The deadline will have past by the time you’re reading this, so I’m sorry that I can’t meet or exceed all those expectations. What I can do is give you the in’s and out’s of middle relief. Wait, why did everyone just get up and leave? There is punch and pie at the end! So is everyone else confused on what to do with Will Smith?… yeah, me too.  He’s been getting beat up lately needs a vacation. Smith leads the league in appearances, is the leader in appearances with the lead by a non-closer (41), and has pitched an amazing 17 times on consecutive days. He has rewarded you with 19( albeit painful) NSVH, but his recent implosions may lead me to think there could be a better option for the time being. His BB/9 over the last 30 screams bad news, (P.S., it’s in the seven’s). I mean, I know the 24 Holds this year is all good and looks like a Canal St. watch, but if you have someone that just reads stats and doesn’t read between the lines of fantasy too well, see if they give you a name you like better. My best advice is pull a Judas Priest and run for the hills. Stay tuned for some charts and fun words and sentences that lead to abbreviated paragraphs. Good luck in the week to come.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

Everybody’s always talkin’
‘Bout who’s on top
Don’t cross our path ’cause
You’re gonna get stomped

We ain’t gonna give anybody any slack
And if you try to keep us down
We’re gonna come right back
And you know we’re

Hangin’ tough, hangin’ tough
Hangin’ tough, are you tough enough?
Hangin’ tough, hangin’ tough
Hangin’ tough, we’re rough

Who’s your favorite New Kid? Please don’t answer that. I just needed an eye catcher today as I take the reins over from Jay “don’t call him Ray” Wrong. The Korish keeper of the all mighty sacred RCL leagues. As they say in Lord of the Rings, There can be only one…until football, then we need two. (Why is it Lord of the Rings if there is only one ring?) Anydahoo, I’m Sam to his Frodo, Jake to his Elwood, Donnie to his Joey? Ok this is getting weird and I hope he doesn’t photoshop our faces onto a New Kids pic. Who am I kidding, I totally want to see that. Now that I have a public picture personally doctored by the Guru, I can move on without feeling like I’m hiding. Hello Razzballers! Now the New Kids are actually relevant because now is the time to be hangin’ tough and not keeping yourself down. You may think you are out of it but you aren’t and even if you are have some pride and play til the end. Don’t give anyone an easy win by quitting, play on or play football with Razzball! (insert shameless plug in 5,4,3 2, 1) Have you signed up for our RCL Fantasy Football yet, well here is your chance to kick our arses all over the place and win the respect and adulation of us and maybe some Arby’s coupons or one of Jay’s Makers Mark bird feeders. Great reclaimed products buddy!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

What’s the mood, doode? How ya’ feelin’? Why is it all real G’s drop their G’s on their gerunds? G-dropping as non-G’s call it. That keeps me up at night. Failing to rank at first Tyson Ross in my top 100 starters doesn’t. It was a mistake on my part, and I corrected it before we got out of February. I ranked him. Snafu less afu’d than it could’ve been. I still probably didn’t rank him high enough. They have no award for that. Trophies, trophies. This is like Gangsta Deep Thoughts on Def Poetry Jam. Stop me from going up like a crescendo. This is not a love song. This is “What Tyson Ross has done so far this year” song. That is not as catchy. They don’t play that on KDay. His ERA is at 2.93 after a complete game shutout where he struck out 9 and only allowed 3 baserunners. His K-rate is 8.6, walk rate is 3.2 and xFIP is 3.16. Clap, pause for a sip of Olde E, clap. I paused for a sip of the brew on his walk rate, if you’re uptake is slow. His away ERA is 4.18. Well, you had me convinced you were more than a Hodgepadre there for a moment. Nice trick, Copperfield. Ross is owned in 51% of ESPN leagues, which is stoopid, but since I only own 12,000 ESPN teams to collect some software. Virtual trophies, virtual trophies. I can only do so much. Yes, he should be owned, but he’s a lot safer in Petco. No dur. And I bow. And I just hit my head on my desk. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

You might be saying to yourself, “Really, is this guy trying to sell me Yonder Alonso? A no-power corner on the Padres no less?” I guess. I mean, if you want, you can save your money and invest in pogs. Or, you can hear me out. I enjoy a challenge, and it looks like I have a lot of time on my hands since, apparently, I gave up sex for lent. That doesn’t include my dakimakura though. I should note that kissing someone, excuse me, something, that doesn’t move is quite awkward. Not to mention the whole situation can get a bit messy. But that’s neither here or there. Well, it’s here, but it shouldn’t be there. Unless you want it to be. Then, you know, bewbs or GTFO.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

With about a month before we hit MLB’s July 31st trade deadline, let’s take a look at a few teams with closers who may be moved by that time.

Colorado Rockies: At 37 years old, Rafael Betancourt clearly isn’t the long-term option for the Rockies, but he has been extremely effective since being acquired from the Indians in 2009 (this season’s excellent 2.67 FIP and 4.14 K/BB are his worst rates since donning a Colorado uniform).

Please, blog, may I have some more?