Fantasy Baseball Advice

Manny Ramirez and his brother from another, Aramis, are taking the summer off as planned. If we get in our “Way Back Machine,” we see back in December of ‘07 that I said to look away from Manny. This was before the reports that he was in the best shape of his life and the Sons of Sam Horn turned the media heat up on the hype. What did I say to that? Bologna.  If I may paraphrase myself, I basically said Manny’s Manny and he’s not changing his stripes for an extra two million on a contract. In addition to that, Manny could have a big World Series game and get the extra two million from HankenStein and go play in the Bronx. He knows that. So Manny may get that Xbox Live Clause in his new contract and not even do anything until October. I’m sure Big Papi and him have discussed this at length. Papi, “Manny, you know we can phone in the season and produce in the postseason and be hailed as the best ever clutch performers.” Manny, “Papi, sometimes I get the urge to spork Youk in the neck. Is that weird?” As for Aramis Ramirez, well, he’s in a similar boat, but not an altogether similar point in his career. Aramis could coast until the postseason and the Cubs should make it in a walk. Frankly, I feel like they should move the Cubs to the NL East and close up the Central for the summer, but that’s another story. So will Aramis coast? I’m not convinced. Aramis has proven he loves to hit when the chips have already been eaten (or fill-in some other mixed metaphor). Late last year, Aramis Ramirez knocked the cover off the ball and I could see it happening again. So my advice is Sell on Manny and Buy on Aramis — Ramirez that is. Anyway, here’s some more fantasy baseball players to Buy and Sell:

BUY

Masa Kobayashi – Joe Borowski is out. As I said yesterday in the forums, Kobayashi, Betancourt then Perez, in that order. Cleveland, as a team, has 14 saves on the year. That doesn’t mean they will only have fourteen on the other side of 81 games, but it could. Caveat Kobayashi, Betancourt and Perez.

J.R. Towles – Mentioned him yesterday. If you need a catcher, he’s on waivers in your mixed league. It’s a flier, people. Don’t drop Matt Holliday for him.

Scott Linebrink – Bobby Jenks is reporting soreness in his back. Could lead to nothing, could lead to a DL-stint — ready, set, vulture! You grab Linebrink because you can’t get enough saves, you greedy person you.

Chris Davis – I just wanna keep talking and talking and talking about Chris Davis, don’t you? Oh, mercy, mercy me. Does he have 50 home runs yet? I originally compared him to Dunn. Ain’t that apt? (BTW, “Ain’t that apt?” is the non-sequitur saying I’m putting on my first t-shirt line. If one of ya’ll steals it, so help me…)

Rickie Weeks – I believe in slow walks on the beach, especially in Wildwood, Point Pleasant or Belmar. I believe Hawaii offers Spam, shaved ice and not much else. I believe anything seasoned properly would be delicious, including dogshit. I believe in reading movie reviews after I’ve seen the movie. I believe Jamie Kennedy is a terrible person, but worse of all, unfunny. I believe the only day I wasn’t nostalgic for yesterday was the day I was born and, finally, I believe in Rickie Weeks.

Jarrod Saltalamacchia – Salty is catching more or less on most days and he hasn’t hit at all to his potential, but if you’re carrying Navarro still, you should be looking at him, because Saltimbocca can be tasty when he’s at the plate (<—-forced!).

SELL

Rich Harden – Not sure who you’re selling this guy to and he’s too good to drop, but the latest news from Harden’s camp (if he were, ya know, to have a camp) is that Harden’s going through a dead arm period and that’s why his fastball has been, um, less fast. (Isn’t it weird how his dead arm period is better than his injured arm period? You would think the opposite would be true. Or at least I would think it, because I just did.)

Eric Byrnes – Wasn’t that long ago that I told you to Buy. Well, the injury returned and now he might be gone for the season. Hopefully he can make it to Fox’s postseason broadcast team. *fingers sarcastically crossed*

Mark Buehrle – I’ve mentioned how I added him a month or so ago. He’s currently on the top of my “Most Likely to Get Dropped After He Gets Inevitably Beaten Badly” list.

Jeff Keppinger – I could’ve put Jerry Hairston Jr. there, but Keppinger’s name is more incendiary (Word of the Day). These guys seem like they’re falling into a time share. This hurts both of their value.

Clint Barmes – Deer meat sees your hot start and raises you a 4-for-21 slump and Omar Quintanilla.

Pedro Martinez – It’s with regret his name appears here. I loved Pedro. He was a triple threat — flat-out incredible pitcher, an entertaining interview subject and he carried a dwarf around with him. This… This Mets pitcher isn’t him.

Nate McLouth – Eric Karabell told you he would be the fantasy MVP. Seriously. I think ESPN even charges for this shizz. (I get it for free.) Right now, I picture Hater Bell rocking a Malcolm X hat and listening to Mobb Deep as he prepares to put Karabell on blast. Karabell, take these words and think ‘em through or the next rhyme I write might be about you…

If I were an emoticon, I would be a sad face. Maybe Tulowitzki shouldn’t have been jogging in socks and flip-flops after all. The only way he wouldn’t get on track this year is if he were injured. What does Tulo do? Gets injured. Badly, as it turns out. Tulowitzki is out until the All-Star break and that’s being optimistic. As Seinfeld might say, “What is the deal with all of these quad injuries?” In one year leagues, if you have no room on your DL, I’d say drop him. There’s not much positive to be had from these. I picked up Bobby Crosby in one deep league and Barmes in another. Why do I suddenly feel like I want to roller skate down a spiral staircase while carrying eighty pounds of deer meat? Some guys I’d look at to replace Tulowitzki (of course it depends on the league and needs): Felipe Lopez, Erick Aybar, Keppinger, Ronny Cedeno… I just thought of something. How about someone “take out” (those real quotes would be air quotes if we were, ya know, speaking) Grudzielanek? Then we can get Callaspo in there. Oh my God, I’m hoping for Callaspo to replace Tulo. The loss of Tulowitzki has made me delirious. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday:

Chad Cordero – I’ve been saying for three weeks now Rauch gets more saves than Cordero. Now I wouldn’t be surprised if Cordero doesn’t get one more save this year. I’d drop him too, if you have no room.

Phil Hughes – Out until July, you probably don’t have him anyway, except in AL-Only leagues.

BJ Upton – Injury bug’s sure going around. He hurt himself on a swing. He says he’ll be all right. I say expect him to miss ten days, not go on your DL and be a nuisance.

Zach Greinke – Okay, onto something positive. He K’d nine Rangers. I think Carlos Silva could K seven Rangers, so it is what it is. But Greinke looks phenomenal this year. He’s always been a control pitcher with three solid pitches to strikeout opposing hitters. It’s just when he starts acting like Joey from The Real World: Hollywood is when we have to worry. (BTW, I like how the stripper/cokehead comes home with JoJo, a guy who wears a bling gun belt, and tells Joey that he’s a bit too messed up for her. That’s like getting blown off by… Well, a stripper/cokehead. BTW II, I would’ve put spoiler alert, but I don’t think anyone watches this shizz anyway. But I digress.) To think, Meche is better than Greinke. Karabell reminds me of the little kid who lives on my street. They mean well, yet I still wish them harm.

Travis Hafner – Okay, Pronk’s in a funk, but to drop him to sixth against a righty? So Dellucci could bat third? Listen, I’m as big a fan of fourth outfielders as the next guy, but Dellucci? I’m going to move on before I have aneurysm.

Jack Cust – Went 4-for-4 and deep. I really hope this is the start of big things because Rudy’s got him on his Razzball team. Cust kayin’.

Alexis Rios – Home run, steal, and the move to the leadoff spot doesn’t bother me that much. Where you thought you were getting RBIs, you’re now getting a few more runs. You won’t take 120/32/80/.300/25?

AJ Burnett – Burnett has been giving Rudy headaches lately. (Rudy doesn’t mind drafting AL pitchers; buy him a beer sometime and ask him about it. Or search the site. Whatever.) Burnett was wild, but unhittable last night against the Red Sox.

Hiroki Kuroda – Good start, but he seems completely unpredictable.

Paul Byrd – 1.71 ERA in last four starts. I guess that’s good if you had him for the last four starts. I wouldn’t want him for his next four.

Rafael Betancourt – Ichiro Suzuki (cause I use last names) scored on a fielding error by Blake (who was batting second, I’m assuming Wedge is trying to get fired). If you thought Kobayashi would be next line, he gave up the go ahead home run to The Big Sexy in the tenth.

JJ Putz – I think he threw one strike the entire inning and that was a hanging splitter to The Big FraGu. Maybe he’s hiding some lingering soreness from his injury? Just speculating.

Kerry Wood – I’m by no means a Wood apologist, but HBP, Soriano misplays a ball, infield single, walk, Braun hits a triple, it wasn’t really Wood’s fault. Just bad circumstances.

Eric Gagne – Walk, strikeout, then a bullet double play. Just good circumstances.

Carlos Marmol – I’m pretty sure he would’ve just struckout the side in his third inning of work. BTW, Marmol has 19 innings of work through May 1st. This will probably kill Marmol for next year, but Piniella doesn’t seem to care.

Brian Shouse – Second win this season by Shouse where he only needed one pitch. Get on board!

Here’s what I said in January, “I’m just going to point out one negative. In 650 ABs, he walked 33 times and struck out 109 times. He’s got speed; he’s in a great hitting park. He will not hit .288 again. At the first sign of struggle, he starts swinging for the fences and he goes into a deep funk. Hitters who don’t take walks fall into slumps. Do yourself a favor and let someone else draft Phillips. Projections: 80/19/75/.240/25 and is benched in July because his slump is “all in his head.”” And that is me quoting me. Through yesterday’s game Brandon Phillips is at 10/2/6/.250/3 with 20 Ks and 6 walks through 88 at-bats. Also, his BABIP is above the league average, so he actually is doing better than he should. As Rich Dad would say, Brandon Phillips is a liability, not an asset. Will he become completely unusable? I think he could. That’s not to say he will. It’s a bad sign when there’s chance. Don’t trade him for a Sportflics Canseco rookie card and a can of cola, but I would entertain offers. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday:

Carlos Gomez – He homered yesterday, but I don’t think that’s an indication of great things on the horizon. As I said two weeks ago, a guy who tries to bunt with two strikes to get on base is not really someone you want to invest too heavily in. Picture this: Guy buys a Ferrari, but can’t afford gas.

Francisco Liriano – I told you to trade him two weeks ago. He has no value now.

Johnny Cueto – I began writing a strongly-worded letter to Dusty Baker when he let Cueto bat in the fifth inning, but Cueto surprised me and made short work of the Astros in the sixth and seventh inning. I feel like Cueto’s my little brother and I have to defend him, but he really only made a few mistakes in this entire game and half of them were to Berkman, who is on fire right now.

Corey Patterson – Was good to see him get the start against a righty (it’s bad that it’s not a given). Then Dusty pulled him for Freel when he was about to face a different righty. Oh, Dusty, you do have your way, huh? Corey made a baserunning mistake prior to getting yanked; he’s now probably further in the doghouse. He better give Jayson Nix a call for some moral support.

Brian “The Brain” McCann – He was the only top catcher I liked coming into this season for his value versus ADP. Hasn’t disappointed thus far, not to mention his slide into third for his triple was like a Triple Lindy gone bad.

Dustin McGowan – Seven walks. Sixteen on the season. Like when a girl calls you after a first date and says, “I had a really good time tonight.” Too much, too soon.

Jayson Werth – Four home runs and a .300 average. When The Flying Hawaiian returns, Jenkins isn’t going to play a whole lot.

Donnie Murphy – 2 home runs yesterday. Still nothing to see here.

Cliff Lee – For those wondering where this is coming from, he did finish fourth in the Cy Young voting in 2005 when he won 18 games and posted a sub-4.00 ERA. Though the strikeouts to this point are high. If you can move him for Wainwright or Maine, I would.

Miguel Olivo – I thought the lack of Miguel Cabrera post-home run hugs and booty slaps might affect Olivo adversely, but he’s hit three home runs in ten games.

Rafael Betancourt – In case you forgot because he hadn’t recorded a save yet, he is the closer.

Melky Cabrera – 4 home runs and counting.

Adam Melhouse – Injured his right hand. Whoopie-dee-doo, right? If he goes down, Salty comes back. Come again? You need a catcher, right? JARROD SALTALAMACCHIA might get the call-up. (I kinda hope he doesn’t cause his name is a nightmare to spell.)

Mike Napoli – 5 home runs and counting. Does it really matter if he’s not starting every game?

Chad Billingsley – I’m going to try a little experiment. Before the game starts, I’m writing this *****GUESS ALERT: Billingsley’s going to strikeout a lot because the D-Backs are swing-happy, he’ll walk a few cause that’s what he do, and he’ll still lose.***** Okay, I’m back. Wow, I did pretty well. And so did Chad, 12 Ks and only two walks. Very nice, but he still gave up five runs. I have no idea how he pulled that off because I had to watch Survivor. SPOILER ALERT: I can’t believe Jason, James and Erik didn’t try something. They made me embarrassed to be a man (as if it’s not embarrassing enough watching Survivor). James needs to stop talking about Eve and the stupid apple and start playing the game. And when did they develop Natalie’s character? Um, never. She was completely out of left field. You need to plant the seeds that someone is an -ocker short of a rocker. Okay, Survivor rant over. Sorry.

Nomar Garciaparra – He’s batting third. The Dodgers’ offense called and they said they wanted Mike Piazza back. They’d even take ‘07 Piazza. (BTW, You know that twitchy shizz Nomar does before he gets into the box? You think he does that before he gets into Mia’s box? If Mia were to let him.

Joe Borowski landed on the DL, but he’s not coming back any time soon. He was put on the DL because he couldn’t throw a ball faster than 83 MPH. Do you think that’s going to change with some R & R?  Rafael Soriano is on the DL, Peter Moylan is on the DL, so Manny Acosta takes over the closer role. I said yesterday, Manny Acosta could be the closer for a while. So what else is going on in the world of major league closers and some fantasy baseball implications? Let’s take a look:

Trevor Hoffman – Last week, I advised you trade for him and I’m saying the same now. Maybe I’ll say more of the same next week. Oh, happy day!

Jose Valverde – He was not good before last year. Not sure what you can get for him, but I would explore trade options sooner rather than later. I picked up Brocail two days ago where I had room.

Francisco Rodriguez – Shields is the setup man, but I’m not fielding him on any team right now. I trust K-Rod to stay relatively healthy.

Rafael Betancourt – The closer for right now in Borowski’s stead. I get the sneaky suspicion that Rafael Perez and/or Masahide Kobayashi are going to have a say in this. I think they all need to be fielded in AL-Only leagues and deep mixed leagues.

Takashi Saito – Broxton could be the closer right now, but Torre’s not making this switch, at least not unless Saito completely breaks down, which I don’t see happening. I mean, for Christmas sake, Torre played Nomar immediately.

Huston Street – He’s on a team that should lose 90 to 100 games and he’s more injury-prone than Nordberg. You make the call!

Chad Cordero – Jon Rauch will have more saves than Cordero by the end of the year.

Brian Wilson – Saves are saves but Wilson is almost not worth the hassle. I’d try and move him if anyone’s reading Karabell’s usual vomit, where he called Wilson a great Buy Low candidate. Unless his definition of Buy Low is a shaky closer that walks as many as he strikes out. Then he’s right on.

Brad Lidge – Now for an actual Buy Low guy. Who are the Phillies turning to if Lidge fails? Brett Myers again? Tom Gordon? Will the Phillies win close to 90 games? They can. Does Brad Lidge still strike out a ton? Sure does. Are people absolutely terrified he’s going to implode at any second? Yup, they are. Will he? I don’t think so. If he stays healthy, he can get 40 saves with excellent strikeout numbers. As Abba once sang, “Gonna do my very best and it ain’t no lie… If you put me to the test, if you let me try…Take a chance on me…” (Sorry if you now can’t get that out of your head.)

B.J. Ryan – BJ will have you down on your knees. (hehe) He’s not safe, but you knew that. Unfortunately, the people behind him have jumbled themselves as who a clear cut heir apparent might be. At this point, if BJ can’t close a game, if could be anyone from Frasor to Accardo to Wolfe to Downs. I kinda hope BJ can pull it together so I don’t have to pick up any of those other schmohawks.

George Sherrill – Now has six saves. I’d still trade him if I got the right offer.

Brandon Lyon – Not sure if there’s a closer I trust less right now. I even picked up Qualls in one deep league.

It’s very rare that a player of Big Papi’s caliber falls into this bad of a slump. Maybe burying that David Ortiz jersey had an adverse effect? Let’s look at some things we know. Ortiz bats third in arguably the best lineup in baseball. He pats his hands together before every pitch like he’s making arepas. He still knows how to take a walk. What we don’t know? His actual age. He’s supposedly 33 years old, but he’s Latin so I’d say he’s anywhere from 35 to 47 (which makes him anywhere from two to twelve years older than Pujols). For the purposes of this, we’re going to assume last year was a harbinger of things to come — that Papi’s best years are behind him. Let’s look at last year, he hit 116/35/117/.332. If that’s a sign of trouble, then I’d like to fill up my team with guys whose jerseys are buried under Yankee Stadium. But, wait, could his knee be bothering him? Sure, but it was bothering him last year and look again at those numbers. So he’s in the worst slump of his career, he’s hobbling around Fenway like a drunk Bea Arthur, yet I’m telling you this is the absolute best time to buy David Ortiz. That’s right, trade for Ortiz — steal him away from your opponents because his stock won’t be low for long. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday:

Evan Longoria – He looks really solid. I still don’t think you should sell your dead nana’s jewelry to acquire him.  Remember Braun’s ‘07 was the exception not the rule. Longoria hit a fastball in the seats. Off speed pitches are usually the bump in the rookie ride.

Nick Markakis – He has four steals already. If he gets to 30 homers (which he should eventually), you’re gonna wish you had him.

Carlos Gomez – In your box score it shows a K in the first inning. He struckout trying to bunt with two strikes. You’re thinking, “Well, that shows how committed he was to moving the guy over.” Dude, he was leading off the game! I really don’t think you want CarGo on your team right now. He doesn’t know what’s coming or going with pitch selection.

Alexis Rios – Sweet stroke meet Sherrill’s fastball.

Pat Neshek – I love middle men, there I said it. But when they’re struggling — ugh. I dropped Neshek for Dotel in one league I had him.

Zach Greinke – He should’ve got out of the third without giving up any runs. Did he crawl into a ball and start weeping? No. He handled it very well. He’s passed the mental health check so far. Unfortunately, he’s not striking out men like he should be. Am I worried? His ERA went up after giving up only one run in 9 innings. Of course, I’m not worried.

Adam Jones – He looked really solid. I still wouldn’t touch him.

Rafael Betancourt – It’s got to be a matter of time. Borowski cannot get people out. How long can the Indians let a guy who you wouldn’t trust in the seventh inning keep getting the ball in the ninth? I don’t think very long. If you have Borowski without Betancourt on your team, I would try and get Betancourt in a trade quick-fast.