I’m not a religious girl, but when I was sitting down to write this post and saw the magic words “Stephen Strasburg versus the San Diego Padres” and [email protected] (mmm, strudel), I raised my hands and gave up a “hallelujah.” Which caused some raised eyebrows in the coffee shop I was sitting in, let me tell you (ugh, whatEVer, Man Yelling Into Skype About His Deck Repairs).

So it’s fair to say I’m reasonably excited about Stephen’s match-up today. Even if he does cost me $11,100 (gulp). Collectively, the Padres are hitting .221 at time of writing. They’re the third-worst team in MLB (and I hate pointing all this stuff out — I do root for the Padres). I have some worries: so far this year, Strasburg’s K/9 is a little down (8.80) and his ERA at home is not ideal (4.00 at home versus 2.70 away), but I gotta have faith. I also want to stack some Rockies and Cardinals bats. Trying to squeeze all this into my FanDuel salary cap is gonna hurt like kneeling too long at church when you’re as old as I am, but I’ll make it work.

New to FanDuel? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well, be sure to read our content and subscribe to the DFSBot  for your daily baseball plays. Just remember to sign up through us before jumping into the fray. It’s how we know you care!

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For this Buy on Adam Frazier, we are hoping C**nt Hurdle doesn’t mysteriously bench Frazier for, say, Jose Osuna, Alen Hanson or John Jaso.  You’re thinking to yourself, “No way Hurds benches a guy that’s batting near-.360.  No way Hurds does this to a guy that regularly hit for a .300+ average in the minors.  No way Hurds does this with a guy that had a .400+ OBP in the minors and with an OBP near-.450 in the majors.”  Yeah, well, Hurds and way, Little Miss Muffet.  I have no proof of this, but I think C**nt Hurdle came up with the idea for gas station TV.  Not that there’s anything dumb about TV above the pumps while you get gas, but it’s so stupid that every 15 seconds it says, “Welcome to Gas Station TV!”  Imagine this anywhere else, “Hello, and welcome to living room TV!”  “Welcome back to guest bedroom TV, after just telling you that you were watching guest bedroom TV literally 15 seconds ago!”  “We now interrupt the conclusion for this week’s Better Call Saul finale to tell you exactly where you are.”  That Hurdle came up with announcing Gas Station TV every 15 seconds tells you how smart this guy is.  Frazier does appear to be as good as most leadoff guys around the league for OBP and speed.  Think a poor man’s Ender.  I will call him, Watching The Ending Of A Show On Gas Station TV.  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

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Has there been any “sleeper” more hyped this season than Charlie Morton? It seems like we’re constantly being reminded of the spike in velocity, the swing and miss stuff, the combination of swinging strikes, and groundball rate. Knowing all this I was dying to profile Morton and see what all the noise is about. Speaking of Noise, my Pittsburgh scout, and favorite right testicle Dr. Kenneth Noisewater, has a basket full of hot takes on Morton, that mostly consist of different ways to say Charlie Morton sucks. Perhaps Noisey is right, perhaps all the lemmings in the fantasy industry are right. Much like the ATLiens that raised me to be an emotionally well adjusted gangster, I just stay in the middle and drop bombs, mostly in the toilet. I stay regular ladies and gents. Let’s take a closer look at this “new and improved” Charlie Morton, and see if it’s in fact a new recipe, or the same re-packed garbage.

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Or will he?  Dun, dun, DUNNNNNN…ok, I don’t think he will.  What, you thought I’d drop a hot beat and a fresh rhyme on you a la Grey?  Psssh, I ain’t about that life, son.  I’ll belt out some Cornell for you live and in person, but you won’t catch me getting lyrical up in this wordpress.  Ok, ok, supply and demand so here’s a hot track.  I’m not sure what the equivalent of being rick rolled is in this day and age, but consider yourself as such.  You got served!  But now that I’ve served you in a way you didn’t like, let me serve you in a way you should: JC Ramirez at $14,400 is middling in terms of price on this slate and ripe for K opportunity facing the surging Rays.  Surging, I say?  Yes, I do.  Sadly, the Rays are a weird bunch so far this year.  Though their K% against righties leads the league, they’re 2nd in the league in wRC+ against them as well.  If you want some further schism, Rays are also 1st in K% on the year but 4th in wRC+.  All this to say that Ramirez isn’t a slam dunk, but I think the Ks will give him a nice baseline.  I’ll tentatively give him the green light as an SP2 in cash, but will definitely be in on him as either a 1 or 2 for tourneys on today.

Speaking on Chris Cornell a bit more, if you’ll permit me…we’ve had some great sounds come out of Seattle and it’s a sad trend that lots of those lungs lend themselves towards ending early.  Cornell was a voice you heard above the fray, whether you wanted to or not.  He had a long and amazing career.  People who thought he sold out with Euphoria Morning and beyond have no clue what it means to be an artist who wants to challenge themselves.  The man could sing anything he wanted…and he wanted to be a lot of different artists.  You metalheads who needed the hard edge couldn’t appreciate that his love of Beatles and Otis Redding brought you Superunknown.  In kind, you all who couldn’t appreciate his time with Soundgarden who thought it was just screeching noise, don’t actually understand that soul comes in many forms.  I’m gonna drop one of those in between tunes that seemingly few heard here called Sweet Euphoria and going on with my picks for this slate…right after I drop the Razzball Listener’s League that goes down with tomorrow’s slate.  Reserve your spot now, win money tomorrow.  It’s almost like investing!

New to FantasyDraft? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well be sure to read our content and subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays. Just remember to sign up through us before jumping into the fray. It’s how we know you care!

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Justin Smoak isn’t simply the hottest hitter in all of baseball.  No!  There’s more!  He’s hitting near-.400 in the last week with four homers.  But wait, there’s more!  Justin Smoak is the world’s first liquid smoke for a fantasy team.  Put Justin Smoak on your fantasy team and it instantly adds an unmistakable Smoak flavor.  Sick of bland boeuf Welington, try Justin Smoak!  Once you taste Justin Smoak, you’re gonna be like, “Now I know why those crazy Canadians measure everything in meat’ers!”  This Eve is not covering her naughty bits with a fig leaf, she’s wearing Smoak’d beef!  Justin Smoak adds such flavor to a fatty piece of old beef it now becomes lean and fresh, leaving our Spanish customers saying, “Si, newy!”  I don’t want to Bragg about our Liquid Aminos, but Justin Smoak can be added to real-live cows and they take on the unmistakeable smell of an ashtray!  All of this for the low, low price of a waiver wire pickup!  Justin Smoak is too good not to try!  (Awaiting FDA approval.)  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

As I was rummaging through player statistics looking for some bit of data that would help both me and my eight loyal readers, for some reason I began to wonder if it would be possible to add a team to an existing points league right now using only players that went largely undrafted in the majority of leagues to fill my starting lineup. I’m defining “largely undrafted” as any player with an average draft position of 220 or greater. It escapes me as to how I arrived at the 220 number, but I think it’s safe to say that anyone drafted at that point wasn’t really a player the drafting team intended to bank its success upon. So the rules are simple, I construct a starting lineup of 16 players (10 batters, 4 starting pitchers and 2 relievers) using only players with an ADP greater than 219. These players do not need to be on the waiver wire. I am allowed to take them from their current teams. Without this clause, said exercise would be futile because, at this point, all waiver wire gems have already been snatched up.

For those of you that thought draft season was over, guess again.

Without further ado, let’s draft our expansion team…

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Jose Bautista is such a douche canoe.  He bat-flipped after a home run that cut the Braves lead to 8-4.  That’s like “Pimp my Ride” with a Hyundai.  That’s like moonwalking at a bar mitzvah with toilet paper on your shoe.  That’s like screaming at your recently ex-girlfriend, “I’ll never be alone, because I will always have my mom!”  He’s hitting .208, and hasn’t looked right since Odor ended him like Drago ended Apollo.  Any hoo!  This has nothing to do with Bautista.  Well, kinda.  Freddie Freeman was hit on the wrist, and then all hell broke out for the better part of the Jays/Braves games.   Freeman looked like he was in serious pain and he’s headed for an MRI and CT scan today.  I don’t own him, but I will join your prayer hexagon if you need me.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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We have our first big call-up of the major league season!!!  “Yoo-hoo!”  You want chocolate milk, Cody Bellinger?  “I was drawing attention to myself, since I was called up first.”  Oh, yeah, but you feel like you were always here.  “Oh, well, that’s nice of you to say–”  Shut up, Cody Bellinger!  Bradley Zimmer, now this is a call-up!  “I’ll be up soon!”  Shut up, Amed Rosario!  This is about Bradley Zimmer.  Zimmer is a guy who is a speed-first, power-second, average-third guy.  Actually, on base percentage second in leagues that count that sorta thing.  In Triple-A, he had five homers, nine steals and a 30% strikeout rate.  He looks like Keon Broxton who should be platooned out of the lineup against lefties.  I will call him, Right-on Broxton.  I grabbed him in all leagues where he was available, you don’t want to miss out on the first big call-up.  “Seriously, are you just ignoring me?”  Bellinger, you’re getting on my last nerve!  For 2017, I’d give Zimmer a line around 45/10/40/.235/20.  That could be the best call-up of the year.  “Seriously?!”  Shut it down, CB!  Oh, and I’m aware that Zimmer went 0-for-3 with 3 Ks out of the nine hole, but Bellinger looked lost thru a whole two starts too when he was first called up. “Keep my name out of your mouth!” Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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With roughly two months worth of baseball activity behind us, it’s time to re-rank some stuff. Sure, that’s an awful reason to rank things, and what’s baseball activity anyway? But Keith Law gets to update his after a couple of months, so why can’t cha boy Ralphie L? Some things have changed, for sure, some top prospects have either graduated, or are on the cusp of graduating. Most notably Andrew Benintendi, Dansby Swanson, Hunter Renfroe, Manuel Margot, Aaron Judge, and Tyler Glasnow. I figure if you’re in the majors, I ain’t gonna rank ya no more. There’s been a few jumps, the most significant of which is Chicago Cubs prospect Ian Happ. For those of you who don’t follow minor league box scores, he’s pretty much the Eric Thames of the minors leagues. Only minus the beard or the Popeye muscles. My excitement over Lewis Brinson and Cody Bellinger should be easily identified, they slot second and third respectively. As for the rest of the list you’re going to have to see for yourself. No, I won’t be sliding Tyler Mahle into my Top 25, after the perfect game last night. I had to get it in somewhere, right?

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Holy moly, are we talking actual live MLB players past their limits this week? Yessiree Bobby Jimmy! Michael Halpern the smooth, and debonair brains behind Imaginarybrickwall.com, and yours truly bust into our Top Dynasty Targets for 2017. While we do blur the lines of reality, and talk some major leaguers, we don’t leave you hanging on the prospect front. It’s an all out attack on the senses. Seriously, this episode is so good you can both smell and taste it. Yummy seafood chowder! Am I selling hard here? Good, because in all truthiness, this is the episode where you get a new Ralph, a subdued Ralph. A Ralph who writes about himself in the third person. Maybe I always do that. We go in on everyone from Marcus Stroman to Tyler O’Neill, it’s the whole lot of dynasty values. So take heed, listen up, and check out the latest episode of the Razzball Prospects Podcast.

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