Fantasy Baseball Advice

Lastings Milledge is about to get called up by the Pirates (We’re not your Pops’ Pirates!) and he should get playing time.  Shoot, I could prolly get playing time with the Pirates.  Is this still the head case that the Mets and Nats gave up on?  Sure.  Luckily, the rap scene in Pittsburgh is about as happening as Poughkeepsie’s and there’s no chance Milledge will high-five a fan after a homer, because, well, the Pirates have no fans.  Lastings Milledge can give you a two month stretch that looks remarkably similar to what Beltran has done over the last two months, or he can give you a two month streak where he looks like what Beltran should’ve done for the last two months.  Will Milledge suddenly be 10 team worthy?  Check yo projections at the door.  I don’t know.  His 2nd half last year was hella strong.  (Yo and hella were requests of the 18-29 test audience).  So Milledge can give you a ten team worthy outfielder and that’s worth a flier in every league.  Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Ty Wigginton – Hit a homer on Thursday.  Know how many homers he hit last August?  12.  Why does he get hot in August?  I don’t know.  Maybe his moon sign coalesces well with August’s sun sign.  Whatever the case.  Pick him up in deep leagues and monitor him closely in 12 team or shallower.

Kyle Blanks – The Pillsbury Fro Boy has been hot.  That’s your positive tip, now dance on the floor and have room for The Chubbster.

Billy Butler – The Moobster has also been hot.  I have my doubts about him for this year (I’m getting excited about drafting him next year).  But if you’re struggling at corner, you have my express written consent to pick up Butler.

Chris Tillman – As defined by the Razzball Glossary, a roofie is a rookie pitcher who fails to deliver on their tremendous K potential and, instead, abuses your trust and violates your ERA and WHIP.  If you need to take on risk, Tillman’s worth a shot, but you may end up crying in the corner of your bathroom.

Derek Holland – Shoot me now for what these roofies will do to you.

Clayton Richard – Latest HodgePadre.  Suddenly, he has value for mixed leagues.

Aaron Poreda – This trade makes him an immediate grab in NL-Only keeper leagues.

Adam LaRoche – I told you he’d get a boost from his trade!  It just wasn’t his first trade.  My visions of the future are sometimes murky.

Andy Marte – Father, I must confess, I’ve picked up Andy Marte in a mixed league.  You know how much I love prospects who are past prospect staus.  His Triple-A stats were apple-sweet this year.  When I own him, I can’t stop thinking about crates of Dippin’ Dots slowly parachuting into Africa, so it can’t be all bad, right?

Eugenio Velez – Hot and he has speed.  (Sounds like a young Ron LeFlore.)

Jim Johnson – Doesn’t he sound like a cult leader?  Jim Johnson states that in order to get vulture saves you must drink his Kool-Aid.  This will also help you shed your Earth skin.

Danys Baez – If you’re really hard up for saves and Johnson’s gone, grab Baez.  Though you may be left holding your Earth skin.

Matt Thornton – Potential vulture saves if Ozzie ever convinces Jenks to go to the Disgraceful List.

Kaz Matsui – He might be as exciting to you as the Jockular Sphincteritis he once suffered from, but he’s 4 for his last 7 with his homer yesterday.  He hit over .300 in 2008’s 2nd half with 5 homers and 5 steals.  Decent enough in NL-Only leagues or very deep mixed leagues.

Howie Kendrick – Not only is he hot, but if you pick him up, you can mock everyone who drafted him back in March.

Ben Francisco – Don’t cha just wanna call him Benji Cisco?  No?  Okay, maybe it’s me.  He has no value if he’s on the bench, but while The Flying Hawaiian’s grounded, he’s worth a look.

Michael Saunders – Had a .310/.378/.544 line in Triple-A along with 13 homers in 248 ABs.  Eh, he’s a decent flier in AL-Only leagues, but I just can’t get excited about Mariners prospects.  If he was any good, why didn’t they trade him to the Orioles?

SELL

George Sherrill – Unless you count Holds or you’re a MR. B., Sherrill’s not worth your roster spot.

Ian Kinsler – Yup, it’s almost that time of the year.  Kinsler’s missed the last two games and he’s never played in more than 130 games.  Washington has already said he will bench him more in the 2nd half to try to keep Kinsler out of the dumps, so far it hasn’t worked.  Kinsler hit .157 in July with 4 homers and 6 steals.  Now don’t trade Kinsler for a lanyard anklet, but you might want to explore some trades.

Jake Peavy – The White Sox didn’t acquire Peavy to rush him back and risk further injury.  He’s there for the playoff push.  This trade doesn’t suddenly make him healthy. Not to mention, he leaves the (really) friendly confines of Petco for a hitters’ park.  It’s not great for his value.

Victor Martinez – Nothing like a trade to the Sawx to cause a player’s perceived value go through the roof. Will this trade boost his value?  Of course.  Will his perceived value suddenly be higher than his actual value?  Yup.  Again, don’t trade him for the innate ability to spell Gewurztraminer, but I’d keep my avenues open.

Casey Kotchman – Nothing like a trade to the Sawx to… Oh, wait.  He’s now stuffed in the middle of the revolving cornerman door.  Considering Kotchman will only be facing favorable matchups now, it doesn’t kill his value, but you would need a backup for the days he sits.

Francisco Liriano – Member back in 2006 when you guys had the time of your life?  Frolicking around the park like the two schoolkids you were.  You’d start a sentence, he finished it.  You’d invite him to sleep over and beg your Mom to make his favorite kind of pupusas.  Well, now he won’t leave and he just wet your bed.  Stop lying in Liriano’s urine and drop him.

The Indians have been more of a trainwreck than Jeff Conaway and Tom Sizemore doing a community theater production of The Taking of Pelham 123. Now Grady Sizemore hits the DL with elbow inflammation.  For whatever reason, this season he’s shown himself to be a bit of a flight risk.  In 13 attempted steals, he’s been caught stealing 6 times.  (He’s been terrible at stealing bases, but has elbow pain?  Is he running on his hands?  What’s the deal, friend?)  Half of me wants to be the doomsayer, um, saying doom that Sizemore’s going to struggle even when he returns because of what we’ve seen in the past from players with elbow pain.  Then my better half wants to say it can’t be that bad, he hit his 9th home run on Saturday. So the ladies love Grady, but should his fantasy owners?  Unfortunately, if elbow pain is severe enough to send someone to the DL, it’s not a good sign.  So I wouldn’t try to buy him low, unless the deal’s too good to turn down.  Then again, I wouldn’t sell him low, either.  If you own him, I think you need to just hold and hope for the best.  Unless, again, someone’s overpaying you for him.  Basically, you’re in a pickle between a rock and a hard place.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Ben Francisco – 2-for-3 with a steal.  Hitting .360 in the last seven games and has 5 homers and 9 steals on the year.  Yawnstipating, for sure.  But Francisco will now be batting in the top of the order while Sizemore nurses his elbow.  Is Sizemore nursing his elbow in public? Gross!

Victor Martinez – Sat out yesterday.  Are the Indians punting this season?

Jhonny Peralta – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs and the Indians batted third their .339 SLG shortstop.  Though I don’t think that lasts.

Chien-Ming Wang – 8 IP, 2 ER and 7 Ks since he’s returned, but, man, it really feels like he’s trying to get you to fall for the old-banana-in-the-tailpipe, right?

Kevin Youkilis – 2 HRs yesterday as he bats .366 on the season and way above where his BABIP says he should be, i.e., the bottom could fall out.

Jon Lester – 6 IP, 1 ER, 12 Ks.  Even if you missed this start because you benched him, this is a good sign going forward… Unless he continues to alternate good and bad starts, then you’re gonna have to wait ten days for another good start, at which time you’ll probably bench him again.

Alex Rios – 5 for his last 8 and a homer and steal yesterday.  In case you don’t own him, which I don’t, you may not know his current stats.  6 homers, 4 steals and a .276 average.  From a 3rd round draft pick in ‘08 to 5th round in ‘09, he’s making a case for the 8th round next year.  Maybe the -is on his first name was his Samson’s hair.

John Maine – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 Ks.  Besides some early season struggles, he’s pitched well.  Can’t hurt to pitch at Metco.  If he’s out there, he gets the Nats next time out.

Edwin Jackson – 8 IP, 0 ER, 7 Ks.  Falls into those untradeable guys.  You can’t trade him for how valuable he’s been, because no one believes it.  On the other hand, you can’t trade for him either, because you don’t believe it either.  Wait, huh?

Jason Berken – 7 IP, 1 ER.  Didn’t this guy used to date Lauren Conrad?  (BTW, how about that Hills finale?  Tears, pho sho!)  Anyway, Berken’s not worth a pickup in 16 team leagues that only use Orioles.

Josh Willingham – 2 HRs yesterday and 3rd homer in three days.  Had a good May, wouldn’t trust him to have a good June.

Elijah Dukes – Returns Tuesday.  That’s if he doesn’t end up in jail.  I could totally see Phil Spector producing a Dukes album.

Edwin Maysonet – Rod Roddy, “For the next contestant on The Price is Right… A brand new…. Maysonet!”  9-for-20 since being called up to fill-in for Kaz Matsui.  I’m going to go out on a limb and say 9-for-20 is the best string of 20 ABs he’s ever had in pro ball.

Paul Maholm – 7 IP, 1 ER, but lost in a pitcher’s duel to Mike Hampton, who went 7 IP, 1 ER with 3 Ks.  The official attendance was 19,566 people bored out of their mind.  This would be a good test to see if a girl likes you, “Baby, you wanna take in the Astros/Pirates game? I hear the Pirates mascot, Captain Jolly Roger, shoots wieners into the crowd.”

Ben Zobrist – 1-for-4, batting leadoff yesterday.  While it might be nice in theory, let’s not put too much pressure on The Zo.  He’s 25-for-74 with 4 homers batting sixth.  The Zo likes to relax!

Randy Choate – What, no save today?  As I said in the comments on Saturday after Choate notched back-to-back saves on Friday and Saturday, Choate’s a situational lefty.

Kris Medlen – 6 IP, 1 ER, 9 Ks.  The forces of the universe are conspiring against Hanson.

Max Scherzer – 3 2/3 IP, 8 ER.  Ouch… Wait, huh?  Ouch…  Sorry, having a hard time sitting down.

Chipper Jones – This year might be the first time I’ve owned Chipper in any league in ten years — in fairness, I only own him there because it’s an OBP, and Chipper does the OBP thing almost as well as he does the, “Ow, my v-jay hurts,” thing.  So, my conclusion after owning him for two months is I hate him even more this year.  5 homers is unacceptable.  Seriously.

Yovani Gallardo – I thought I was going to witness something historic when he struckout 8 through the first 9 batters.  Alas, the pitch count was high and he had to get pulled in the 6th.

Zach Greinke – 7 IP, 3 ER, 7 Ks.  Who slipped the Kryptonite into his Prozac?  Not cool, guys.

John Danks – 5 1/3 IP, 4 ER.  Walks haven’t been great, but he’s striking out guys at a solid rate.  The opposing team’s hits are just coming at the wrong time.  His ERA should come down.

Adam Kennedy – 2 HRs yesterday.   Though Nixon demanded a recount.

Josh Hamilton – Headed for a MRI for his abdominal and groin problems.  Hopefully, they’re separate issues.  Otherwise, that would really be a problem.

Andrew Bailey – 1 2/3 IP, 0 ER, blown save, but the Win.  Now not only is he the closer, but he’s also the setup man.  Maybe Ziegler disagreed with the choice of Brad Pitt to play Billy Beane in Moneyball:  The Movie. I, for one, hope Pitt channels his True Romance character for the role.

Scott Hairston – 2-for-4, and a steal.  I know, he’s a Padre, but, seriously, he has value.

Ervin Santana – 5 1/3 IP, 8 ER.  I kinda wish instead of saying you should trade him after a few good starts, I pressed you, dear Razzball reader, to trade him before his first start.  I think a trip to the Disgraceful List is more likely than a turnaround, but you’ll need to bench him and wait it out.

David Aardsma – 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 4 BBs. I didn’t see this outing, but he must’ve been very wild.  It’s hard to walk four Angels in two-thirds of an inning.   Luckily, Morrow’s been erratic as all get-out.

Ichiro Suzuki – 4-for-5 with a homer.  He’s batting .354 so that’s, uh, ya know where you expect it.  But he only has 19 Runs.  Surprisingly, he doesn’t have 19 solo homers.

Chad Gaudin – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 9 Ks.  Threw a masterpiece on Sunday in Colorado.  Of course…  Sonavabench!

Adrian Gonzalez – Hit his 20th homer yesterday.  Padres could clear 200 homers this year.  If Gonzalez hits 180.

Joey Votto – Totally pulling a Kotchman at this point as he heads to the DL with a stress-related issue.  What, he misplaced his ear drops and totally freaked?  What’s the deal, Votto?  Let’s get our shizz together.

Brandon Phillips – 2-for-4, HR yesterday.  I think my concerns about Phillips’s hairline fracture in his thumb were prematurely reported.  Seems to be fine.  I recant. (<–16th Century Word of the Day!)

Micah Owings – 5 2/3 IP, 5 ER.  Nothing really to report with this guy, but the Brewers announcer said something funny during yesterday’s game. (FYI, something is guaranteed to not be funny, when you say it’s funny.  Anyway…) Dusty walks to the mound and the Brewers announcer says something to the effect, “There’s no one ready in the Reds bullpen so this is probably just to talk to Owings about strategy for this next hitter.”  Then Dusty removes Owings from the game after five and two-thirds and 103 pitches.  So the Brewers announcer says, “I wonder what Owings said to get Dusty to pull him from the game.”  This made me laugh.  What on earth could Owings had said to get removed after only 103 pitches?  “Please, Dusty, I’ll wash your car!”  “I’m your man next time Dusty Jr. needs a babysitter on a Friday night.”  “Dusty, I’ll tell you who crapped in your Cubs Dairy Queen sundae helmet.  It was Votto!”

Carlos Zambrano in his own special way welcomed the Cubs new arrival, Jake Fox, with a shizzfit of epic proportions.  Zambrano was ejected for bumping an ump,  I especially enjoyed when the ump ejected him and he then ejected the ump.  I’m out of order? No, YOU’RE out of order!  Somewhere Michael Barrett flinched.  Jake Fox can do it all. And, like Tyra Banks would say, he can do it fiercely.  His Triple-A numbers are 40/17/50/.423 in 40 games with a .503 OBP.  Pretty sick… And that’s sick as in healthy, not sick as in Conor Jackson, Carlos Quentin or Votto.  But will Fox get time to do any of it, you ask.  Let’s see, Soriano, Hoffpauir, Fuku, FU (Bradley), Derrek Lee and Reed Johnson in four spots.  Fox’s only shot for regular playing time is at 3B and there he’d be a butcher.  At 1B/OF, maybe he gets 3 starts a week unless D-Lee gets hurt.  Though you can call D-Lee “DL” at this point, because he’s been about as reliable as a parachute made of bloomers.  As with other rookies, if Fox gets the chance, he could prove successful, so you want to be the one that owns him.  If he fails, then you drop him and take a bat to the Gatorade cooler.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Manny Parra – 6 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 12 baserunners and 5 walks with 6 Ks.  Unfortunately, this is what Parra do.  Until he can get his walks in order, he’s not worth the psoriasis-inducing head scratching.

J.J. Hardy – 3-for-5.  Hey, look who decided to make an appearance.  He’ll hit .250 and get 20+ homers.  If that’s what you need, that’s what he does.

Matt Capps – Said to be returning soon.  Be nice to get one save for all the effort I put in to pick up Grabow in every league.  Throw Grey a bone here, would ya?

Mat Gamel – 0-for-3.  Sticking with the Mat theme, but dropping one T like a bad geisha.  Gamel’s 3rd base eligibility made him especially enticing to me as a cornerman.  But he’s now making me long for Mark Teahen.

Luke Scott – Returned from the DL and hit a HR.  He’ll steal time from Wigginton, which is ironic because they’re basically the same player.  It would be like Mark Reynolds losing time to Chris Davis.  Tomato-tomahto, Orioles.  Find a blahtoon that makes sense to me then we’ll talk.

Nolan Reimold – Game winning homer yesterday.  See, Gamel, that’s how you turn lemons into Country Time.

Brett Myers – Left the game with his hip to be flared.  Again, he really shouldn’t even be on your team.  To avoid future flare-ups, he promises to wear the proper gear when disagreeing with his wife.

Jay Bruce – 2 HRs.  Now has 14 homers and only 29 RBIs.  Sure would be nice if the Reds put some runners on for him.  Maybe Dizzy Votto and his maritime compatriots can get aboard.

B.J. Ryan – For those holding out hope he’s taking over for Downs any moment, he’s given up 4 runs in the last 2 innings.  The Blue Jays are paying him a lot of money so they feel compelled to play him.  You shouldn’t.

Rick Porcello – 6 IP, 2 ER.  His lack of Ks leaves me wanting more, but he’s obviously been decent.  And his last name sounds like a delicious pasta sauce!

Josh Anderson – 4-for-5 while batting lead-off and stealing his 10th base.  SAGNOF!

Oliver Perez – Jerry Manuel said, Perez will need to be in the minors for at least another start because of “knee problems.” Jerry Manuel needs a bar of soap for some “lying problems.”

Adam Dunn – Hit another HR.  Since I traded him for Jose Reyes, he’s hit about five dozen home runs.  Kill me now.  Thank you.

Derek Holland – 5 IP, 5 ER.  Was a terrible matchup, and he gets the Yankees again next time out.

Chien-Ming Wang – Well, lookie-lookie.  2 IP, 2 Ks and zero baserunners.   Now let’s see you do it when you don’t have a seven run lead.

Elvis Andrus – I feel like I haven’t mentioned this enough, but where’s the effin’ steals, doode?  6 steals so far is not enough.  Let’s go, Elvis, boogie.

Kevin Slowey – I don’t own him in any league, but I gladly would.  I like Slowey a lot.  But because I don’t own him, I had no idea of something… He’s got 7 Wins?!  When did this happen?  Some of my teams don’t have 7 Wins.  Why am I fielding questions about whether to start this guy or not (when I invariably say start him)?  He’s 7-1 with a near-4 ERA.   Yeah, I’d start him.

Jered Weaver – Here’s another guy I feel like I keep answering questions about.  He has a 2.36 ERA.  For criminy sakes, start him.

Adrian Gonzalez – Hit his 18th homer yesterday.  Could this be the year we see a 40 homer guy call Petco home? (<–Sounds like something Tim Kurkjian would say while his voice squeaked.)

Bronson Arroyo – Now leads the NL with seven wins.  After the game he played on his guitar his new tune, “I May Suck, But My Wins Say It Ain’t True.”  Actually, pretty catchy.

Randy Johnson – Goes for win number 300 next week against the Nationals.  After he wins that game, I imagine he’ll say something like, “I could’ve won 500 games if they were all this easy.”

Jesse Chavez – 1/3 IP, 2 ER.  Somebody got burned yesterday chasing Saves.  A’la Nelson Muntz, ha ha!

Joe Nelson – 2 IP, 4 ER.  See 1/8 of an inch above.

Ben Zobrist – 2-for-3, and a steal.  Even if you just own him while Reyes gets better, it’s something, no?

Ben Francisco – 3-for-5 with a homer.  He’s 8-for-9 with 5 homers against Andy Sonnanstine.  Maybe he can get glasses made that superimpose Sonnanstine’s jersey on every pitcher.

Russell Branyan – Hit his 11th homer yesterday.  In the offseason of 2010, you’ll be looking at first basemen and you’ll think you should draft Branyan because he had 30 homers in 2009.  No, you shouldn’t.  But you can own him this year.

Adam Kennedy – 0-for-8 in the last two days.  He was hot for about a week, then he remembered who he was.  So my question is, who told my Reyes fill-in that he’s just Adam Kennedy?  I had a good thing going, man!

Emilio Bonifacio – 0-for-5, Just doing a friendly check-in on our favorite April 7th pickup.

Dan Uggla – HR yesterday and 5 homers in the last 10 games.  Not hitting for much average, but you didn’t expect him to do that anyway.

David Ortiz – Hit sixth again.  You know what’s been under reported in all of this?  Who’s now hitting third… J.D. Drew.  Zoinks!

Khalil Greene – It’s been a bad year for the Silent H’s as Khalil heads to the DL with anxiety disorder.  If there’s a bright side to this sad, sad story, maybe the anxiety will cause his ugly-ass hair to fall out.

Well, that didn’t take long.  Rickie Weeks has swine flu in the wrist.  Anything negative health-wise wouldn’t surprise me with Rickie Weeks.  “Coach, Weeks got the black plague.”  “Wasn’t that only spread by rats 600 years ago?”  “Don’t know, Coach.  After Friday’s game, he was with some old broad who had snaggle teeth.  Might’ve been that.”  I wouldn’t be surprised to see this force Weeks to the DL then miss two months of the season because that’s what Weeks do.  It would be too convenient for Bill Hall to go to 2nd and Gamel to fill-in at third.  But offensively it would make more sense than the blahtoon of Counsell and Iribarren.  Anyway, here’s what I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Chris Carpenter – Returning on Wednesday.  I don’t think he gets to the All-Star Break healthy.  If you have Carpenter, you might think about hammering out a deal.  (<–Pun!)

Koji Uehara – 5 IP, 4 ER.  I still believe he’ll be better going forward than most doodes that are on waivers.

Andy Sonnanstine – 5 2/3 IP, 5 ER.  As you probably heard by now, Sonnanstine had to bat 3rd for Longoria because Maddon was wearing his Monsters vs. Aliens 3-D glasses instead of his prescription ones when he made out the lineup card.  So my question is, how long do you think Maddon contemplated just pitching Longoria to keep him in the lineup?

Armando Galarraga – 2/3 IP, 5 ER.   A guy I’d pass over for Koji.  Give him a Stiff-Armando off your team.

Ben Francisco – 2 HRs.  Be(e)n quite the disappointment.  Might be the start of a hot streak though.

Luke Hochevar – 3 1/3 IP, 3 ER.  Walks got to Luke HocheVarErich early as he gave way to the bullpen, including Ravishing Ron Mahay.

Brian Roberts – 4 steals this weekend.  Obviously the spark he needed was being in Friday’s Buy/Sell.  So what’s your excuse Lester?

Pat Burrell – To the DL.  Some fantasy owner’s voodoo doll finally worked.

Matt Holliday – 4-for-4, raising his average to .267, meanwhile, after an 0-for-12 weekend, Cust falls to .262.  Now if Ryan Theriot would return Alexei’s eternal soul, everything will be dandy.

Trevor Cahill – 2 1/3 IP, 7 ER.  You know when I might like this guy?  2010.

Brad Ziegler – 2 IP.  He’s a middle reliever now, in case anyone’s holding out hope…. Or hoping for holds.

Josh Hamilton – 0-for-3 then left the game with a mild groin strain.  This is much better than the extra hot groin strain.

Jordan Zimmermann – 5 IP, 5 ER, 6.35 ERA on the year.  How about dem rookie pitchers?!  (Way off topic, but I had SportsCenter on in the background when I was writing this up and I think Magic Johnson said Kobe didn’t need penetration because he was busy getting his teammates off.  Whoa… Magic.  Family show!)

Chan Ho Park – 1 1/3 IP, 5 ER.  Give Happ the ball!  When I say Happ, you say “Hochevar.”  Hmm… Damn you, subconscious.

Johnny Damon – Hit a game-winning homer yesterday (as if no one heard) and now has 10 homers.  I think he can hit 22 homers on the year and still have lots of value, but he’s not going to hit 35 homers.  The time to sell is… wait for it… here it comes… you know what it’s going to be anyway… but you still want to hear it… so here it is… coming right after this ellipsis… wait, what was I saying… was this about Star Trek?  I saw it and liked it, but “Great?”  Not really.  Oh, and sell Damon now.

Kevin Slowey – 7 2/3 IP, 2 ER.  Probably the number one reason why if I trust a pitcher, I start them just about every time out.  When you start picking and choosing, you get Slowey for three runs in three innings and miss two earned over almost eight innings.

Gavin Floyd – 5 IP, 6 ER.  And this is why I don’t own pitchers who I don’t trust.  I wouldn’t want to start Floyd anywhere.

Aaron Hill – Another homer to bring his total to 11.  I wouldn’t sell him and could see him getting to 30 homers.  Zoinks!

Clayton Kershaw – 7 IP, 1 ER and 1 hit.  I could point you in the direction of Slowey and say the same applies.  And it does.  What I’ll add is, Kershaw needs to cut his walks otherwise he’ll hardly ever see the 7th inning.  Look at yesterday’s game as an example.  He gave up only one hit and he only made it to the 7th.  Pitch Economy 101 as taught by a former employee of AIG…

Chris Coghlan – If anyone’s paying attention to this kinda of stuff (and my guess is everyone is), Coghlan’s batting .167 and sat yesterday.

Juan Pierre – 3-for-5.  Hey, should I sell him high? First of all, random italicized voice, who’s buying a guy who’s on borrowed playing time?  Second, why not just collect the 25 steals he’s going to get in the next month and a half and be done with him?  Rhetorical!

Rich Harden – 6 IP, 4 ER.  Someone asked a very legitimate question about Harden on Friday, “I figured (Harden would be) either dominant or injured…I didn’t expect healthy and mediocre.”  Okay, maybe not a question, per se, but it brings up an interesting point.  Then commenter, Mark, answered with a little taste of brilliance, “(Harden) threw a ton of sliders last year, and this year dropped back to his 2007 level.  He appears to be throwing his changeup more than ever.  Velocity looks pretty good on everything….his fastball’s a good bit slower than it was 2 years ago but no slower than last year.  Here’s the biggie…he’s lost a ton of movement on his slider, particularly along the vertical axis.”  Also, Mark went on to notice that Harden may not be throwing his splitter at all anymore.   This could be the reasoning behind Harden’s mediocrity.  Or not.  But it’s interesting, nevertheless.

David Aardsma – Got the Win yesterday and will get the majority of the saves while Morrow tries to find what he’s looking for where the streets have no names.

Justin Masterson – 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER.  Throw out two terrible starts against the Indians and the Rays and he’d be sitting on a very pretty record right now.

David Wright – From what I hear from Joe Morgan, Wright took a long slide yesterday when he was caught stealing.  A long slide.  A real long slide.  See, the problem was the slide was very long.  Too long of a slide.  Joe Morgan sounded like Milli Vanilli when they were caught lipsynching or Raymond Babbitt at the blackjack table.  Say it once, Joe.  We’ll figure it out.

Brad Lidge – Got the save, but, check this, he wasn’t brought into a save situation until after two lefties faced some other doode.  Lidge ain’t off the ledge yet…

Darren O’Day – Got the save yesterday but only because C.J. Wilson got the save the previous two days.  Wilson’s still the fill-in.  I would own Wilson in just about every league except NL-Only ones, cuz then your leaguemates will just mock you.

Shane Robinson/Nick Stavinoha – If you know who either of these two guys are, you have a Willie McGee bobble head and you’re halfway through writing a book titled, “Whiteyball,” that will definitively answer all those crazy Moneyball people.

Coming to the Braves outfield this summer, Jordan Schafer — The outfielder to have when you’re drafting more than one.  I picked him up immediately in my sucky fantasy baseball league.  He sounds blahtastic! Maybe 10/15/.250 aka every outfielder that sits on waivers all year that has one good game and you contemplate picking up until you think better of it.  Some have compared Schafer to Sizemore, but he’s much greener.  Though he does know his way around striking out.  He’s jumping straight from Double-A where he K’d 88 times in 297 ABs.  CHONE and ZiPS project averages near .240.  He may turn into a Sizemore, but for 2009 he’s more of a Sighsmore <– pun!  He’s worth a flier in an NL-Only league.  But then again, so is Cha-Seung Baek.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in spring training for fantasy baseball:

Dexter Fowler – Razzball was abuzz yesterday with the news Fowler might make the team.  He really should, and Helton should retire so Ian Stewart can play, but whatever.  Fowler is the total package like Lex Luger.  He can run, mash and had the opportunity to go to Harvard.  He could go 12/30 and hit .285.  Then he’s a 30/30 guy in a year or two.  Keeper leagues should be all over him.  I have Spilborghs on a few teams, but I’d happily move on from him to see Fowler get the chance.  I grabbed Fowler in my Spilborghs leagues for backup until this shakes out.  I’ll drop whoever doesn’t get the job.  Fowler or Maybin? I still want Maybin for now, because Maybin is assured time, i.e., the Marlins play their prospects.  If Helton was on the Marlins, he would already be DH for an AL team.

Joey Devine – Aching Joey Devine is having a real hard time staying healthy.  Looks like Ziegler will start the year as the A’s closer.  He could hold the job for a while depending on effectiveness and Devine’s injury-prone-itude (Made Up Word Of The Day!).

Alexei Ramirez – Was hurt sliding into home, but didn’t seem too serious from the latest news I heard.  Now ease back on the hustle, Alexei.  You’re going to give me a heart attack.  Everyone’s calling you an Alfonso Soriano clone, but there’s no need replicate his injury-prone-itude.  Please don’t turn into this year’s bust.  Please.  I’m begging you now.

James McDonald – Some of you noobs (I called you a noob! Natch!) are going to think it’s Christmas in March, but I wrote a James McDonald sleeper post already.  How’s dem apples?  Delicious, I know.

Dustin McGowan – Jays unsure of his return.  Hey, that makes two of us!

Travis Hafner – Hit first homer of spring and he’s batting .227.  Good to see he’s rounding into mid-season form.

DeWayne Wise/Chris Getz – White Sox one and two hitters?  Alexei batting 8th?  Fields 9th?  Somebody, please help him!  Ozzie Guillen’s gone crazy!

Jason Motte – LaRussa said Motte would see some save chances.  Way to clear that up!  I think Franklin still gets involved in this mess.

J.D. Drew – Will bat fifth for the Sawx.  I think people underrate Drew.  He’s not a bad 4th to 5th outfielder.

David Purcey – I’m not buying into his solid spring training numbers.  I call shenanigans.

B.J. Ryan – Gaston’s talking about using Downs for some saves, but reading between the lines tells me he might just be goading Ryan to man up.  Either way, Downs is the handcuff you want as a Ryan owner.

David Delucci – Sticking with the newly-established David theme, David Delucci goes to the DL.  Lates, Double D.  Ben Francisco and Shin-Soo Choo just got a bump — not a Studio 54 bump.

Emilio Bonifacio – Could be leading off for Florida.  Or Maybin.  Or Hanley.  Or Amezaga when he’s healthy.  I doubt Bonifacio sticks in leadoff, but SAGNOF.  I also really hope to one day see Alfredo Amezaga and Emilio Bonifacio in an Olive Garden commercial.  Now that’s Italian!