Fantasy Baseball Advice

Last night, Buster Posey was carried off the field after Scott Cousins plowed him over.  This was the worst bang-bang play a catcher took in San Francisco since– Okay, you almost drew me into that one, but I’m not going there.  It didn’t look good as Posey wasn’t able to put weight on his leg.  Everyone’s favorite lox dealer, Eli Whiteside, would take over if the busted Posey misses time.  As Eli would say, oy.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Mike Minor – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 5 Ks.  The reason why I haven’t been screaming for you to grab this Minor, besides the fact I’m not Gary Glitter or Jeffrey Jones, is I have no idea the Braves plan for him.  I imagine he’s sent back down as soon as Beachy returns.  You can pick up Minor, just in case he sticks.  I do still have much love for him.  Even if he hasn’t returned any of my phone calls, appreciated my unannounced drop-bys or patted my butt when I’ve asked him to.

Jordan Schafer – 2-for-5, was called up and led off for the Braves.  With his poor slash line in the minors this year, the only thing Schafer should be leading off is Letterman shows.

Mike Morse – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and now has three straight games with a home run.  Dot, dot, dash.  That’s Morse code for pick him up right now.

Zack Greinke – 7 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 10 Ks and he pitchslapped Jason Marquis.  In Greinke’s last three games, he’s given up 5 ER, 4 ER and 3 ER.  I look forward to his start in early June when he throws a shutout.

Zach Braddock – Still out with a sleep disorder, but yesterday he missed a rehab start because of a cracked fingernail.  He said, “I’m not going to let a fingernail–”  Then fell asleep mid-sentence.

Matt Guerrier – Lost yesterday’s game; Jansen lost the previous Dodgers loss.  Guerra, MacDougal, Rubby…. Your time to suck is now!  Dodger bullpen?  More like Dodgy bullpen.

Ted Lilly – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 2 Ks.  Would’ve been nice to see more Ks — because I like Ks, okay?! — but he’s lowered his ERA from 4.93 on May 4th to 4.41 in the (not Denard) span of four starts.   Next stop, 4.00!

Hong-Chih Kuo – Throwing at 90% intensity as he works his way back from an anxiety condition.  Somebody just needs to ask him, “You happy with your status, Kuo?”

Juan Nicasio – Will get the Rockies Saturday start.  He was making it look easy in Double-A — 2.22 ERA, 1.02 WHIP, plus-10 K-rate.  That’s a yes, please and thank you.  Unfortunately, Double-A players sleep in hammocks that smell like mildew and can’t hit like major leaguers.  Outside of NL-Only leagues, you’re asking to get roofied if you grab Nicasio.  Though, if he pitches well, I could see reevaluating.

Jed Lowrie – 0-for-5 while the Sawx scored 14 runs.  Ticker tease!

Jarrod Saltalamacchia – 2-for-4 with his 4th home run in his last ten games while upping his batting average thirty-three points.  I don’t mind him, but Salty raises Rudy’s blood pressure.

Carl Crawford – 4-for-4, 3 runs, 2 RBIs, his 3rd home run and 2nd in three games.  On top of the homer, there were two doubles and some premature extrabasulation.  He’s batting .308 in May and the “Now Through Memorial Day” sale on Crawford ended early.

Brad Hawpe – 2-for-4 and homers in back-to-back games.  Yesterday, someone asked if Hawpe’s recent hitting would keep Rizzo down.  The thing about Rizzo is the same with most rookies.  They fail — with or without a hashtag.  A rookie in Petco?  I would take a flyer, but I wouldn’t count on Rizzo saving your season.

Andruw Jones – 3-for-3, 4 RBIs and two home runs.  Someone just woke from a five-year coma and can’t stop talking about the Hall of Fame career Andruw Jones is having.

Russell Martin – Has 9 homers and 4 steals on the year.  Not bad considering there were two Yankee backstops drafted before him.

Frank Francisco – John Farrell, the Blue Jays manager (which I always feel the need to clarify), said Frank² was their closer.  Then he said Dotel, Frasor and Rauch could all jump on the closerousel if a matchup proved favorable.  By which he means, if they don’t want to blow the save, they’ll look elsewhere.

Erik Bedard – 6 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks.  So, here’s a day in the life of Grey Albright:  Yesterday, I was backing up my SUV in a gas station and I ran into an old man walking behind my car.  Not on purpose!  I love old people.  They have good stories and carry hard candies.  But, from my rearview mirror, it looked like I decapitated him.  Quickly, I jump out of my car — after momentarily considering driving straight to Mexico and selling blankets and chiclets for the rest of my life.  Turned out I didn’t behead him, I knocked his toupee off.  I bring this up now because if the old man were Erik Bedard, he wouldn’t have walked away from the accident.  I.e., he’s injury prone.  Enjoy Bedard while you can, he’s not staying healthy.

Franklin Gutierrez – 2-for-3 as The Big FraGu went deep for the first time this season.  To be clear, I like The Big FraGu’s nickname better than him.

Neftali Feliz – He got the save yesterday and his season ERA is 1.13.  Still, something is not right.  He has a 1.50 WHIP and 14 walks vs. 8 Ks.  This isn’t the same guy who has a career K-rate better than 9.  I’d say he’s hiding an injury, but his velocity has been fine.  It might be a mechanics thing.  I don’t know, I’m not Tom Emanski.  BTW, who’s the backup to grab in Texas?  Blech, no one really.  BTW II, The Return of BTW, there should be a Razzball glossary term for when your closer is doing poorly (Joakim Soria, anyone?), but the rest of the bullpen is so bad you just ignore it.  Make suggestions in the comments.  Thank you.

Luke Hochevar – 7 IP, 7 ER, 11 baserunners, 1 K.  Seven innings and seven runs?  Looks like he was a victim of manager’s indifference.

Ian Kennedy – 8 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 3 Ks in Coors.  Sorry if I told you to bench him yesterday.  Mea culpa, my Latin friends.  I avoided a sonavabenching because Rudy snuck Kennedy into our lineup.  His ‘fro is obviously just camo-ing his giant brain.

Ervin Santana – 6 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks.  On May 13th, I told you Ervin was about to be magic.  Since then, his ERA is 2.05.  Cust kayin’.

Wilson Valdez – Started at 2nd base for Utley then pitched the 19th inning to earn the win.  Geez, everyone’s breathing down Ryan Madson’s neck.  When the game ended at 2:45 AM, all fans remaining in attendance got to take home with them one homeless person.

Don Kelly – LL Donkey has started the last two games in front of Brandon Inge.  Inge needs to turn to Big Mike for some guidance.

Kevin Slowey – Out with an abdominal strain.  Jim Hoey to replace Kevin Slowey.  Too bad they couldn’t replace Joe Mauer with Jack Bauer.  “Look, Liriano, we don’t have time!  I need you to throw me a fastball low and outside and I need you to throw it NOW!”

Jonathan Broxton is out with elbow pain.  Andre Ethier is out with an inflammed elbow.  Since Casey Blake has a staph infection in his elbow, him, Broxton and Ethier must’ve rubbed elbows.  It’s an idiomatic joke!  Dodgers Fever.  Take some penicillin!  If this elbow thing was being passed around the Dodger clubhouse any quicker….Alyssa Milano would get royalties!  Ah, you knew that was coming.  That’s what Alyssa said!  With regards to junk-in-his-trunk Broxton, I’d grab Padilla then Kuo.  I think both should be rostered in every league for right now.  Wouldn’t be surprised if this week it’s Padilla then Kuo takes over for two months.  In deep leagues, I’d even grab Kenley.  He should be back shortly.  As for Andre the non-Giant, he should be fine, but he’s been known to take a 15-day stint at a Beverly spa now and again.  BTW, yesterday, Jay Gibbons hit 3rd.  He can’t even see!  The Dodgers first three hitters were Gwynn Jr., Aaron Miles and Gibbons.  I’d rather have Cincy’s Triple-AAA lineup with Sappelt, Frazier, Alonso and Mesoraco.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Ted Lilly – 6 IP, 5 ER, 9 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Now at a 4.93 ERA on the year.  Just as I drew it up when I drafted him to be my not-so-flashy-but-solid contributor to my fantasy teams.  Maybe I spent too much time breathing in the air in Port-a-Johns when I was younger, but I think Lilly’s still gonna end the season with a 3.70 ERA.

Ben Revere – Ben Revere is coming, Ben Revere is coming!  Ben Revere sounds like Affleck’s alias when he checks into hotels.  “When Matt Saugus shows up, send him up to my room.”  That’s Affleck talking to the front desk manager.  Revere is SAGNOF!  He had 7 steals in only 23 games this year in Triple-A and 36 steals last year in 94 games at Double-A, or as Lohan calls it AA.  The prizzoblem is Delmon’s due back soon and Revere might not have a place to play, so the Twins could make like Kendrys, add an S and put Revere into reverse.  In AL-Only leagues, obviously you still need to take the flyer right now.  If Revere starts hitting, the Twins could sneak him into their lineup even with Young and Nishioka returning.  Casilla is obviously ripe for a benching.  Ca see ya!  In most mixed leagues, I’d let it play out for a few to see Revere’s playing time.

Alex Rios – 3-for-4 with his 2nd homer in three days.  The buy low window is shut.

Orlando Hudson – To the DL.  Shocker!  It’s like having money on the 6 and 8 with a hot roller.  It’s gonna hit eventually.

Eric Patterson – 1-for-3 and his 2nd homer.  Should get 2nd base eligibility with O-Dog O-ut.  Right now, we own Patterson in an NL-Only league.  The power isn’t for real, but for a short shot of SAGNOF, I could see adding him in mixed leagues.

Brad Hawpe – 2-for-3 with his first home run.  Now one off the pace being set by Eric Patterson.  Because I don’t own Hawpe anywhere, I honestly didn’t know how bad he’s been.  A .183 average and one homer.  What hitters would sign with the Padres?  They really need to move the fences in front of the Randy Jones and Nate Colbert statues.

Aneury Rodriguez – 5 IP, 0 ER, 2 baserunners, 3 Ks.  He’s got a live arm.  I like him and I’m not just saying that cause I actually own him.  Well, maybe a little.  Has a decent K-rate and a terrible walk rate on a terrible team which limits him to NL-Only leagues for now.  Maybe a streamer in mixed H2H leagues, but you need to be slightly desperate.

Brandon Lyon – 0 IP, 3 ER.  When he comes in for a save and you own him, it’s likely the worst news you hear all day.  If I felt differently, I’d be Lyon.

Mark Melancon – Worth a speculative add in case the naked pictures Lyon has of Ed Wade’s Toupee are burned and he’s finally replaced.

Travis Wood – 6 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 7 Ks.  I really hope he’s not bumped from the rotation because he should be even better than he was yesterday, which wasn’t bad.

Carlos Pena – 2 homers, 2 days.  Member when Lind started hitting homers last week and I said how I hate to drop guys like him and Pena because when they get hot, they hit 5 homers in the matter of days and it was like they were never slumping?  Yeah, Pena’s now hot.

Marlon Byrd – Out of the three hole, he hit a three run homer while batting .290 on the year.  Yet, he still only has 8 RBIs on the year.  That’s enough to make Tim Kurkjian’s voice crack.

Allen Craig – When Freese went down, La Russa said the 3rd base job would be shared by Descalso and Punto, so, of course, La Russa has done nothing but play Allen Craig.  *shakes fist, accidentally bangs funny bone, shakes entire arm*  Craig has a decent bat if he plays every day.  He could hit 12-14 homers, steal 10 bases and have a .280ish average in a few months time.  It’s also worth noting La Russa could bench him for Punto at any point for no apparent reason.

Pedro Alvarez – I don’t want to think he didn’t play yesterday, instead I like to think he walked 4 times.  Cause that’s our relationship, he sucks and I lie to myself about it.  Alvarez, I’d catch a grenade for you.  You bastard!

Tommy Hanson – 6 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks.  I loved Hommy Tanson in the preseason, not sure why I don’t have him on any team.  “Such has been my fantasy life so far,”  Grey said as he wiped away a single tear a’la a Native American watching someone litter.

Tim Hudson – 9 IP, 2 baserunners (1 hit), 6 Ks.  The Brewers are a solid lineup to be one hit.  Maybe they caught Braddock’s sleep disorder.

Clayton Richard – 5 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks and 6 unearned runs.  That ticker shock was actually a relief.  Hay-zeus Chreesto, I thought he really gave up 7 runs.

Max Scherzer – 8 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 9 Ks.  Schweet, schweet Scherzer.

Al Alburquerque – 1 IP, 2 Ks.  You know where Al Alburquerque is from?  Santa K.

Adam Lind – 4-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer.  To think you wanted to drop him less than two weeks ago, for shame.

Brandon Morrow – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 7 Ks.  He’s a bit of a WHIPping post nightmare, but his Ks are delicious.

Frank Francisco – 1 IP, 1 ER and the save.  A day after Rauch got a neck tattoo that read, “BS,” Frank² came on and did a pretty mediocre job of proving his worth.  I imagine it’s still a time share.

David Freese – After his successful surgery, Freese said, “”They put the bones back together, put a plate over it, and then put five little screws in there.”   Sounds like he had the surgery done at Ikea.

Tim Lincecum – 7 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 12 Ks in Metco.  Mets should’ve dressed Mr. Met up in a toga so he’d look like a giant doobie.

John Axford – 1 IP, 2 ER.  Kazaam!

Zack Greinke – 4 IP, 4 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks.  He’s not returning from an arm injury, so I’m chalking this up as rust.

Vance Worley – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks.  It’s one thing when you’re looking bad compared to Halladay, Oswalt and Hamels, but can’t Joe Blanton catch a break to collect his self-esteem?

Joel Zumaya – Will undergo exploratory elbow surgery.  Which means they will shrink Rick Moranis and send him in to check it out.

The Marlins outfield is only big enough to handle one prospect as Logan Morrison is hitting the DL on the same night that Mike Stanton finally hits a home run.  Morrison projected to be the anti-Stanton with solid AVG and OBP but limited power (10-15 HRs).  Yet after 4 early HRs, he was showing the 4-category prowess that makes owners feel all a-tingle.  But then Logan goes and hurts his left foot and will miss 2-4 weeks.  Guess Daniel Day-Lewis is now the favorite for the title role in The Logan Morrison Story.  I’d stash vs. drop Morrison if you’ve got DL or bench space.   Oh well, good thing Stanton only hit a solo shot vs a grand slam or Morrison might’ve needed his foot amputated.

Felix Hernandez – 7 2/3 IP of shutout ball with 8 Ks.  Whew.  For a while there, I thought F-Her was going to pull the Zack Greinke “Yawn.  I had to work extra hard to win a Cy Young on a crappy team.  I’m going to mail it in for a year and then ask to be traded in the offseason” routine.   Even more impressive than F-Her’s pitching line was that the Mariners lavished him with a whole run so he could get the win.

Kevin Youkilis - Yoooooooooooouuk left last night’s game with a bruised shin.  It’ll take a day or two to determine if it’s serious so I’ll take this moment to take a nonsensical estimate of the damage.  Let’s see…Youkilis is Jewish.  The ‘Shin’ is the unlucky symbol on a dreidel that requires the spinner to contribute to the pot.  As the one song ever written for Hanukkah has taught us, one must wait until a dreidel is dry before one could play with it because they are made out of clay.  Clay Buchholz is a teammate of Youkilis’ on the Red Sox.  Buchholz rhymes with cuckolds which are men who have been conned into raising another man’s child.  So it’s obvious that Youkilis will not be ready to play until he realizes that a teammate has shtupped his wife by spinning her like a top.  Then he must wait for the physical bruise on his shin to heal and the tears from the emotional bruise on his heart have had time to dry.

Brad Hawpe – The Padres offense is hopeless with Hawpe (.119 AVG with .179 OBP!) and the only hope for the Padres is for a Hawpeless lineup.  Bud Black has done this in three of the last four games.  I think Hawpe will be DFA’d in the next couple of weeks and they bring up 1B prospect Anthony Rizzo by June 1st.  Jorge Cantu is the short-term beneficiary of any additional playing time.  Opponents benefit either with Hawpe or Cantu.

Jason Bartlett – Don’t quote me on this but Bartlett could prove to be a stealth MI choice this year for those that punted or got Nishoka’d.  He’s shaken an early season slump to go 12 for his last 23 and has been moved back to the top of the lineup.  The Padres are definitely being aggressive on the basepaths this year and Bartlett has the potential of going .280 w/ 30 SBs.  He makes for a pretty good pearing (pun intended) with a 2B or SS that might be light on the speed (e.g., Uggla).

Torii Hunter – Angel i’s broke out of a big slump (4-for-38) with a 2 run HR to ruin Josh Beckett’s night.  He’s been quite dependable since becoming an Angel (.280-.290/20+ HRs) but not sure how much he has left in the tank – just that he has a little more than Vernon Wells and Bobby Abreu.  Peter Bourjos must feel like a young Mel Gibson on a team full of Danny Glovers.

Chris Perez – The Eastside & Down star blew his first save of the year, giving up 2 ERs in a 3-2 loss to Kansas City.  Those were the first runs Perez has given up in his last 26+ innings.  Maybe it was just a tribute to his ex-mentor Ryan Franklin.

Aaron Hill – Day-to-day with a hamstring issue.  If Canadian Bacon is like ham, are Canadian hamstrings like bacon?

Roy Oswalt - 6 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 7 Ks.  So much for the back strain scare from his last start.  Given that this start was against the Padres, I’m sure everyone in the Phillies middle relief was volunteering to take Roy’s spot for a start.  Throw Kyle Kendrick a bone!

Daniel Hudson - That’s 0-4 now for Hudson who had pitched pretty well in his first three starts (6+ IP in each start, 4 or less ER, average of over 7 K’s).  He was sick of being subtle as he gave up a 4-spot to the Reds in the 1st inning in about as ugly a fashion as one could (3 BBs including 2 with bases loaded, 1 HBP,  and a 2 run single to Miguel Cairo).  I’ll say this for Reds games – you don’t want to show up late as half the scoring is in the first inning.

Mike Leake – That’s 3-0 for Leake after a solid start (7 IP, 3 ER).  With Cueto and Bailey getting healthy, it’s tough to say whether he stays in the rotation or goes to the ‘pen.  If they let the judge decide, it’ll likely be the latter.

Justin Morneau – That’s now 5 games missed for the flu.  As someone who has him starting in a weekly H2H league, I’d like to give him the FLU minus the L.

Freddie Freeman – The rookie 1B went deep against Kershaw – rather impressive for a lefty hitter.  He’s not going to hit for average this year but he looks like he could reach 20 HRs.  Not bad for a UTIL or a CI fill-in.  He’ll be competing neck-and-neck this year with Jerry Sands for the “Best Rookie Who I Thought Was Black Until I Saw A Picture” Award – also known as the Reggie Cleveland All-Stars.

Mike Stanton – I know I mentioned it in the lede (fancy newspaper spelling of the word) but it’s worth noting again.  Finally, Stanton hit a HR!  While that was his only hit, he scored 2 additional runs via walks.  Better get ready for more souvenirs, you five people who sit in the Florida bleachers.

Pedro Alvarez – Speaking of long-awaited first HRs (I talk as I type)!  Pedro ended the night 3-4 with 2 runs and 2 RBIs.  A few more nights like that and dorky Pirate fans can wear their ‘Vote For Pedro’ t-shirts with only its original-intended detached irony.

Clayton Kershaw – Was one out away from a complete game victory when he loaded the bases with 2 outs.  Kershaw’s gassed after throwing 119 pitches.  Mattingly comes out of the dugout with six highly motivating words “Broxton is ready in the pen”.  Kershaw chooses to own his fate and, alas, David Ross hit a 2-run single on an 0-2 fastball.  It’s hard to complain about a pitching line of 8 2/3 IP, 3 ER 9 baserunners, 7 K but it looks a whole lot better with a Win attached to it.

Matt Kemp – Hit his 2nd walkoff HR in 5 games.  Is Rihanna the Buck Showalter of WAGs?  The year after they leave leads to ultimate success.  Kemp has clearly been the best fantasy player in the NL so far and – while his average won’t stay above .400 – he’s got a decent chance of clearing .300 if he maintains his 19% K rate (he’s been around 25% for his MLB career).  One negative – only because Grey LOOOOOOOVES Kemp and I feel the need to balance him out – is that he’s only 1-for-4 in SBs since starting the season going 7-for-7.  What happened, Davey Lopes?!

Scott Baker – Baker dominated the O’s at Camden Yards, striking out 9 while giving up no runs and 5 baserunners in 7 IP.  That’s on the heels of another 5 baserunner in 7 IP start at Tampa.  Baker has shown the potential to rise to another level (1.19 WHIP in 2009) but has been generally plagued by bad innings and gopheritis.  I’m sure I’m in the minority on this one but I’d rather have Baker than Liriano this year.

Kyle Lohse – Lohse swatted away the Nats with a complete game 2 hitter.  Everyone’s talking about Jaime Garcia’s start but Lohse is now 3-1 with a 2.01 ERA, 0.73 WHIP, and a decent K-rate (22 in 31 IP).  He’s had two bad, health-marred years since his last solid one in 2008 (15-6, 3.78/1.30 in 200 IP) but if Duncan can get a solid year out of Joel Piniero, why not Lohse?  I’d pick him up in mixed leagues but would be aggressive in sitting him against bad matchups.

Brandon McCarthy - Brandie Mac is looking like a fantastic buy low acquisition for the A’s.  He’s now up to 30 IP at a 2.10 ERA clip and a K/BB ratio of 20/3.  I haven’t been that turned on by a McCarthy since Jenny McCarthy was on MTV’s Singled Out.

Will Venable – Venable’s awful hitting blends in very well in San Diego but ever alert Bud Black seems to have noticed.  Venable (a lefty) was benched in favor of Chris Denorfia (a righty) on Thursday night even though they were facing a righty (Oswalt).  Not a great show of support for Venable.  I can’t recommend Venable in shallow leagues but – if you’re speculating on SBs – he’s a better bet than, say, a Nyjer Morgan.

Nyjer Morgan – Sent to the 15-day with a deep thigh bruise.  The trainers knew the bruise was deep when they heard it recite prose from Kierkegaard.  Say what you want about Nyjer but he is the 3rd best active player with an African country as his first name – behind Chad Billingsley and Tsu-Dan Kalbi of the Korean Baseball League.

These are the leading hitters in the major leagues for April.  Do I think every hitter does the same thing every year?  No, I don’t.  But hitters do tend to follow patterns.  If these players were good in April last year, there’s at least a chance they will be good this year.  Also, as I went over in this spring training stats post, just because a hitter isn’t hitting in March doesn’t preclude a big April.  Anyway, here’s some top fantasy baseball hitters for the month of April:

Adrian Gonzalez – 22 homers pre-ASB in 2008, 24 homers in 2009, 18 homers in 2010.  Just wait until A-Gon starts getting crap in September and October for not being “clutch.”  Yeah, I put douchey quotes around a word, sue me.

Jorge Cantu – Was good for power the last two Aprils.  Was not good in any other month.  That’s Was (Not Was) for you crazy 80′s kids.

Bobby Abreu – As I went over the hitters that did well in April, there were quite a few that A) Did not do well the rest of the season and B) Are older guys that obviously tire as the season progresses and C) There’s no C.

Torii Hunter – See above, not C.

Alfonso Soriano – Has been better in the first half the last couple of years.  (Couple is a sneaky way of saying two, yet making it seem like it’s more than two.  Girlfriend, “How many dollars did you leave on that thirty dollar bill?”  You, “A couple.”)

Justin Morneau – April’s been historically his 2nd best month after May.  He’s Te(i)x’s other half.

Pablo Sandoval – I forgot he hit well last April (.368, 3 homers).  Probably because he did so well trying to erase any memory of it with his next five months.

Brad Hawpe – Has always been a 1st half hitter.  Let’s see it in San Diego though where he might not be *pinkie to mouth* Hawpy.

Ryan Theriot – In April 2009, .317, 5 steals.  Last year in April, .337 and 5 steals.  Knowing La Russa, a good April in the leadoff spot this year for Theriot could cement him in that spot for the whole year.

Kosuke Fukudome – 4 homers, .338 in April of 2009; 5 homers, .344 last year in April.  But then he says Fuk u to May!

In last year’s top 80 outfielders post, I told you to take a flyer on Krispie Young, Delmon Young and Nick Swisher.  Like the quarter of Harrison Ford that is Jewish, not too shabby.  Then there was crap, crap, kinda crap and Jason Heyward.  That’s what you’re probably getting late at outfield again this year.  I’m no Nostradumbass, but I’m telling you there’s not going to be a whole lot of greatness coming out of this post.  We’re Cousteau deep right now.  So all the 2011 fantasy baseball rankings are found under yonder and we’re moving onto pitchers next.  That should excite you, you special person you.  Anyway, here’s the top 80 outfielders for 2011 fantasy baseball:

61. Tyler Colvin – This is a continuation of the last tier in the top 60 outfielders for 2011 fantasy baseball.  This tier ends at Boesch.  You’re looking at a guy who should get around 20 homers and a handful of steals, assuming you don’t have Alfonseca hands.  Though I’m legitimately concerned he’s going to hit just .240, have homers in the teens and be unusable.  2011 Projections:  70/25/80/.265/10

62. Coco Crisp – Seems like Coco is the du jour pick of people who think they’re, like, totally smart.  People look at him and see a guy that gave a cheap, very valuable season last year.  It’s true.  Okay, now think about his ownership last year.  He was always on and off waivers for a reason.  He was 30 years old while having his first productive season in years and he can’t stay healthy.  He’s fine if he’s healthy but you’ll be dropping him at some point.  Mark my words.  Not with a permanent marker though, they’re on your computer.  2011 Projections:  50/6/35/.260/22

63. Ryan Kalish – Kalish is a big time friend of Grey.  He’s got great upside.  I guarantee at some point he will be the hottest add off of waivers.  Just right now, as I write this in January, I have no idea where he’s playing every day.  You wanna grab him in the last few rounds as a flyer?  I’m all for it just to see if he can break camp and start.  Just know, you may be dropping him a few days into the season.  2011 Projections:  65/7/50/.270/25 in 400 ABs

64. Franklin Gutierrez – I think I’m finally ready to admit that I like Gutierrez’s nickname, The Big FraGu, more than I like him in fantasy, but not quite.  He’s a cheap 15/15 guy!  (Which does grow crazy boring over the course of the season.)  2011 Projections:  65/15/70/.260/17

65. Garrett Jones – Robot Jones didn’t make the top 20 1st basemen for 2011 fantasy baseball.  Neither the hoo!  He’s worth a flyer at a corner infidel spot if you’re desperate.  His average last year was a bit on the unlucky side, he has power and some slight speed.  What I’m basically saying is, he’s a’ight.  2011 Projections:  65/24/80/.270/7

66. Chris Carter – Could hit 30 homers, but will he ever reveal what happened to The Smoking Man?  Actually, I have no idea if that makes sense.  I never saw The X-Files.  I’m not a dork!  Anyway, back to fantasy baseball…  My Chris Carter fantasy is there.  I wrote it in pink highlighter while riding on the back of an emu.  I suggest you picture that while reading it.  2011 Projections:  35/22/55/.225/3

67. Brennan Boesch – Is he even a starter?  Not sure, but if he gets hot he might start for a couple of months.  He did show last year that when he’s hitting he can keep it going for a bit.  He’s probably more of a guy to look at in Spring Training to see what his playing time is.  2011 Projections:  60/16/70/.250/7

68. Brad Hawpe – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until Ordonez.  I call this tier, “If you draft any of these guys in your last outfield slot, you deserve to lose.”  Veteran outfielders are fine to pick up once the season starts and you want to play the hot hand, but to draft one is wasting a pick.  Even if a guy like Hawpe explodes in Petco (which is highly doubtful), you’re not going to hold him when someone is sitting on waivers that is far more enticing the first week of the season.  Really you shouldn’t even be drafting hitters this late.  You should’ve already filled your hitting and be grabbing random closer handcuffs or an SP.  Oh, and I have nothing to say about Hawpe.  2011 Projections:  55/24/70/.260

69. Josh Willingham – It’s the 2nd coming of The Hammer in Oakland, only this Hammer you can touch.  Though you shouldn’t.  2011 Projections:  60/20/70/.260/4

70. Johnny Damon – If he played 2nd base, he’d have value and be able to reach the base he’s throwing to.  2011 Projections:  85/14/45/.280/10

71. J.D. Drew – He’s in a good place to play, assuming he’s playing and not on the trainer’s table getting his quad rubbed down.  2011 Projections: 60/21/70/.270/3

72. Cody Ross – Probably will hit a few homers some random week of the season and I’ll tell you to grab him while he’s hot.  That will probably last for about two weeks then you’re going to need to drop him again.  2011 Projections:  60/17/70/.260/10

73. Jack Cust – He only has outfield eligibility in Yahoo leagues.  That’s okay, cause you’re not drafting him anyway.  Cust kayin’.  2011 Projections:  60/20/70/.235

74. Magglio Ordonez – Soul Glo Magglio of yesteryear is donezo.  Now he’s “Maybe you get 20 homers and a good average while boring the Capris off of you” Magglio or you get “Oft-injured vet that causes people to mock you when you draft him” Magglio.  Neither is very good.  2011 Projections:  65/15/75/.300

75. Luke Scott – I call this tier, “Guys that have outfield eligibility in Yahoo, but you should be playing them at different positions.”  I don’t necessarily dislike all of these guys.  They’re kinda hit or miss.  Or not really hitting and missing, as the case will probably be.  As for Luke “I am not your waiver wire fodder” Scott, it’s cute that you think you’re going to own him all year, but we both know you’re not going to.  If you want to draft him, I won’t stand in your way, but I also won’t stand in your way when you drop him before the season starts.  2011 Projections:  60/22/70/.260

76. Eric Patterson – Patterson’s projections can be found at the top 20 2nd basemen for 2011 fantasy baseball post.

77. Bill Hall – I don’t think H-A Double Hockey Sticks got mentioned in the top 20 basemen post but I guess that’s the point.  He’s not that memorable.  All kidding aside– Were we kidding? I did not know. Quiet, Random Italicized Voice.  Bill Hall’s not a terrible crazy late flyer at 2nd base.  Don’t put him in your outfield.  2011 Projections:  50/15/65/.240/7

78. Ryan Doumit – Doumit’s projections can be found at the top 20 catchers for 2011 fantasy baseball post.

79. Omar Infante – Infante’s projections can be found at the top 20 shortstops for 2011 fantasy baseball post.

80. Mark Teahen – Member when people were excited by Mark Teahen for a minute a few years ago?  That’s not an Urban Dictionary dot com “minute” either, which is actually a long time.  I have a nickname for Mark Teahen, MT Promises.  2011 Projections:  60/15/75/.275/7

After the top 80 outfielders for 2011 fantasy baseball, there’s more names than you can throw a stick at, but here’s three worth mentioning:

David Murphy – I like Murph, but you have to platoon him.  Say, grab him with your next to last round pick then Matt Diaz with your last round pick.  You’ll actually end up with decent numbers if you switch them out per matchups but you also might grow bored by April 15th and drop both.  Or have an injury to someone and need to drop one.  2011 Projections:  50/15/65/.280/12

Matt Joyce – If it wasn’t for Damon and Manny, Joyce could mollywhop homers and save kittens.  Then again, Manny and Damon, or as I like to call them Damanny, will get hurt and Joyce will see some time.  2011 Projections:  40/17/55/.250/4

Brandon Allen – I’d actually rank Allen 63rd on this list, but here he is so I can highlight him.  I like Brandon Allen probably more than I should.  The addition of Nady hurts his value, Juan Miranda hurts his value, Brandon Allen hurts his own value, but I think he finally gets his ABs in the desert.  If they play Parra over Allen, I could have a fit, or phit if you spell like a graffiti artist.  Allen will hit 25 homers with everyday at-bats and, in his last year of Triple-A, he stole 14 bases.  He might hit .230 but it’s absolutely worth the flyer.  I also already went into a seedy motel and soiled it further with my Brandon Allen fantasy.  I.e., Grey hearts Brandon Allen.  2011 Projections:  60/25/80/.245/7