Rick Porcello won the 5th starter spot in Detroit over Smyly. Or Frownly, as the case may now be. Yawn. This is most unexciting news ever. This is like reading a Yelp review for The Cheesecake Factory. They have big portions. Yay. Who even writes Yelp reviews for The Cheesecake Factory? I want some of your free time, Cheesecake Factory reviewer. I don’t like Porcello and wouldn’t draft him in any leagues. He has a 5-ish K/9, which is atrocious. Which II, The Return of Which Mountain, leads Porcello to need good luck on balls hit into play. Though, no matter what I say, Porcello is invariably asked about in the comments for whether or not to pick him up, so y’all ain’t reading this anyway, and, since you’re not reading, I was the one who made heaving noises from the movie theater balcony and dropped cream of corn soup on your head. (Spoiler Alert for Game of Thrones: Was I the only one who was reminded of Chunk from The Goonies when Tyrion was confessing to the weird breastfeeding lady? Any the hoo!) Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in spring training for fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?Brandon Inge
This weekend, my Cougar’s dog had diarrhea all over my foot. So, I wrote a list of Don’ts and taped it to his bed. 1. Do not poop my foot. 2. Do not ever poop my foot. Seriously. 3. There’s no three.
Please, blog, may I have some more?Tim Lincecum has a 6.07 ERA. Seriously, we’re in July and Lincecum’s ERA is six point oh seven. There’s ugly. There’s brutal. There’s murderous. There’s the guy with the goiter down the street from you that you talked to at a red light once and now he wants to hang out.
Please, blog, may I have some more?In 1992, the last time the Astros had a number one draft pick they skipped over Derek Jeter and drafted Phil Nevin. As they say, the rest is history. Or as an Astro fan says, “The rest never happened because I became a Texas Rangers fan. Go Hamilton!” This year the Astros weren’t letting it happen again. With their number one pick, they selected 17-year-old shortstop, Carlos Correa. To put this in fantasy perspective, the Astros took Ramon Castro 17th overall in 1994.
Please, blog, may I have some more?Bryce Harper and Mike Trout were called up by their respective clubs this weekend. When Bryce left Syracuse for his first major league game, the grand opening of the “Eye Black Isn’t Just For The Ultimate Warrior And Owls” store turned into a Going Out of Business sale. When Mike Trout left Salt Lake for the Angels, Bobby Abreu’s three year Going Out of Business sale came to an abrupt end. Bobby, “I still have some seven-pitch walks to sell!” With Trout and Harper called up, the minor leagues were closed. There’s no more minor leagues. In his major league debut, Harper looked like all that and a bag of douche. Who over the age of twelve flips their helmet off when they’re running? Wait, is he over the age of twelve? Definitely more auspicious of a debut than Trout’s (or is that inauspicious?). (NSFWUYWAAPPH (Not Safe For Work Unless You Work At A Porn Production House): In case you didn’t see it, Harper roped a double to deep center while someone behind home plate dropped their pants. (Here’s Bryce Harper’s first major league hit in motion.) I can’t wait to go to Cooperstown in 25 years and see Bryce Harper’s 1st major league hit. The curator showing a group of middle school kids, “Here’s the film of Babe Ruth calling his shot and here’s Bryce Harper with a booty call.” In 50 years, Bryce Harper showing his granddaughter, “There’s your PawPaw getting his first major league hit.” “PawPaw, are you the one with your ass showing?” “No, sweetheart, that’s how fans celebrated baseball players when I played. A great time to be alive.”) Mike Trout, nor the fans behind him, flashed anything. Whatevs, I like him better for this year.
Please, blog, may I have some more?Anyone who’s read this site for a minute — an urbandictionary minute, which is actually a long time — knows I have love for Adam Lind. In an age when the home run is scarce — wow, that sounded like a Ken Burns voiceover — Lind has big time power. I’m a fan. Have the pin that reads, “Lind-a-want-stats!” Sorry, that’s a square pun in a round hole. Yesterday, he went 4-for-4, 2 homers in his 2nd game back from the DL. He can still get 30 homers and hits in the heart of a solid order. I wouldn’t be scared of him, he might just do his best not-this-season Dunn impression. BTW, Bautista hasn’t hit a homer in 7 games, what a loser! Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Shin-Soo Choo – Says DUI is affecting play. Assuming he doesn’t have to drive relievers in from the bullpen, I say just start drinking before games again.
Please, blog, may I have some more?Kyle Drabek, the Blue Jays top pitching prospect, was called up to start on Wednesday vs. the O’s. Kyle Drabek is 24th on the top 50 prospects for fantasy baseball. He has top of the rotation stuff and a good pedigree with his dad being the former Cy Young winner, Doug. Or Guod if you’re dyslexic. Or “Hey, look a bird,” if you have ADHD. Well… Kyle Drabek had top of the rotation stuff. Now he looks closer to a number 2 or 3. His strikeout rate went from 10+ K/9 in A to 7+ in Double-A. Word on the street is his velocity is down. He’s obviously too young to write off. Velocity could return with the gaudy Ks. In keepers, I’d grab him in AL-Only, obviously. In mixed league keepers, it needs to be deep for him to have any real value. For this year, I’d be very cautious about starting him anywhere. In his first two starts, he gets the M’s and O’s, or the Mo’s. Not bad matchups, but starting rookie pitchers in the final weeks of the season is asking for trouble. You just have no idea what he’s going to do in his cup of coffee, he may or may not get creamed. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Adam Lind – 1-for-2 with 22nd homer. I’m sorry, I will like him again next year. I’ll love him if he can train with the guy who trained Zobrist in the winter of 2009 and Bautista last winter.
Please, blog, may I have some more?J.P. Arencibia was called up by the Buckless Jays. In Triple-A, Arencibia hit 31 homers in 379 ABs. That’s-a one spicy prospect! To go all Latin America on you, there’s a caveat. That was in the PCL, which is like playing on the moon with an aluminum bat. He’s not quite the prospect of Wieters, Posey or Carlos Santana, pre-Kalish yelling at him, “Eat everything off your plate!” I’d pick up Arencibia if you just lost Santana or if you’re just hurting at catcher, in general. Conservatively, I’d give him 6 homers and a terrible average. But he’s capable of more and that’s why you grab him. When we’re dealing with such short sample sizes as the final two months, it’s worth the flyer to see if he surprises with an extended hot streak. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Carlos Zambrano – Will return to the Cubs rotation on Monday vs.
Please, blog, may I have some more?Scott Rolen says he’s going to try to avoid the DL because of his hamstring. Dusty said, “Too bad he can’t pitch because they don’t use their legs. Except in soccer.” It doesn’t sound too promising for Rolen. Injuries are old hat for Rolen. He makes everyone else besides Glass Chipper seem healthy. On top of the injury, Rolen was hitting .182 in July with zero homers. If I owned him, I’d hope he went to the DL, so I can store him on my DL while grabbing another player. Either way, I’d start making other plans because a Rolen that’s playing injured isn’t an exciting hitter to have on your team. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Drew Stubbs – 3-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 18th steal to go along with his 13 homers. He’s batting .500 over the last week and has been valuable the whole year, even with the ridiculous amount of strikeouts. Would’ve been a good player to fingercuff.
Please, blog, may I have some more?By the dawn’s early light, why are you unhealthy again, Jose Reyes?! Tough week for MIs. Rollins must be contagious. It’s the Middle Infieluenza Outbreak of Twenty-Ten. This is like in 1918 when Skeeter McGillicuddy sneezed and the Brooklyn Robins entire team was in the hospital for two weeks with the Robins forcing a team of jailbirds and hooligans onto the field in the heart of the pennant race. Or maybe that was a movie pitch I overheard in a Hollywood Starbucks. Neverthehoo! Right now, Reyes doesn’t sound too bad with only a stiff back and not an issue with his oblique, the mystery ailment that sidelines players and no one has any idea where in the body it is. Reyes said he could’ve even played last night. Excellent, now keep him away from any Met doctors that treated Beltran’s day-to-day thing last year that knocked him out for over a year. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jimmy Rollins – 0-for-4 as he hits third for the 2nd straight game. Yeah, it didn’t work for Reyes either. Rollins is now batting .270 after returning from the DL with a .341 average. Granted, that was only through 11 games, but they’re my small sample sizes and I’ll put them wherever I want.
Please, blog, may I have some more?
