Bumerooski For Tulowristy
In case you were on a three day bender with Michael Madsen, Troy Tulowitzki will miss up to 8 weeks with a broken wrist. It’s old news by now, but sometimes you just wanna know what Grey has to say. Hey, hey, hey. Wrists are tricky things for hitters. I wouldn’t be surprised if Tulo returns in August and doesn’t start hitting well until September. If you own him, there’s nothing you can do but sit on him. Not literally, unless you have his permission. I wouldn’t trade for him, unless it’s a keeper and you’re rebuilding for next year and can get him for cheap now that he’s out. The Rockies called up Chris Nelson, but he just looks like infielder depth while SS and 2nd base get manned by Clint Barmes and Jonathan Herrera, who sounds like a fashion designer, so if you hear someone say, “Nice glove work by Jonathan Herrera!” You tell them it’s a knockoff. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Manny Corpas – 0 IP, 5 ER. Corpas Christi! The last two days this guy left my ratios looking like a Port Authority toilet. Huston Street gets activated on Tuesday, but Tracy says he’s going to ease Street back into role. Since I own Corpas and not Street on several teams, I’m not sure if I want Street to become the closer sooner or later. Also, for Street owners, if Tracy doesn’t get Street back into the role in short order, he may end up injured again before recording a save. Cust kayin’.
Mike Stanton – 1-for-4 with a steal and 2 Ks. Has 19 Ks in 11 games while batting .233. He will be every bit the mollywhopping, pony stick waving phenom that he was billed, but there is obviously going to be some strikeout/average growing pains, Mike Seaver.
Gaby Sanchez – 2-for-4, hitting .320 over the last week and .290 on the year. He’s walking that line between yawnstipating in mixed leagues and a very valuable NL-Only corner man.
Josh Johnson – 8 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 9 Ks. Now has an ERA of 1.80. If it wasn’t for Ubaldo’s silly season thus far, all eyes would be on Josh Johnson. He has a lower WHIP and FIP than Ubaldo and a higher K/9. Yes, I’m doing my best to point out Johnson has been better than Ubaldo. Too bad only Keith Law will vote for him.
Hanley Ramirez – Sat out due to a sore hamstring. Or as they call it in the Marlins’ clubhouse, “An excuse to not hustle.”
Jake Arrieta – 3 IP, 5 ER, 8 baserunners, 0 Ks as he roofied his owners.
Kris Medlen – It’s looking promising for Medlen to stay in the rotation and Kawakami to move to the bullpen. Booyakami!
Carl Pavano – 9 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 2 Ks as he beat Roy Halladay (8 IP, 3 ER, 11 baserunners, 8 Ks) In related news, water is dry.
Chase Utley – 6 for his last 14 with a homer and 7 RBIs since he denied that his knee was bothering him as Davey Lopes said. The charge that his knee was hurting him may have sparked him to prove the naysayers nay. Here’s how I think it went down. Manuel knew that if a coach said Utley had a knee injury, Utley’s pomade would get all bent out of shape and start hitting, so Lopes jumped on the grenade. Either that or Lopes is a jackoff.
Matt Holliday – 2 homers and four in his last 3 games. When I saw his recent outburst, the first thing I did was look to see when he started hitting last year. It was around mid-July. So you drafted him in the 2nd round this year and he didn’t start hitting for another three weeks last year. Seems like you owe Holliday an apology.
Kevin Kouzmanoff – 4-for-4 with his 7th homer. Another Billy Beane success story! Too bad he’s surrounded by Ryan Sweeney, Daric “Don’t Call Me Clara” Barton, Adam “Don’t Call Me Adam Rosales” Rosales and Landon “Not Quite As Good As Landon from the RR/RW Challenge” Powell.
Jason Bourgeois – Was called up by the Astros. Not a fresh name at 28-years-old, but Bourgeois has the means of production to steal bases like a pig. But he may not get the at-bats to do it yet since he’ll have to fill-in and work many jobs as the utility outfielder. How proletariat of him.
Jason Castro – Was also called up by the Astros. Yesterday, Ed Wade’s toupee said, “You know what this club is missing? More Jasons!” Seems like Castro is being rushed. In Triple-A, he had a .278 average and 4 homers since May 1st. In other words, we’re probably a year away from renaming the club, the Houston Castros. In keeper NL-Only leagues, I could see sitting on him if you’re not getting any catcher production, since Castro will be the starter. Oh, and now that Castro and Bourgeois are called up the same day, Pence may have to put his last name in a kitty to be divided up equally.
Chris Johnson – Finally, the most interesting name of the recent fresh-faced Astros. Since May 8th when he was activated from the DL, he hit .329 with 8 homers. He’ll supplant Peter Happy for the majority of the playing time at 3rd base, but not all of it yet. I’d wait and see in mixed leagues, but in NL-Only leagues I’d grab him and hope he blows Happy’s production out of the water and becomes the every day starter.
Felipe Paulino – 6 IP, 2 ER, 12 baserunners, 6 Ks. Only two walks, which is nice, but he’s so unpredictable it makes it hard to recommend him in mixed leagues. For NL-Only, he’s a difference maker type guy.
Brett Anderson – He’s due back after the All-Star break, if there’s no setbacks. That “if” has its own zip code.
Carlos Zambrano – 7 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 7 Ks. Now has back-to-back solid starts after Piniella tried to self-sabotage his team with the failed bullpen experiment. If Big Z’s on your waivers, I’d give him a shot in certain 12 team mixed leagues and deeper.
Brian Fuentes – 2/3 IP, 3 ER. Kazaam!
Justin Masterson – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks. He gets the Reds next. My crystal ball says he’ll strikeout 10 and only give up 1 earned run…. Or he’ll give up 8 earned and be removed in the 3rd inning. I should’ve sprung for the crystal ball that narrows choices down to one.
Carlos Santana – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 2nd homer. Buster Posey who?
Pedro Alvarez – 0-for-3 and batting .063 so far. Pedro Alvarez who? Really early to be writing him off, I’d give him another week in mixed leagues. If you can, give him the week on your bench. To the bench, Smashbuckler!
J.J. Putz – Picked up the save due to Jenks feeling jenky and Matt Thornton pitching in the 8th. Guillen said Jenks will be fine, but you can grab Putz (hehe) or Thornton, if you’re really hurting for saves.
Billy Wagner – Got his 14th save. I usually don’t mention closers unless they’re losing their job, but Wagner’s looking like a $12 Salad. In 29 1/3 innings, 5-0/1.23/0.99/43. Pretty incredible year so far.
Jonathan Sanchez – 2 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks as he tied his owners to the WHIPping post. Hopefully, he straightens himself out quickly because I own him in every league. Yes, this is about me.
Aubrey Huff – Hit his 12th homer. Meanwhile, Pat Burrell hit his 3rd. I’m sure this is not the first time they hit four-baggers on the same day.
John Maine – Looks like the Mets will shut him down. Too bad, so sad.
Max Scherzer – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks. Now three starts away from his last shelling, and 5 of 6 solid starts since he returned. Right now, he looks about as safe as he’s going to look.
Rick Porcello – Sent to Triple-A Toledo as the Tigers hope for a repeat of their Scherzer demotion magic. If they can fix whatever ails Porcello, pitchers from all over may take a pilgrimage to bathe in that holy Toledo water.
Julio Borbon – 4-for-5 from the leadoff spot. That is all. Literally. No steals. I do think the training wheels come off him and he starts taking some extra bases.
Josh Hamilton – 5-for-6, now batting .337 on the year with 16 homers. Man, I stepped in a big pile of juju with this guy. Let me now apologize for ragging on you, Hamilton, for the last two years. Maybe we can go get an O’Doul’s some time. My treat.
Ian Kinsler – 2-for-4 and two steals before Davey Lopes can say anything about his ankle.
Alex Rodriguez – Him and Posada will probably miss a few games this week with no DH at the Yankees’ disposal. How awesome would it be if Kevin Russo shows up at the LA game with Kate Hudson on his arm?
Mark Teixeira – 1-for-3, 4 RBIs with a homer in his 2nd game in a row. Looks like Tex called up his July talent a week early and will risk losing it to arbitration a year early.
