Never once did I think I would be writing about a creeper older than I am, and yet here I am, talking about Torii Hunter. Being the ageless wonder (or is it the wonder of agelessness, I’m not really sure), he still suits up every day and goes out and plays. I was racking my brain for some kind of analogy for the creeper and I found my inspiration from the Paleolithic 80’s flick Quest for Fire, for like this movie, we are just a bunch of uncivilized men searching for a player to catch fire. So why not a Hunter? Haha…get it? Okay, I’ll stop with the bad jokes. Hey, at least I didn’t do Caveman with Ringo Starr. Come to think of it, Hunter could be considered the Twins Ringo. Doesn’t really matter if he’s there or not. Oh well, the moment has passed and now we move on to why we are here…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The first week I told you to buy Devon Travis. The 2nd week I told you to buy Steven Souza. This might be the most improbable streak since Joe DiMaggio’s. I’m not talking about his 56-game hitting streak, either. I’m talking about his lesser known streak, but equally improbable 117-day streak of him calling Marilyn Monroe, having another man pick up, but still thinking she was being loyal. That streak might actually be even more remarkable than the hitting one. “Who was that? Cable guy? There’s no cable for another thirty years. Oh, a guy that drives a San Fran cable car? It’s research for a part? Gotcha.” That’s Joe D. ringing up Monroe. Dexter Fowler‘s criminally underowned. Let’s just go on this alone: Fowler, Soler, Rizzo, Bryant, Castro. For the whole year. That’s the Cubs lineup. If Fowler doesn’t back into 95 runs, it’s due to injury. Next up, he looks like Pookie from New Jack City, but he has surprising ten homer power. Actually, 12 homers is likely the low end. A couple of windy days in Chicago when it gets hot and he’s getting 15 homers. If Jim Belushi bats his eyelashes at the right Cubs scorer, Fowler may just get gifted an extra homer. Steals? Well, that’s the tricky thing. He has 25-steal speed, but it’s been a few years since he’s shown it. He had 4 steals already this year. Just doing rudimentary math and he gets to 24 steals on the year. That can go up to 30 or down to 19. Either way, 95/12/40/.265/20 is ownable and startable in every single league. Now, excuse me, I’m returning to writing my one man stage play of Joe D. and Marilyn dating in heaven called, “And The Cloud Went Crazy.” Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

“Wahhhhhh, Shane Greene doesn’t strike anyone out, he’s useless, wahhhhhh!”  That’s Sky on the Podcast a few hours ago…  “The Fifth Element sucked!”  That’s Grey before I socked him!

Since my initial ranks in February, I’ve been a Greene champion.  In my blurb, I mention a high K-rate finish to 2014 (52:16 K:BB his last 41.1 innings), along with an unlucky 2014 BABIP (.330).  The starts I saw from him last year had me encouraged with his stuff, plus the move to a much better pitcher’s park in Comerica had me “thrilled”.

But even with the rank looking spiffy and everything going right, the low K-rate does seem a little concerning.  He’s turning into Rick Porcello, noooooooo!  While his ERA and WHIP (along with 3 wins) are all change-your-pants worthy, he’s got a measly 11:5 K:BB in 23 innings.  Regression is screaming like Ruby Rhod after he counted ten!  I of course hope not since he’s on all my teams, and watching him so far this year in my normal bouncing-around-through-all-the-games he looks like a strong strikeout capable guy.  So I decided to watch his start yesterday hosting the White Sox, and give it the ol’ full attention and Pitcher Profile treatment.  Here’s how he looked:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

This week I’m making a little one-week tweak to the Creeper of the Week and going with Creepers because we have something that doesn’t always happen. What is that Big J? Well eager reader, it’s a seven-game Monday-through-Sunday home series for the Rockies. By my count, this will only happen three times this season. The hard part was finding an under-owned player not taken on the Rockies playing everyday, and it’s so barren right now that even the French DJ is over-owned to qualify for this post. Hey there French DJ can you drop me a cut for this creeper post? Very nice, old school, but isn’t that a little too obvious? I get it, you are on the 1’s and 2’s, so the choice is yours. Can I at least get one cut with a baseball name in the title? What’s that? You don’t do requests? Sheesh, that Charlie Blackmon ego is rubbing off on your euro sensibilities. Forget about it, let’s move on to the reason we are here.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I got the chills! They’re multiplying. And I’m losing all control. Because the fantasy value Devon Travis is supplying–well, for lack of a better word, it’s electrifying. Oo oo oo! Oh yes, indeed. Friday night Travis was 2-for-5 with his third home run and two RBI. He’s leading off for a mighty Blue Jays line up, batting .375 and he’s currently on a six game hitting streak with ten hits, two homers, five runs and nine RBI in that span. You don’t have to be Danny Zuko to know how rockin’ and rollin’ that is. Dude is systematic, hydromatic, ultramatic! He’s hit in every game he’s played so far except one. Grey’s been telling you to BUY and get Randy for Travis for weeks now! Two weeks, to be exact! Well, now I’m telling you, so you know things are getting serial. If you need a middle infielder, set your heart on Devon Travis. Then sing, “cause to your heart you must be truuuue, nothing left, nothing left for you to do…but pick-up-Dev-on! Off-of-the-waivers-now! Ooo ooo ooo!” What do you mean, you don’t think you like Grease as much as me!? Everybody likes Grease! Travis is owned in just over half of ESPN leagues and that number will surely skyrocket over the weekend. Irregardless! With Jose Reyes sidelined and Devon stepping into the lead off spot, the rookie second baseman is sure to be a valuable fantasy asset going forward. Oh yes, indeed!

Here’s what else happened Friday night in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The title of this post is more indicative of what the fantasy baseball season does to us than to what this player will do for you. How nutty was week 1? I’m loving drafting Adrian Gonzalez in the 4th round of the Razzball Pert’s league, and pissed at myself for not drafting J.D. Martinez anywhere. I really liked J.D. coming into the year and yet got sniped on him every time I was ready to draft him. Same goes for Matt Harvey. I heart you two and will look to trade for you at premium prices if I must. Wait! What? No I won’t. Yes you will. Okay, maybe I will, but sometimes you have to pay a price to get the toys you want. The bills on my Impala can attest to that. Before I move into this week’s creeper, I want to thank all the commenters that came out for the Easter Creeper. What a great kick off to the MLB season…thanks guys. It was a great opener for the baseball season.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

If you had 75 hours into the season for when Joakim Soria would become the closer in Detroit, you win a brand new car*! *Prizes not included (there’s no car; stop being greedy, you instead get words pieced together by the Fantasy Master Lothario). The Tigers’ pen is more of a pencil and a dull one at that. Where for art thou, Willie Hernandez? My kingdom for Todd Jones! Poopie Grande by any other name is still Poopie Grande. That was Shakespeare, you ignant boo-boo! The Tigers did get better yesterday with Joe Nathan, hitting the DL with a flexor strain in his elbow. Like when you remove that hair from your lip mole, it’s addition by subtraction. For those of you that drafted Soria, well done. Hopefully, he keeps the job all year. If Barry Manilow can find love, anything’s possible. By the by, all this time I thought he put the emphasis on Dee in Mandy. Guess I was wrong. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

It’s really hard to pick a Creeper for Week 1. I asked myself, do you suggest a player the Razz army all drafted but is undervalued everywhere else? Is telling them to drop a player they drafted for my one week call a good idea? Why does Sky wear running shorts in the shower? How do I know what he wears in the shower? The latter is because I shared a hotel with him during Spring Training (insert winking emoji) and the former is why we are here. Welcome back to Sundays everyone, no not you troll…okay, you can come on over and troll. I don’t mind. Everth Cabrera is a recipient of opportunity this week and like we say around here SAGNOF! Why not start now? Unlike a diet in January this is a regiment that needs to be stuck to for the next six months. Yes we play for six months here. I don’t want any of that, I’m out of it in June B.S. from any of you. You might be surprised what can happen if you stick it out. It’s a marathon, not a sprint.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Jay has set the table or whatever he was talking about last week with spoons, knives and whatnot. I think he needs to eat before he writes these. Well if I’m reading him right, that is my queue to grab the tablecloth and pull it out while leaving all the table settings perfectly in place. *Grabs cloth, pulls hard* CRASH! No, not Davis…well, the place setting is ruined, literally broke everything with one fell swoop. Okay, I actually jacked all the silverware and pawned it to pay for my anti-depressants. This is a sign my friends and detractors that opening day is almost here. Draft time is cute like a puppy where we are full of hope and optimism, unless you drafted Stroman, Salazar, Wheeler, and Darvish. Now the season begins and it turns into a dog that pisses on your pillow, craps in your shoes, and turns your socks into swiss cheese. Why all the cynicism J-FOH? It’s who I am, and the chances of you having a perfect draft is as likely as Grey getting that restraining order Giancarlo slapped on him lifted. Give it up Grey, it’s not happening. Seriously, it’s time for reality to start as we see how our educated guesses/luck/gut instincts/stat crunching/strategies start to pan out. Here is to not having an unlucky year *toasts 40ozer to computer*.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

We (me) have gone over the catchers, 2nd basemen, shortstops and 3rd basemen to target. Last year, I dedicated this post to one player. I started last year’s post with, “Ahoy, all of youse that are apathetic about Michael Brantley, what follows is a one long love letter to said player, because, really, someone has to!” And that’s me rubbing it in your face that you didn’t listen to me. Sorry, that was petty, said Tom as he filed a lawsuit against Sam Smith. You know who I’m caca-cuckoo on this year? Same first name, same skill set, same set of worries, Michael “Be Mine” Saunders. It should be fun (for me) next year when I point out I tried to get y’all to draft Saunders, but no one wanted any part of him, until, of course, it was too late. Sad story (for you). (By the by, in last year’s outfielder sleeper post: Brantley, Ozuna, Yelich, Springer, Calhoun and Corey Dickerson.) Okay, so this post is all the outfielders that are being drafted after 200 overall that I have uber-sexy feelings for. Now, this is a (legal-in-all-countries-except-Canada) supplement to the top 100 outfielders for 2015 fantasy baseball. Click on the player’s name where applicable to read more and see their 2015 projections. Anyway, here’s some outfielders to target for 2015 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?