On this Memorial Day, I’m left thinking about things as American as apple pie and fake-breasted women, but mostly I’m left contemplating how similar Memorial Day sounds to Michael Bay. What better way to think of our country’s great holiday, than our real-life Uncle Sam of excessive special effects-laden movies. You can make cars better than us Asia, but can you blow crap up on celluloid and make apocalyptic tripe like World War Z? So, today, go outside and wish someone a Happy Michael Bay, he’s ours. Also, ours is baseball, and a branch off of that is fantasy baseball, and a sub-section of that sub-section is hoarding prospect pitchers that are called up like Michael Wacha. First (immediately after all that other first shizz), let’s see what our prospect writer, Scott, has said about him, “Wacha’s 2012 numbers were just plain silly: 0.86 ERA, 0.57 WHIP, 17.1 K/9 in 11 appearances across three levels (Rookie, High-A, Double-A). Those 11 outings, however, only tallied up to 21 IP. The Cardinals were keeping his workload light, and Wacha never worked through a batting order more than one time through. That was the only criticism, the only reason to expect regression as he stepped up to Triple-A ball this season. Well, Wacha’s done a fine job of quelling those concerns so far. If only we could quell Grey as easily.” Hey, what’s the big idea!? I’m not sure where Wacha’s Ks have been thus far in Triple-A (under a 6 K/9), but his walks have been in check (~2.5 BB/9) and he has an ERA of 2.05 in 52 2/3 IP. If he keeps his K-rate around there in the majors, he’s going to be strictly an NL-Only or 15-team mixed leagues and deeper play. But he looks closer to a 7+ K-rate guy and someone I’d grab in all mixed leagues. The upside is here for greatness; of course the downside of any rookie pitcher is here, as well. All of this is assuming the Cards officially call him up, but the word around town is they’re about to. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Well, if the Dodgers really do have the Magic touch, they better get Zack Greinke some aid. Greinke flew back to LA yesterday and, boy, is his elbow tired. I say, “Blame it on Harang,” but I say like I’m Milli Vanilli. Greinke’s MRI came back clean, and Dr. Neal ElAttrache diagnosed him with inflammation. Is it me or does Dr. Neal ElAttrache’s last name look like those sneaker/slippers Nike used to make in the 90′s? Any the hoo! Dr. Neal Air Huarache gave Greinke some anti-inflammatory medication and the news has been positive (after the negative news). I really to the third power dislike pitchers with elbow issues, but Greinke is supposed to be able to throw again in a few days. I haven’t moved him yet in my 2013 fantasy baseball rankings, but I’m going to be watching this situation like I’m a cyclops with a monocle. Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Mets went into their minor league system and pulled a giant rabbit out of their hat with Matt Harvey. *terrible Jimmy Stewart impression* Mr. Potter, I knew a Harvey once. Back in 1955, see, and Danny Kaye asked me to sneak this guy named Harvey out of his bedroom at 2 AM.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Hey, Fantasy Baseball King here. In “Fire and Ice,” I’ll analyze the past 2 weeks’ performances, and using my best combination of statistical analysis, baseball knowledge, charm, and pure crystal ball wizadry provide you with a plan of action for the coming week.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Around 7 AM on Sunday morning, my smoke detector started beeping every few minutes. Hungover, I rolled out of bed. I figured the battery was low, so I removed it and went back to sleep. An hour later, it started beeping again. So I removed the smoke detector from the wall and it stopped beeping. Then at 3 AM Monday night, it started beeping again. I pulled out my ladder and, like I was defusing a bomb but not caring if it blew up, I indiscriminately cut all the wires from the smoke detector and went back to sleep. About 5 hours later, it started beeping again. I pulled a hammer from my tool box and began smashing the smoke detector. Then I went into my office and did the same to that smoke detector just to make sure. Then I removed the one from my bedroom and did the same. No more beeping….Please, blog, may I have some more?
We’re gonna try and turn over a new, positive leaf here at Razzball. No longer are we going to sing the blues when one of our favorites doesn’t make the team. We’re gonna emoticon all over your face for someone else. That other person just happens to be the guy replacing Mike Minor in the rotation. Three ladies and gentlemen, I am proud to introduce to you, Mr.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Lastings Milledge is about to get called up by the Pirates (We’re not your Pops’ Pirates!) and he should get playing time. Shoot, I could prolly get playing time with the Pirates. Is this still the head case that the Mets and Nats gave up on? Sure. Luckily, the rap scene in Pittsburgh is about as happening as Poughkeepsie’s and there’s no chance Milledge will high-five a fan after a homer, because, well, the Pirates have no fans. Lastings Milledge can give you a two month stretch that looks remarkably similar to what Beltran has done over the last two months, or he can give you a two month streak where he looks like what Beltran should’ve done for the last two months. Will Milledge suddenly be 10 team worthy? Check yo projections at the door. I don’t know. His 2nd half last year was hella strong. (Yo and hella were requests of the 18-29 test audience). So Milledge can give you a ten team worthy outfielder and that’s worth a flier in every league. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Ty Wigginton – Hit a homer on Thursday. Know how many homers he hit last August? 12. Why does he get hot in August? I don’t know. Maybe his moon sign coalesces well with August’s sun sign. Whatever the case. Pick him up in deep leagues and monitor him closely in 12 team or shallower.Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Indians have been more of a trainwreck than Jeff Conaway and Tom Sizemore doing a community theater production of The Taking of Pelham 123. Now Grady Sizemore hits the DL with elbow inflammation. For whatever reason, this season he’s shown himself to be a bit of a flight risk. In 13 attempted steals, he’s been caught stealing 6 times. (He’s been terrible at stealing bases, but has elbow pain? Is he running on his hands? What’s the deal, friend?) Half of me wants to be the doomsayer, um, saying doom that Sizemore’s going to struggle even when he returns because of what we’ve seen in the past from players with elbow pain. Then my better half wants to say it can’t be that bad, he hit his 9th home run on Saturday.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Carlos Zambrano in his own special way welcomed the Cubs new arrival, Jake Fox, with a shizzfit of epic proportions. Zambrano was ejected for bumping an ump, I especially enjoyed when the ump ejected him and he then ejected the ump. I’m out of order?Please, blog, may I have some more?
Well, that didn’t take long. Rickie Weeks has swine flu in the wrist. Anything negative health-wise wouldn’t surprise me with Rickie Weeks. “Coach, Weeks got the black plague.” “Wasn’t that only spread by rats 600 years ago?” “Don’t know, Coach. After Friday’s game, he was with some old broad who had snaggle teeth. Might’ve been that.” I wouldn’t be surprised to see this force Weeks to the DL then miss two months of the season because that’s what Weeks do. It would be too convenient for Bill Hall to go to 2nd and Gamel to fill-in at third. But offensively it would make more sense than the blahtoon of Counsell and Iribarren. Anyway, here’s what I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Chris Carpenter – Returning on Wednesday. I don’t think he gets to the All-Star Break healthy. If you have Carpenter, you might think about hammering out a deal. (<–Pun!)
Koji Uehara – 5 IP, 4 ER. I still believe he’ll be better going forward than most doodes that are on waivers.Please, blog, may I have some more?