschmidt) to produce a .300+ batting average as well as a .400+ on base percentage during that span. This season, however, his walk (13.9%) and strikeout (26.6%) rates have regressed, hurting his usually stellar batting average (.230) and OBP (.348) in the process. The man with the precise, almost robotic approach at the plate is suddenly about as effective as R.O.B. was for the 8 bit NES back in the day. Are the 32-year-old’s skills starting to erode? Is it time to say sayonara to Mr. Votto?

Let’s take a look at Votto’s profile to see what, if anything, has changed for him this season. Here are a few observations:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Regulators Mount Up! Or if you’re recovering from last two nights like I am, grab a Gatorade, a couple Tylenol, finish watching the second season of Bloodline and post all the spoilers so Grey flips out. If you’re not hurting like me, then hopefully most of you are enjoying a day off and if you’re not, I’ll be sure to poor a little out for my DK homies that are out there grinding. First and foremost, I’d like to thank all of our current and former Military for their service. Without your selfless sacrifices we wouldn’t be able to enjoy trivial things like copious amounts of alcohol, BBQ’s and fantasy baseball, so again a HUGE THANK YOU! Now onto the trivial stuff. There’s some nice early action this morning with Jeff Samardzija, aka Puke Soup and Jose Quintana, but since you partied like a rock star and woke up late, let’s concentrate on the games that are still open. Nate Dogg aka Nathan Karns is priced at a very reasonable $9,500 today, with a home start against San Diego. Currently Karns is averaging 17 points a start, granted he had a semi-clunker, 5 Ing, 3 K’s and 3 ER last time out against Oak, but he’s averaging a strikeout and inning. Not too shabby for an under the radar guy. Hopefully he gets a call from Velasquez and Cueto after the game so they can compare notes and laugh about the double digit K’s they all racked up against an underwhelming Padres lineup. Tanner Roark, $9,600 can be rostered with Karns and still leave you with plenty of dough for offense. I don’t know what Dusty’s been feeding Roark, but whatever he’s doing the shizz is working cause dude is is striking people out. His K rates were mediocre/not too good previous to this year, but in 2016 he’s averaging over 8 K’s a game and he’s lowered his K/BB over a full point from 2014. I thought his 15 K’s vs Min was a fluke, but surprisingly he’s still knocking them down.

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run today to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.

Please, blog, may I have some more?