Fantasy Baseball Advice

In the last installment of the grading process, we have to look at the bad – those guys I, Albert Lang, was totally wrong about. As always, in the comments, feel free to beat your chest about who you were high on relative to the rest of fantasy baseball players! Thanks for reading!

Joe Nathan – After doing some research and talking to some folks, I was pretty sure Nathan was healthy and undervalued. Well, that wasn’t the case. He stumbled out of the gates and has been bogged down by the suckitude of the rest of the Twins. His year would look better if the Twins were capable of doing anything, but 13 saves isn’t going to cut it. It’s the 31^st most at the position and less than Kevin Gregg, Javy Guerra, Frank Francisco and Matt Capps.

Madison Bumgarner– I don’t think I was more off on a player than Bumgarner. I had him as the 76^th best starting pitcher, while consensus had him around 37. I saw Bumgarner as an uninteresting 3.50 ERA pitcher with a WHIP around 1.25 and 130 Ks. I wasn’t totally off on the ERA (3.32) or WHIP (1.24), but man I didn’t think he’d pitch this many innings with this kind of K-rate. Bumgarner sits as the 30^th best SP in fantasy this season. Whoops!

Jair Jurrjens – Like Bumgarner, I was pretty far off on Jurrjens. I had Jurrjens as 99 among starting pitchers, consensus had him around 50. I had him pegged for a 3.90 ERA, 1.33 WHIP and 130 Ks. I was incredibly concerned about his durability. While I nailed his inability to rack up Ks for you (the Braves have shut him down and he has just 90 Ks), his ERA (2.96) and WHIP (1.22) more than make up for those shortcomings. In fact, Jurrjens is the 36^th best pitcher in fantasy this year.

Pablo Sandoval – I didn’t differ with consensus much on Sandoval, but enough to make it really matter. The “royal we” had Sandoval as the 12^th best 3b, I had him as 15. I said he was a .300 hitter (I was right there) but with moderate pop. His 23 HRs (while missing time with an injury) are the opposite of moderate. Sandoval is the 10^th best 3b this season.

Tim Hudson – I was way off on Tim Hudson. While he wasn’t loved in the community (39^th SP), I really hated on him (65^th SP). I pegged Hudson to finish with a 3.40 ERA, 1.23 WHIP, and 140 Ks. Well, Hudson is the 18^th best SP in 2011 with a 3.19 ERA, 1.13 WHIP and 150 Ks. He’s beaten my projections pretty well. He keeps going out there and converting balls in play to outs. Congrats!

Daisuke Matsuzaka – Man, that was a bad call.

Brian Roberts – I don’t know which sleeper call was more laughable, Brian Roberts or Dice-K. Probably Dice-K, because when I wrote the Roberts section he was, supposedly, technically, healthy. God, why wouldn’t the Orioles trade him two years ago?

Logan Morrison – I thought Morrison would be an 80 run threat with a decent average and some moderate pop. Well, the pop has been anything other than moderate (23 HRs in 462 ABs), however he has scored just 54 runs and batted a disappointing .247. He’s gotten on base and the power is a great sign going forward, but he didn’t do what I expected this year.

Bobby Abreu – I had Abreu as a .265-.270 hitter with a .360 OBP, 90 runs, 18-20 HRs and 23-25 SBs. He hit .253 with just 54 runs, eight HRs, but has 21 SBs and a .353 OBP. I’d like to call this one a push, but it isn’t. I was wrong; Abreu is in full on decline now. What a great career, but the lights have clearly gone out.

James McDonald – It should come as no surprise that I love James McDonald. I had him down for an ERA in the 3.00s, a WHIP around 1.30 and 180 Ks. Well, he has 142 Ks, a 4.21 ERA and a 1.49 WHIP. He has shown improvements, but that’s still a swing and a miss. That said, I did like him more than Carlos Carrasco, JA Happ, Mike Pelfrey, Randy Wells, Carl Pavano and Tim Stauffer. With the exception of Stauffer, I was dead on, making this just short of a clear push.

Brett Cecil – It just never came together for Brett Cecil the way I thought it could. I had him as the 62^nd best SP before the year, whereas he went largely unranked/undrafted by the masses. I saw an ERA somewhere between 3.85-4.15, 140 Ks and a WHIP in the 1.30-1.35 range. Well, the ERA (4.73) and WHIP (he’s at 1.33) are far from great. However, he never got the innings I thought he would and is sitting at just 87 Ks. I believe in him long-term, but he didn’t provide much value to teams in 2011.

Ike Davis – I personally blame the medical staff who work for the New York Metropolitans – but, then again, I know they haven’t been too successful lately. Moving forward, Mets players should have a Red Letter attached to their name.

Mike Aviles – I missed badly on Aviles. I ranked him as the 12^th best 2b and 9^th best SS. I believed he was capable of putting up a .290 average, 10-15 HRs and double digit steals. I must have been drunk when making that assessment.  Aviles is the 38^th best 2b, behind such standouts as Robert Andino, Brent Lilibridge and Aaron Miles. He fared a bit better against the shortstop pool, coming in at 30^th, although he is behind all glove, no-hit Brendan Ryan and Willie Bloomquist, who is all-nothing. He did have seven homers and 14 steals, but the .255 batting average and sporadic playing time made him worthless.

Jed Lowrie – It’s hard to say whether I was more incorrect about Lowrie or Aviles – it’s like comparing Bachman Turner Overdrive and Paul McCartney and Wings. I did couch my Lowrie prediction in a lot of qualifiers, but at the end of the day had him as a .274 hitter with 15 HRs and believed he was a likely top 25 player at the position. Sounds like a pretty flimsy projection. And yet, I still whiffed like Mark Reynolds does while batting/fielding. Lowrie, the 41^st ranked SS at the moment, is batting .252 and has tallied just six homers. He can’t stay healthy. I must repeat that to myself.

Daric Barton – Another horrible call. I truly believed Barton’s plate discipline would result in a cheap and easy 85 runs. I also saw him as similar to Gaby Sanchez from a few years ago, with double digit power + upside. It was clearly a deep league play, but I did advocate for Barton over James Loney. As for the tale of the tape: Barton has a .212 average, 27 runs and zero homers and has logged just 236 at bats. While Loney has sort of sucked, he’s been way better than that.

Aaron Hill – While I ranked him lower than where he was going in most drafts, I also thought Hill could bat .260 with 25 HRs and 70 runs/RBIs. The only thing that made his numbers approach my expectations was a trade to the desert. Hill currently sits at .246 with just eight homers. He does have 61 runs and 61 RBIs, so my 70/70 wasn’t too far off. But, yikes, 2009 was a long, long, long time ago.

Mitch Moreland – I thought Moreland would easily hit 20 HR and drive in 80 RBIs and that he could finish top 15 at 1b. Wow, was that wrong. Moreland has 16 HRs and never showed enough skills to get the PT required to reach 80 RBIs (he has just 51). He is not only outside the top 15 1bs, he isn’t even in the top 30.

Brandon Allen – Allen never got the playing time and he was really just a stab in the dark for me. Still, when he has gotten into games, he has done nothing. He has a .200 average and just six homers in 175 ABs.

Juan Miranda – The thought of Miranda having 20+ HR potential is laughable now. Fighting off Xavier Nady and Russell Branyan wasn’t even possible for the slugger who has sluggishly batted just .213 with seven homers in 174 ABs.

Ryan Hanigan, Josh Thole, A.J. Ellis – These guys never got the at bats to do anything. They were decent gambles, but hit just 11 HRs combined.

Mark Ellis, Sean Rodriguez, Eric Young Jr. – Ultimately they didn’t come close to anything resembling a sleeper. Thankfully, you couldn’t have spent much on them. Young did steal some bases, despite having a really hard time actually getting to first base – so there’s that!

Jose Lopez, David Freese – I thought both guys would be cheap enough to make any contributions worthwhile. Freese hasn’t played much because he has been hurt (typical), whereas Lopez hasn’t played much because he sucks (typical). Both have shown signs down the stretch, but were basically worthless throughout the year.

This will be the last time I mention Logan Morrison for some time.  Hashtag that.   Not that I don’t like him, it’s just I’ve given him enough press, assuming the word ‘press’ still makes sense even though I’m dictating this post to a Montessori-taught monkey that I’ll occasionally catch looking at me like he wants to kill me and take over Razzball, which makes dictating that even more awkward.  Imagine in 300 years when they find this post in a time capsule with Snooki’s poof.  They’ll read that monkey sentence and think they’ve figured out the major problem with our society was we had monkeys taking dictation only to be disappointed when they read this sentence.  Sorry, future reader!  We’re more complicated than that!  Whoa, that was a major sidetrack.  So Morrison was sent down because he needed to “work on all aspects of being a Major Leaguer,” which basically meant he used to grab his farts and throw them at Hanley.  If someone dropped Morrison when he was demoted, I’d go ahead and re-add him.  Or have your monkey re-add him for you.  I’m kidding, future reader, our monkeys don’t manage our fantasy teams.  They only give advice which we decide whether or not to follow.  Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Kyle Seager – The other day I compared him to Omar Infante.  I’ll see that comparison and raise him Martin Prado.  Personally, I don’t like guys like Infante or Prado outside of NL-Only leagues, but I also don’t like people who write personally either, so there’s that.  I’m a contradiction wrapped inside of lazy writing pitfalls.

Kevin Kouzmanoff – Picking up Kouzmanoff leaves a fantasy baseballer (<–my Mom’s term) in a spirited debate with themselves over God, free will, morality and why there aren’t any other 3rd basemen to pick up.

Jose Lopez – Hitting .333 over the last week with 2 homers.  This week’s third basemen pickups remind me of the Bottle Rockets song, “1000 Dollar Car.”  To quote, “If a $1000 car was truly worth a damn, then why would anybody ever spend ten grand?”

Danny Valencia – Hitting .333 over the last week with 2 homers.  Hmm… Just had deja vu.  Weird.

Jimmy Paredes – Leave it to the Astros to promote a guy straight from Double-A who wasn’t even playing that well.  But — and this is a J. Lo-sized but — he’s hitting right now, has speed and good position eligibility.

Eric Young Jr. – I’m unabashedly a fan, if I’m using the word unabashedly right.

Jeremonio Affirezo – That’s a portmanteau of Jeremy Affeldt, Sergio Romo, Santiago Casilla and Ramon Ramirez, i.e. the closerousel in San Fran.  Ram-Ram seemed like the first choice, but he didn’t look good on Wednesday and Casilla got the save.  But II, The Return of But, Romo returns this weekend.  But III, This But Is Gonna Be Huge, Affeldt could see saves if the ninth is mostly lefties.

Bobby Parnell – He’s getting saves for the Mets and he can win you a SpongeBob at a carnival with his 102 MPH fastball.

Steve Cishek – I just went over my Cishek fantasy.  I wrote it while eating the marshmallows out of my Lucky Charms.

Mike Minor – Has 52 Ks in 55 2/3 IP! *whispering fast*  With a 1.49 WHIP and 4.37 ERA.  *loud again*  Next he gets the Mets and the Dodgers.  Not in the same start.  Who is he, Joel Youngblood?

Stephen Strasburg – Set to return on September 6th.  Don’t Washington-area seismologists have enough to do?

Brandon Allen – After his two homer game, Bob Melvin said Allen would be the starter for the foreseeable future.  As long as his foreseeable replacement is Conor Jackson, Allen should play.  Sorry, CoJack, I don’t love you, baby.

John Mayberry Jr. – Charlie Manuel hinted that Mayberry could see everyday playing time even after Ibanez returns, saying, “Time comes when tadpoles gotta frog up.  Now where’s Utley’s pomade?  I gotta slide outta my uniform.”

Lucas Duda – Since August 14th, he has 4 homers.  Terry Collins knows when he’s got a good thing.  Like at 3rd base and shortstop when Reyes returns.  Duda’s a 20 homer guy if he plays all year.  Kinda like a poor man’s Willingham.  Or a Willingspam.

SELL

Gaby Sanchez – No Gaby Gaby!

Trevor Cahill – Has a 7.00 ERA post-All-Star break.  I’m thinking you can probably find that off waivers from someone else.  It’s a hunch, ya’ll!

Bobby Abreu – He’s over 60% owned in ESPN leagues, so he made my imaginary self-imposed cut off that I occasionally ignore.  What good is an imaginary self-imposed cut off that isn’t self-imposed?  Nada, nada, nada damn thing.

Justin Morneau – Right now, it’s kinda sad the way you keep going back to him.  The relationship is hurting both of you.  It reminds me of a line from my upcoming, breakout Middle East rap song, “Why can’t we get together and take it easy… I’ll be your Qaddafi, if you’ll be my Condoleezza.”

Jason Heyward sat again yesterday in favor of Jose Constanza.  I don’t want to shout fire in the theater of Razzball, but this isn’t good.  Constanza is making Heyward look like the best seller at the jerk store.  Actually, Heyward was kinda doing it to himself.  This year he has 12 homers and a .222 average.  Laynce Nix called and said he’s doing better.  I think Heyward’s still dealing with shoulder issues and “You got on the wrong side of Glass Chipper” issues.  Heyward can still be a star as soon as next year, but, for this year in redraft leagues, you need to start thinking like Big Boi and back up the back up plans.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Huston Street – Street’s closed, Rockies used alternative route to save the game with Rafael Betancourt.  Street’s soreness isn’t said to be serious enough for a DL stint, but Street’s been known to laugh in the face of ‘not serious enough for a DL stint.’  Since Lindstrom is out too, I’d grab Betancourt for potential vulturing.  If you need a dinette set, go with Rex Brothers.

Angel Pagan – Now has back-to-back games with a homer as he hits leadoff in Reyes’s stead.  Dan Brown’s newest book, Angel & Pagans, tracking Mr. Met to the Vatican may start to gain some believers.

Kyle Blanks – 2-for-4 yesterday and has two hits in each of the last five games, including two homers.  That all coincides with the Padres being on the road.  Hey, Ray Kroc Jr. Jr., when a 375 lbs. power hitter is intimidated by your home park, it’s time to move in the fences.

Jesus Guzman – 2-for-4 as Jesus continues to do everything but walk on water.  Though it’s only Wednesday.

Orlando Hudson – Left the game with a strained left groin.  Hehe, he has two groins.

J.D. Martinez – Hit his 4th homer in his last six games.  Legally I’m required to tell you I don’t think he’ll keep it up, but now it’s time to give J.D. his trial run.

Adam Dunn – Says he will alter his offseason training for next year.  This obviously means he’ll limit his axe swinging, so rejoice tree huggers!

Justin Morneau – Should return next Monday, which will forever be known as Mornday.

Carlos Beltran – Out a few days with a sprained wrist.  If he had a strained groin with his sprained wrist, I wouldn’t shake his hand.

Madison Bumgarner – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 10 Ks, moving his record to 7-11.  Oh, thank heaven!

Dee Gordon – Left yesterday’s game with a sore right shoulder.  Here’s hoping his middle initial isn’t L.

Justin Smoak – Out with a jammed thumb.  He’s hitting .179 since the All-Star break.  Smoak’s cooking with liquid nitrogen!

Michael Pineda – 6 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks as he faced Alexi Ogando (2 2/3 IP, 6 ER, 10 baserunners) which was billed by ESPN as The Battle of the Tiring Young Pitcher.  Mark Prior threw out the first pitch.  Well, he rolled the ball to the plate and then shrugged.

Endy Chavez – Hit his 5th homer yesterday or the same amount as Aaron Hill, who has turned my middle infield spot into a Dead Endy.

James Shields – 9 IP, 0 ER, 9 baserunners, 8 Ks.  Since his Oakland A’s start of 4 IP, 10 ER, he seems to have eaten a few power-up pellets and regained his Shields power.

Desmond Jennings – 1-for-3 with his 8th steal.  That’s in 17 games.  Conservatively, I’ll say he’s stealing two hundred next year.

Tsuyoshi Nishioka - 1-for-3, hitting .216.  He looks like Kaz Matsui 2.0.

Francisco Liriano – 6 IP, 3 ER, 11 baserunners (7 BBs), 4 Ks.  For those who can’t pick up on the context clues, 7 walks in 6 innings is not good.  Some would say it’s bad.  Johnny Cochran would’ve said it’s egregious.

Hanley Ramirez- Has been out since August 2nd as he nurses his shoulder.  He has a nipple on his shoulder?! Five dollars of imaginary money says Hanley will be DL’d in the next day or so.  As Jack McKeon said, “He wants to play, but if it bothers him and he can’t reach for the ball, what good is it?  Can I leave now?  You’re making me miss the early bird.”

John Buck – Has two straight games with a homer.  Or to misquote M.I.A., Bucky Gone Gone.

Brandon Beachy – 6 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 10 Ks.  Constantly amazed at how many people started asking if they should drop Beachy after his bad game in Coors and haven’t stopped asking.  He’s been that bad?  Not rhetorical!

Dan Uggla – His hitting streak is up to 30 games.  In other news, water is dry.

Zack Cozart – Sounds like he’s headed for season-ending surgery.  Dr. James Andrews, “Not ’til I say so.  Muahahahahaha…”

Dontrelle Willis – 8 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 10 Ks.  Well, hello there!  Wow.  Where you been hidin’, Willis?  I wouldn’t add him in all leagues, but in some deeper ones or where you need to gamble, I’d look at him.

Esmil Rogers – 6 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners, 6 Ks and his third decent start in a row. Rogers works with a mid-90′s fastball, slider, changeup– Wait, who am, Stephen?  Rogers should have a mid to high 7 K-rate and be in the rotation for the rest of the season as long as he doesn’t Mr. Bungle things.  Esmil, “Holy chicken mole, this is enormous pressure!”  In deep mixed leagues and NL-Only leagues, I’d grab Rogers to see if you can ride the lightning in a bottle or whatever that cliche is.

Josh Willingham – Hit his 2nd homer in as many games.  Willingham, that’s just not kosher.  Hasn’t cooled off since I labeled him a Buy on Friday.

Rich Harden – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks.  Has more Ks than innings and finally looked impressive, like the old Harden.  Well, actually, the old Harden would’ve thrown out his back after a teammate high-fived him.

Bobby Abreu – 2-for-5 with two homers.  Abreu has been a good August hitter in the past, but his past goes back.  For instance, you might hear him say things like, “I remember when baseball’s weren’t hit with bats but with steroids.”

Eduardo Nunez – 2-for-3 with his 17th and 18th steals to go along with his 4 homers.  A-Rod has 13 homers and 4 steals.  So Nunez is definitely no flop, but A-Rod’s hole cards of 52 RBIs and 53 runs are obviously better.

Chien-Ming Wang – 6 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners (1 Hit), 1 K.  He’s trying to get you to fall for the old-banana-in-the-tailpipe.  Don’t do it.

Corey Hart – Returned to the lineup (hand) and picked up right where he left off (homer) and hopes to continue (wearing sunglasses at night).

Kyle Gibson – Partial tear of his right elbow.  All those years his dad made him emulate his World Series trot couldn’t have helped.

Jeff Niemann has always been a sell in your eyes.  The light, the heat… Your eyes.  The low K-rate, the walks… Your eyes.  The luck with homers per fly balls, the tough division… Your eyes.  So why am I saying Niemann’s a buy?  Am I sniffing the devil’s dandruff and just need to talk while I rub my gums?  Am I going through my blue period filled with self-loathing and blueberries?  Nay, horsey.  Niemann’s cut his walks, hasn’t been getting lucky this year and his low K-rate is still low.  Okay, so it’s not all peaches and cream.  But the Rays are also about to go against the A’s, M’s (or the AM’s as in their bats are asleep) and peasant Royals for a few weeks.  He might get the Blue Jays in the middle of that run, but you can pay that bridge toll when you get an E-Z Pass, or whatever that cliche is.  I’m not Niemann’s biggest fan, but for the next month he should look good… In your eyes.  Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Phil Hughes – Actually pretty surprised all that Noo Yawk hype hasn’t raised Hughes over the 50% ownership mark.  Ya’ll must be still basking in your dirty water dogs and Jeter’s 3,000 hit.  “During Jeter’s tremendous accomplishment, when no one was looking, I chipped off a piece of the Pesci pole.  Now it’s framed above the coke spoon I used with Dale Berra.”

James McDonald – Some smarter-than-thou commenter pointed out to me that McDonald has 23 Ks in his last 24 1/3 innings while lowering his ERA from 4.86 to 4.15 in the last month.  We have the best commenters (except Lance Berkman; he only wants to talk about himself).

Brandon Belt – Just went over my Brandon Belt fantasy.  I wrote it while contemplating the meaning of life and eating Cheetos.

Edwin Encarnacion – His hot hitting — or hotting, if you enjoy portmanteaus — has my heart stopped…. captured…. arrested… It’s a case of Edwin Incarceration.

Michael Martinez – Since I’ve been talking about the smooth stylings of Michael Martinez and his speed, his ESPN ownership has gone up from 0.1% to 1.3%.  Razzball — we’re the one-point-two percenters!

Jose Altuve – His speed/power combo and five-four frame makes me feel like I’m the only mustached girl in the world.

Jason Kipnis – He was in this morning’s post.  If you scroll down real fast, you can still catch it.

Carlos Guillen – You wouldn’t be as cruel to make me come up with something positive to say about Guillen.  He’s healthy and hitting, let’s leave it at that.

Ezequiel Carerra – Has crazy speed, but he may not have a job for long.  Better grab him before his rumspringa is over.

Lorenzo Cain – Warm it up, Cain — he’s about to!  Or is he?  No, he is.  He should be promoted shortly.  If you don’t know how I feel about Cain, welcome to the site.  Can I offer you some tea?  Crumpets?  On the right side there are ads, on the left there is archives.  Allow me to search for you, “(Cain) has 20+ steal speed and some light pop (over the course of a season).  Worst case scenario, he’s unownable and while you’re dropping him to waivers you throw out your back and end up in traction.”  And that’s me quoting and adding addendums to me!

Kyle Blanks – Just went over my Kyle Blanks fantasy.  I wrote it while in line for cucumbers at Souplanation.

Jarrod Saltamalacchia – The nicest thing I can say about Saltymochachino is he’s currently hitting.  The worst thing I can say is he kicks puppies.  The former is substantiated, the latter is not.

Edward Mujica – I said on Tuesday that I thought Mujica would be the Marlins closer, then Jack McKeon read that and said the same thing.  Hey, I see eye-to-eye with an 112-year-old!  “Bleh, that big band music is big noise!  Give me some Yankee Doodle Dandy!”

Javy Guerra – He’s the Dodgers closer…  You, “Buh-buh-buh-but Grey, what about Broxton?”  The guy who hasn’t pitched effectively in over a year?  Nope.  You, “Buh-buh-buh-but Grey, what about Kuo?”  The guy who started walking around the clubhouse in a burlap sack because he went crackers?  Nope.

Jason Isringhausen – I’d still continue to hold Bobby Parnell, in the non-sexual way. Unless he’s giving you bedroom eyes, then make him feel welcome on your team.

Antonio Bastardo – Right this very instant he’s the Phils closer, but he might not be by the time you finish this sent–

SELL

Jason Bay – Since we’re in the time of the year where you need to be trading away players no matter who they are if you need pieces for your team, the Sell is going to be more of a Drop, but it’s going to keep its Sell name because it already has monogrammed towels.  As for Bay, he’s the conductor on the suckwagon.  Find someone else.

Matt Capps – You guys had some good times, if you define ‘good’ by a lousy ERA and some saves, but, in most leagues, it’s time to move on.

Colby Rasmus – Deep leagues need to be more prudent about who they drop, assuming I’m using the word prudent correctly.  Rasmus is hitting like he’s Jon Jay’s agent trying to get him a bigger contract.

Alex Rios – Member when you drafted him in March?  You were so happy with yourself.  Now you blame him for his poor hitting.  When do you blame yourself?  Your fantasy loyalty to him was too much pressure.

Bobby Abreu – He’s hitting one-something in the last month.  Listen, you’ll always have the summers on the Cape with his brothers, Jack and Teddy Abreu.

Ryan Franklin was replaced yesterday, but it came so begrudgingly, La Russa wouldn’t even announce who would replace him.  GM Mozeliak held a knife to a squirrel’s neck to try and get La Russa to tell us who would be the closer and still nothing.  “There’s only two things in this world I hold dear — my Mom and my word and I’m mum on both.”  That was what I imagine La Russa said.  Mitchell Boggs, CPA seems most likely to see the first chances.  Behind him, Motte, then MLB’s poet laureate, Miguel Batista.  Keep in mind, Franklin isn’t out of the picture completely either.  La Russa is way too loyal to his guys.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Skip Schumaker – Headed to the DL with a hyperextended elbow.  Somewhere, Shawn Michaels’ elbow says, “Pfft.”

Ian Stewart – Sent to Triple-A.  Pretty sad move for me to hear.  Mini-Mini Donkey was a one-time favorite.  I was thinking how this is one of those moves that if you don’t play fantasy, you’re probably like whatevs.  Deep thoughts with Grey Albright, I suppose.

Ubaldo Jimenez – 5 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks as he returned from the DL.  I didn’t see the game, but just looking at the baserunners and earned runs, I’m gonna guess he had some bad luck with when he gave up some hits.

Jake Arrieta – 6 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Yeah, sparkling but don’t forget the Twins are dealing with The Infieluenza Breakout of 2011.

Victor Martinez – To the DL.  Has anything ever good come from not punting your catcher slot?  Rhetorical!

Phil Coke – Holy crap, I just saw Coke’s line!  I mean, Phil got WHIPped around (10 baserunners in 3 2/3 IP) by Seattle like a fish at Pike’s Place.  It was mostly his own doing – a 4 BB first inning as well as an error by him led to 4 first inning runs (all unearned).  He didn’t even get a strikeout, which is tough since he faced Jack Cust three times.  He had average control in the minors so this was probably just a bad night – maybe someone shook him up before the game and put a couple Mentos in his mouth.

Wandy Rodriguez – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks.  Ride, Wandwagon, ride!

James Shields – 9 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks, 3.07 ERA on the year.  I didn’t put my money where my mouth was by drafting Shields, but I did think he’d bounce back from last year.

Randy Wolf – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks.  We own him in our most important league (NL LABR).  I say it’s important because I’m nearly positive if we don’t win, we’re not getting invited back.  In fact, if we do win, we still may not get invited back.

Frank Francisco – Blue Jays activated him and now they have the difficult decision to go with the crappy closer that they feel obligated to go with or just stick with Rauch, who’s done nothing wrong.  Knowing how major league teams operate, Frank² will be blowing saves by the weekend.

Aaron Hill – Stole his 6th base then left because 0f moans over his hammy.  Sounds like he might miss 15 days, maybe he can find his upside while he’s out.  You effin’ schmohawk!

Doug Fister – A very disappointing night for the Tiger hitters as Doug Fister limited them to two runs.  The most disappointed was Miggy because when he saw D. Fister as the opposing pitcher, he thought it stood for Double Fister.

Jake Peavy – Hurt himself coming back from hurting himself.  That’s such a Bennis Carpensheeter move.

John Danks – 7 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks.  Now 0-2 with a 3.00 ERA.  Seriously, I can’t buy a win.

Brad Emaus – Designated for assignment.  Mets like Roberto Duran say, “No Emaus!”

Justin Turner – Overdrive!  He will platoon with Daniel Murphy at 2nd base.  He’s on the weak side of the platoon and his minor league numbers are yawnstipating at best, blehtastic at worst.

Brandon Beachy – 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks.  As frequent commenter, Dad, said, “On only his 2nd day in the majors, Sands faced Beachy in LA.  I wonder if Pauly Shore was there.”  That made me giggle.

Pablo Sandoval – Hit his 4th homer this week.  He’s blaming his power drought last year on The Twinkie Defense.

Justin Morneau – Out again with the flu.  Minnesota Twins fever, catch it!

Josh Johnson – 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 9 Ks.  His brother, Gosh Johnson, “Okay, but let’s not forget the seven AVN awards I’ve won.”

Logan Morrison – Hurt his foot during the game but they put him in a protective boot – aka the Logan Moccasin – and they think he’ll only miss a game or two.

Drew Stubbs – 1-for-2 as he declares himself The King of the Slam & Legs.

Pedro Alvarez – 0-for-3, batting .183 on the year and now batting in the 6 hole.  I’m legitimately concerned Alvarez might get sent down to figure his shizz out.

Alex Gordon – 2 steals.  Billy Butler, one steal.  Wilson Betemit, one steal… Either they were getting 89 foot leads or Lou Marson was actually the Indians CEO and they were filming an episode of Undercover Boss.

Mark Trumbo – 3-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 3rd homer.  I don’t see how they can send him back down when Kendrys return.  Wait, is it still a plural verb?

Peter Bourjos – 4-for-5, 4 RBIs, 3 Runs and his 2nd homer as he declares to the world he wants to challenge Drew Stubbs’ title.

Bobby Abreu – 0-for-4 as the Angels scored 15.  Ticker tease!

Mike Napoli – Did not play, but Ron Washington let him bring the lineup card out to the umps so Scioscia could laugh at him.

Armando Galarraga – 6 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks and a 6.00 ERA with his third win.  I have only one win for my entire staff in one league.  Who’s coming with me to Nepal to fix this Win Karma?

Kelly Johnson – 2-for-5 with his 2nd homer.  You can book it that he’s gonna bet getter, if you’re into spoonerisms.

Melvin Mora – Out with a jammed foot.  Too bad everything points to him being toast.  Afternoon tea humor!

Ryan Roberts – Hit 2 homers yesterday and threw in a legs free of charge.  I love the questions about whether or not I think Roberts is fo reals.  He’s hitting .382 and two homers a game.  He’s not that real.  Can he stick at third base because the rest of the D-Bags candidates are tizz-errible?  Yup.  Should you pick him up?  Definitely, while he’s hitting.  BTW, Member my brilliant idea to allow one position a year to take steroids but not tell anyone… A little fun subplot trying to figure out which position it is each year.  Well, MLB decided to go with the more niche marketing plan, “All Roberts On ‘Roids.”  If Bip Roberts comes out of retirement, I called this sucker.