Fantasy Baseball Advice

Welcome to our second FanDuel Freeroll of the season. And congrats to fyeabaseball who took 1st out of 337 entries and won a cool 75 toad hides. I came in 70th and am a disgrace to my family. This week’s freeroll is on Friday the 13th which means Peyton Hillis will jinx a Ricky Nolasco no-no.

Here are some possible plays for Friday’s games:

P: Ricky Nolasco: Ricky is 5-1 against the Astros with 2 complete games.

C: Ryan Hanigan: He is a pretty decent 5 for 5 against against Jordan Zimmerman. I think that is good. Let me get my calculator out.

1B: Justin Morneau: Morneau is 2 for 4 off Matt Harrison.

2B: Rickie Weeks: Jair Jurrjens has given up 3 hits in 7 at bats to Weeks.

2B: Robinson Cano: Cano has hit Ervin Santana very well in his career going 11 for 32 against him with 4 donkaruskis.

3B: Jack Hannahan: Your deep thought for today is that Hannahan is 6 for 11 off Luke Hochevar with 3 doubles, 2 home runs and 5 ribbies.

3B: Chone Figgins: Bartolo Colon has allowed 5 hits in 12 at bats to Figgy Cent.

SS: Derek Jeter: He’s been hitting well early and is 17 for 38 with 3 home runs against Ervin Santana.

SS: Asdrubal Cabrera: Luke Hochevar has not pitched well against the current Cleveland roster and Cabrera has hit 7 of 19 against him.

OF: Austin Jackson: Jackson is 3 for 6 against Jake Peavy and has been hot to start the season.

OF: Cameron Maybin: Maybin is 4 for 10 off Aaron Harang with a homer and has been playing wellish. Not Welsh.

OF: Shin-Soo Choo: Choo is 13 for 23 against Hochevar with 4 doubles, 2 homers and 10 RBIs.

Now let’s take a look at some of the early bargains at each position in FanDuel so far this season. There is a balance you have to make with value versus bad assness. You’ll see that Miguel Cabrera has been dominant so far AND has the most points per $1,000 spent (for non pitchers). So there is a win/win situation, but that’s not always the case. Jeff Samardzija is a risky player who really paid off last time but Felix Hernandez who costs a whole Yugo more is safer and put up 25 FanDuel Points in his first start. In hindsight you would choose Samardzija everyday, but we aren’t always going to be that lucky. That’s what makes the game fun I guess.

Yoenis Cespedes homered in yesterday’s second day of kinda real baseball played about six hours before I wake up.  I wonder where Cespedes is being drafted now.  When Rudy and I took our giant beach balls to early March drafts and took Cespedes in a bunch of drafts, he was going cheap.  I wonder if now all those other ‘perts are suddenly stepping up because others are excited about him.  I wonder if everyone else is a Monday morning quarterback with their advice.  I wonder if Yoenis will hit 30 mistake pitch homers.  I wonder if he’ll make adjustments and hit for a decent average too.  I wonder how this would sound read by Morgan Freeman.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in spring training (and real baseball) for 2012 fantasy baseball:

Bartolo Colon – 8 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 6 Ks. I still wouldn’t go near him with a three foot churro. (Only partly because waving a three foot churro near Bartolo would be similar to going to a grizzly bear observatory wearing nothing, but bikini briefs made of Marshmallow Fluff. Talk about a Fluffernutter — oofa!)

Mike Carp – Mike Sashimi ended up on the DL after one game playing in Japan.  He should’ve never said, “Come on, pal!  Fugu me!”

Jason Vargas – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 3 Ks.  I think Vargas is gonna have one of those seasons where you think because he’s the Mariners’ number two that he’s gonna take a number two on your stats, but he won’t.  For now, I’ll call him a Marginer with future appeal.

Jesus Montero – 1-for-3 as he started his 2nd straight game at DH.  Uh-oh.  I was hoping to see Montero start at least one of these games at catcher, but now it’s looking like he may only start when Olivo rests, which would mean once or twice a week behind the plate for Montero and mid-May for catcher eligibility.

Dustin Ackley – 0-for-4, knocking his season pace down to 81/81, but will probably come closer to 8/8, which looks like what Dorothy Hamill would put after her signature.

Justin Smoak – 1-for-4 with a homer.  Is there anything more satisfying than a home run for a guy you pick for two games before the season (actually) starts?  It was almost as satisfying to drop him right after.  It was like a one night stand where everyone has the same expectations.  (I promise you when there’s a full slate of games I won’t talk this much about the A’s and M’s.)

Jonathan Broxton – Royals are leaning towards Broxton for the closer role.  Perhaps a see-saw isn’t the fairest way to determine who should get saves.  Broxton is such a wild card at this point that you have to hold onto Holland in most leagues until he shows some level of dominance/health.

Carl Crawford – Looking at returning at the end of April.  With a wrist injury, I’d choose to March.  Valentine said he’ll only need 50 ABs in rehab, I said, “No, no, no.”

Bobby Abreu – The Los Angeles Suburb of Los Angeles Angels almost got rid of the Abreu-tross from around their DH neck last night.  He came inches from being an Indian, but now the chances of it happening have reduced to 50%.  If it happens, it’s better for both clubs.  I’m just not sure how much better it will be for Kendrys’s playing time.  Abreu wasn’t stealing much time from him anyway.  Stealing time from Kendrys is the fact that he missed 273 games in the last two years because he celebrates like a buffoon.  Angels have already said Kendrys will sit vs. lefties because of health.  Not because of the sourpuss with the big contract that they can’t get rid of.  Yeah, I used the word sourpuss.  Now get off my lawn!

Freddy Sanchez – Expected to start the year on the DL.  Welcome to the club, we expected that in October of 2010.  That’s like predicting a fart two years from now will smell.

Jeff Samardzija – Won a spot in the Cubs’ rotation.  He’ll be in the first Buy/Sell of the season later today.  You can hardly wait.  No, you.

Brian Wilson – Bochy said Wilson was never scratched on Wednesday, he wasn’t supposed to pitch.  So Brian Wilson owners can Smile.

Chris Perez – In five pitches, he threw a complete inning.  After the game, he said, “The quicker the inning, the more time for mullet grooming.”  He should be fine for Opening Day (The One Not Starting Between 3 AM and 6 AM.)

Scott Podsednik – Told reporters he’s not making the Phils’ roster with them opting for Juan Pierre.  Can’t him and Juan Pierre get into one pair of Ryan Howard’s pants and be a stealing hybrid that sounds like a French revolutionary, Robspierre.

Adam LaRoche – Returned to the Nats lineup after nursing a foot injury for, like, two weeks.  Is it me or is LaRoche always hurt?  He should change his name to Adam LaOuch.

Carl Pavano – A police search warrant revealed that a classmate of Pavano threatened to reveal a homosexual affair with the pitcher if he didn’t buy him an SUV.  I’ll never look at his porn mustache the same.

It was a big day for one of my favorite mancrushes, Brandon Allen, as he was called up.  In Triple-A this year, 18 homers, 7 steals and a .426 OBP.  He’s cut from the same cloth as all the donkeys that have come before him.  Hopefully, he’s less 2010 Big Donkey, because Adam Dunn looks like he’s still got David Eckstein in a bjorn and letting the little man swing for him.  In the majors from Allen, first, expect nothing.  That’s always a good way to start.  At least that’s what I tell the ladies.  If the Diamondbacks give Allen ABs, which I do think they will, he will get 10 to 13 homers and a few steals.  That’s the baseline.  When you hear the baseline, you nod your head.  Or maybe that’s the bassline.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Wily Mo Pena – Designated for assignment.  That assignment is to stop sucking.

Brett Anderson – Headed for Tommy John surgery.  Jonah Hill clearly said don’t trade for him.

Ike Davis – Ike’s taking so many hits while on the DL, somewhere Tina Turner’s smiling.  Now Davis could need ankle surgery in three weeks.  By the time the Mets figure out Davis’s injury, it’s going to start to hurt him for next year.  Hey, Mets, go to a different health care provider and get off the HMO!

Carlos Beltran – Love how the rumors of him being traded heat up the same day the Mets management says the trade of K-Rod doesn’t mean they’re throwing in the towel.  Kinda like how Rocky didn’t throw in the towel until Apollo was dead.

Bobby Parnell – Still my favorite for saves, but now the Mets are saying it could be Izzy or even Pedro Beato.  I think the Mets are just trying to enhance Izzy’s trade value by saying he’s the closer.  He might get a save or two until he gets on the casino bus.

Carlos Gonzalez – Supposed to be back for Friday’s game.  To give you some insight into the inner sanctum of the ‘stache, I almost made Carlos Gonzalez a sell in this afternoon’s post.  I’m pretty worried about the wrist.  If it hurts his power, you’re looking at a top outfielder in name only.

Julio Borbon  – Could miss two months if he needs surgery on his ankle.  If this news is disheartening for your fantasy team, you have bigger fish to fry.  And for those that drank too much Wild Turkey last night and found us after they Googled “Borbon fantasy,” the hallucinations will stop soon.

Bartolo Colon – 2/3 IP, 3 ER.  Colon blow!

Andruw Jones – Hit two homers last night to pad his once Hall of Fame stats.  They should start a Baseball’s Almost Hall of Fame in Cupertino.  Andruw, Delgado and McGriff can be the inaugural class.

Justin Morneau – Was cleared to resume non-baseball activities.  So he can now do pretty much the same things he’s been doing since April.

Matt Garza – 7 IP, 0 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Two and a half more months of starts like this and we’ll be copacetic.

Carlos Marmol – 0 IP, 5 ER.  YOU STUPID MOTHER–  We interrupt this program to remind all our readers the importance of family.  Call someone you love and tell them they’re special.  OR CALL MARMOL AND TELL HIM HE’S PIECE OF SH– Or just go outside and smell the flowers.  ONLY IF IT’LL TAKE THE STINK AWAY FROM THIS MARMOL OUTING!

Mike Napoli – Slam and legs.  What are the chances?  Same as my chances with his Mom.

Asdrubal Cabrera – 2-for-5 with his 15th home run.  If I had access to the government’s time machine (and they have one!), then I’d go back in time to March and draft Asdrubal in the first round of every league just so I can see my leaguemates’ faces (assuming I did a draft in person).

Carlos Santana – 2-for-5 with his 14th home run.  I only mention this because I want a dozen catcher questions in the comments.  I crave your attention.  Shower me with it!

Justin Masterson – 6 IP, 4 ER, 9 baserunners, 8 Ks.  He has a 2.80 ERA, yet I don’t think I’ve felt good about starting him all year.  Cust kayin’.

Yovani Gallardo – 4 IP, 6 ER.  His Outkast song would be, So Inconsistent, So Frustrating.

Trevor Plouffe – Here was an IM exchange between Rudy and I:  R:  You should mention Trevor Plouffe as a Buy.  G: Did you make up that name?  R: No.  G:  Are you lying?  R: No.  G:  Are you sure?  R: Yes.  G: His name sounds like the sound crap makes when it hits the toilet water.  R:  He’s a shortstop with power.  For deep leagues.  G: How about I mention him in the roundup?  R: That works.  G: Should I make up a team name for this make believe player?  R: I hate you.  Rudy likes Plouffe a lot in AL-Only leagues.  Solid power at a weak position, though he could struggle for average.  Yesterday, he hit his 4th homer.  Mark Whiten, “In one game?!”  No, Mark, on the year.

Francisco Liriano – 7 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 4 Ks.  He’s my Bart, and I am his Sideshow Bob.

Delmon Young – 3-for-4, if only he could come off the DL every night, instead of every 15 days.  Member three days ago when I put him in my top 100 for the 2nd half and you did a double take?  Luckily, you didn’t do a spit take, that could mess up your keyboard.

Derek Holland – I will simply say I could pitch against the Mariners in Safeco and I throw like a girl (no offense to our 3 girl readers; if you have any friends, your man Grey is single again.  Hello!).

Jose Bautista – Twisted ankle has JB day-to-day.  Since I don’t own him anywhere, why couldn’t he be more seriously injured?  Excuse me, I need to be unbiased.  Please let him be okay (after the season).

Travis Snider – 3-for-5, with his 6th steal.  Don’t drink whatever it is Aaron Hill’s drinking with all that stealing and no power nonsense.  Please.

Eric Thames – 3-for-5, 3 RBIs and…Okay, everyone on the Blue Jays went 3-for-5 with 3 RBIs so there’s that.  I like Thames for power, which is also called hydroelectricity.  Al Gore invented that.  After the internet.

Jon Rauch – What’s six-eight with tattoos on its neck?  A giraffe at the Bronx Zoo.  Oh, and the new Blue Jays closer.  For right now at least.

To discuss Francisco Liriano at Razzball HQ, I gathered the Random Italicized Voice, MR. AL CAPS and Larry King.  After eating me out of house and home — “The selection was pretty meager.  Freezer pops, really?” “NOT A THING TO DRINK,” “Anyone see where I put down my teeth?” –  we talked about Liriano.  He started off in the preseason in my top 10 starters for 2011.  “That call looks as pretty as Rocky Dennis.“  “YOU SHOULD’VE FOLLOWED THAT CALL WITH SAYING TYLER COLVIN WOULD HIT 40 HOME RUNS.”  “I wonder if my teeth are in the bathroom.”  April saw Liriano’s ERA balloon to 9.13 and a lot of talk about how the Twins asked him to throw to contact.  Yeah, why strike out guys when you can have hitters hit balls into holes?  “I’d like to hit some of my random italicized balls into holes.“  “NICE ONE, RIV!”  “Hey, what do you know?  I clipped the potato bag closed with my teeth.”  In May, Liriano had an ERA of 2.52 and a no hitter, but he still didn’t look completely right.  In June, he’s given up one earned run in 13 innings.  More importantly, he has more Ks than innings pitched.  After his June 7th start, I said that was the best he’s looked all year, including the no-hitter.  On Sunday, he looked better — 8 IP, 1 ER, 2 hits, zero walks and 9 Ks vs. the Rangers.  He’s not at 100% owned in ESPN, I’d go ahead and fix that.  Also, if you can get a Liriano owner to think he’s selling high, I’d see if I could still buy low.  Remember some of these owners are still dealing with early season scars when he looked like hot garbage.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Joe Mauer – Supposed to return on Thursday.  I’ll give him an over/under of 7 home runs on the year.  I’ll give him and Morneau combined an over/under of 14 homers.  Or two less than The Drubal has right now.  “Why do I own Morneau in multiple leagues?”  That’s me standing on the edge of the Golden Gate Bridge with tears streaming down my cheeks.

Mike Napoli – Headed to the DL with a strained oblique.  The bad news is he’ll probably miss three to four weeks.  The good news is it’s three to four weeks without questioning why Napoli isn’t playing.  If humans use 10% of their brains and 7% of that is used with Napoli questions, suddenly you’re all gonna be like Travolta in Phenomenon.  Forget picking up a free agent catcher, pick up a tractor trailer with a wiggle of your finger.

Miguel Olivo – Hit two more home runs on Sunday.  All he does is hit home runs!  (For a week or two then goes crazy cold.)

Justin Smoak – Hit his 2nd home run in the last three days, now has 12 on the year.  I think next year he’s going to be terrific, but this year he might just be a tad better than Mitch Moreland.  BTW, who names their kid, Mitch?  That’s one of the few times the long form of a name — Mitchell — is far preferable.  Hmm, looking again at the Google Map of this post, it looks like I could’ve avoided the Mitch detour.

Bartolo Colon – To the 15 day DL.  When Colon heard he had a strained hammy, he asked if it was glazed.

Jorge Posada – 2-for-3 and is now only six points away in average from Russell Martin (.226 vs. .232).  That’s not a positive for Posada, but a negative for Russell Martin, who I told people to sell back in April.

Derek Jeter – 7 from 3,000.  Tony Gwynn said the last ten hits are the hardest to 3,000.  Gwynn, “Until you get those last 10 hits, you won’t even enjoy the activity you enjoy most.  For you, that’s probably banging Minka Kelly.  For me, it was eating Big Macs.”

Aaron Harang – Headed to the DL with a foot injury, which for the Harangatuan could be his hands, not sure.  Since Dustin Moseley is also ailing, Wade LeBlanc could fill in the rotation.  In deeper mixed and NL-Only leagues, he’s a decent Hodgepadre flyer.

Anthony Rizzo – Homered on Saturday.  It’s Rizzo, jerky!

John Axford – Recorded his 18th save to go along with his 2.97 ERA.  Member when you dropped him the first week of the season?  Yeah, I’d suggest Ritalin for the Attention Deficit Drops.

Dustin Pedroia – Since the knee scare, he’s actually been great.  Yesterday, he hit a home run, before that two three-hit days.  Maybe I was irrationally worried about his knee, or maybe I just couldn’t put my finger on his can’t-put-your-finger-on-it-ness.

David Ortiz – 2-for-6, 4 RBIs and his 17th home run while sporting a .325 average.  His collapse next year is gonna catch some fantasy owners off guard, but think about the poor schmuck who’s gonna give him a 3-year, $45 million contract.  Ed Wade’s Toupee, “If we had a DH, I’d consider it.  We don’t have a DH, right?”

Kyle Drabek – 4 IP, 8 ER.  Will have a nice career at some point, but right now he looks like five kinds of wrong with a side of meh.  Speaking of meh, Super 8, though it ended up being just disappointing because of expectations.  How does J.J. Abrams go wrong with Close Encounters meets E.T. meets Stand By Me?  Only thing that could have been more disappointing is if David Simon was somehow involved, but he’s busy disappointing me with Treme.  I will say I would like to see an updated Goonies built around the pyromaniac kid with braces.  Finally we have a new Mouth.  If that kid isn’t mainlining heroin within 5 years because of all the money he’s about to make, he should fire his parents.

Hunter Pence – Sat out Sunday with a sore back.  I have a sore “lacking a 2nd outfielder” on my fantasy teams, so hopefully it’s not a major issue.

Allen Craig – To the DL.  Hopefully, the Rays call up Desmond Jennings soon.  What does that have to do with Allen Craig?  Nothing.

Rubby de la Rosa – 5 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Left the game early rubbing his index finger.  He was either injured or playing charades with his name.

Andre Ethier – 0-for-4, hitting .321 with 5 homers and no steals on the year.  He is such an empty average and, when that falls to .300, you’re gonna be left with even less.

Scott Elbert – Got the Dodgers first save in 3 weeks.  This was just a situational save; I wouldn’t run out and add Elbert.  I would add Elbert before Roeper though.  He was worse for their show than Ebert’s cancer.

Ubaldo Jimenez – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 12 baserunners, 2 Ks and 5 unearned runs.  Holy ticker shock!

Carlos Gonzalez – 3-for-5 with only his 2nd slam and legs this year, as his owners hunger for more.  He now has 9 homers and 10 steals.  He’s just about on pace for where I thought he’d be.

J.P. Howell – Ye of the 10+ ERA got the save yesterday even though Farnsworth wasn’t overworked on Saturday.  I think it was just a one time thing for Thurston and Lovey’s kid, but it’s worth monitoring.  Or not.  Your choice.

Mark Reynolds – On Saturday, he hit 2 home runs.  On Sunday, he left the game with a left arm contusion, according to ESPN.  Is it me or are teams using the word contusion a lot recently?  Was contusion just the Word of the Day at Dictionary.com?  Did Selig send around a memorandum that teams should start using contusion?  It’s a bruise, people.

Adam Jones – 2-for-4 with his 9th homer.  He’s been better than Heyward.  Cust kayin’.

Dan Uggla – 2-for-3 with his 8th home run and first since May 15th.  Or the first home run for Uggla since we lost the rapper of Teach Me How To Dougie.  Good to see Uggla’s finally putting that behind him.

Tommy Hanson – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 14 Ks.  First name:  Hommy.  Last name:  Tanson.  Middle Name:  Butter.

Craig Kimbrel – Venters recorded his 3rd save on Sunday but the word on the streets of Atlanta is Kimbrel is still the closer, he just needed to rest.  Here’s a revolutionary idea, rest him during non-save situations.

Sergio Santos – Got the save yesterday but he’s now given up 8 earned runs in his last three outings.  I could see grabbing Thornton on spec, but I’d leave him on my bench for now.

Adam Dunn – Hit his 2nd home run in the last 4 days.  An Uggla and Dunn homer on the same day.  It’s a total eclipse of a bad start.

Scott Sizemore – 1-for-3 with his first home run.  He went 3-for-4 on Friday and has been playing every day.  If you’re hurting at middle or corner infidel, it’s worth looking at him.

Tyler Chatwood – 3 2/3 IP, 5 ER as he got Mazzacred.

Jordan Zimmermann – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 10 Ks.  I love him, enough’s been written on that.  But, let’s be clear, against the Padres in Petco isn’t exactly facing the 1927 Yankees in Coors.

Elvis Andrus – Was pulled from the game for a lack of energy going to first.  Ron Washington, “Was setting an example, but I know about wanting to savor it when you go down a line…”

Alcides Escobar – 2-for-3 with his 8th steal.  Yeah, yeah, fail with a hashtag for Alcides, but he’s 10 for his last 17 with 2 steals.

Mike Moustakas – Homered on Saturday.  The Royals should hand out bottles of tahini and have their fans squirt each other in the face after a home run.  It’s Greek love!

Yesterday, Joakim Soria lost the closer job yesterday to Aaron Crow.  Yeah, and pigeons fly.  Wait, they do.  Wait II, The Return of Wait, maybe that makes sense.  Yeah, I think it does.  Thank you, left side of the brain for working with the right side.  Glad you’re talking again.  You guys rock!  The ax falling on The Mexicutioner was a long time coming.  He only had one save in May and had given up 7 runs in 9 1/3 IP.  He wasn’t much better in April.  In June, he could get the job back.  Your deity of choice knows that Aaron Crow isn’t really all that great but he is the guy for right now.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Alfonso Soriano – With yesterday’s game with a strained quad.  He’ll probably go to the DL by the time you read this, assuming you dinnit stay up to read this at 12:26 AM PST when it was posted.  (BTW, Didn’t and I went our separate ways.  It’s now dinnit or bust.  Don’t, you’re on notice!)

Tony Campana – Yesterday, he had 4 steals (on only one hit!).  I’d like to introduce Campana to my right clickie finger that picks players off waivers.  In the minors, he showed bonkers speed. Or sponkers, if you enjoy portmanteaus.  Not just fast, but crazy.  One year, 48 steals in 131 games and 20 times caught stealing.  Tony Campana runs like he just sniffed a mountain of coke and killed some cockroaches.  With Byrd still recouping, Soriano likely headed to the DL and the Cubs needing a spark plug, I picked up Campana wherever I could.  He’s probably nothing but a short term SAGNOF’er, but member what Jason Bourgeois did a month ago?  Yeah, you do.  Now come here and let me pinch your cheeks!

Kelly Johnson – 4-for-6 and 2 homers yesterday.  Now has 4 homers and 6 steals while batting .190– Oh no, he doesn’t.  That’s what he had on May 13th when I told you to buy him.  He now has 9 homers, 8 steals and raised his average 52 points.

Justin Upton – 5-for-5, 3 runs, 3 RBIs, his 10th home run and 10th steal.  I own him in a few leagues, so this is partially selfish of me, but I’d love for him to have his star mitzvah this year.  Say 35 homers, 20 steals and a .280 average while becoming a first round draft pick for next year.  That would be nice.  (BTW, I can neither confirm or deny this, but Vin Scully checked in on the Arizona game and said Justin Upton was 5-for-5 with a home run when Upton was 4-for-4 with no home run.  Then Upton hit a home run 15 minutes later.)

Juan Miranda – 0-for-4 while the Diamondbacks scored 15 runs.  Ticker tease!

Jose Reyes – Out for 3-7 days with the death of his grandmother.  As someone who was raised by their abuelita, I feel for Reyes, but, well, my fantasy team kinda needs him.  Oh, man, I’m a bad person.

Ike Davis – Still having pain in his ankle.  A Met having an injury setback?  That is uber crazy.  Yeah, I said uber.  Deal with it!

Charlie Morton – 6 IP, 1 ER, 11 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Put eleven baserunners in six innings and only one earned run into Fangraphs Database and you get the error message, “Does not compute.”

Pablo Sandoval – Sounds like he’s about a week and a half away.  Or at least that’s the rumor why the Giants clubhouse manager went to Costco for a 128-count Chipwich box.

Brandon Crawford – 1-for-3 with his first steal after hitting a granny in the first game of his career. (That better not had been Jose Reyes’s granny!)  He has very, very modest power and speed (like 7/7 over the course of a season).  To give you of an idea of how deep the league needs to be to grab him, he’s available in one of my NL-Only leagues.

Eric Patterson – 2-for-5 and has led off two of the last three games!  *small voice*  But he’s hitting .189.  *big voice*  He’s stolen 2 bases in those starts!  *small voice*  He doesn’t play every day.  Okay, I’d look at him in NL-Only leagues or deeper leagues for a short term boost on speed.  To put it in New Jersey terms, you pass through Patterson, you don’t stay there.

Logan Forsythe – Here’s another NL-Only shout out.  He’s playing every day for the Padres, though you’d think if Forsythe was in SoCal, he’d be saying hello to the Angels.  He doesn’t have much power and Petco will suppress that further.  “Stop smothering me, Petco!  I mean, mothering.  Actually, I don’t.”  Forsythe has five homer power and teen speed.  Think a poor man’s Bartlett, i.e. the cupboards are Barelett.

Tim Hudson – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks.  Other than the mollywhopping he took at the hands of the Angels, he’s been decent if a bit yawnstipating with Ks.

Mike Napoli – 3-for-6, 5 RBIs and two more homers to bring his total to 10.  When he seeks revenge on you for dropping him, he does it swiftly and decisively.

Jayson Nix – Him and brother, Laynce, hit homers yesterday.  Today, their brother, Jaymes, drinks himself into a stupor for being the black sheep of the family.

Eric Young Jr. – Another day, another steal.  Okay, I’m not talking about him again until Friday’s Buy.

Francisco Liriano – To the DL when the MRI revealed shoulder inflammation.  The MRI also revealed it was glad it didn’t draft him.

Phil Hughes – Could be back by July.  Yanks said they won’t push him.  Put him near traffic and I’ll give him a little shove.

Raul Ibanez – 1-for-3 with his 4th homer in the last week.  Frequent commenter, Hans, mentioned Ibanez’s recent hot streak in the comments (appropriate!).  I was going to talk about Ibanez yesterday, because he has been crazy hot, it’s just so hard to generate excitement about him and unless you ask, “Between him or Cuddyer,” I’m probably going to say the other guy.

Nick Blackburn – 6 IP, 5 ER.  I love corrections to schmohawks.  Schadenfreude!

Danny Espinosa – Hit his 8th homer yesterday and has 4 steals on the season.  When he ends the season with a .250 average, 20 homers and 10 steals, you’re gonna wonder why you dropped him.

Mike Morse – Another day, another home run.  You’re waiting way too long to pick him up.  You, “Who me?”  Yeah, you.

Jay Bruce – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs with his 16th home run.  Could Bruce sneak into the first round next year?  Nah, probably not.  But he’s moving into the 2nd.

Hanley Ramirez – Out again with what he described as “the worst (pain) he has ever felt.”  I betcha there’s quite a few of his fantasy owners that would like to help Hanley continue to break his personal pain threshold record.

Hunter Pence – 3-for-4, 4 runs, 2 RBIs and his 7th home run.  Pence is one of those players that stays exactly on pace for his end of the year stats all year long.  Minute he starts to fall off pace, he’ll hit a home run or steal a base.

Torii Hunter – 3-for-5, 4 RBIs and two home runs.  One for each I.

Mark Trumbo – 2-for-5 with his 2nd home run in as many days.  It’s the smart move to keep him in the lineup.  Still waiting for the Sciosciapath to make the not smart move.

Fernando Rodney – Got the save yesterday.  Walden gave up two runs the day before and threw 37 pitches, so this is probably nothing, but — and unless you’re an alien there’s always a but — I still grabbed Rodney in leagues where I need saves.  In May, Walden has a 5.54 ERA, 1.77 WHIP; Rodney hasn’t given up a run in the past week.  (Yeah, I’m cherrypicking stats, but whatever.  It’s my blog.  Start your own blog and cherrypick your own numbers.)

Jon Lester – 5 2/3 IP, 7 ER, 12 baserunners, 4 Ks.  I wouldn’t press the panic button, but two of his last three starts have been duds.

Kyle McClellan – 4 IP, 7 ER.  See Nick Blackburn or 7 and a 1/4 inches above.

Albert Pujols – 2-for-4 with the ever-tasty slam and legs.  A Pujols by any other name would smell foul.

Bartolo Colon – 9 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 6 Ks.  A doctor in Boca Raton is claiming he used stem cells to fix Colon’s arm and make him an effective pitcher once again.  The doctor says he used Colon’s own fat cells to repair the elbow.  Now the elbow is working like new but it can no longer fit into any of his shirts.