Not a bad week for your humble-but-nonetheless-handsome Guru as we cashed in on 15 of 20 contests we entered increasing our bankroll and getting us one step closer to a winter of umbrella drinks in Cancun (or at least a couple weeks in Tijuana). Want to join me poolside? Join the DraftKings Sweet Spot challenge and you could go on a permanent vacation. Their pool is filled with $400,000. If you’re new to the game, keep in mind DraftKings virgins get a free $2 ticket. If I win that thing I’m buying a small island off the coast of Ecuador and a new liver.

If you’re veteran to DFS leagues go ahead and skip to my lineup now as I give our new friends the Guru’s top 5 tips for winning cash with DraftKings.

When it comes to winning real money there are a few things to keep in mind: 1) Pitching leads the way and strikeouts are king. The Stream-o-Nator nails this on an almost daily basis. 2) Build stacks against the worst pitchers. 3) Check the Vegas odds on what games are predicted to have high scores. Vegas knows what they are doing, why not use them. 4) Know the overlay. DraftKings has guaranteed payouts (another reason they are the king) and when a tournament doesn’t fill, the money is still guaranteed. 5) Know the weather situation, know who’s in and who’s out of the starting lineups. Don’t be left with a giant zero because Joey Votto got a day off or it rained frogs in Cleveland. (Shameless plug: Follow me on Twitter @TheGuruGS as I tweet that kind of stuff daily plus yoga pants pics.)

Alrighty my Razzballers, here’s your dirty turbaned Guru’s lineup for Wednesday’s 4/16 contests on DraftKings for 2014 Fantasy Baseball.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

“What’s it short for?  Ya know, like Rosstopher?”  ”Just Ross!”

I had cautious optimism heading into the year for Tyson Ross, and he looked pretty wild early on.  And not the good kind of wild.  No one in San Diego is wearing Wild Thing-Ross T-Shirts.  I caught most of his debut against the Dodgers, and he didn’t look right.  Hitchy delivery, lower velocity, and terrible control.  Since he was fringy anyway, in the one league I owned him (deeper 10-team), I cut him loose for some scrub closer.  I don’t even know who, probably Matt Lindstrom, who at least vultured a win for me yesterday.

Anyway, I saw Ross was bad again in his second effort, racking up 9 walks to only 9 Ks through two games, somehow escaping with a 4.50 ERA because he piled up 6 unearned runs.  Needless to say, I was pretty content to ignore him, but yesterday he turned it around against the offensively-charged Tigers.  Since it’s still early, maybe he had an early mechanical issue that got worked out, and he’s back to picking up where 2013 left off.  So I decided to break down his start, and see if he needs to be scooped off waivers in leagues where he was dropped or undrafted:

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There really is no place like home if you play for the Rockies. Charlie Blackmon aka Chuck Nazty knows this better than anyone, and helped Colorado drop 12 runs on Arizona last night at Coors. Now slashing .563/.588/.938 on the early season, Blackmon admits his nickname hasn’t caught on quite like he hoped yet, but that’s because it’s a terrible nickname. I ain’t mad at cha, and if you keep having games this this we’ll call you whatever you want! Chuck Nazty was perfect yesterday, going 6-for-6, with 3 doubles, a 2-run home run, 4 runs and 5 RBI as the Rox managed 13 hits in their home opener. Now you know Carlos Gonzalez wasn’t about to get overshadowed on opening day, he’s the real Chuck Nazty, if anyone is. CarGo added 4 RBI and 2 hits, including a 2-run jack and free tacos for the entire state of Colorado! Every-body-gets-a-taco! Something tells me after Colorado’s new legislation, they’re going to be needing all the tacos they can get. Chuck Nazty, legalization, and free tacos? Get in the car, honey, we’re moving! By the way, I call my laptop “Honey.” Anyway, it’s probably not a stretch to say that Rockies fans are pretty high on Blackmon after today. Ha, that’s the title! Well, don’t light up your celebratory doobies just yet, Centennial Staters. Despite the huge day, Blackmon remains in a platoon in a crowded outfield featuring Corey Dickerson, who is a also a fairly exciting prospect, but perhaps Blackmon’s stellar play will force Walt Weiss to play him consistently. For now, C. Nazty could provide decent streaming value, especially when he’s a mile high. He managed a .309 average in 82 games in 2013 and after a strong spring he is a hot little potato right now and could be worth the speculative add while he’s hitting.

Here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball Friday night:

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As spring training takes off, we, the wonderful people of Razzball, thought it would be a good idea to look into some intra-team rivalries.  What positions are a lock?  What positions are being fought over?  What positions will they hire me to fill-in for (second base Blue Jays, I’m looking at you)? Find out as the second part of this series will focus on AL Central… (You can check out the NL East Spring Training Preview here.)

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Yesterday was the top 40 outfielders for 2014 fantasy baseball. In that post, I dazzled your retinas and made your brain say, “This guy is some kind of beautiful. Damn, I wish I were gay like that guy I used to share a bed with in college. Platonically.” Within these twenty outfielders, there’s some guys I’m excited about and some guys I don’t like at all. It’s important to read the whole post, even if you’re not reading this sentence. I think that’s irony, but I’m not sure; you need to ask a British person to be sure. All the 2014 fantasy baseball rankings are there. As always, where my tiers start and stop and my projections are included. Anyway, here’s the top 60 outfielders for 2014 fantasy baseball:

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Michael Wacha was within an out of a no-hitter yesterday when Zimmerman hit a bouncer to shortstop, which he barely beat out. Ryan Zimmerman doesn’t want the world to see joy. He’s a joy killer. Every time some 14-year-old writes jk jk jk. They’re not abbreviating ‘just kidding,’ they’re really talking about Ryan Zimmerman joy killing. For a moment, I was on board with The Joy Killer because I don’t need Wacha getting hyped up anymore than necessary for next year. You hear Wacha I’m talking about? You like Wacha I’m working with? Wacha you say to that? Okay, I want to stop replacing what with Wacha, but I can’t. Wacha can I do?! There is gonna be an insane amount of young pitchers next year that I’ll be eyeing, and Wacha is yet another one. In 64 2/3 IP this year, he had a 9+ K/9, 2.61 xFIP and a 2.64 BB/9. Yes, please, come again. I could see this 22-year-old giving you a Shelby Miller-type season next year, maybe even, dare I say it, Matt Harvey. That’s Wacha I’m talking about! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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Colicky Fuddruckers jumped three spots to become the third different overall leader in the last three weeks. They are running away with the title in Razz Canada, a league which includes Razzball writer Mike and yours truly. The Fuddruckers had the 6th pick in the draft and took Andrew McCutchen, followed by Adam Jones, Ryan Zimmerman, and B.J. Upton. 97 RBI from 5th round pick Allen Craig helped make up for those 3rd and 4th picks, as did the acquisition of Edwin Encarnacion for 7th and 8th picks Jonathan Papelbon and Jordan Zimmermann. With three weeks to go, the battle is heating up!

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Clever girl.

The McC went 1-for-2 last night with a run. Not really numbers deserving of the lede, but since I only get to do this once a week, I do what I want. And plus, I had already done my photoshop before the game ended. So there’s that. Truth be told, I really have nothing else to say about Andrew McCutchen. It is a very fine season. You know that. I know that. Sky… may not know that. He’s busy helping out all you folks that don’t have a Fantasy Baseball team in the running over at RazzFoot. That’s what I’m calling our Fantasy Football site. Because 20 years ago, I loved the Ninja Turtles. You know, the Foot Clan? RazzFoot? NINJA VANISH! Eh. Whatever. The McCutch is having a great year. He’s having a great Fantasy Baseball year. To hate him is to hate kittens. To love him is to not spell it McCutcheon. Start spreading the word. Here’s what else I noticed yesterday:

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Mauledbypandas is back in first place for the first time since June 3rd. His team hit .289 this week with 44 runs and 43 RBI. Their 2.43 ERA lowered their season ERA to 2.99. A Hill O’ Beans dropped to second, 1-and-a-half back. They hit .284 this week with 16 home runs, and recorded 11 saves and a WHIP of 0.97 on the pitching side.

Check out the Master Standings (you can also access them via the Leagues menu up top) to see where your team ranks in comparison to the other 767 teams through Sunday. The page now includes sortable stats.

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First Heyward, and now Brandon Beachy is headed to see Dr. Freeze. This is the worst back-to-back days in Atlanta since Sherman burnt Atlanta and then Home Depot decided to push back their grand opening by 100 years. If the Braves keep going like this, TBS might have to show repeats of The George Lopez Show. NOOOOOOOO!!! The caps were for emphasis, you know, in case it was lost on anyone. The last pitcher to see Dr. James Andrews and pitch again within 6 months was Lee Majors during a Battle of the Network Stars tourney, but he was bionic. I’d put five internet dollars on Beachy missing the season, but I’d hold him for now. This would obviously clear up the confusion in the rotation between Alex Wood, Paul Maholm and Kris Medlen. Or Alis Moodlen, for short, though that sounds like a guitarist for Deep Purple. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?