Fantasy Baseball Advice

Wouldn’t say this is crunch time as much as this is “Your nuts are in a cracker and the season’s closing in and squeezing tight so you better just throw any pitchers that are available because you need stats — stat!” time.  The line for last week was 80 IP, 4.05 ERA, 1.44 WHIP, 50 Ks and 3 wins.  Not a great line, but if you throw out Lannan and Francis because you had better sense than me and didn’t start them.  The line comes down to 3.42 ERA and 1.37 WHIP.  To recap, these aren’t guys I’d drop anyone worthwhile to get, these starters are meant for streaming purposes and all of their ownership in ESPN is under 50%.  These streamers are in no particular order.  Also, in the final month of the season, managers juggle their lineups more, so there’s no guarantee all of these guys are listed on the right day.  Anyway, here’s some borderline starters for this week in fantasy baseball:

Friday, September 16th

Philip Humber – It’s really slim pickins on Friday for under 50% owned starters.  I’m not a huge fan of Humber but compared to some of the other schmohawks, well, here he is.

Jeff Locke – On Friday, Locke goes against the Smoke Monster in chess and the Dodgers’ weak offense.

Saturday, September 17th

Jeanmar Gomez – Gets the Twins, has only given up 3 earned in the last 17 and a third innings and when you say his first name it causes phlegm.

Rick Porcello – Don’t trust Porcello at all but he goes to a -co stadium and faces the A’s.

Chris Volstad – In his last three starts, 17 1/3 IP and 3.12 ERA.  Here he takes on the Nats and Strasburg’s three to five innings of work.

Sunday, September 18th

Joe Saunders – In 22 innings vs. the Padres, he has a 2.05 ERA and a .190 BAA.  Kill me now for recommending Saunders.

Matt Harrison – 1.84 ERA vs. the Mariners, though I’m not sure there’s any pitchers with a 2+ ERA vs. the M’s.  Maybe Liriano or Danks.  Schmohawks.

Brad Lincoln – Gave a pretty yawnstipating start last time out, but here I am going back to the well like Baby Jessica.

Monday, September 19th

David Huff – I never said the names on this list were gonna be pretty.  There’s only a few teams I could see starting Huff against:  the Mariners and the Mariners minor league affiliates.

Mike Minor – He just dismantled the Marlins (with a four walk performance in 5 2/3 innings — technicalities!).

Tuesday, September 20th

Jason Vargas – Choices aren’t Grade A when I’m taking on a Mariners starter, but it was between him and To Be Announced.  And I don’t like To Be Announced’s matchup.

Edwin Jackson – Highest compliment I can give any guys on this list is when I think one should be owned in more than 50% of leagues.  Jackson’s one of those guys.

Derek Holland – Last three starts (when this was written), 1.77 ERA and 21 Ks in 20 1/3 IP.

Wednesday, September 21st

Dana Eveland – He/she gets the Giants in Chavez Ravine.  Giants have a .236 average vs. lefties, which is only slightly worse than what they’re batting against righties.  As for the lack of other options today, they were kinda Plouffey.  I almost put down Brett Cecil, but he’s all over the map and not in the good traveling circus kind of way.

In the next few days, the Diamondbacks are bringing up their top pitching prospect, Jarrod Parker, to work relief.  He’s a starter though, so it’ll be “Parker poseur” for all you indie kids out there with dark-rimmed glasses, smoking American Spirits.  In 2009, Stephen wrote, “(His) elbow tightness, that caused him to be DL’d on August 5th leading to a visit to Dr. Freeze’s office, is either a bad thing or a precautionary visit.  Speaking of which, I’d like to send Grey to the doctor’s office with my fist in his face.”  Hmm… That last line totally snuck past me the first time.  So, as we all know, no one goes to Dr. Freeze for precautionary reasons.  Parker missed the entire 2010 season after Tommy John surgery.  That’s a long time to eat Jell-O.  Unless you can eat solids after Tommy John surgery.  I don’t know, I’m not a doctor.  This year Parker’s rebounded nicely.  His stats (7.71 K-rate, 3.79 ERA) don’t read like he’s all the way back, but the Diamondbacks are promoting him and will allow him to compete for a 2012 rotation spot.  I trust the Diamondbacks’ judgment more than other teams and would absolutely take a flyer on Parker in keeper/NL-Only leagues.   Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Dontrelle Willis – 3 1/3 IP, 8 ER, 12 baserunners and the last person who still had faith in Willis’ comeback lost it — Todd Bridges.

Juan Francisco – 2-for-4 with his 3rd homer.  I’m gonna let you in on a little secret.  Lean close to the monitor so the guy reading over your shoulder can’t hear.  Okay, not that close, you’re gonna ruin your eyes.  I’m gonna like Juan Francisco a lot next year if he comes away with a starting job.  I mean, a lot.  Hang a big blinking sign on him that says sleeper.  You know what I’m saying?  Yeah, you do.  Okay, now back away from the monitor, it’s getting weird.

Brandon Phillips – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and two homers.  I’m pretty surprised Phillips has been healthy and his power (14 HRs) and speed (10 SBs) are so down.  At 30 years old, he shouldn’t be falling off already.  Bring back steroids!

Brad Lincoln – 5 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 10 baserunners, 1 K.  Stupid Lincoln!  I’m glad you’ve fallen behind Kennedy and Washington in modern day popularity polls.

Neil Walker – 3-for-4.  When he hit 2 homers in the first week of the season, I had such high hopes for this schmohawk.  He’s now hit 10 homers in the last 22 weeks.  That’s less than a half homer per week.  A half of a homer is a double.  So less than that means he’s stopping between first and second?  So useless.  I hate you, Neil Walker.

Starlin Castro – 3-for-4, 4 runs, 3 RBIs and his 9th homer.  Can we say he was the one bright spot on the Cubs season?  Unless you count Big Z wearing a burlap sack muumuu and hailing a taxi to Crazy-ville.

Jeff Baker – 2-for-4 with his 3rd homer.  It’s nice, but they don’t play him every day so it’s only worthwhile to note it in very deep leagues.

Brett Myers – 8 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks vs. the Phils.  I didn’t trust him for this start, but on a more important note.  His beard looks like it was art directed by Tim Burton.  Or he looks like he’s in The Hart Foundation.

Roy Oswalt – 7 IP, 5 ER, 13 baserunners, 2 Ks.  Charlie Manuel, “I said bring your “A” game, not a game!  Now where’s my straw for chewing?”

Chase Utley – Scheduled his second concussion test.  Guess he forgot he already took one.

Eric Surkamp – 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 0 Ks vs. the Padres.  He got the win, but this is his 2nd start against the Padres that hasn’t exactly made me a believer for this year.

Brent Morel – Had his 2nd 2 homer game in the last week.  My what a fancy mushroom you are! If you’re desperate for power, I could see taking a flyer hoping that he’ll stay hot for another two weeks.

John Danks – 5 IP, 7 ER.  My hate for Neil Walker is nothing compared to what I have for Danks.  I am Sideshow Bob and Danks is Bart.

Rafael Furcal – 2-for-5, hitting .292 over the last week with 2 steals.  He says he needs to get on base to steal bases.  Props to his baserunning coach.  Teaching some heavy shizz over there in St. Louis.  Next lesson:  After You Hit The Ball, Run To First.  Break it up into two parts so you don’t lose anyone.

Josh Willingham – 3-for-4, 4 RBIs and The Other White Meat now has 2 homers in his last 4 games.  When he hits them, he hits them in bunches like Mr. Chiquita Banana.

Andrew Bailey – Wasn’t able to go yesterday because of being hit on the head by a Kurt Suzuki line drive.  Bailey said, “I’d be on a stretcher if it wasn’t for those Oakley sunglasses.”  Charles Oakley said, “You’d be on a stretcher if you took my sunglasses.”

Miguel Olivo – 2-for-4 with his 18th homer.  Speaking of hitting them in bunches, Olivo does too and this was his 2nd homer in four days.

Jeff Niemann – 7 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks.  He gets the Sawx next which sounds like a sad trombone until you realize he has a 1.06 ERA vs. them in 17 innings this year.

Joel Peralta – Struck out three in a perfect inning for the save.  Stop circling your prey, save vultures, and swoop in.

Ryan Raburn – 4-for-5, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 13th homer.  He’s been so yawnstipating this year it’s hard for me to build up much excitement for him, but this could be the start of a week run of hotness.

Erick Aybar – On Sunday, he went 4-for-5 and yesterday he hit a homer.  EA is in the game.

Josh Beckett – Set to return this weekend.  We’re left waiting for Beckett to see if he’ll return to lay an existential egg.

Coco Crisp – Will miss at least three more days.  Snap, crackle, crap.

Manny Ramirez – Was arrested after a domestic dispute.  Maybe he was mad because his wife took his last fertility pill.  “Now how is Manny gonna be womanny?!”

The playoffs roar on.  I am calling this week’s entry the De-Fib kit for your playoff hopes, the in case of emergency break glass list.  Well how bad could it honestly be,  if you’re still alive in the playoffs or are still trying to steal those last few points.  It’s a better alternative than being out of the playoffs and looking forward to fantasy hockey.  Shameless cross promotion is never a bad thing.  The fringe benefits are awesome, as I received a signed picture of Dick Button and a glass of water with a note attached saying it was ice from the Montreal Forum.  So continue the good fight as the playoffs continue on, comments or pitch or ditch questions are always welcome.  Good luck. (Please keep in mind that pitchers and matchups change.)

ONE START OPTIONS:

9/14
Luke Hochevar vs. Min – Pavano
Wade Davis @ Bal – Guthrie
Chris Narveson vs. Col – Millwood

9/15
Randy Wells @ Cin – Bailey
Chris Capuano vs. Was – Milone

9/16
Jeff Locke @ LA vs. – Kuroda
Wade Miley @ SD – Stauffer
Derek Lowe vs. NYM – Batista
Philip Humber @ KC – Paulino
John Lannan vs. Fla – Sanchez

Brett Myers (Phi vs. Oswalt, @CHC vs. Dempster) Two consecutive 1 ER outings in a row, technically 3 if you count the one in relief.  It’s Houston so you need to look on the brighter side when looking at stats.  Man, that possible change to the AL can’t come fast enough.

Eric Surkamp (SD vs. Harang, @Col vs. Pomeranz) The Giants are the Krylon of baseball.  If they score any runs pray for a rain shortened game.  Back end of the rotation potential type for next year.

Dillon Gee (Was vs. Wang, @Atl vs. Beachy) The second most popular Dylan/Dillon in NY next to the candy bar. Which if you haven’t been is the diabetic purgatory.  Faces Wang and at a Beachy — sounds like Sandy Hook.

Bruce Chen (Min vs. Hendriks, CHW vs. Peavy) Which Bruce shows up this week, the one that we make fun of or the one we get made fun of for using.  My inner Bruce Chen is flying a kite and whistling “Magic” by the Cars.  Spotty with a chance of bed wetting, is my professional fantasy scouting report of Chen.

Brad Lincoln (STL vs. Lohse, @LA vs. Eveland) In the playoffs see a penny pick it up, all the day your fantasy team may suck.  Previous 6 inning shutout of the Cards helps his case, LA just plain sucking is the Mrs. Butterworth’s on top. Random unrelated fact of the day, Mrs. Butterworth’s first name, Joy. You’re welcome.

R.A. Dickey (Was vs. Detwiler, @Atl vs. Hudson) I am not ashamed to say that I like me some Dickey this week.  Why is everyone laughing? Kanye likes the fish version, why can’t I like the baseball version?

Guillermo Moscoso (Ana vs. Williams, Det vs. Verlander) Billy the not so Nino.  People everywhere prolly added him right after his last start.  Good for them for being so astute and having zero real friends but 400 facebook friends.

Chris Volstad (@Atl vs. Beachy, @Was vs. Wang) Even in Norway he is barely usable.  I want to root for him because he has some potential.  He suffers from “one inning-itis”.  Also visits Sandy Hook this week.

Joe Saunders (@LA vs. Billingsley, @SD vs. Harang) Anyone remember when he was crying about being traded out of Anaheim. I asked Justin Morneau if he remembered and he was too busy trying to velcro his shoes to comment.

Zach Britton (TB vs. Niemann, Ana vs. Pineiro) Throw the Yankees start out the window, because we wouldn’t have used him anyways.  Has elite groundball pitcher stuff.  Unfortunately hits can come via the groundball, that piece of genius brought to you by the World Wide Leader.

This isn’t meant to replace Smokey’s two-start pitchers for fantasy that comes every weekend. This is meant to supplement that, like something A-Rod’s cousin would give you. This isn’t two start pitchers, this is barely owned guys that could give you one start. A pick up and a drop. They’re all owned in less than 50% of ESPN leagues. Pretty much everything I told you in the beginning of the year about trusting your big guns and not trusting the wayward sons-of-bees goes out the window this time of year. If you’re battling for pitching points or in the H2H playoffs, you need to take some chances I wouldn’t necessarily take in April. Suddenly, Jeff Francis looks ownable and John Lannan doesn’t look like John Lannan, but looks like a guy whose home ERA is under 3. So I’ve assembled starters from Friday, the new Hump Day, until next Wednesday, the old Hump Day, that you could take a chance on depending on how bad your pitching shituation is. I’m not completely proud of all of these guys, but their mommas are (even Momma Lannan). Anyway, here’s some borderline starters for this week in fantasy baseball:

Friday, September 9th

Bud Norris – Has a great K-rate and goes against the Nationals, a team that is 2nd in the majors in strikeouts.  Could see him getting tagged for a homer or two, but should give you 6 innings and at least 6 Ks.  There’s a chance here for a 7 IP, 10 Ks game.  Fancy me some of that!

Jeff Francis – Game is in Safeco.  Yes, that’s all you need to know.  A recurring theme will emerge.  Recurring Theme, “Safeco!”  See?

Saturday, September 10th

Henderson Alvarez – My very-risky-may-not-be-risky-at-all start of the week.  Why do I sound like a less racist Jimmy The Greek?  Alvarez won’t strikeout many guys but, as long as balls don’t find holes — that’s what she said! — he should be okay.

Chris Capuano – Has been better in Metco than on the road and he gets the below-average Cubs offense at home.

John Lannan – I aforementioned this shizz if you read the lead — or lede if you’re an old-timer who likes the feel of a newspaper, Lannan’s home ERA is under 3 and he gets the Astros.

Edwin Jackson – This start worries me and I debated leaving it off, so there’s that.

Wade Miley – He gets the Padres.  This will be another recurring theme –  Recurring Theme, “Padres!” — but not for this week.  Recurring Theme, “My bad.”

Sunday, September 11th

Javier Vazquez – He falls under the 50% owned threshold, but he really shouldn’t.  So this one’s kind of a gimme.  Now watch him drop an upper decker.

Monday, September 12th

Brad Lincoln – Four score and four straight quality starts ago, he was a middle reliever.  Now he gets a team (the Cards) that he threw six shutout innings against.

Mike Leake – In 23 innings, he has a 2.74 ERA vs. the Cubs, including his last game where he was within an out of a one-hitter.

R.A. Dickey – He rematches against Wang for the Toilet Bowl II.

Phil Hughes – Recurring Theme, “Safeco!”

Aaron Harang – He goes against the Giants and rookie Surkamp, who I almost listed here too.  Conflict of interests yadda³.

Tuesday, September 13th

Guillermo Moscoso – Honestly, only because I had to pick someone.  It’s Tuesday the 13th… Spooky!

Wednesday, September 14th

Brandon McCarthy – I expect he’s gonna get rattled in his Friday start vs. the Rangers because, ya know, they’re good.  Here he goes against the Torii Hunter Peter Bourjos Vernon Wells Howie Kendrick Mark Trumbo-led Angels.

Chris Narveson – There’s a chance this start may not happen, but if it does against Colorado… Keep on pushing my love to the borderline…fantasy baseball starters.

The week that was showed us that Carlos Zambrano has issues, no big trades yet and LeBron is going to the Knicks. Or I wish anyways. It’s stealing all the headlines right now in the sports world, that and the underpants gnomes. I don’t know how they know I am asleep but they get me every time. One week to go until the All-Star break, I can’t wait to see who actually participates in the HR derby. Vote for Votto is all I’m saying. Week 14 is a busy scheduled week, lots of high end talent with some lower level fodder.  Here are the two start middle of the road guys that may peak your interest this week in fantasy baseball.

Ian Kennedy (Chc vs. Gorzellany) (Fla vs. Robertson)
Yikes, 9 walks, Ian? Horrible. There is always a but though. Faces 2 teams in the top 10 for K’s. Could sneak a win and 12 K’s. Wearing down a little, don’t expect much going forward.

Madison Bumgarner (@Mil vs. Wolf)( @Was vs. Martin)
Watched his start on DVR, pretty decent command inside and out, changes levels nicely, then got killed by one AB vs. Cameron. Prospect status makes sense. Will fool teams first time through. Then a fall back to earth is probable. Number 2-3 starter stuff.

Justin Masterson ( @Tex vs. Wilson) (@TB vs. Niemann)
I don’t care how inconsistent he is, watch him pitch. He has the gift of grounders. Two tough hitting teams loom as a downfall. I think he pulls a 10 K game this week.  Call me the President of the Just Master Fan Club.

Armando Galarraga (Bal vs. Millwood) (Min vs. Slowey)
A month post-Perfecto, and he has raised his ERA 2 points. Congrats. Gets Baltimore, so how bad can he be as a 2 start guy this week? Prolly a 7.5 ERA for the week bad. Dude only has 18 K’s all year.

Brad Lincoln (@Hou vs. Rodriguez) (@Mil vs. Wolf)
Coming off best start so far. Gets the weak hitting ‘Stros. Is definitely worth a look this week based on the 2 starts. League depth will dictate if he climbs on board your team.

Dave Bush (SF vs. Sanchez) (Pit vs. Karstens)
Head for the mountains. Giving up a whopping .287 BAA. Let it be said that Dave Bush makes everyone look like an All-Star. Does get the Pirates, it’s like mom kissing a broken leg to make it feel better.

Vicente Padilla (Fla vs. Volstad) (Chc vs. Silva)
Deserved to get plunked by CC. Matchup wise he is better than average, Silva has to suck some time, right? Pretty decent peripheral guy, which I actually had to look up.

John Ely (Fla vs. Robertson) (Chc vs. Gorzellany)
Minus one start he’s been borderline rosterable in deeper formats. Sneaky K potential and okay matchups for the week.

Jeff Francis (StL vs. Suppan) (SD vs. Richard)
I think he is hitting that first wall after coming back from injury. Looked like poo, previously against SD. Gets some revenge, and Suppan hasn’t drank the Duncan juice yet. No K’s or the love would be better.

Chris Volstad (@Lad vs. Padilla) (@Ari vs. Enright)
I wanna like this guy as much as Masterson but he isn’t as good. Way too many hits. Gets 2 decent coin flip matchups. Pitches a run and a half better at home.